Thanks

 Wind is cold. Thin sweater makes me realize…yeah still cold. Of course wind blows harder. Yet I sit. Listening to an app that has long been expired. SBT. Looking at Highway 14. Light traffic. Overlooking the two parks of Pelona Vista. Patches of green in a field of yellow. PlAyers on the soccer field. Yellow and orange vests show a little dance. Over head are eight or so raven wind dancers circling. Listening to meditation of earth in a slow piano segment. 

Today is Thanksgiving and family is home. Feeling these moments of being alone and being okay with that. Tomorrow is Coco’s grooming appointment. She is older and I’m sensing we are on borrowed time. We went to vet yesterday to get her rabies shot. We walked Marie Kerr and I carried her three quarters of the way. She didn’t stand up while on our drive. She used to stand up and take in the blowing wind when we drove. She just laid down on her blanket. 

Been distant. Not feeling the connection anymore. Old friends are gone. Feeling sadness here. Much to be thankful before I get up and finish my walk. I’ll grab my sweater from the car in a bit. So I’ll warm when I walk and it’s time to get up soon. 

Thanks

Wind is cold. Thin sweater makes me realize…yeah still cold. Of course wind blows harder. Yet I sit. Listening to an app that has long been expired. SBT. Looking at Highway 14. Light traffic. Overlooking the two parks of Pelona Vista. Patches of green in a field of yellow. PlAyers on the soccer field. Yellow and orange vests show a little dance. Over head are eight or so raven wind dancers circling. Listening to meditation of earth in a slow piano segment. 

Today is Thanksgiving and family is home. Feeling these moments of being alone and being okay with that. Tomorrow is Coco’s grooming appointment. She is older and I’m sensing we are on borrowed time. We went to vet yesterday to get her rabies shot. We walked Marie Kerr and I carried her three quarters of the way. She didn’t stand up while on our drive. She used to stand up and take in the blowing wind when we drove. She just laid down on her blanket. 

Been distant. Not feeling the connection anymore. Old friends are gone. Feeling sadness here. Much to be thankful before I get up and finish my walk. I’ll grab my sweater from the car in a bit. So I’ll warm when I walk and it’s time to get up soon. 

Today

October 2019. Gardener is mowing the lawn. Can hear the birds chirping. Outside my window i can see the raven’s nest underneath my neighbor’s roof. Early Thursday and many things to do today. Catch up on some writing and language studies. Diet log, fitness planning, house cleaning and some laundry. Scanned some stuff on IG and Facebook. Read a little on yahoo. Not much of a workout yesterday. Actually none to think about it. Day before had me in a few Zumba classes and lifted some too. So workout day is needed to catch up. Spent some time doing some planning. Need to unclutter too. The mess seems to gather momentum. Reigning this beast is a forever battle. Going to review some bucket list stuff too. It will be a cocoon month. Anyways I’ll leave it here. Baby steps to bigger goals. Brush myself off and begin again. Dance ends. A new dance begins

Storyteller You Are

A sit outside. Listening to a book on cd. Yes, an archaic thing. However, it works for me. The sun will be overhead in a couple hours. Ideally, I’ll be finished jump roping for the morning. Maybe I will stretch some and start reading some graphic novels. Maybe I  did my religious read. Used the FutureMe  app and I recently adjusted how I used it.

Instead of journaling what I did that day for the FutureMe app for to read to remind me. I’ve adjusted. Now I use it to project what I will have accomplished the next day.  It sets the tone for me on the day to be. I have spent the time looking ahead as if it is already done. Then why I journal and write what was done. Recording the thoughts and feeling of the time.

This shift gives respect to the future and allows for possibility to happen. After reading some books past post,  I realized the feelings I had. It saddens a little. It feels like wasted time. Wasted time on bad relationships. Instead of making efforts to forget (on stuff deep down inside I don’t want to forget); I don’t want to be weighed down by the hurt. Calling it a learning lesson gets old. We graduate in hopes of learning life’s lessons. Yet, we constantly need a refresher. Feelings, like some friends, fade. I know the transitive quality of life. The impermanence of it all.

