Showing posts with label Lost Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lost Love. Show all posts

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Made with Love. . .

Three Little Words
“Made with Love” that was what she said. A simple thing that made my Chicken Habanera Panini taste better. After staring at the menu of Camille for several minutes, I’ve tried everything before and found it a little bland and uninspiring. 

These simple three words—with a smile, of course--made my lunch memorable. Locked in on the task,  lost in the mechanism of the day, I found myself jolted. When the server brought me my food and when she said that, it got me tongue tied. How a dash of love can make the world better place. How we forget that this simple mantra can make the difference. “Made with love” A tag. This stamp. Words to live by. “Made with Love.”

What do you everyday that isn’t made with love? Lots, huh? Yesterday, I found myself at the foot at Angel’s Flight. Out the entrance of Grand Central Market, I saw what looked like a trolley. Nothing special, but it was calling me. 

Heaven On Earth
Angel’s Flight was closed down for a few years because of an accidental death, I saw somewhere that it was recently reopened. Not an incredibly long ride. Thirty seconds or so. Just a short jaunt up Bunker Hill in Downtown LA. It seemed appropriate. It was uplifting. A ride that would cost a mere quarter, it made me realize that we have a Heaven on Earth if we only put that stamp, “Made with Love” I am sure it would be even better.

Like Most Cities
You see Downtown LA, is like many metropolitan areas. It has their share of Homeless people. Saw a man, a broken man sitting on a bench across the street staring at the front of Grand Central Market. Thinking of food and shelter, I assume. He was unwashed, unshaven, un-a lot of stuff. An older man who at one time was a healthy young man. 

Fallen Heroes
Read somewhere a third of homeless people were veterans. Sad, how we let our young sons and daughters fall in disrepair? Not knowing the situation and not usually being a bleeding heart, we better all be bleeding-hearts because a too many of us could be paycheck or two away and we could find ourselves in the same predicament.

Buddha Basics
Went to Saturday morning mass at Saint Marys today.  Thought to myself, this message can’t be new. You see, I find myself exploring many religions, thinking of Faith and the Big Smile. It is our lives we make and live.

It says in the basic tenets of Buddhism, that the life we live goes through 8 stages. First two are of our past life. The last two are of our next one. The middle four is of our own doing. Makes sense to me. 

It is said we chose our parents based on the life we built before depending on the Karma we accumulated. Last two stages prepares us for the next one. Depending on how we did in the middle, we shall see what Karmic points we banked on. What choices have we made to make our stay on Gaea better?

Inside
What have we done to make this world a better place? For what is a Man that Does not make the world a better place. “You are not what you were born, but what you have it in yourself to be.”—Another quote from Kingdom of Heaven. YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WERE BORN, BUT WHAT YOU HAVE IT IN YOURSELF TO BE. Again, YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WERE BORN, BUT WHAT YOU HAVE IT YOURSELF TO BE. Guess, I write this thrice because something deep inside tells me so. I say write this down, commit it to memory, burn the paper that you wrote it down, and then burn the words to memory. Let it not to be forgotten.

What Frightens Us. . .
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. “(Another quotes from a movie, I let you guess)

Downtown Dancer
As I rode up and down Angel’s Flight I saw a lady dancing. (She is on the corner of the picture) Didn’t notice her at first. She was hidden by the overhang of blooming red flowers. She was at the base of the Bunker Hill. Off in her world. Homeless, I assume by the unwashed, stained clothes she wore. Form fitting, she went through a dance warm up. She danced a refrained flirtatious dance. Not pole-dancing, but it would not surprise me if she had been a exotic dancer. There’s no doubt that she had some ballet and jazz training. A friend of mine was a dancer and the way she moved reminded me of her.

Felt a little sad, for the homeless, “down-on-her-luck” dancer. Yet, not so much. She was doing her thing in this little spot of the world. Perhaps, she suffered the evils of a drug lifestyle? Perhaps, a troubled upbringing? Perhaps, I don’t know.

On this sun bright day, here at the steps of Heaven’s Flight, under the green Camino Real Bell, there she danced. Don’t know if she knew I was watching. Don’t think she much cared. She was smiling, I think. Never saw her face, but the way her hands raised to the sky, the way her torso popped in a circle, the way she graced this watcher made me think of the blooming flowers in the wild, away from civilization. Hidden away from man.

