Decalogue

Series 0-2

Lakers lost again. Two at home for the semi-finals. Doesn’t look good for the series. Dallas is taking it to them. Haven’t watched. It makes me ill. I can hear the screams and shouts of disgust outside the house.Too little, too late. Can’t listen to sports radio the day after they lose. Dallas, come on. In a way, I am not too surprised by their performance. The year has had its share of its disappointments. Now the Lakers will be playing on the road. Three games. Can’t tell you it looks good. Looks dark.

Doubts leak into one’s confidence. Body language scream frustration. . .disgust. . .anger. I can hear the screams of other Lakers fans in the desert sky. Much love should be given to the three-time Finalist and back to back champion. Perhaps, they have run out of gas. Maybe this good team is not destined for more. Maybe there is no more blood pumping in their hearts.

I know what it feels like when this happens. You go on a great run and then it feels like the bottom drops. High expectations and then a fall. It is hard when good is simply not good enough. The slow decline. Or quick drop off. Nadir feels heavy. Doubters’ voices raise and we learn when fair-weather friends show their true colors. We discover who has one’s back.

Thor

Mjollnir is the fabled hammer of Thor. Built by master dwarves, this creation had the power to heal, to destroy, and to create. Held by the hero-god Thor it was presented as the master weapon. Read many issues of the Nordic God in the Marvel Universe. Blonde-Haired, blue eyed, red caped. Built like a tank. Battled frost giants and saved damsels in distress. He rode a chariot in the sky, pulled by two goats. Tooth-Gnasher and Tooth-Grinder. He wore a belt of strength and iron gloves that allowed him to hold lightning, In some art, he is said to have red hair. He was son of Odin and Earth. Very large and very strong. His demeanor was trusting and short fuse with beserker rage.

Comics Come Alive to Big Screen

Friday Thor the Movie comes out. It is one of the latest Comic movies hitting this season. Heard from one person on Facebook that it was weak. Hope this is not true, but I am one to find out for myself.  There has been a good run of late. Spider-Man trilogy was true to form and the special effects were outstanding. X-Men, Fantastic Four, Blade, two Hulks, a couple of Iron Mens, Daredevil, Electra, Wolverine. Captain America is coming out soon. Plus, Green Lantern trailers have been hitting with some regularity. (Green Lantern is different Genre Universe). Hope the comics I loved still has energy and good story pumping in them.

Heroes Fall. Heroes Followed. Heroes Rise

One thing I’ve learned about comics is that Heroes fall. They are faced with certain truths. Truth about themselves. Truth about others. Truth about the nature of the universe and beyond. It shakes a person’s core. Heroes lose sometimes. They live, they die, they come back. They get defeated and more often than naught, they survive, and thrive. One popular theme is an Anti-hero manifests itself and the hero again is faced the darker side of his/ her nature. It’s a bit troubling to see, but what is hero without something to overcome. Without something to pursue.

What I like about the Sports is the drama of the story. Lakers for a  minute we’re unbeatable. Expectation of success is set high and when the one you are cheering for one that doesn’t meet what you expect. There is a let down. A disappointment.  We lose Faith.

FAB, Truth Shines

A phenomenon occurs. Its called FAB. Fundamental Attribution Bias. We tend to identify with certain teams, heroic figures, athletes. When the team win, it is unmistakable. Go to any sporting event, basketball, football, soccer. People will say, “We won” As if they play the game. As if they had hours on the playing field practicing. As if they made the winning basket or caught the winning touchdown. On the flipside, when the team loses. What do most people say, “They lost.” No we lost. They lost.

Fans Follow Idols, Not Worship Them

Its funny on how people identify themselves with success, but when there is failure or defeat, Disassociation occurs. Guess, this is why some fanatics—be they sports fans, Oprah watcher, comic book lover, trekker, porn star, or American Idolist—become what they are. Not sure if it is good or not. We do what we do.

We can follow heroes. We can aspire to be like others. However, worshipping another is Big “No No” We are born as so many men (and women), we must still follow our own path. It is the way. It is the Tao. Our lives are own. We must live with the consequence of our actions, of our choices. Our destiny is our own. How we face it is what makes us. In the end, I hope Lakers will triumph. I am pretty sure I will like the Thor movie and I will let Faith guide me.  

Decalogue

In Decalogue, a set of moral standards is given. Expectations are abound and when we do not meet these expectations are not met a disappointment occurs. So when one talks of the Decalogue (Wikipedia it) we can understand why the Big Smile is disappointed.  Imagine if the Big Smile stopped cheering for us. It is through these time, where Faith is found and forged. This is what I’ve discovered what Faith is. It’s getting through these tough times when we fall less than.

It is cheering when the one we love falters. When we aren’t perfect, we are tested. Faith is a promise like saying, "I Love You." People sometimes breaks this agreement. Turning our back hurts. However, we can return. It is what Faith and Love is. Still, it’s a Covenant to stick, a promise to be there. As humans, we will fall and this is what we shall strive for and fight for. We should become better.   

More to the Story

Steve Nash—Divorces after Birth of Third Child.

This is Effed Up. He’s my favorite basketball player. What is up? I clicked to read more.Steve Nash Divorces After Birth of Child, An Off Putting Title Learned they have been separated for a few months and the process of marriage dissolution has been in the works for some time.  At times, I hate the bait and switch of sensation story writing. Must admit it works. I clicked. Made me realize these sensational story snippets is a hook and I got caught. 

