Karmic Dances

Manhattan beach parking lot. Next to lifeguard towers. Sand on my feet and my parking meter has nine minutes. Bootleg of Up in the Air is on my flash drive now. Planned on going to Michelle’s house but I got no word about it. They had a thing yesterday and I thought today. Maybe I am wrong. Left them a message on email and voice-mail.

Kevin and the kids are going to Papa’s dance recital. Surfers are gearing up. Ladies are paying for the parking meter. Dressed in funny outfits. Quarters drop in and drop out. They are overweight. All of them. I’m overweight, too, so I can say crap like that. Not happy with weight, but I’m working on that. Read a post of some guy with my last name. He made this girl cry. She wearing jeans and a fanny pack  was jogging down the street. He paused and said, “You’re fat.” She left teary eyed.

I started replying, “No comeback. Maybe this will prompt her to get in better shape and if she can’t take a joke fuck it.” I decided not to reply because didn’t really want to engage in Facebook conversation. I’ve learned that this out-loud brashness may be masking this Facebook friend's pain. This insensitivity and the need to create shock value for this person is either smoldering pain or just bluster. I am sure he has good inside and he knows what he is doing. I will say this, “Karma can be a Bitch.” The not so nice talk says a lot, but those that like to psychoanalyze, I will leave at that.

Spoke to Ms. Potter and I reminisced on not being so nice. “No, you can’t sleep here tonight.” “No, I don’t want to look up your skirt, I rather read a book.” ‘She Kisses like a lizard.” These words haunt me because I realized how stupid and mean I have been. Maybe I had the need to put a facade. Maybe the filter from my brain and mouth were shear. Yup, they were pretty transparent. To those I spoke these words to and about, please accept my apologies.

Didn’t mean to scar or hurt because I know choice words can leave oh so painful scars. Been judicious with my words for some time now. Plus, I have been more accepting of nature of people. Trying not judge and just to see people honestly and openly. Those I found that have the nature to so say not so nice things are really hurting inside. I see the nature of those that take years and years of unkind words. They lash out in pain and/or become stand-up comedians.

Can’t tell you how much I admire Rinnes and Jason. Suffered so unkind words and they flipped it. Lost weight and more focused than I will ever want to be. Another, she’s found a good man and has great kids. She found a calling and accepted the therapeutics of comedy.

Personally cringe a bit inside when I hear “Bad Boy. If you don’t do this, I will take this away.” I understand this and accept it.The raised voice is there. Heard and said it. I am not a parent, not a real parent, so I can’t comment or criticize. I can only observe and just listen. At times, I say and show a different way to handle things. For me, whenever shouted at or threatened, it only strengthened my resolve and it stirred my need for payback.

Well, I am trying to rid the hate in my heart. Don’t want to carry that Karmic headache. I understand the wrath and it is fun to lay down the wood, but its temporary. I try to bring love and laughter to heart that’s healing. Ocean waves are crashing. Parking lot time was up 25 minutes ago and I got to pee. Too much tea. Thank you, good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.