More to the Story

Steve Nash—Divorces after Birth of Third Child.

This is Effed Up. He’s my favorite basketball player. What is up? I clicked to read more.Steve Nash Divorces After Birth of Child, An Off Putting Title Learned they have been separated for a few months and the process of marriage dissolution has been in the works for some time.  At times, I hate the bait and switch of sensation story writing. Must admit it works. I clicked. Made me realize these sensational story snippets is a hook and I got caught. 

But At This Moment. . .

Got me thinking this morning. Not to be so quick to judge. Enjoy the day. Sunday morning, sitting here at the new Panera, having an Jalapeno Asiago breakfast bagel sandwich. Downloading some pictures to FB. (Thanks Steve for compliment)  Tried working on my 5 things I am grateful for. Adopting this habit is important for me. On WordPress last night,  it was more challenging than my energies could marshal. Staying local today. No Beach run or Paley Museum.  Horoscope said it is a day of completion. Plus, home stuff needs attention.

It’s a beautiful day anyways. Yesterday, too. Manny Pacquiao won unanimous decision. Did some sightseeing in downtown LA and got some Thai food for dinner. This is what I am thankful for yesterday. In a couple of weeks, Thanksgiving is upon us. Spend time with family. Catch up. Eat watch the Lakers play. Maybe do a soup Kitchen. Enjoy others company. An entire day to be Thankful.

Self Analysis

Figured out why I visit so many museums of late. It hit me a couple days ago. Realized that this my recent fascination of art and sculptures stems from me compensating. A few months back, I was supposed to going be on a trip with M to the Getty Museum. It never happened. long story short, incommunicado. Still went. Spent hours at the Getty just taking pictures. Futilely filling the feeling of emptiness. It stirred me. Made me realized, I missed much. My Aunt Mary said, there are many artists in the family. From what I understand, she is fashion designer. Learned my grandfather was artist, too. Never really knew him. Wish I did. Learned that M enjoys art, too. That’s why I go.

My Coping Mechanism

From this, missed moment it has fueled my fire for history. Some personal and familial history. Don’t know how many museums I’ve visited this last year. From people at LCH, they tell me I go all the time. This is just compensatory.  Straight sublimation. There are more defense mechanisms I’m sure. Just Googled it.  This is how I cope.

Not Alone

My HR Management instructor once said, “Those with great strengths also have great weaknesses.” This always stuck. Made me wonder of all these Heroes, the people too good to be true.  Heroes we invest our Hopes and Dreams. Steve Nash divorcing, Rough.  When we learn they are human too, it brings one pause and makes us pay attention to our own stuff. There is comfort knowing we are in the same boat.

Manny Pacquiao won last night. What fuels his fire. In an HBO interview, Manny said, “He knows what it is like to be Nothing.”  From then on, I admired him more. He was very Human.  Not just a great fighter, but someone genuine.  Read that during the 11^th round, Manny looked at the referee, wondering are you going to stop this fight. He can’t see. Then Manny proceeded to NOT go for the Knockout. When I read this, Class Act. Not wanting cause more permanent physical damage.

Mind Wanders in Church

We all have some angst. Some thing that gnaws at us. We all have life issues. We have healthy ways handling stuff. Some aren’t so healthy. What used to bother me is that not being the best. If I wasn’t going to start, then I would find something that I would be varsity at. In time, it became humbling.  This need to be more than an honorable mention has been helpful and hurtful at times. In time, the need to be Elite has left. Now, I simply want to enjoy the people and time that I am with and let the rest take care of itself. Church yesterday got me thinking. Do all that I can and let God do the Rest.

. . .And Not

 I stole this from profile quote on FB from an old friend Marc, who got it from a movie 13^th Warrior. It helps me.  Merciful Father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things. This was not among them. But at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well. For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness.

If All Good Things Come to Those That Wait. . .

Life happens. Divorces. Bad choices. Computer problems. Plans of a perfect life are nice, but these life moments are the stuff we need. We need to get up when we fall down. We look at the situation. Analyze. Feel Bad. We suck it up and move on.

