Heavy Heart

Stream of consciousness. Flow. Just tapping away at the keys and the unconsciousness is supposed to manifest itself in some kind or wonderful creation for all to be awed. 

For today it is blockage. Where does one go when the creative juices have met drought conditions. Its supposed to rain until end of the week. However, the only raindrops I am seeing are the little piddly stuff. My stream of consciousness. No rivers of flow, just a thimble. 

A heavy set lady sits to my right. Wearing white sweats, green scarf,  and a grey sweater. She has a overly stuffed black backpack and green Coleman mummy sleeping bag. I fear she may be homeless. Been sitting there for good two hours. Not sure what she is doing except to keep warm. Hair is a mess. She fell asleep a couple times. Would not have noticed, except that she snores. Found it ironic. She was reading a Cheerleading magazine. She may have been a cheerleader at one time. Don’t have the heart to ask how it happened? Just not that very open today. Maybe that is my problem.

Libraries. Well, let me preface this by saying. Certain libraries tend be the impromptu daytime shelters for those facing troubled waters. Its hard to not to feel bad. This is not an uncommon scenario. From what the radio stories I’ve heard, it is more common than naught for people to fall in dire straights. Not sure if the situation was drug induced, was it tragic times, was it a loss of job, a long-term mental condition. Heard that a large part of the homeless are veterans. Don’t think she is veteran. She may be. Still, this is hard to swallow, knowing people that served their country can’t maintain a steady to place to live.

Would say it’s the economy, but all around the world homelessness Is a part of everyday life. A few weeks back I was in Starbucks and a disheveled old man came to me while I was having a bagel. He asked if I can give me some money. Instinctively I said, No. Didn’t want to look him in the eye. Toothless, smelling something awful, and well. . . It was troubling. Troubling because I just had a hard time facing him.  It was a selfish reason. I was imagining what if I were that person. Sitting at an intersection with a sign saying, what these signs say. Its not image that I want to have in my head.

Driving in the side of the road. There was a family on 10^th and Ave O. There was a camper and family sitting on lawn chairs the side of the road. Waiting at the stop light, I realized they were not selling anything. They weren’t waiting for road assistance. It was family on the side of the road with a sign saying, “Out of funds.”

I was at the Cinemark, waiting for a movie to start. Sitting on the bench, this man asked me for money for food. He was 60+. I thought he was a patron just waiting for a movie like me. As a rule, I don’t give people money. I will buy them food, but it struck me when he asked, I was taken aback.  This uncomfortable feeling was heart wrenching. Concession line was long, so I went to my car and got my low blood sugar supply of food (I’m diabetic). Gave him oranges, chips, cookies, and the like in a plastic bag. Couldn’t watch the movie. Would have felt guilty splurging on a movie while others would be suffering.

I’ve seen the behavior of some people. Some have gotten angry and shouted. Others reached for the pocket and handed some change. Others just didn’t take notice and walked away.  I don’t fault anyone for their behavior. Don’t fault the person sleeping in the library with all her worldly possessions next to her. Don’t fault the Starbucks person asking money for food. Don’t fault the person at the movies asking for food. Nor do I fault people for being angry, reaching for change, or just walking away. It is just this problem has been with human kind since before biblical times. If smarter people than me, haven’t figured it out. Well, it is what it is. Maybe I'm the problem not accepting some fault.

There is no cry or rally for all to hold hands and fight this societal albatross called poverty. Maybe I am heartless? Maybe. A movie called Baraka came out some years back. It was one continuous movie with no dialogue that explored the range of beauties and tragedies people live all around the world. It went from the deep jungles of some Polynesian tribe performing some kind of group ritual prayer to workers in the cigarette factory to a ringing of a bell at a Buddhist temple. There is so much more, but you can watch the trailer below and decide for yourself.

What was disturbing for me was the Calcutta Foragers. Garbage trucks would drop of their load in the fields. Women, children, and men—the destitute would scavenge for trash. Not sure what they picked up, but it made me feel so sad.

