Big Picture

A downed friend. What do you do?

Hospitalized, sick. Reminisce of better times. Ask the question what happened. Truth seems a. . . sketchy. We speak of inane unimportance. Not wanting to be preachy. Not wanting to delve deeper with making an emotional investment. Not wanting to step on fragile self-images and tell one to stand up. I've been where he's at.

Conversation is awkward. There was reason we weren't close. Time

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passed and the journey we made together no longer brings joy and meaning in one’s life. Perhaps this is a test to move on. Perhaps this is a test for me to renew old friendships.

A tough balancing act. Its like meeting an ex. Time spent was good and had joy and purpose before. Simple enjoyment of being in one’s company sharing good times and memories.

Yet, there is thought in the back of the mind that there is a reason you are not together. Certain awkwardness in a failed, or changed relationship. Bumping to an old friend at a movie, you have lost touch with. Not a comfortable one. Yet, these moments of unease are. . .something. Not sure what to call it, but it is something. Found myself more comfortable writing on Facebook to some friends, then speaking to them in person.

"A self-believed projected image is what stopping me," I say. This is what I think you think of me and I like to keep that illusion in my head. Playing this story in one’s cinema of the mind. It’s not real. True. Yet, imagination is a powerful tool.

This is a bit self-deluded. In our own personal story, we are the stars. We forget that at times we are a side role. We at times a are major player. At times, we are a minor one.

This self-aggrandizing of being better is a bit deceptive. I don’t know. Perhaps this is all garbage?

An old friend I lost touch with hasn’t returned any messages. It feels that this is spreading with others. This has bothered me. What would we really have to say? How’s life? How are you doing? What have you been doing these past few years? Has too much time passed? Has too much river passed underneath this bridges?

I know there is joy and hope out there. I know there is meaning to this trial. Yes, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. But really, so what? This malaise is temporary. I know, but it sucks in the meantime. Picture is bigger than I can see at this juncture. I am not ready to see it now.

Asked this person if he had an Out of Body when he said he flat-lined. He said, “No.”

First Law of Thermodynamics states that “Energy can be neither created nor destroyed. It can only change forms. In any process in an isolated system, the total energy remains the same.”

We shift spectrum. Sometimes we are red, then orange, yellow, green, blue and indigo.Our wavelengths changes. We absorb the light energy and reflect back a certain color. Yes, this seems a bit alternative. For the moment, I will be okay with this.

Bird of feather flock together. Opposites attract—Not sure why this old friend manifested in my life, but I suspect there is meaning to this. Lesson for each one to learn. Trouble is learning what that message is. This exchange had purpose. It had meaning.

Perhaps, this chance encounter was to ready myself for unfinished business. Perhaps it was to give him Hope. Don’t know. We were friends long ago. Called him an “A-hole” sometime back. Firing this barb was uncalled for and limited. This is not nice and Karma is real.

Maybe as I free flow, this mystery encounter's meaning will be revealed. It had purpose for now and the future. It will all make sense at the end of this cycle. Glad that I went to see him. Facing this troubled soul I found that I could be him and then realized that I was him. 

There’s joy somewhere. We are made of sterner stuff. People fall all the time. It’s just getting back up, that's the hard stuff. Some people choose to stay down and continue their course of actions that has worked before. Now that circumstances have changed a course correction is needed. Well, this reminder of a "what if" has been played out. What is no longer working needs to be adjusted. Honesty and creativity I believe needs to be used here. These tools and steps will help see me through this.

Well, its time to keep the heart open and let the Big Smile guide me. Friend, door is open. Sorry for calling you an A-hole. I, too, was an A-hole. Maybe we'll get over this A-Hole disease together. They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with. . . You know the rest. Guess, I will work on my own cliches. Be well.