Miracles Everywhere, Pay Attention
The green Camino Real Bells were markers for the California Mission travelers. It gave followers a guide to various Spanish Missions up and down the California coastline. It showed people the way.

Thought "How Ironic? A down-and-out dancer at the base of Angel's Flight under the Bell that gave weary travelers hope. Reminded me of the story the Prostitute that washed Jesus Christ's feet with her hair. Having little means, this weary traveler dancers here. All these things at that moment seemed to be telling me something. Felt lucky to catch this moment in time. Been having these moments with the Big Smile. Guess, I'm lucky to catch them.

Doesn't Need Validation
Is it beautiful if no one is watching? It is beautiful because it is beautiful. Things existed before you and I were here. It does not need us to validate its existence. However, if there is an audience, the experience is shared. When we share, allowing others to know each other, it gives us the wherewithal to be better. It allows us to escape these sins of jealousy, lust, and ignorance. It allows us to be great because we are great.

Let Others Follow
By letting ourselves shine, we give permission to others to also shine. Letting our children, the one’s before us to be great. Letting the ones to be great we are reminded that we can be more than what the chains that binds us. Perhaps, it is these chains we put on ourselves—emotionally, physically, mentally. Perhaps it is the chain others try to put on us. If we allow them to be loosed, if we remember that feeling of freedom, if we are reminded of liberty and independence, then perhaps we will be reminded of our interdependence and duty to each other.

Back to the ABC's
Like one of the tenets espoused of so many religions, we are responsible for what we do. So British Petroleum (BP), so politicians, so the man in the man (or woman) in the mirror, we are responsible. We may not have caused it, but it is our job to fix it. What we make of this world is our responsibility? It’s our stuff. If we can’t conquer the ABC’s of Homelessness, Racism, Religious Intolerance, Starvation, Drug Abuse and the ilk, then how are we going to deal with the hard stuff?

Our Ability Is So Much More
Its Heavy stuff, but that is okay. We are powerful beyond measure. We have the capacity of many great things and our learning curve is fast. Kindergarten to PhD in seconds. Not a problem. If we can make it through two World Wars, if we can send a man to the Moon, if we can split the atom, if we can copy the Human genome, if we can make a Magical Kingdom in the OC (Disneyland, if you didn't know) then we can do just about anything. Our knowledge of everything is said to double every five years.

Still, if we can only we remember the basic. Stuff we do is better if its “Made with Love.” Guess, we got to work on that.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Lynn, Music Is My Sanctuary

“Music is my sanctuary. Music is my sanctuary. . . You are my living world.”

Don’t know the singer. Don't know this song. Its on Chill Out Lounge on Internet radio.

Music. Dance. Expression of the soul and body. Hearing the rhythm of the universe brings peace. 

A Dancer I Once Knew. . .
A dancer I once knew touched my heart. She touched my soul. I was never the same. I knew she was with another, my good friend. I knew it what was not right, but I loved her. People will do things they would normally not do when they are in love. They will turn their back on their best friend. They will go to Heck and back for just a moment. For a Kiss. Yeah, I was a Jodie. Sorry Mike. Good friend or not, she was my soul mate. Don’t worry, she’s married now (not me) and has a beautiful son named Michael. Guess, not right in this lifetime.

She Likes Tap
There’s another dancer in my life. Not a ballet, modern, or jazz. She likes Tap.

She’s smart. A leader. Sensitive. Strong willed. Tough on her brother and sister at times. She was student of the year. She got a gagillion awards for attendance, academic achievement, and so on. She’s going to be in the regional spelling bee in a couple of weeks. She listens to me. Doesn’t do everything I ask, but I respect that. Very independent.  Very People Savvy. Strong EQ and High IQ. Dangerous combination.  

Check Your Family Tree
She is going to be someone you will read about in the future.  I can see you as a Mayor of Palmdale in the future. You have a relative that was mayor of a province in the PI. Mrs.Alejandrea Supnet. Click to Read about her, Mrs.Supnet

She’s not even in Junior High yet. She should be. She’s so smart and fighter. Like her Dad. She was a dancer from an early age. She reminds me of my Nanay. My grandmother. Strong willed and a Closer like her Mom. Strong spirit. Take no crap.

