What I'm Afraid of. . .

It was a message on the radio. That’s all it was, A PBS Special. This is what I told myself.

It was more. A lot more and I knew it. It was a message for me.

The Angel in my room was screaming at me, but I didn’t listen. Heard it loud and clear. It is one of those crossroads in your life when you know you are making a huge mistake and I didn’t listen. No, I heard the message, but I was telling myself different. It is wrong and I needed to act. It is that moment of regret in life that we know we should do otherwise. I wasn’t alone Gabriel was with me.

I failed and I knew it.

Can’t say I didn’t know how it happens. Studied it myself. Social Psych taught me much. Stanley Milgrom was his name and he showed how the world how easily everyday people can fall down the path of disrepair, of disappointment, of dissolution. People wondered how the Germany people allowed the Holocaust to happen. Kitty Genovese screamed and cried, “Help”  all through the night. No one did anything, except turn on lights and open doors. Her attacker left and came back. Being closed-eye bystanders we become.

We walk by people all the time. We ignore the ones with the signs. We shake our heads“No” as a mother comes in to Panera with her son, asking for money. We can’t even look them in the eyes.  We refuse to look. No, not in the eyes. Eyes are where we connect. It's them eyes where my soul meets yours. I don't connect. Making connection. . .that connection. . .Woe is us that we can’t look people in the eye. See their eyes, study the pain in their face. Woe is us. We are strong and we can't help with their pain. Can’t face your problems. It may become mine. Its my physical denial. I pretend others will help. I pretend that I can't help. I pretend there is something wrong with you. I pretend . . .

My problem is staring me in the face. Its not just their problem, it is all our problem. A bad paycheck, a poor performance review, and an angry and we can find ourselves being on the other side of that stare.

In Norse folklore, Odin, King of the Gods, would test the compassion of humans. Disguising himself as a wayward traveler. If the family took him in was nice and hospitable, a gift would be left.  If they were rude, the family's life would not be pleasant.

It is in the look in the eyes. It’s how we connect. When we fail to connect, we not only let others down, we let down the Big Smile. True, we have difficulty looking at the down trodden. We can do something, but don’t. Yes, we don’t. A simple act can make a world of difference. It’s we just don’t. Perhaps we were duped before. Perhaps we had not the means. Perhaps we didn't let the wayward stranger in, and our lives are now not pleasant. 

We don’t hold ourselves accountable for one another. We don’t make that step. That next step. I failed, like many of others have failed. A cry for help and we turned a blind’s eye. I did this. I did this. I did this. I did not listen to the Gabriel screaming at me and I fear that it will come back to me. This is a selfish fear. Dharma may come back to me to teach a lesson I should have embraced.  I am afraid of something happening to my nephew, my nieces, my Em. I fear being homeless and not receiving forgiveness. I fear not doing the right thing and not having a family. I fear xenophobes. I fear atrocities done in name of religion. 

I fear I become what I am afraid to look at. 

Frank Capra and Dragonflies

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Let History Judge

It’s a Wonderful Life--Soon, this movie should be hitting the airwaves in a month. This was a commercial flop given high production costs and the competition of other films. This movie was a considered a bust in its time.  However, this has become a movie classic. Listed by the AFI top 100 greatest movies. Movie lines, like, “When a bell rings, an Angel gets his wings” or "Remember no man is a failure who has friends.” make these movies unforgettable. It's A Wonderful Life

What If?

How would the world be without you presence? Think about an alternate reality based on your absence. Would it be better or worse? Would it have meaning? Would the acts you commit influence the ages?

People would like to think that the voice they carry has some meaning. Many would hope that the left they took, instead of right, played a part in deciding the course in the history of humanity. Why would anybody get out of bed if it didn’t. Many don’t.

So why should you?

(LONG PAUSE)

Somewhere Out There. . .

This took some time to answer. Absent of praise, absent of comment, absent of action has an effect.  Something will fill this void.  At times, good. At times, bad. Truth is Everything Counts. After you read this post, consider your actions, your thoughts, your feelings. Maybe not now. Maybe not later. But somewhere, the dragonfly flapping its wings in China will have caused a tsunami on the other side of the world. (Heather Wolf, Dragonfly was for you)

To Be or Not To Be

Look at your actions now. Click "Like" on Facebook or post a comment and poof strangers around the world have something to say. This is good. What you do with it, that is your gift. When people choose to remain silent, this too has an effect.  Too often, not pleasant.