Still one knows the future is never promised and the past no longer exists.  Yet always living in the now is just like being feathers in the wind. Governed by the strength of the gust. To be real honest oneself, we are just dust in the wind. It is delusional not to be aware of this.

However...dust we may be. We are Star Dust.

In a meaningless life, it is valuable to give meaning to one’s life. Our story belongs to the world.. our story is tomorrow’s parable. Our little lives are the foundation for the next one. We are storytellers. Some may view one’s life a warning; others may live a life of joy and aspiration. Look at almost every religious texts. They are the stories of people. Heroes, saints, and persecutors.

So what’s your story? Why do you what you do? What have you done? What do you remember? What your feelings and thought? What are your future hopes? Did everything fall into place or was it planned out and  executed? Well, it’s your story. You highlight what’s important and filter out the irrelevant.

What’s your story?

Up...Please

Coco is limping. She was barking at me last night. Kept telling her to jump on the bed because I was too tired to just pick her up and get re-situated.

Yesterday, she got vaccinated and I just realized earlier today that she was limping. Didn’t register to me last night that she needed help and I just felt bad about it now. Normally she’s full of pep but watching her go under the bed limping...yeah I felt like an ass. Forgot that she may be having after effects from her shots. Vet techs said it would be a few days.

Why sometimes we have the blinders? We miss other's troubles. We forget sometimes they are not as spry as before. Their get-up-and-go has got-up-and-left. This lesson I will remember.

We hope others will remember the hurt and pain one feels. We hope that they will be in a better place. We hope that certain accommodations will be made. Yes, I understand that everyone has troubles. I get that some people will want to denigrate and de humanize others. Won’t go into political stuff but I will leave up to you to look with softer eyes. It’s easy to scapegoat and blame others for their lot in life. However, I’m reminded of a scene from movie. The movie’s name escapes me.

Nevertheless, the protagonist says, the business man is only a few bad or missed paychecks from the homeless person. Not sure if there ever was time there wasn’t a class system between the have and have-nota. Some cultures still have caste systems. Not going to lay out any platitudes, like “I’m my brother’s keeper” or “Remember the Golden Rule” If you don’t know these sayings by now, then that’s on you.

Anyways, no moral to the story here. No call to action. Just I was reminded that to first address a problem, one must understand the concern. Sorry, Coco. We’ll go for a walk when you’ll feel better.

A New Journey

 

Been awhile. So it’s that time again. Time for silence is over

What’s happened since I last wrote? You know instead of re-hashing past events. I’m sure the events since last written will surface in future posts. I’ll just free associate and see where it takes us. Swam today. 50 laps which is a little over half a mile. Did 15 miles last month. Wasn’t really tracking distance before just number of laps and how much time I had. Did the medley. Breast, freestyle, back and butterfly. Haven’t done these strokes in over a year and I suspect it’s been longer than that. Used to concern self with speed and if I was getting a good workout. Now it’s not as challenging which I must say is a good thing. Gotten fitness level high enough where I need more.

 In a couple of hours  I’ll take a quick walk and start my next journey of making myself a runner. Not my favorite thing and may be hazardous to my knees. Yet I’ll hope that SAID will take in effect.  Specific adaptation increased demands. In other words body will adjust. Goal this month is to average 15 miles per week for the month. Starting from 0 to 15. Some day I’d like to run 10+ miles straight. In the to next 5 years do a marathon. 5K before that. Why so? It’d time. It’s been on bucket list for awhile and i need the challenge. 

Last month completed a couple of milestones. Broke the 200 lb barrier. Was having steady decline for awhile; however, plateaued for a few months so last month decided to intermittent fast. Sunrise to sunset, no eats. This made a difference. Sure the weight dropped 10 lbs. But the biggest change is that it has strengthened my willpower. This is the second month I’ve intermittent fasted. Not in a row. Took a month break after my first month. My body has adjusted and i found that i like the benefits. Appreciate food more. Freed up my time by not thinking about cooking or eating. 