Nose. Eyes, Throat. . .
When asked Lynn if someone tries to fight with her, she knows where to strike: Nose, Throat, Eyes. She knows what to do if someone tries to attack her, she knows to call some random name out loud.

She smart and listens. Sorry, Luz and Kev, these are things Uncles teach their nieces. Teaches to whoop some ass when called for.

(Going to change audience perspective now. Sorry, in case she reads this)

Emotions are nothing to shy away from
I do not worry about you Lynn. You are of good stock. You have a strong spirit and being sensitive is a good thing. It lets people know that you truly care and are not afraid to show and share your emotions. This is something to never be ashamed of.  Like your sister, you are going to do great things in your lifetime.

Just don’t be so tough on your brother and sister. They love you, too. Plus, I showed them the eyes, nose, throat thing, too. Dor still doesn’t get the elbow thing yet. Hopefully, it will take. You may need to remind him.

Don’t forget, Dor is a Master Jedi. Yoda, will use the Force on you, but you have a strong mind. It won't effect simple minds. Remember this at BJs

I wrote about your sister.  Said she is my Hero. You are, too. Lynn you weren't born yet. This is what I remember. Click Here

I am jealous of your relationship with your sister. It’s tight. Like it should be.

Don't Forget. . .
When you get older, remember that you are loved. Remember  when in a fight, use an open fist--cupped--to the . . .well you know. Remember, being tough should tempered with tenderness. Your are just ten now, but life will get faster as you get older. I just wanted to put these thoughts and wishes down before time much time passes by. You have a great family. A great mom. A great dad. A great nanay. Great sister and great brother, too.

Listen to the Rhythm
Don’t stop dancing, too. You will touch someone’s heart and he will be affected for the rest of his life, like I have been by another dancer. Your soul mate is out there. Just wait until after college to meet him.  Maybe you will have better luck than I have. Timing is everything. If not in this lifetime, in another.

Don’t forget Music is a sanctuary. Listen to the rhythm of the Universe (Trust in Her. She will take care of you) Your heart is strong. Keep it open. Even to the tough stuff. It will make your stronger for other stuff. It gets harder in the future. I forgot this for a time. I learned it again. Remember sometimes people are not so smart. It's okay. It passes.

Lynn, when you become Mayor of the city. your Uncle Loves You. If you don't become Mayor, I Will Love Always You. Now and Forever. Thank you letting me be your Uncle.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Life on a 3 by 5

Quidnunc--Hope to never lose this.

Love Happens. I know it does. My love for my Dad. My love for my brother. My love for my sister in law and the kids. My love for my Mom. My love for my family and friends. I know it happens and should not be rushed. My love for the Big Smile. My love for Em.

Catching a movie. Learning her dog will pass. It’s that kiss in the night with my Best Friend’s girl. It’s that First Love and that great Snow. It’s those candlelight massages.

Its Tina. Its Tiffany. Its Kitty. Its Magic. Its Biophille.
It’s that tug on my wrist as you say “Play With Me.” Its when you hum the Star Wars theme. It’s that time when you bring me a cookie for no reason, except just to give me a cookie.
Its that time seeing you being helicoptered away. Its when I flew in one a couple of days ago so I can talk to Angels, too.

Its when you tap dance and ask me to give me words for you to spell. Its when you study whale sounds and Chumash Indians.

It’s when you let me in when I have no family of my own. Its when knowing that you are out there. Its when I see pictures of your smile. Its when you have taken me to the Ambassador Hotel so I can go comic book hunting. It was when you had no Hate in your heart and I was jealous. It was when we shared our times together.

It is when you guys moved on. It is when we found each other again. Going our separate ways. It is when I know that you are out there and I know that I Love you and we have never really met.

I know Love Happens. It happens when child look up to parents. It happens when brother and sister accept each other just because they are brother and sister. It is shared moments with family and friends. It is when you meet your first love, your last love, your soul mate. It is the love of being an uncle. It is the love of family long gone. Its is lost friends found again. It is the love of the Big Smile. It is the Love that life you have lived will lead you to where you need to be.

Love Happens and I gotta still Believe.