He Stood Carrying Bags of Groceries

One of the most memorable things in my life happened on the other side of the Pacific some years back. A man carrying plastic bags of groceries stood up to four tanks. Alone in the middle of the street. There he stood.  Tanks would move to the left to get around this crazy man. He moved alone with his groceries in front of the metal giants.  Tanks banked right. Tianneman man countered, still holding the plastic bags. In front of them, he held his ground. Four tanks. This was ridiculous sight. I cried.

A saying comes to mind. The nail that stands up will get hammered down.

We all have voice. An important one. We can never know the effect that we have on others. Our view is limited. Some would say our capacity to know is tied to the amount of field in our view.  We, all too often, do not have all the information.  We never will.

Its a Mystery, but Things Work Out

Some things are true whether you believe or not. Our history has all too often proven this. World flat, Columbus discovering America (There were many before him), and so on. Some had faith to stand up and challenge dogma and long-held paradigms that were simply no longer true. I am sure Tianneman Man did not know what his actions had an effect on my psyche in Boston at the time.

Clarence

Thing is we cannot suffer through analysis paralysis.  Some believed in something more. Some took that act of faith and jumped.  Like Clarence, the Angel in It’s a Wonderful Life, he jumped to save another.  We need to do this at times. I am not saying stand in front of four tanks or jump into freezing cold river. I am saying, We need Heroes. We need to realize that others out there matter. Especially the one in the mirror.

What Are We

It is our gift to act. To think. To feel. To be. To Love. Read a snippet at the Wayfarers Chapel.  “People are essentially clothed are spirits clothed with material bodies.” If you have heard of Qigong, If you have ever heard of Kirlian photography, if you have watched a Star Wars movie, If you believe in a religion, then you know there is a Force. It flows. It runs through us, in us, and with us.

You matter.  They matter. We all matter. One voice by itself is beautiful Several voices in harmony that is a symphony. A Balance must be struck between the needs of the many and the needs of the few. 

It Matters, All of It

So when you start feeling and thinking that what you are doing is ridiculous and have no “commercial value.” Consider this, ridiculous as it seems. A dragonfly on the other of the world flapped its wings and its effects may have caused a tsunami around the world. A man with a bag of groceries stood in front of four tanks and would not let them pass. A movie considered a commercial flop would become one of AFI top 100 movies. A person challenged conventional thinking and now we have Dish TV and the Internet (That doesn’t fit) That doesn’t matter.  Wait, it does matter. I was just testing you. 

We Need You

You matter. It all does. So stand up. Jump. Speak. Shout. Think. Feel. Act. Love.  Just don’t be absent. The world needs ya. We all do.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good (persons) do nothing’

Made with Love. . .

Three Little Words
“Made with Love” that was what she said. A simple thing that made my Chicken Habanera Panini taste better. After staring at the menu of Camille for several minutes, I’ve tried everything before and found it a little bland and uninspiring. 

These simple three words—with a smile, of course--made my lunch memorable. Locked in on the task,  lost in the mechanism of the day, I found myself jolted. When the server brought me my food and when she said that, it got me tongue tied. How a dash of love can make the world better place. How we forget that this simple mantra can make the difference. “Made with love” A tag. This stamp. Words to live by. “Made with Love.”

What do you everyday that isn’t made with love? Lots, huh? Yesterday, I found myself at the foot at Angel’s Flight. Out the entrance of Grand Central Market, I saw what looked like a trolley. Nothing special, but it was calling me. 

Heaven On Earth
Angel’s Flight was closed down for a few years because of an accidental death, I saw somewhere that it was recently reopened. Not an incredibly long ride. Thirty seconds or so. Just a short jaunt up Bunker Hill in Downtown LA. It seemed appropriate. It was uplifting. A ride that would cost a mere quarter, it made me realize that we have a Heaven on Earth if we only put that stamp, “Made with Love” I am sure it would be even better.

Like Most Cities
You see Downtown LA, is like many metropolitan areas. It has their share of Homeless people. Saw a man, a broken man sitting on a bench across the street staring at the front of Grand Central Market. Thinking of food and shelter, I assume. He was unwashed, unshaven, un-a lot of stuff. An older man who at one time was a healthy young man. 