Why? We realize the next few minutes are really all we need. Life has a way or working itself out. Steve Nash, sorry for people sensationlizing a private matter. I hope this Axiom is True, Then the Opposite should also be true. If All Good Things Come to Those That Wait, then All Bad Things Leave To Those Ready To Move On.  

Ripples

Seven Pounds—Wil Smith stars as widowed contractor, who is on mission of redemption. Meeting various people throughout the movie, we discover his quirkiness is well planned and incredibly difficult for family and friend. Movie watchers discover at the end his last act was arranged and the myriad people he met were to benefit in his passing. Guilt-ridden for one dark night, he has been living his life these last few months for the preparation of this act. This act that will live past. In hopes to bring balance. 

A sad, but affirming movie, we learn that he is making amends for that life changing night. Movie Seven Pounds relates to pounds of flesh one must exact for that night.

Sometimes, it happens in an instance. A truck makes a quick turn not noticing the tiny car in the next lane. It happens when an inebriated driver makes a poor choice. It happens when four college-bound youths fall victim to the erroneous belief of invulnerability. 

It sometimes a slow, oh so slow, series of decisions. It is the decisions that by doing this and doing that, it will make things ultimately better. Unfortunately, the price for these choices is the precious love and joy of the one, the only one.

Looking back, I understand. Hated the choices he made. Hated the choices I made. Hated the way events turned out. There is some meaning, I know it. Actually, I hope for this all to have meaning. I would say that there is nothing I would pay to get these moments back with him. Blinded by denial, anger, bargaining, and depression by all these decisions. I would pay.

Things is, I can’t.

Not in this lifetime. Truth is I didn't pay the price. Here is what is left. Buyers remorse. Moment has passed. Perhaps, Cognitive Dissonance will get me through. Tend to believe the Big Smile will give me what I need at the time when I needed. These moments, these posts, I hope some day will help others to look deeper, to look wider, to look within. 

Listening to the climactic bathroom scene of the Seven Pounds. All the mysteries of the movie are revealed. As one life ends, another one. . .no,another Seven begins.

I am now a calm, blue pool. No wind just mirrored blue. One can see the clouds overhead. A slight morning breeze passes. Small ripples refract causing a series of circles to intersect forming more circles. A small vibration here and there and the ripples of our lives are impacted. Sometimes we are the soft wind that causes ripples in other lives. Sometimes we are beneficent of this wave. There are less than nice intentions sent out. This is due, to an angry, hurtful tune. At times, this can be screeching and horrible and ugly. Yet, these moments tests us. It is these dark times of despair, that makes us realize how wonderful we are. How wonderful life is. How wonderful an ugly tune can reminds us that there is so much beautiful.

I believe there is purpose. Ugly at how life seems at times, there is cause. there is purpose. There is meaning. Cause if none of these things were not true, than this all random, meaningless jibe. Just a whole bunch of crap. Maybe this deluded, however, if you are gambler, I tend to be more optimistic of events. It is something that will be revealed.

Best that we can do is make due. Sometimes we do not reach that goal. In the end, there is no end. It is the journey. A chapter of an infinite moments. Some say there are landmark moments, and that may be true. However, the more I write. The more I discover these moments are all landmarks. Each moment is a refractions of others before. Critical mass is every second. It is every moment. In every everything.

Day to remember those that were bigger

A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself--Joseph Campbell

Starts with a post

Just got this quote from a Facebook post.  Thinking of all the friends and family members that were in the military on this Memorial Day. 2010. All those that serve this country for the protection of our freedom and liberty. For a time, the American People were not so nice to Veterans and this is a tough thing to swallow. Calling Korean and Vietnam veterans baby killers. Spitting on returning troops. Not paying soldiers for risking their lives in previous battles.

Military and Movies

Saw a movie, Stop Loss. It was a tough movie. Basically, the US Government said, "No, you can’t go just yet. Yes, you fulfilled your country’s duty. However, we just need you for a little longer." This last year the Academy Award winner was for movie call the Hurt Locker. It’s about bomb demolition specialist that goes back into the fray. It reminds me of part of the movie Black Hawk Down. At the end of the movie, one of the Rangers grabs a quick bite to eat and heads back into Mogadishu.  