Poppysmic--look it up
 

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Someday I'm Gonna Be Free. Someday I'm Gonna Find My Rhythm

"Can Anybody find me somebody to love? Each morning I get up, I die a little Can't barely stand on my feet. . ."--Queen

Sunday morning, sitting in my car watching the sunrise. Sitting in my Lancaster Park place. Disappointed there are no Hot Air Balloons rising. Where have all the romantics gone? I mean morning sunrise, hot air balloons. Aaah!!! Another time, I guess. Listening to George Michael's version of "Somebody to Love" My cousin Chris posted on Facebook where can he and his beau get some oysters. It brought a smile to my face. Woo-ing is still alive.


I work (He works hard) every day of my life
I work 'till I ache my bones
At the end (At the end of the day) I take home (Goes home) my hard earned pay all on my own
(Goes home on his own)
I get down (Down) on my knees (Knees) and I start to pray (Praise the lord) 


Friday morning went to Pathology. Saw a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Pink Roses and some baby' breath. Amongst the glass slides and requisition papers, there stood proudly, a beautiful spread of pink and green. It brought life to the the black, glossy counter. Ah, Delightful. It made my heart beat a bit happier. I asked Potter, the receiver of this token of love, what her and her loved one had plans for Cupid Day. She said dinner and some time painting in the mall somewhere. Another smile to my heart. I asked another co-worker what her plans were. Nothing. Her shoulder hunched. I can relate. I'm sure a few of you can.

There's a difference between lonely and being alone. Always been comfortable with my own company, but I can't help think of line from a movie, the name escapes me. "Remember the Best times of your life. You weren't alone, were you? . . .Life is just better with company." I know I butchered it, but couldn't remember where it came from. Gist, we walk alone sometimes. Sometimes, if we are lucky, We walk as couple. (2010 Rose Parade, Pepe Le Peux)

They say I'm goin' crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
I got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe (He's got nobody left to believe) 


A close relative spoke of intentions of going to Cirque. Her voice was abound in anticipation. Unfortunately, as Sunday was coming, I asked her again about the du Soleil. She answered a heavy No. Oooohhh. That supposed to be me exhaling, in a consoling breath. I feel her disappointment for her disappointment. Breaking someone's heart. . .No, its more letting them down is never pleasant. Seeing her shoulders hunched and head down. It reminds me of my nephew whenever he doesn't get to play Super Mario Wii.

Speaking with Potter. I reminisced that, "For one year, I gave the love of my life a flower every single day." Big bouquets on the big days, valentines, anniversary, birthday, Ground Hogs, you know the major ones. Other times it was just a small white carnation, spray painted with blue. Other times it was whatever I can pick from my garden or my girlfriend's neighbor's garden. Stopped getting flowers when we parted. Occasionally, I picked some up for my belle at the time, but it was never quite the same. The romantic me just didn't have the same luster.

For awhile, the only reason I was going to the flower shop were for funerals. Depressing, I know. Yet, the smell of the fresh cut flowers. The cold of the walk-in refrigerator. The Happy silver, mylar balloons. So bright, so green. I loved flower shops. Well, it reminded me of Love. Despite, going to the shop for a wake or a funeral*, it still brought back fine memories. A time of True Love. Funerals are  still of time of Love.

(Ooh lord) Oh Somebody, ooh (Somebody)
Anybody find me somebody to love? (Anybody find me someone to love? )
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat (You just keep losing and losing)


On a few occasions, when taking one out to dinner, and the occasional lady with baskets of roses would stop by. I would respectfully shake my head, no. I'd see Angelo again, that same slumping of the shoulder and the head lean downward a bit. I know that it was . . .a bit heartbreaking, but. . .it wasn't the same. No more late 11:55pm  runs to Seven-eleven to get an overpriced rose. No more stopping by the Vons or Pavillions for the occasional Friday-night-before-we-go-out bouquet. No more looking behind my back, checking if my neighbor saw me cutting from her prize-winning garden. It just lost some luster. Maybe I am dead (inside) as my good friend once said. Perhaps, I lost the passion. I don't konw.

I mean after your soul mate. Well, everything just pales in comparison.


I'm ok, I'm alright (He's alright, he's alright)
I ain't gonna face no defeat (Yeah, yeah)
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I'm gonna be free, lord (One day I'm gonna be free, lord)



Well, No more words of wisdom. Just a smile and a sunrise. I hope you still feel the beating of your heart. I hope you still have your rhythm. Maybe, I'll get my rhythm back. Big Smile will provide when its time.

Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love love love!
Find me, find me, find me love.



*nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14
Valentine's Day