Fallen Heroes
Read somewhere a third of homeless people were veterans. Sad, how we let our young sons and daughters fall in disrepair? Not knowing the situation and not usually being a bleeding heart, we better all be bleeding-hearts because a too many of us could be paycheck or two away and we could find ourselves in the same predicament.

Buddha Basics
Went to Saturday morning mass at Saint Marys today.  Thought to myself, this message can’t be new. You see, I find myself exploring many religions, thinking of Faith and the Big Smile. It is our lives we make and live.

It says in the basic tenets of Buddhism, that the life we live goes through 8 stages. First two are of our past life. The last two are of our next one. The middle four is of our own doing. Makes sense to me. 

It is said we chose our parents based on the life we built before depending on the Karma we accumulated. Last two stages prepares us for the next one. Depending on how we did in the middle, we shall see what Karmic points we banked on. What choices have we made to make our stay on Gaea better?

Inside
What have we done to make this world a better place? For what is a Man that Does not make the world a better place. “You are not what you were born, but what you have it in yourself to be.”—Another quote from Kingdom of Heaven. YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WERE BORN, BUT WHAT YOU HAVE IT IN YOURSELF TO BE. Again, YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WERE BORN, BUT WHAT YOU HAVE IT YOURSELF TO BE. Guess, I write this thrice because something deep inside tells me so. I say write this down, commit it to memory, burn the paper that you wrote it down, and then burn the words to memory. Let it not to be forgotten.

What Frightens Us. . .
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. “(Another quotes from a movie, I let you guess)

Downtown Dancer
As I rode up and down Angel’s Flight I saw a lady dancing. (She is on the corner of the picture) Didn’t notice her at first. She was hidden by the overhang of blooming red flowers. She was at the base of the Bunker Hill. Off in her world. Homeless, I assume by the unwashed, stained clothes she wore. Form fitting, she went through a dance warm up. She danced a refrained flirtatious dance. Not pole-dancing, but it would not surprise me if she had been a exotic dancer. There’s no doubt that she had some ballet and jazz training. A friend of mine was a dancer and the way she moved reminded me of her.

Felt a little sad, for the homeless, “down-on-her-luck” dancer. Yet, not so much. She was doing her thing in this little spot of the world. Perhaps, she suffered the evils of a drug lifestyle? Perhaps, a troubled upbringing? Perhaps, I don’t know.

On this sun bright day, here at the steps of Heaven’s Flight, under the green Camino Real Bell, there she danced. Don’t know if she knew I was watching. Don’t think she much cared. She was smiling, I think. Never saw her face, but the way her hands raised to the sky, the way her torso popped in a circle, the way she graced this watcher made me think of the blooming flowers in the wild, away from civilization. Hidden away from man.

Miracles Everywhere, Pay Attention
The green Camino Real Bells were markers for the California Mission travelers. It gave followers a guide to various Spanish Missions up and down the California coastline. It showed people the way.

Thought "How Ironic? A down-and-out dancer at the base of Angel's Flight under the Bell that gave weary travelers hope. Reminded me of the story the Prostitute that washed Jesus Christ's feet with her hair. Having little means, this weary traveler dancers here. All these things at that moment seemed to be telling me something. Felt lucky to catch this moment in time. Been having these moments with the Big Smile. Guess, I'm lucky to catch them.

Doesn't Need Validation
Is it beautiful if no one is watching? It is beautiful because it is beautiful. Things existed before you and I were here. It does not need us to validate its existence. However, if there is an audience, the experience is shared. When we share, allowing others to know each other, it gives us the wherewithal to be better. It allows us to escape these sins of jealousy, lust, and ignorance. It allows us to be great because we are great.

Let Others Follow
By letting ourselves shine, we give permission to others to also shine. Letting our children, the one’s before us to be great. Letting the ones to be great we are reminded that we can be more than what the chains that binds us. Perhaps, it is these chains we put on ourselves—emotionally, physically, mentally. Perhaps it is the chain others try to put on us. If we allow them to be loosed, if we remember that feeling of freedom, if we are reminded of liberty and independence, then perhaps we will be reminded of our interdependence and duty to each other.

