Every Hands a Winner, Every Hands A Loser. . .

Hootie And Blowfish—Been listening to them quite a bit. Don’t know where this emotional stirring comes from. It’s there though. “Let her cry. Let her go. And if the sun comes down tomorrow let her be”

I discovered why I like Eli Stone. Don’t mean to be cryptic. Guess, you will have to watch it. Lots percolating. Lots under the surface just boiling. Nothing boiling over yet, just the calm before the storm. Today’s little mini-storm seems to foreshadowing of events to come.

Burning a CD, Dalai Lama. The Universe in a Single Atom. What came up was “Advice to Dying. . .” Trouble is I did burn a CD on Dying, but it’s not in my windows media library. Another sign, last week informed that they needed me to help out in the morgue for pathology. Initially, no big deal. I had Langjahr for physiology. Castrated rats without beating an eye. Worked on human cadavers, too. Almost died in a car accident, last weekend. Storm just hit Southern California. Decided to go Pasadena for Anne Rice's book signing at Vroomans. It was raining Saturday in Pasadena. No, pouring. I was exiting a parking lot. Didn’t realize that the road I was driving was one way. All of sudden, A giant SUV came out of nowhere. It filled my world. Angels, I guess. Blew it off like no big deal. Person was angry, honking his horn for a bit. I didn’t blame them.  I let it pass. My heart is racing now thinking about it The four crosses on the road a few days back. Pretty sure it was my neighbor’s son.

 

I don’t want to misinterpret messages. I also don’t want to ignore them. Is someone saying something to me? Am I going to die? I have a heart condition and yesterday, the day just passed. Went to sleep for a quick nap at 5pm and did not get out of bed until 6 am. When burning the CD and seeing that as it is about to get ripped, I don’t know. Now finding its not even in my music library. So if you don’t hear from me,  . . .well, it was a good run.  It was honor knowing everyone. I mean is this a sign of early mental problems. Discovered recently, someone in the family is locked up in a  bedroom for schizophrenia. Whatever it is. . .Just let it Flow.

This can go a lot of different ways. I die. Someone close to me can be meeting his or her maker. Can’t dismiss the fact. It felt like someone was stepping on my grave when I saw the Windows Media Player. Am I supposed to get ready for my end? Am I supposed to be there when someone passes and be a shoulder to cry on? Am I supposed to write this book that I have been thinking about writing for awhile? Brainstormed a couple weekends back.

I mean if there is calling, I just had ears cleaned yesterday by Doctor Campano. I went to speak with a priest yesterday too. I took a long nap. If I am supposed to listen to these flashes of clarity, should I also listen to the windows media player saying “advice on dying. . .” Am I trying to rationalize something that I may or may not have control of? Is this one of the gremlins that took years from the one that I love? Well, I think I will take my mother’s approach to dying. Be cordial host and--if the times calls I will be death’s defyer. Read on this person monster truck which was parked outside. “Death smiles on all. Marines Smile back.” If I had to go, I would like to take Kenny Roger’s Gambler song, “Every Hands a  winner, every hands a loser,  and the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep.” (View out of Campano's window. AV Hospital in back)

This is one of the trials all must face one time. Death wins. . .but maybe its not so bad. Dalai Lama was talking about consciousness and it’s the product of the mind. Moreover, it stated nothing really dies, just changes forms--Physics. Avatar movie said we are all borrowing energy. It must be repaid at sometime. 

What does it all mean? If the sun comes down tomorrow. . .I hope to die in my sleep.