Okay that is enough for now. 

She Fills Me

She dances with a passion and I am enamored. Her smile lights up a room. I wish I knew her sooner. She leaves in a few months and I just can't help being saddened at the thought of her departure. I resolved that to spend as much time in her company before she leaves my life. I wish it weren't so but she needs more. She lives apart from her other and I respect her even more so. She is an angel in my eyes. Don't want to fall for her. I really wish that she had some feels for me. I would love to kiss those lips. Yet, she is wed and certain lines one does not cross. This line i would tempt for her touch. If I were a better (or worser) person I would run to her side. Yet she is strong enough on her own to not need anyone. She is one I believe I would need. She is emotional. She is strong. She vulnerable. She is strong enough to let her emotions show. She cries when betrayed. She smiles when happy. She frustrates when her standards aren't met. She is substantial. I don't want to say "I Love Her" because such words carry much weight and certain obligation. It's not an exercise I take lightly. Too often, one would give promises to meet some wanton desire and hold their words cheaply. She is one I know one move on if her lover left because she is strong like that. Yet I find myself feeling she's not one I would move on so easily. She is that one candle that holds mightily lit on strong windy night.  The fire she sparks would last a lifetime. It's not because she is beautiful and she is quite that. It's not just her personality that holds me. It's her everything. What's funny is that I would not have sought her company and friendship it weren't for another. Another that I strongly considered more than a friend. So I say, I will not tell her "I Love Her" I just hope she just knows and that will be enough. If not in this lifetime, maybe the next... She is grace. She is passion. She is everything and I wish her happiness. A deep soul warming happiness. Her happiness would meet my needs and I would have lived a full life.

Friends

So I write. What about? Its been some time since my fingers have tickled the keyboards. Much has passed, things left unsaid. My feelings are that of loneliness and wanting. Sometimes of feelings of rejection. It is the vibe of being cast away. By someone that I should have no business. I hear her words and they hurt. It troubles me because I long for company. It's of another. I've been told that I am her friend and when she says things today I shake my head and say, "What about me?"

Another friend, she is pretty and speaks the same love language. Yet...Not sure where this longing comes from. Perhaps its time. Perhaps its overdue. I text and chat and I no longer want. Its a road I've traveled and one where there is growth and I am no longer a part of that world. I wish to and know it won't be.

Last words spoken, "Congratulations..." Last text and I moved on. I her pics on occasion. Shared my story with others and I just try to lay the feelings on the floor. Let it go and no longer feed this feeling. Hoping to let it pass. No longer part...Yet was I ever a part.

My feels it was for the best. Looking back. I hope this script has better ending.  So I leave here...with understanding that this is what needs to happen. Brighter day is just around the corner.

Cant sleep

Late night writing using the phone. Coco sleeping beside as she dreams of chasing birds in the yard. Her legs kick and she barks so softly. Sounds like a baby's hiccup.

I wonder how I move when I asleep. Woke up thinking of that lady. Finding myself feeling green again. Being close but not close enough. I wonder at times if I will find that love story,. I wonder if I'll find that person that wants to learn how to dance together. I'm sure it's just me setting super standards which no fan meet. Not wanting to get close knowing that at an instance I may be giving up my freedom. Feeling trapped.  Maintaining a courteous distance do as not to get close. In probability that person I'm getting close to will be just "Someone I used to know"

Stupid as this may sound...I've grown accustomed to talking with her at length. The reason I'm writing now is to resist calling her at 3 in the morning. This want to be close and this fight to pull back. Fear that this road to travel is hard wrought and in the end only one hurt is yours truly. Given the countless anecdotal evidence that people change after marriage. I don't like being green right now.

Maybe I will try to get lost in some music

Present..