Not Our Best Moment

There is something basic—very basic about the human condition. Here people can be so unkind to others. Regular people--you and me--with very noble intention to serve is rebuked and betrayed. A person consciously decides to withstand all the difficulties and fight for cause that is bigger than selves.  Yet return to with such. . .crap.  Just basic Crap. Fighting for your country, fighting for something bigger. They return--not to a hero’s welcome--but to crap, piss, and spit.It makes one give pause to stepping into the fray.

Scaling Mountains

This was not a country's best moments. Yet, when you see hero types, the unsung heroes that strap on and gets back in the fray. No fanfare. No medals. No rewards. Just the knowledge that they helped another. They climbed mountains and built something wonderful. This is what heroes are. You realize, "Hey, there is something more. I am part of his/her team, I am part of the human race. You realize you, too, can be a rock climber. I am part of that genome. I got hero in me, too." 

Green Angels Among Us

At times, we are faced with ugliness. When desperation and evil stares in the face, I find solace that others had the gravitas to be bigger than stupid individuals, hurt feelings, and displaced rage. They were able to stand up and step up to be bigger. To get higher, we need to remember on Memorial Day, we stand on the shoulders of giants.They are our base, our foundation.

Emissary Goats sent to Azazel

Who's Fault Is It Now? In Leviticus 16:8-10, Emissary goats--Scapegoats--were sent to Azazel.

Stupidity happens. Injustice occurs. Intolerance and Scapegoating is a historical fact. First it was immigrants for the country’s woes. It was the Indians. Then Asians. The Jews. Now it’s the Mexicans. Blaming someone else for the society's problem is not a new tactic. 

If we can remember, these scapegoating tactics were used against Jews, homosexuals, and anyone un-uberman-like. The United States fought World War II to stop concentration camps and the whole extermination of a people.

Before calling the kettle you know, let's not get too big-headed. America is not within its own evils. Slavery of Africans, taking of Native Americans lands and cultures, and internment camps of the Japanese Americans. Lets not forget Fred Korematsu and other Civil Rights leaders. Remember J. Adams? How about B. Franklin? T. Jefferson? G. Washington and the other signatories of the Declaration of Independence. You are right this what American soldiers fought and died for.

One could say it’s the politicians' fault. But that too would be the same scapegoating. French Revolution said that it was the riches fault for everything. Thanks Charles Dickens f Tale of Two Cities.

Before doing this I am reminded of not a well-known Jewish holiday, Erev Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is a big day to the Hebrews. Yom Kippur is a day for atoning for the sins against God. The day before Yom Kippur is Erev Yom Kippur. On this day people apologize and ask forgiveness from friends, relatives, and acquaintances to heal hurt feelings. In other words, before we ask Forgiveness from God, we ask it from each other. 

So What Do We Do?

Really, I am not sure.Wish I had the answer. I believe in the Sir Galahad theory. Before doing this, perhaps we can remember no one wants to be sent Azazel as emissary goats. Perhaps we can remember Erev Yom Kippur before we battle in the name of God. Perhaps we will not need to remember so many on this hallowed day

Possible Answer: Be an Eternal Flame

Fight for the causes you believe in. Stand up before the fight begins. If one can’t do that, then feel in your heart.  In time, we may learn that we are all connected. In time, we may be friends. Maybe in time we learn to eat, play, and celebrate together.  Dalai Lama said that we need more festivals. Maybe this is true. Eat and celebrate together. We get to see our neighbor in the eye. We need to see that fire for life. We got to be that Eternal Flame.

Sweeping changes may be needed. Flood, plague, and fire have been used for the cleaning of house. Right now our world is bleeding and BP can’t seem to plug up this hole. Spilling of our oceans is killing us and our world. Volcanoes are spewing ash in the sky. Earthquakes are saying that there's a time for change. Don’t want to get Armageddon -ish. It’s not my thing. Death happens to us all. What I am saying is that we should remember--and more importantly--learn from the past. You know the rest of the saying.