I was imagining if drove by on 10^thStreet West by Waste Management. What if a busload of people would follow on the garbage trucks into the fields. Then a 20 or thirty kids and teachers would start foraging for whatever. That smell. That squishy feeling. That taste in ones month caused by the acrid cloud of all around.

Not everyone is Chris Gardner from the Pursuit of Happyness. This is not a very uplifting post and I am sorry. Its just the lady is sitting like Buddha. Eyes closed. Hands to her side. Backpack is full of something. Her sleeping bag is ready for transport and I can’t help, but feel a bit of sadness and despair.  We all have our journeys. We all have to deal with the 6 inches of front of our faces. Life can be bad at times, but it could also be much, much worse.  

 

What helps me is the story about a young man on the beach who throws one starfish at a time back into the ocean. I won’t revisit, but here’s the link. Starfish story  If this helps, well, then this post was not so sad. If you want to see the Baraka Trailer you can you tube it or if you are reading this on Facebook then you can go my blog website, http://ineversavedanything4theswimback.blogspot.com/

Made with Love. . .

Three Little Words
“Made with Love” that was what she said. A simple thing that made my Chicken Habanera Panini taste better. After staring at the menu of Camille for several minutes, I’ve tried everything before and found it a little bland and uninspiring. 

These simple three words—with a smile, of course--made my lunch memorable. Locked in on the task,  lost in the mechanism of the day, I found myself jolted. When the server brought me my food and when she said that, it got me tongue tied. How a dash of love can make the world better place. How we forget that this simple mantra can make the difference. “Made with love” A tag. This stamp. Words to live by. “Made with Love.”

What do you everyday that isn’t made with love? Lots, huh? Yesterday, I found myself at the foot at Angel’s Flight. Out the entrance of Grand Central Market, I saw what looked like a trolley. Nothing special, but it was calling me. 

Heaven On Earth
Angel’s Flight was closed down for a few years because of an accidental death, I saw somewhere that it was recently reopened. Not an incredibly long ride. Thirty seconds or so. Just a short jaunt up Bunker Hill in Downtown LA. It seemed appropriate. It was uplifting. A ride that would cost a mere quarter, it made me realize that we have a Heaven on Earth if we only put that stamp, “Made with Love” I am sure it would be even better.

Like Most Cities
You see Downtown LA, is like many metropolitan areas. It has their share of Homeless people. Saw a man, a broken man sitting on a bench across the street staring at the front of Grand Central Market. Thinking of food and shelter, I assume. He was unwashed, unshaven, un-a lot of stuff. An older man who at one time was a healthy young man. 

Fallen Heroes
Read somewhere a third of homeless people were veterans. Sad, how we let our young sons and daughters fall in disrepair? Not knowing the situation and not usually being a bleeding heart, we better all be bleeding-hearts because a too many of us could be paycheck or two away and we could find ourselves in the same predicament.

Buddha Basics
Went to Saturday morning mass at Saint Marys today.  Thought to myself, this message can’t be new. You see, I find myself exploring many religions, thinking of Faith and the Big Smile. It is our lives we make and live.

It says in the basic tenets of Buddhism, that the life we live goes through 8 stages. First two are of our past life. The last two are of our next one. The middle four is of our own doing. Makes sense to me. 

It is said we chose our parents based on the life we built before depending on the Karma we accumulated. Last two stages prepares us for the next one. Depending on how we did in the middle, we shall see what Karmic points we banked on. What choices have we made to make our stay on Gaea better?

Inside
What have we done to make this world a better place? For what is a Man that Does not make the world a better place. “You are not what you were born, but what you have it in yourself to be.”—Another quote from Kingdom of Heaven. YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WERE BORN, BUT WHAT YOU HAVE IT IN YOURSELF TO BE. Again, YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WERE BORN, BUT WHAT YOU HAVE IT YOURSELF TO BE. Guess, I write this thrice because something deep inside tells me so. I say write this down, commit it to memory, burn the paper that you wrote it down, and then burn the words to memory. Let it not to be forgotten.