Long time. Find myself enamored by another beautiful lady that I have found in the friend zone. Actually two true bevies that I find attraction toward. Is bevie a word? Nonetheless I find that I'm in the friend zone and it's a place I find myself because I'm not ready to commit. Will I ever be and why would one want to form a bond with one that is unresolute. Having fun and playing is nice but kids stuff. Difference between a boy and a man.

Been said I'm a free spirit. Not wanting strong ties not weighed down with drama and earthly things. Which in many ways are true. Examining the illusion of many troubled marriages I find it a minefield wrought with heartache. No return to a single life. Broken trust, wanton desires, and release from maid duties.

How does one balance this commitment and freedom? Found myself break all connection with one I felt betrayed. Promised I would remain friends until told otherwise. Although not with words, a lie of omission has me angered and betrayed. Being one untold of coming nuptials, I found myself hurt and betrayed. So much so, two friends at separate times noticed the anguish on my face. Broke all ties and I find myself starting anew.

This will all fail I fear. Not until I get right with M.

Nonetheless I find myself feeling the green.

Reading texts that aren't mine.  unreplied messages and missed calls. Makes one feel insecure. Still recognizing this one's frailities  makes it easier to conquer.

Getting to okay

Her birthday is tomorrow and I've already given a gift. I would like to give more but I don't think it will be received well. To do so, may make things uncomfortable. A line has been defined and this conversation has been discussed many times. I've been told maybe I'm not getting it. Words no other feelings more than a friendship.

I know all this. I've known all this. Still, I remain stupid. Don't want to jeopardize friendship but I've made a few attempts to end it. Clearly I'm not strong enough yet to say goodbye and mean it. Timing has been off. Or she doesnt have any feeling like that. She said so.

I'll be gone in a few days. Doing a roadie with family. She'll be gone on couple of vacation too. Probably won't see her until the end of the month. Might be good because this fondness is ...

Don't want to label it. However, I find her incredible. Attractive, smart, and with a joy. She's vulnerable and strong. She's considerate and kind and I hate her. Well that's what I used to say. It was akin to say Bad is good. Hate to ...you get it. It was the sign off.

Given the current trajectory I don't imagine anything more. Feelings of loss, a passing of sorts. Acceptance in feelings. An acceptance of words. Soon an acceptance in action. Then that will be it. Karma has shown me the possibilities I never imagined a few months earlier. It will close this window and I'm sure another door will open. Still I like this door. But that would be selfish of me. What are values unless they are tested and hardened by action.

Fate had me take a chance to talk with another. Showed me a likely scenario. Real life example of choices gone awry. I've met a few of the players and it would not be right. I dont want to inconvenience any.

I talked because it flowed. Connection fed. Yet, it stopped and I found myself wanting. Now, I find my self weaning off and I feel sadness.

It's an acceptance thing. Got angry, denied,

bargained and now depression and acceptance soon to come. This time not so hard. Had angel wings soften the blow and quicken the stages.

 I know. Something more, these feelings stir. May not be for her...anymore. I'm getting to okay with this.

I'm Done

I'm Done.

"In terms of a relationship, it might be time to get distance from a situation where ones was not exactly bringing the best in you. You will be alright by yourself, don't worry." Its what today's horoscope said. Tomorrow reads, "You're at an important fork in the road of your life that requires you leave some important people behind. But saying goodbye to them will be surprisingly easy when you take a moment to look at all you have to gain by moving on. Plus, they support you 100 percent. Staying on same path is a mistake,  so you are wise and brave to take an unfamiliar path. You only have to gain from taking this journey. So get ready to embark upon one of the most rewarding phases of your life!" from "Astrology.com" Not sure I am two feet in with astrological forecast. I do believe in Self -Fulfilling prophecies. We have script in our head that our unconcscious buys and then we go and make these things happen.

Recently, came to the revelation, parts of my life was lacking. Three or four months, social life turned up a few gears. Reconnected with old friends, started opening self to people, and I started crushing on one lady I shall call an "Impossible."