Another Possible Solution: Marine Motto Semper Fidelis means Always Faithful. Faith is defined as a fidelity to one's promise. According to Merriman-Webster dictionary Faith does not simply define "belief and trust and loyalty God." It stands as an allegiance to duty and others. It is our duty. Our duty in believing as people--and more importantly--as a person that we (I) can and should do better. On this Memorial Day, the Fallen have given “. . .the last full measure of devotion”—Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address.

We need to remember. It is our duty to remember. It is our duty to respect. To stand up and be bigger than ourselves.  Perhaps with this, this simple belief and acceptance that we are more similar than different, then maybe we can fix these things hurting ourselves and our world.

First it is a feeling.  A recognition of right and wrong. Your soul will tell you what is. Just have to listen. A thought will manifest itself to a belief. Next an action.

Another Solution: Remembering

If we can remember “It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.” Gettysburg Address, Lincoln again. 

Saw a movie (Yes, another movie) Taking Chance. A simple story about a Marine volunteering to do Escort Duty for a Fallen Soldier. He is met acts of kindness and respect on their journey home. So let me be simple and start. Russell, Mike C., M. Jones, Marvin, Dad, and others in the military--Thank you on this hallowed day, Memorial Day.

Here I Am. . .

You spend time on what’s important. If you’re not, then you may want to ask yourself why?

Took a photo Sunday. It’s a pretty remarkable one. I am not going to say what it is. You are just going to have to decide for yourself. Made a decision after wards, no, it’s more of a flash. I have those at times. I am just listening to them more often. Had a friend give me an honest opinion on something I have had some reservation on something I am doing. I still have reservations. It was honest and has a great deal of merit. This person I trust and have known for years. I hold her opinion in great confidence. Yet, I think I will go on. 

 As for one of decisions, I made. Decided I will not post sunrises and sunsets on Facebook anymore. I will still wake up every morning and take time out of my day to view the sunrise and sunset. Its not that I won’t do it again. Its just that I will take a sabbatical. Decided not to post sunrise/ sunset pictures for a few weeks. I have a date in mind, but you will have to keep posted I guess. (April sometime) Also, decided to stop eating beef and pork. Dalai Lama/ Glitter thing. Plus, I need to get back on track. Been off for couple of weeks. Getting off the track for a little while. Nothing purposeful, nothing disturbing. Its just I need a bit of a course correction. Need some cocooning before I spread my wings in the future.

Been taking more time on everything. Not that I have more time. I am just taking more time in the moment. This morning decided to enjoy every bite of breakfast. Scrambled eggs. Tater tots. Bagel with butter and strawberry preserves. It feels a bit awkward with no meat. I like beacon. I like Korean BBQ. I like Tacos. Before I knew it I realized some people-without savor every bite because they do not know when that next  bite will be.

Sunday Drove to Downtown LA from Riverside National Cemetery to have breakfast at Catch-21 in downtown. Area is a few blocks outside some troubled areas. Just wanted some Fish and rice for breakfast.  New England Clam chowder, too. Love shrimp, too. Reminds me a bit of Faneuil Hall in Boston

Wasn’t able to fit some things this weekend, but still it was a memorable weekend. Thankfully, it has been many memorable weekends lately. Everyday has been more memorable. What troubles me when ever I hear this is, Ugly Mondays. Thanks Big Smile for the weekend. Its Hump Day.  I mean why is there so much enjoyment placed on the weekend. It’s just if one focuses on three days of the week, what about the other four days. If you need to take a break, take a break. If you are not happy in the job you’re in, quit. Do something else. If it no longer feels right, and you don’t foresee something better. If the reward, does not justify the expenditure, then this does not seem, well, smart. 

Everyday can be a celebration. Instead of dreading heading to work. Dread not working. Dreading a commute. Dread missing the opportunity to change the radio station or change the route. Some people have only one way. Some still have cassettes radios. In Downtown, I have seen the downtrodden. I remember driving past Skid Row picking a son's friend at the bus station. I thank every moment that  could be worse than I am.

I still take my G-Time. I take my moment with the sunsets and sunrises. I still take pictures. We all have a sunset. We will all meet our sunsets. Take that weekend away. When you do that, everyday will be a weekend day. Then everyday will be a Day. Every will be a moment. Every moment will be a lifetime. Start small. You'll notice how big things are. Like you. You'll notice you are a Giant. Your gaze will be far when you start looking near.