Back to the ABC's
Like one of the tenets espoused of so many religions, we are responsible for what we do. So British Petroleum (BP), so politicians, so the man in the man (or woman) in the mirror, we are responsible. We may not have caused it, but it is our job to fix it. What we make of this world is our responsibility? It’s our stuff. If we can’t conquer the ABC’s of Homelessness, Racism, Religious Intolerance, Starvation, Drug Abuse and the ilk, then how are we going to deal with the hard stuff?

Our Ability Is So Much More
Its Heavy stuff, but that is okay. We are powerful beyond measure. We have the capacity of many great things and our learning curve is fast. Kindergarten to PhD in seconds. Not a problem. If we can make it through two World Wars, if we can send a man to the Moon, if we can split the atom, if we can copy the Human genome, if we can make a Magical Kingdom in the OC (Disneyland, if you didn't know) then we can do just about anything. Our knowledge of everything is said to double every five years.

Still, if we can only we remember the basic. Stuff we do is better if its “Made with Love.” Guess, we got to work on that.

Day to remember those that were bigger

A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself--Joseph Campbell

Starts with a post

Just got this quote from a Facebook post.  Thinking of all the friends and family members that were in the military on this Memorial Day. 2010. All those that serve this country for the protection of our freedom and liberty. For a time, the American People were not so nice to Veterans and this is a tough thing to swallow. Calling Korean and Vietnam veterans baby killers. Spitting on returning troops. Not paying soldiers for risking their lives in previous battles.

Military and Movies

Saw a movie, Stop Loss. It was a tough movie. Basically, the US Government said, "No, you can’t go just yet. Yes, you fulfilled your country’s duty. However, we just need you for a little longer." This last year the Academy Award winner was for movie call the Hurt Locker. It’s about bomb demolition specialist that goes back into the fray. It reminds me of part of the movie Black Hawk Down. At the end of the movie, one of the Rangers grabs a quick bite to eat and heads back into Mogadishu.  

Not Our Best Moment

There is something basic—very basic about the human condition. Here people can be so unkind to others. Regular people--you and me--with very noble intention to serve is rebuked and betrayed. A person consciously decides to withstand all the difficulties and fight for cause that is bigger than selves.  Yet return to with such. . .crap.  Just basic Crap. Fighting for your country, fighting for something bigger. They return--not to a hero’s welcome--but to crap, piss, and spit.It makes one give pause to stepping into the fray.

Scaling Mountains

This was not a country's best moments. Yet, when you see hero types, the unsung heroes that strap on and gets back in the fray. No fanfare. No medals. No rewards. Just the knowledge that they helped another. They climbed mountains and built something wonderful. This is what heroes are. You realize, "Hey, there is something more. I am part of his/her team, I am part of the human race. You realize you, too, can be a rock climber. I am part of that genome. I got hero in me, too." 

Green Angels Among Us

At times, we are faced with ugliness. When desperation and evil stares in the face, I find solace that others had the gravitas to be bigger than stupid individuals, hurt feelings, and displaced rage. They were able to stand up and step up to be bigger. To get higher, we need to remember on Memorial Day, we stand on the shoulders of giants.They are our base, our foundation.

Emissary Goats sent to Azazel

Who's Fault Is It Now? In Leviticus 16:8-10, Emissary goats--Scapegoats--were sent to Azazel.

Stupidity happens. Injustice occurs. Intolerance and Scapegoating is a historical fact. First it was immigrants for the country’s woes. It was the Indians. Then Asians. The Jews. Now it’s the Mexicans. Blaming someone else for the society's problem is not a new tactic. 

If we can remember, these scapegoating tactics were used against Jews, homosexuals, and anyone un-uberman-like. The United States fought World War II to stop concentration camps and the whole extermination of a people.

Before calling the kettle you know, let's not get too big-headed. America is not within its own evils. Slavery of Africans, taking of Native Americans lands and cultures, and internment camps of the Japanese Americans. Lets not forget Fred Korematsu and other Civil Rights leaders. Remember J. Adams? How about B. Franklin? T. Jefferson? G. Washington and the other signatories of the Declaration of Independence. You are right this what American soldiers fought and died for.

One could say it’s the politicians' fault. But that too would be the same scapegoating. French Revolution said that it was the riches fault for everything. Thanks Charles Dickens f Tale of Two Cities.