Long story short, read above. Not that I am angry at situation. (That much) It was a stirring. Made me realize, that I want to be #1 in a person's life. Shared my experience discretely with trusted confidants. It was new and exciting. Depressing and soul crushing. Yet made me realize, I am ready for a roller coaster. Been hermiting myself for some time. I have shed some weight metaphorically and physically. Feels a bit of a graduation.

My confidence is higher by unsolicited comments and I find it motivating. Making me feel lighter. Been connecting with the Big Smile by going to His House and just being thankful. Its the connectedness. Not alone, but part of something bigger. A bigger plan and place in the story. 

Its been a journey and from what it states with the forecast, a Price needs to be paid for the next phase. Not an easy price, since this one seems Perfect. Hits all my sweet spots. Dancer, full of joy and love, classy and unpretentious, and Impossible. This journey has been eye opening I realize my impossible standard has been setting up wall of other possibilities. Building a fortress around my heart so as not to be two feet in other situations. It was a safe place to be. Admire from afar and not commit to right now. This was an effective strategy for awhile. Got things done and still was able to make connections. Not strong ones, but connections. In time, connections and relationships grew and have taken root.

Water under the bridge and then there is no turning back. Looking back, I knew this was happening and I would be at this place right now. Remembering the Future. That phrase stuck with me. Remembering the Future. Looking at the trajectory and seeing possible placements. Nothing is certain until its unleashed.

Maybe its some Karmic preview.

We meet the people we are supposed to meet them at the time we need to meet them. Reconnected with Blue Sock and Shazam. Now Serendipity. May never happen.  My public quote on social media "The most important thing to remember is this: To be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become." --WEB Dubois

Looks like that this is tomorrow.

Discovered why I like dance/ Zumba so much. Discovered who I was always dancing with. Discovered why I am attracted to certain types and certain relationship. I knew the craziness and the likely eventuality of this course of action. Everyone told me and I still wanted to endear. I wanted to go through the process. Win or Lose. I was afraid that if I didn't go, I would never go. So Jump, I did. Not fair being a half person to myself or others.

I know it doesn't need work. It should be easy. Busy and no time is not an excuse. A blow to the self-respect need not be part of the equation. "...not bringing out the best you"--That is what's been happening. Not being the best me and by definition needs to go.

I define my freedom. Freedom from irrational beliefs. Freedom from toxic situation. Freedom from chains of the past and the duties of tomorrow.

Leave important some important people behind. If they come, they come. If not thank you for being there when I needed you. Hope exchange was fair.


I am ready.

I am done.

Started with a girl. . .

"It started with a girl. . ."--I wonder  how many resolutions started with this. I wonder how many lives have changed because of this. Too many I suspect. Not saying the start off is good or bad but the theme may be a universal one. Eve offered Adam a bite. I am not sure but I suspect those that know know. Started with a brush of the lips of good friends that took a liking. Than the course of ones life was forever altered. Attending a dance class just to say, "Hi" It started with a Jazz Exercise class because it was an attempt to be close when they were on the other side of the continent. Morphed to aerobics and this obsession started into a career. I liked the Hip Hop instructor, Than I tried Step and next 10 years of my life found me at Baer's, then Golds, and LA Fitness. Was members of a few others but it stemmed from, "It started with a girl. . ."

Now, I find myself looking ahead of another life changing step. May be temporary but I suspect one door closing and another one opening happening here. Been a Zumba-aholic for some time. I knew I would be. Went out of my way of not going to class because I knew once I was in, I was in. Its been that way for a good year. Took on average of 2 and half classes per day. Often taking three and four on more than one occasion. Tried to find that place of not getting too close to others because I knew that some day I would take a liking or that the beginning of a friendship may lead to growing affections. This may or may not be develop but if it didn't than something would have to change. Knew it from the start and I wasn't ready to risk it. I know the best way to continue attending class and not make that association with a person and with the class. Its like driving by an exes place so much that the pain eventually wanes. There is a psychological explanation--operant conditioning blah blah blah

So what, anyways I am putting it out loud for the Universe to hear and for me to follow through. No Zumba for a month. No Facebook for two. I've been on the last few days of a no fast food for 3 month stint and I am in my last week. Probably wean myself back in May for Zumba but I will go to other places. Will try spinning and have more yoga. Lift more and just try other things. Its funny how it starts. Knew nothing should happen because others were involved. Just imagination running wild and I guess that was why I let my guard down.

