Journey

It Could Have Been Me

Learned that an old friend is in the hospital. He is confused, agitated and noncompliant. Extubated himself and removed lines. Ryan is a diabetic and has not been taking care of himself from what I gathered. 

Its been some time since we spoke. He was an asshole. Don’t get me wrong I wish no ill will on this old childhood playmate. However, he was not too nice too some neighborhood kids. Grade school kids can be very mean. He was the mean type.

Rivers of Our Lives

Drifted apart after I moved from the Hills. Not someone that I consider close friend, but someone I knew. Not sure how to react. It is disturbing to learn that his condition is not well. It is disturbing to learn that life has not been so kind to him. With blood sugar levels up in the high triple digits, I find that I need to look at my own lifestyle and my own choices.

Choices, Why?

Don’t know if he is giving up. Don’t know if he cares. Perhaps he’s in one of the stages of DABDA (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance). Not sure if I will visit him, it has been so long ago. Perhaps I should because it has been so long ago. Not sure where the voices will send me. Some things I can’t forget. The way he treated some neighbor kids was cruel. He was an asshole.

Perhaps this is test. A test to Forgive and to genuinely to show concern. Not sure if he has many friends. Not sure if life is better for him. Perhaps this discovery is a call for. . .I don’t know.

If It Were Me?

Would I want someone to visit me if I were hospitalized? Would I want to be reminded of a time when I was not so nice? I looked him in facebook. Didn’t send him a friend request. Perhaps I should. If I want forgiveness, perhaps. . .I don’t know.

I knew him. I know of him. I know him.

Should I Follow This Current?

Do I want to relive the past? Do I want to go there? A river runs through it played on Tv the other day. It was a story about fishing. About two brothers. About something I don’t really know the moral of the story and how it relates to the now. I am sure it will come to me.

There are old friends I’d like to reconnect. People that I would like to call friend again. Yet, I wait. I wonder. .

Sights I Have Seen

This month I have been traveling around here and there, going on a road trip to San Francisco with my cousin. Visited a lot of places, Hearst Castle. Solvang, Big Sur, China Town, Golden Gate Bridge. Watched the last two games of the NBA Finals. Took pictures of many sites, elephant seals molting, brown cows chasing zebras, statues and rotundas, and chalk picture artists. 

We go through life visiting and meeting people of all sorts. We hear of old playmates come and gone. We live life. We have a connection. We have a lesson in everything. The universe gives us what we need at the time we need them. At first, we may not see the big pictures because our vision is focusing on the little things. We want to be in the moment, but we at times some how miss the bigger picture.

Unfinished Business?

There are friends of long ago that I only see through Facebook. They live their lives in ways. I am happy for them. We are not close because we make choices to act, to live, to ride that river.

Ryan, I don’t know if I will visit. I hope there is a reason for me to learn of your life. I think I will visit. Perhaps, its for you. Perhaps its for me. Perhaps, it is because there is a bigger reason I can not see right now. Coincidences happen, but the events in your life has perhaps briefly stirred an inkling to connect. To reconnect. When I found myself down, I needed help. Got that help from the Big Smile. Perhaps that is what you need. Perhaps it is what I need.

Ryan, get better. Take better care of yourself. I think I will stop by and say, Hi. There is a reason. Guess, I need to take a leap and find out why.