Three days later. . .

(Written before Dear. . .)

Chris leave tomorrow. For a year.  Just like that he’s gone.

Married two days ago. Tomorrow he’s gone. He’s in the Army now. Things were fast, things were rushed. Life is like that at times. Life has its own speed.  Chris is on hyperdrive now. He called a minute ago. Asked if I was going to stop by for his party. Unfortunately, I said, “No.”

Jewel left a text .He said there was lots of food. Lots of food. Oh by the way there is lots of food.I don't eat as much so. . .guess, he didn't want all that food go to waste. She wants me to be there.

Might go to LAX tonight so driving to the Ville is going to be much. I am sorry for being a “No-Show”. I am sorry for not being there your last night. I am glad to hear that Kim and Mitch showed. That’s important. Don’t know if I can.

Couple minutes ago, found out no LAX. Will go to Russell’s tonight. It is his last night. He’s one of the few family I speak to. Just got a text. He wants us to come by. Not something I really want to say "No" to. May not be the most practical thing going on. Drive to Vegas, then drive to Victorville, then Palmdale, then back to Victorville. Not very gas conscious.

I hear our next door neighbor’s party going. I hear the kids laughing. The parents talking. People smiling. When you get a text asking people to come to the reception tonight, you go. 

It is what family do. Only for an hour. Only for a moment. May not see either one for some time to come.  15 minutes I will learn if I go by myself or I go with others. Not sure either way. If I want to go, I should just go. Talks of family and holding it together that is what is important. Don’t know if Antoinette will be going. I doubt it. Not a strong start here. Kind of breaks my heart. She didn't show for the wedding.

Went to the wedding. Took lots of pictures. Went to Sapphire with his friends.  Hmmm, guess, its because I don’t have a family of my own this is why it affects me so. I think of my cousin Sima and he’s going his way. I see Lani and John having kids of their own. My Bro and Sis in law with their children. Feel kind of sad for some of the choices I made.  For awhile, I didn’t go to family parties. It reminded me of stuff I missed.

Will give it a few more minutes and I am out the door. Don’t know if it will last. Don’t know if I’ll see him again. Don’t know what to expect. All I know is that family is important to me. This means more than words. It means showing up and being there. Have not always done this. However, there is still breath inside me, there is still time to make things right. Maybe a little too late for some, but its time to go.

Just called. Place is packed. Lots of family friends showed.  


Three days later. I didn't go.