What Frightens Us. . .
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. “(Another quotes from a movie, I let you guess)

Downtown Dancer
As I rode up and down Angel’s Flight I saw a lady dancing. (She is on the corner of the picture) Didn’t notice her at first. She was hidden by the overhang of blooming red flowers. She was at the base of the Bunker Hill. Off in her world. Homeless, I assume by the unwashed, stained clothes she wore. Form fitting, she went through a dance warm up. She danced a refrained flirtatious dance. Not pole-dancing, but it would not surprise me if she had been a exotic dancer. There’s no doubt that she had some ballet and jazz training. A friend of mine was a dancer and the way she moved reminded me of her.

Felt a little sad, for the homeless, “down-on-her-luck” dancer. Yet, not so much. She was doing her thing in this little spot of the world. Perhaps, she suffered the evils of a drug lifestyle? Perhaps, a troubled upbringing? Perhaps, I don’t know.

On this sun bright day, here at the steps of Heaven’s Flight, under the green Camino Real Bell, there she danced. Don’t know if she knew I was watching. Don’t think she much cared. She was smiling, I think. Never saw her face, but the way her hands raised to the sky, the way her torso popped in a circle, the way she graced this watcher made me think of the blooming flowers in the wild, away from civilization. Hidden away from man.

Miracles Everywhere, Pay Attention
The green Camino Real Bells were markers for the California Mission travelers. It gave followers a guide to various Spanish Missions up and down the California coastline. It showed people the way.

Thought "How Ironic? A down-and-out dancer at the base of Angel's Flight under the Bell that gave weary travelers hope. Reminded me of the story the Prostitute that washed Jesus Christ's feet with her hair. Having little means, this weary traveler dancers here. All these things at that moment seemed to be telling me something. Felt lucky to catch this moment in time. Been having these moments with the Big Smile. Guess, I'm lucky to catch them.

Doesn't Need Validation
Is it beautiful if no one is watching? It is beautiful because it is beautiful. Things existed before you and I were here. It does not need us to validate its existence. However, if there is an audience, the experience is shared. When we share, allowing others to know each other, it gives us the wherewithal to be better. It allows us to escape these sins of jealousy, lust, and ignorance. It allows us to be great because we are great.

Let Others Follow
By letting ourselves shine, we give permission to others to also shine. Letting our children, the one’s before us to be great. Letting the ones to be great we are reminded that we can be more than what the chains that binds us. Perhaps, it is these chains we put on ourselves—emotionally, physically, mentally. Perhaps it is the chain others try to put on us. If we allow them to be loosed, if we remember that feeling of freedom, if we are reminded of liberty and independence, then perhaps we will be reminded of our interdependence and duty to each other.

Back to the ABC's
Like one of the tenets espoused of so many religions, we are responsible for what we do. So British Petroleum (BP), so politicians, so the man in the man (or woman) in the mirror, we are responsible. We may not have caused it, but it is our job to fix it. What we make of this world is our responsibility? It’s our stuff. If we can’t conquer the ABC’s of Homelessness, Racism, Religious Intolerance, Starvation, Drug Abuse and the ilk, then how are we going to deal with the hard stuff?

Our Ability Is So Much More
Its Heavy stuff, but that is okay. We are powerful beyond measure. We have the capacity of many great things and our learning curve is fast. Kindergarten to PhD in seconds. Not a problem. If we can make it through two World Wars, if we can send a man to the Moon, if we can split the atom, if we can copy the Human genome, if we can make a Magical Kingdom in the OC (Disneyland, if you didn't know) then we can do just about anything. Our knowledge of everything is said to double every five years.

Still, if we can only we remember the basic. Stuff we do is better if its “Made with Love.” Guess, we got to work on that.