At any rate, there are signs for all of us to do something. It’s just are you ready? Things are not always how they seem; things do no turn always turn how we hope. Sometimes, they are better. 

Stand Up. You Are Not Alone, You Stand On the Shoulders of Your Ancestors

Principle and the Person: Are They One In The Same?
Sitting in Barnes & Noble watching “Nothing, but the Truth.” It’s a movie about the courage of reporter played Kate Beckinsale that was sent to jail. She held to her conviction and was jailed for almost three year for holding onto her beliefs. She held in the face of mortal harm—in the face of the weight of the government—in the face of troubled marriage--She held her ground. I am sure she would have done many things differently. Yet she held to a noble belief. Alan Alda playing the attorney that represented her through her incarceration had line that will stick me for awhile. The line was, ” I am representing you and not representing (your) principles.” Later in circumspect he said, “There is no difference between the principle and the person.”

What does this mean? If one has no principle, than one is not a person. In many ways, I find solace and strength in this belief. Certain beliefs, certain principles, certain faiths—these abstractions are the stuff of who we are. If we do not hold on or cherish these thought—these beliefs--these abstract concepts--we are no longer something more. We are simply the action and reaction of events. We are the nature/ nurture conundrum. We are simply the result. We are not something more. We are just the end results of previous events.

No Heart And No Soul—Nothing, But Chemical Reactions and Behavior Modifications.
I fall back on the “Defense of God” argument that was written earlier. We are the man-made concepts that describe things. We are cold—the absence of heat. We are darkness—the absence of light. We are evil—the absence of the Big Smile. Freedom, faith, love, hate, belief are just man-made concepts that gets us through the nights. Lies and fables that molds us to follow certain behavior. Hammurabi’s code, US Constitution, the Bible, Koran, the Torah—All this would mean that the stories are nothing, but management how-to book. The stories and fables are just a model of the human animal’s behavior.

No Convictions And No Soul Equals No Person
Can’t help but think we are nothing without conviction. If this true, it sends chills down my spine and through my soul. Analyze the person in the mirror. Who is he? Who is she?

I say a person of a conviction must stand. To be more, he needs to believe he is more. He needs to believe that he is part of something more. If it is a genetic program hardwired in our DNA, if it is a millennium of social engineering shaped by mythology and societal dogma, then let it be. Like re-writing the text, re-writing the program, let us remake who we are to be something more. We need to believe in order to achieve. See it, be it.

Be the Nail That Stands Up. Fear Not the Hammer
I say stand. Be the nail that tries to get hammered down. Be the one standing for something to believe in. Realize one thing you are not alone. You will never be alone. One will never be alone. Can you stand in the fire? Can you stand under the light? Can you stand alone on a belief?

Amistad—Stolen People, Stolen Story
Again, I steal. Not intentionally. This concept arose from a movie that moved me. The film was Amistad. Please watch this movie on the human spirit. It was not my intention to steal this film’s moral of the story. As I started writing, the moral revealed itself. Amistad encapsulates the human spirit to be more than what was before them. To grow, to develop, to evolve into something better, something grander—this is our charge.

Person and His Convictions Are Not Separate, But Irrefutably Infused
Are you and your principles separate or they infused? I argue there is a difference between being and intelligent person versus being a wise person. For me, knowing something is right and doing something right are often not the same act.

This link below is the movie speech that moved me. I hope you take time to watch and listen to moral of this story. http://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/moviespeechamistadjqadams.html

Be more. Be your own Hero. Stand up. John Quincy Adams stated “. . .When a member of the Mende encounters a situation where there appears no hope at all, he invokes his ancestors. It's a tradition. See, the Mende believe that if one can summon the spirits of one's ancestors, then they have never left, and the wisdom and strength they fathered and inspired will come to his aid.” Stand up you are not alone. You stand on the shoulders of your ancestors.

Defense of the Big Smile

(Borrowed from the internet. Several sites have this)
Does evil exist?

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists? A student bravely replied, "Yes, he did!"

"God created everything? The teacher asked.

"Yes sir", the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil". The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name — Albert Einstein.