In any event, this is positive. Work on other goals and I realize I am ready for the Universe to let others in. Cocooned myself for some time and tried to be that island but the ocean currents were strong and it made me realize that its okay to risk. Okay to hurt. Okay to move and move on. Sometimes radical change is called and one needs to Flow.

Looking at the lineup, I think I was due for change. Not liking the subs too much and I realized withdrawals and knew that bonding was growing. I am sure there will be awkwardness ahead, but I suspect its for the best. So. . .Its out loud and now its on the internet-verse. No un-ringing of this bell. Probably regret, but like in chess there are no take backsies. We make a gather info, consider options, than we act (or not). Not acting is not my nature. Choosing to do other things is mine. If anyone asks, "It started with a girl. . ."

No Pictures, just got to use the ones in your head

Heeding the Mighty Howls of the Shih Tzu

Hour of the wolf and what wakes me up are the yelping of a shih tzu/ poodle mix. "Aawooo!!! Aawoo!!!  Aawoo!!!" In my dreams it was the howling of some long powerful lupine. When I woke it looked more like a Chihuahua. Guess it could be worse. Pee on the carpet or Poop in the corner. Could ignore the call of the wild, but the other possibility. . .well, I just got up. Thought that maybe before my rhythms reset, I best listen to the winds of the muse. It is said, this time, middle of the night is when all the cosmic energies are swirling around waiting for a host share its voice. Been awhile since I answered her call. Too long.

Maybe best that I listen to the muse. Listen to the creative juices before they leave me. Best answer and this early morning call. On the East Coast, many people would be walking out the door and starting my day. Here I am listening to the water from my aquarium flow and the air from the CPAP blow. White noise that one ignores until its all silent. Silence from the muted TV. Silence of the people sleeping in the house. Silence from the day yet to waken in a mere couple of hours.

So what gets me up? The idea that if I don't rise, I will wake to evening accident of an overfilled bladder of a mutt. Could be worse. Hearing some of the terrible stories. Flint, Michigan their waters a lead poisoned. Children will not be cured. There is none. Mothers going to clinics knowing their children will have lifelong neuorological damage caused by corrosive water pipes and a poor budget choices. Warnings were there. Auto factories stopped using water because it was corroding the metals. EPA agent warned of this disaster but the boss ignored and tried to quiet the angry storm. A governor apologizes and begs for Emergency Help.

Less than half an hour from me, the earth of Porter Ranch is leaking clouds of methane gas in the air. Children are getting nosebleeds and headaches. Dogs, cats, and horses are reported on the news similar symptoms. Schools and homeowners are relocated to avoid the invisible gas. Yet like one deep horizon oil well spewing  hundreds  gallons of oils per hour, fouling the seascape around, the businesses claim no wrongdoing and no responsibility. They claim the people are safe and yet all the evidence to the contrary. They blast whistle blowers calling their science ridiculous.

Its an angel in the dark. Like a child caught wrongdoing and they appeal that their right is just. They hope this distraction will divert the attention of the parental unit.Imagine its like the drunk driver feigning responsibility for the destruction caused and saying its was only buzz driving. One could get angry, but I am sure many of us didn't heed our better angels.Every evening we hear stories of evils that could have been avoided. Maybe its our nature to bite the apple. Maybe we weren't supposed to live in the Garden. Lesson learned hopefully its not too late.