Before doing this I am reminded of not a well-known Jewish holiday, Erev Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is a big day to the Hebrews. Yom Kippur is a day for atoning for the sins against God. The day before Yom Kippur is Erev Yom Kippur. On this day people apologize and ask forgiveness from friends, relatives, and acquaintances to heal hurt feelings. In other words, before we ask Forgiveness from God, we ask it from each other. 

So What Do We Do?

Really, I am not sure.Wish I had the answer. I believe in the Sir Galahad theory. Before doing this, perhaps we can remember no one wants to be sent Azazel as emissary goats. Perhaps we can remember Erev Yom Kippur before we battle in the name of God. Perhaps we will not need to remember so many on this hallowed day

Possible Answer: Be an Eternal Flame

Fight for the causes you believe in. Stand up before the fight begins. If one can’t do that, then feel in your heart.  In time, we may learn that we are all connected. In time, we may be friends. Maybe in time we learn to eat, play, and celebrate together.  Dalai Lama said that we need more festivals. Maybe this is true. Eat and celebrate together. We get to see our neighbor in the eye. We need to see that fire for life. We got to be that Eternal Flame.

Sweeping changes may be needed. Flood, plague, and fire have been used for the cleaning of house. Right now our world is bleeding and BP can’t seem to plug up this hole. Spilling of our oceans is killing us and our world. Volcanoes are spewing ash in the sky. Earthquakes are saying that there's a time for change. Don’t want to get Armageddon -ish. It’s not my thing. Death happens to us all. What I am saying is that we should remember--and more importantly--learn from the past. You know the rest of the saying.

Another Possible Solution: Marine Motto Semper Fidelis means Always Faithful. Faith is defined as a fidelity to one's promise. According to Merriman-Webster dictionary Faith does not simply define "belief and trust and loyalty God." It stands as an allegiance to duty and others. It is our duty. Our duty in believing as people--and more importantly--as a person that we (I) can and should do better. On this Memorial Day, the Fallen have given “. . .the last full measure of devotion”—Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address.

We need to remember. It is our duty to remember. It is our duty to respect. To stand up and be bigger than ourselves.  Perhaps with this, this simple belief and acceptance that we are more similar than different, then maybe we can fix these things hurting ourselves and our world.

First it is a feeling.  A recognition of right and wrong. Your soul will tell you what is. Just have to listen. A thought will manifest itself to a belief. Next an action.

Another Solution: Remembering

If we can remember “It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.” Gettysburg Address, Lincoln again. 

Saw a movie (Yes, another movie) Taking Chance. A simple story about a Marine volunteering to do Escort Duty for a Fallen Soldier. He is met acts of kindness and respect on their journey home. So let me be simple and start. Russell, Mike C., M. Jones, Marvin, Dad, and others in the military--Thank you on this hallowed day, Memorial Day.

My Hero was Born on the Fourth of July

Complications. . .
My hero is a junior high girl named Prece. On the Fourth of July thirteen years ago, we were ten minutes away from to Las Vegas. Bright lights filled the dark, desert horizon. I remember hearing the cell phone ring. Got a phone call from my brother and soon-to-be-first-time Dad Kevin. Could only hear bits and pieces, “Aspirated. . . Complications. . .Not good.” Saw my mother’s face and knew  reunion had to be next year. 

Last Time I Saw My Brother Cry. . .
Four hours later, we were on the pediatric floor of AV Hospital. Saw both Kev and Luz’s heads down. Shoulders hunched, their bodies were sobbing from a hundred feet away.  Been years since I seen my baby brother cry. Last time was after he played his last college football game.

Talking to Angels
What I remember next was seeing baby Prece helicoptered away. Wasn’t sure if there was going to be happy ending. Still remember the whole floor crying. Mom, Kev, Luz, Chelle, Gerry, Emma--everybody crying. Remember wiping tears from my eyes. Felt hollow inside. Just watched the helicopter climb into the clouds as I said "Goodbye." Never prayed before.

On that day, I did.

Prayers Answered
For the longest time, I believed being medi-vaced made all the difference. Prece carried all our prayers to God directly. Countless weeks later, attached to a heart-lung machine, encased in a glass incubator, “Precie” got better. Angels watched over her in Heaven and in the Pasadena NICU.

