01/3/2010 5:28:59 PM
Her name is Glitter (Actually, it’s not, I fear someone may try to look her up. She may not be too happy) At any rate, she may not know it, but she infected me. Infected with this writing bug. Hopefully, some day I will thank her. I don’t know what she is doing now. Writing. Stripping. Selling. Angel-ing. Who knows? Myspaced her awhile ago, but I don’t myspace anymore. Just facebook and the occasional twitter.
What I liked about her is the “go-for-it” gumption. Of course, she was attractive, smart, ballsy. Moreover, she was not afraid to use her assets. Unfortunately, with many people of her caliber, she had issues. Who doesn’t? It’s been a long time since I thought about her. We got brownies a couple of times. I was a lightweight compared to her. She gave me her panties when to I went to Hawaii. (Long story, another time) We weren't close in that way. She had a way about her. Glitter made me laugh.
Late, winter nights make me think of her. I hope she is not tired--or wasted--or burnt out. She had the ability to be anything and do anything--No remorse, no hate in her heart. When I think of her, it is one listening to the beat of her own drum. Pretty actress-type. Gorgeous smile. Nice figure. Smart. Practical. Former stripper. Opinionated. Writer. Nothing she did surprised me. If she became an actress, a politician’s wife, a vegan advocate--Glitter was something else. She's got skills. If she was a hooking, stripping, personal training, I would say that sounds like Glitter. If she became a world renowned writer or porn star. . .honestly,the circles she traveled amazed me. Interviewed luminaries, published writer, walked on the dark-side (I will leave it at that) Glitter has an outstanding spirit. I hope it is not snuffed out.
She has some demons—Dark Demons. Honestly, who doesn't?I remember the things she said when she was having a bad trip. Probably doesn’t remember, but I do. Body language told the story. Buckled over, holding herself. Writhing in pain. deep emotional pain. A heavy guilt weighs on her soul. The brownie-induced psycho-drama out was not first time it played, I suspect. I fear she may keep replaying that drama until she gets help, professional help. She needs to forgive herself and stop repressing this pain. Guess, that is why I am drawn to her. I turned to peer counseling because I needed help. She hides it. No, "Buries" is a better word. Until she accepts that hole in heart, she will keep butterflying from one social circle to another. Glitter is more like a moth, she keeps flying to the light unaware these unconscious choices are self-punishment. She's Blanche Duboise, the histrionic personality in Streetcar Named Desire. She's running from a herself. A decision--a tough, life altering decision she made. Looking back, I understand now why you wanted be like Lauryn Hill. Zion is one of my favorite songs on the tract, too.
Glitter,I do not believe you have forgiven yourself. I had a hard time doing the same. I, too, was in denial, deep Denial. Lauryn Hill's song, "I Used to Love Her (Him)" hit a chord for me. I was afraid of who I would become if I stayed with her. Emotional abuse I would not take. After so many loud, shouting matches and unrelenting, harsh, angry words,I can see how a man could put hands on a woman. Don't get me wrong, I am not rationalizing domestic abuse. It is WRONG. Just Wrong. A real man should never strike a woman. The better part of valor may be taking your leave. I was afraid if I was with her longer, I would be dead (emotionally) or she would be, physically.
Glitter is Armenian. She has cultural pressures: Be successful, find a good Armenian husband, etcetera. From last I heard, she is far from that. She runs Glitter's Angels. Don't suspect her family approves. She hooked up with some bouncer guy in Florida, Jack (not his name). If he is her boyfriend, then he must be a good guy. She seesaws from good and bad, hot to not-so hot. She knows that means. Maybe she will read this sometime. Maybe not. I hope to connect with her in the future. Twinkle (Inside joke), I hope you are doing well. If you are in trouble, I still hope you would connect with me. I hope that it does not get too bad that you can’t get out of. You have a good soul. I hope you find Forgiveness. Glitter, be well.
It is rare to find people who take the time to look past what someone shows to the world and seek what has made them. As I read I find out more interesting things about you, Mr. Nadonza. What a difference from the somewhat distant person I met long, long, ago. I think you should be proud of yourself for learning lifes lessons and growing as a person. Most people are set in their way and tend not to evolve.
ReplyDeleteStill learning. Much to learn. Answer are there. Questions are there. Got to remember we are both. Keeping it hidden doesn't allow answers to be given or received. Still learning and practicing that.
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