Heeding to the call of  the yelping dog seems a better choice than dealing with all the crap of inconvenience and ignorance. Is the price to pay for stewardship is handling business of nature?

We are told that there is rumblings in the background. The clarion call of upcoming doom. The signs are written on the wings of angels. Heed . Or Don't. Failing infrastructure, global warming, signs of recession--we can relegate these to white noise that many ignore. But while we sit still in the late evening of the comforts of our bed, the water continues to flow. The invisible gas leaks poisoning house and home. Ignore the signs. Sleep while the dog howls. Wake up to shit and piss the next day.

Or. . .

Or. . .

Or. . .Get the F#&K up and take her for a walk. Deal with crap now or live with crap just steps away. Wake Up and Walk. Please.

Story Goes. . .

. . .And I don't want that.

I have a post that's been sitting in draft for a couple years. Knowing when I wrote it, it would be some time before I would be ready to read it. Not sure if I will ever post it. Just story that I am not sure if I will be ready to tell. Wonder how many of us has these stories within us?

Been holding on to another story and I need to let it out. Been researching for some time.  Been neglecting her. Listened to part of an audiobook by the author, Eat, Pray, Love. She goes on about how she had story about young mid-western lady going to Brazil to find her boss's missing son and money. Life got in the way and she put it down for a couple of years for various reason. She met an admired author and later learned that the story that she had intended to finish, well, it left. Unbeknownst to her, with a kiss, the story found another storyteller. Over lunch they both learn, that it went to her new found BFF, the newly friended admired author sitting across the table.

After hearing this I was prompted, aka a kick in the butt, if I don't write it this story will be moving on to another writer. Well, its long overdue. She needs to be freed. She needs to dance. Her story needs to be told. Don't want to let this story down. I liken it to dancing girl in front of you. She's shaking her hips, calling with her hands that she doesn't want to dance alone. One could stay seated, like so many others that don't have their potential realized. But when the Muse calls, even a baby knows to stand up. Enough of that. This declaration needed to be said aloud. Assurances need to be made and action needed to be taken.

There are many songs out there. Many stories that need dancing partners. However, catching up on some 365 projects--catching up with some 5 things I am grateful for.--catching up with drawing projects--catching up with pictures to be posted--one lest not forget Priority Number #1, get story written. Some songs/stories are classics.

There was a lady, I thought was my soul mate. Events occurred and things never seemed right. Timing was off. One person was here and the other there. One was on the East Coast, the other West. We switched places. She on the East and I lived on the left coast. This person was with someone and the other wasn't. Situation switched again. Emotionally, physically, spiritually--it was close, but not enough for that Jump. Now this person is M-ed. Didn't even realize this person was divorced or separated. When I discovered the last name changed, well, Fuck. My perspective change. My Attitude altered in some imperceptible way. Would take aerobic classes because it felt like I was with her. . .with her dancing.

Admittedly, I didn't like Zumba classes so much after the discovery of her newlywed status.  Reminded me of George Michael song, "Never going to dance again, guilty feeling got no rhythm." Left a class early because, I was feeling angry and I wasn't sure why it bothered me so. It was weeks after and I was upset. No. Rejected, dejected, and plain aghast. Anyways, that moment passed and I've moved on. Guess its true, Emotions causes Motion. Frankly, I occasionally get "Let's get the "F" out of here" feeling. Sometimes I act, but this is waning.

Its hard some time and life gets in the way of hopes and intentions. Half of this month is already gone and there is so much work to be done. What about those New Year's Resolutions. Almost ate a breakfast burrito and drank a diet pepsi this afternoon. Here only sixteen days of swearing off drive ins and soda for three months.

Deep breath and take little steps of this incredible journey. Horoscope said I needed to buckle down these next few days. Glad it did. Needed some words to get me moving. There is much life to be lived. Life that needs to written down. Stories to be told. Don't let them dance alone.

Not the post I first expected, but I hope it inspires one to get off their duff and go do what needs to be done. Get to stepping.