My Silver Surfer Still Flies
Prece still flies still today. She runs, too. Flips, twists, and back handsprings. Kaprece is my Hero because she is alive. When I watch her in gym, I reminded how Prayers are answered. I am reminded there are Angels on Earth. 

And Prece is one of them.

Balloon Therapy

D. Valdez--"It is ALWAYS GRANTED when asked for....

Couple days ago asked for Forgiveness. On Facebook. Couple of nights ago, got in a car accident.

Driving on Palmdale Boulevard at a quarter past eight at night. Just past the rotary and out of nowhere. . .it looked like a white boxer. Brown, too. It was to my right. It was dark. Driving 50. It happened in a split second.

Moving On Means Going Back, Too
All of sudden, Blam!!! Continued driving. Had this sinking feeling. Unfortunately, I’ve hit dogs before late at night, but this was different. Drove on. Got home, but couldn't stop. Decided to go back. Flipped a U-ie. Called the 911 to inform police to where the incident happened. Felt horrible. Why? Because I just kept going.

It was only 3 minutes there and back--I remember--since the accident happened. But needed to know that dog was not suffering. Emergency lights on, drove up and down the street twice looking for the dog. No blood. No dog. No nothing. When the officer arrived, we searched but could not find a thing. Nothing. 

Stopped under a light and got to see the dent to the right front bumper. It was good foot in length. Time for a new bumper. What troubled me the most is not the accident. Nor the deductible. It was not finding the dog. Just bothered me so. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t get mind off it. Remembering the crunch. Feeling of the steering wheel trying to correct the car after the swerve. Just wanted to ease my mind knowing that dog didn’t suffer much.

Salvation Is Not Always In Church
Logically knew there was not much more that could be done. Mind was straight, just my heart felt heavy. It was an accident, no one’s fault, but it weighed on me. Woke up the next morning, foregoing my walk and run. Just left the house. Found myself at St. Mary’s and just prayed. It was 6:40 am. Ten minutes in the morning mass.  I prayed, took communion, and then left still feeling uneasy.

Message From the Heaven
On the way to LCH, noticed from a distance a dot in the sky. Couldn't quite tell. what it was. Driving closer and closer to Lancaster, past Avenue N, past Avenue K, the dot got bigger and bigger. Got to the hospital. Sitting in the parking lot, pulled the Pentax out and started looking for that dot in the sky. Couldn't quite tell still. Its a Monday. No hot air balloons on a weekday. People are working. 

Using the zoom, I realized the dot in the sky was a hot air balloon. An uncommon sight. Usually it’s a Saturday or Sunday when balloons dot the sky. Today, there it was. Most people would be out working, but this day was different. Started noticing my heart feeling lighter. Guess, my prayers were heard. Right then, realized and accepted damage was done and needed to move on.

Junipero Serra's Missions: Looking Up, Moving On
Something about looking up in the sky, and watching hot air balloons. My mind understood, but my heart still felt heavy for the loss. My heart needed to let go. It needed to lighten. It hurt and it bothered me. But seeing the dot in the sky helped me moved on. Can’t erase this memory, but one can reconcile on the mistakes made. 

Took pictures of a hot air balloon that was down a day earlier. Saw its descent and its landing on a field. Saw the retrieval truck pick up the passengers on their landing. Saw how the retrieval team follow the balloon on the roads. It was dangerous because the balloon was on Avenue M, near the airport. Right in front where planes land. Saw how quickly they were able to pick up these people up in the heavens and take them home.Maybe this is how Angels work.

Hindu Temple, Karma
I hope that the Dog found peace. I hope that Dog had lived a good life. I hope that Angels were able to pick up this Dog and take it to Heaven, to take the dog Home. I hope the Dog will forgive me.

After some time, it made me realize that we make mistakes. Sometimes people cause accidents. Sometimes people are the victims of accidents. Asking for and giving Forgiveness is hard at times. Whether you go to Church or Temple, there is something transformative in the act of Forgiving. Learned that lesson well. 

Angels Everywhere
Been burdened with heavy heart for a time. Now, done my crying. Done my hurting. Working on being Done with the heavy heart. "No more" is the plan. Got to pick up and let my soul take flight. Brian, Em, Robin, and so on—I Love You dearly. Got to go. Got to go with God. You are always with me. I believe the Big Smile will bring us back together.

Someday. 

Maybe next time we can do it better.