But At This Moment. . .

Got me thinking this morning. Not to be so quick to judge. Enjoy the day. Sunday morning, sitting here at the new Panera, having an Jalapeno Asiago breakfast bagel sandwich. Downloading some pictures to FB. (Thanks Steve for compliment)  Tried working on my 5 things I am grateful for. Adopting this habit is important for me. On WordPress last night,  it was more challenging than my energies could marshal. Staying local today. No Beach run or Paley Museum.  Horoscope said it is a day of completion. Plus, home stuff needs attention.

It’s a beautiful day anyways. Yesterday, too. Manny Pacquiao won unanimous decision. Did some sightseeing in downtown LA and got some Thai food for dinner. This is what I am thankful for yesterday. In a couple of weeks, Thanksgiving is upon us. Spend time with family. Catch up. Eat watch the Lakers play. Maybe do a soup Kitchen. Enjoy others company. An entire day to be Thankful.

Self Analysis

Figured out why I visit so many museums of late. It hit me a couple days ago. Realized that this my recent fascination of art and sculptures stems from me compensating. A few months back, I was supposed to going be on a trip with M to the Getty Museum. It never happened. long story short, incommunicado. Still went. Spent hours at the Getty just taking pictures. Futilely filling the feeling of emptiness. It stirred me. Made me realized, I missed much. My Aunt Mary said, there are many artists in the family. From what I understand, she is fashion designer. Learned my grandfather was artist, too. Never really knew him. Wish I did. Learned that M enjoys art, too. That’s why I go.

My Coping Mechanism

From this, missed moment it has fueled my fire for history. Some personal and familial history. Don’t know how many museums I’ve visited this last year. From people at LCH, they tell me I go all the time. This is just compensatory.  Straight sublimation. There are more defense mechanisms I’m sure. Just Googled it.  This is how I cope.

Not Alone

My HR Management instructor once said, “Those with great strengths also have great weaknesses.” This always stuck. Made me wonder of all these Heroes, the people too good to be true.  Heroes we invest our Hopes and Dreams. Steve Nash divorcing, Rough.  When we learn they are human too, it brings one pause and makes us pay attention to our own stuff. There is comfort knowing we are in the same boat.

Manny Pacquiao won last night. What fuels his fire. In an HBO interview, Manny said, “He knows what it is like to be Nothing.”  From then on, I admired him more. He was very Human.  Not just a great fighter, but someone genuine.  Read that during the 11^th round, Manny looked at the referee, wondering are you going to stop this fight. He can’t see. Then Manny proceeded to NOT go for the Knockout. When I read this, Class Act. Not wanting cause more permanent physical damage.

Mind Wanders in Church

We all have some angst. Some thing that gnaws at us. We all have life issues. We have healthy ways handling stuff. Some aren’t so healthy. What used to bother me is that not being the best. If I wasn’t going to start, then I would find something that I would be varsity at. In time, it became humbling.  This need to be more than an honorable mention has been helpful and hurtful at times. In time, the need to be Elite has left. Now, I simply want to enjoy the people and time that I am with and let the rest take care of itself. Church yesterday got me thinking. Do all that I can and let God do the Rest.

. . .And Not

 I stole this from profile quote on FB from an old friend Marc, who got it from a movie 13^th Warrior. It helps me.  Merciful Father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things. This was not among them. But at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well. For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness.

If All Good Things Come to Those That Wait. . .

Life happens. Divorces. Bad choices. Computer problems. Plans of a perfect life are nice, but these life moments are the stuff we need. We need to get up when we fall down. We look at the situation. Analyze. Feel Bad. We suck it up and move on.

Why? We realize the next few minutes are really all we need. Life has a way or working itself out. Steve Nash, sorry for people sensationlizing a private matter. I hope this Axiom is True, Then the Opposite should also be true. If All Good Things Come to Those That Wait, then All Bad Things Leave To Those Ready To Move On.  

Scribbles before Fight

This will be a short post. Once my laptop reaches a 100% charge, I am Audi.

Sitting at the bridge between the two towers here at the Central Library earlier in the day.  Been wanting to come here for ages, finally did after going to Saturday mass. Needed to get some G Time. Haven’t done that for awhile. Think I will be coming more regular, may 2 or 3 times for morning mass. I think my soul can handle it. Actually, I backed off for a bit. Needed to get some space and time. Did my reading, and I gots me some understanding.

My mind wanders when sitting in church. A week back in Sunday Mass, and they had the statue of the Fatima. Mom came with me. When she saw the Fatima, she immediately got up and touched the statue’s feet.  She never did that before. The Fatima was on a visit from somewhere. I was a bit surprised. I lacked understanding.

Been researching the Fatima. Some stuff what I gathered.  This got me revved up again. Started visiting various other holy places from different religious practices. Wanted to go to the source for this Higher Power. Stopped by the LA synagogue. Went to a Buddhist temple. Spoke with an Iman. Stopped by the St Andrews Abbey. Also, visited San Fernando Mission again.

This Saturday mass, I started thinking of Manny Pacquiao Fight and Chess.  Used to play chess, a lot. The Bishop, the knight, the queen, king and so on. Why do people choose the roles they take? What possess one to do what they do? Is it evolution? Is it behavioral? Is it some unresolved stuff from a previous life? What is it?

Take for instance the Dalai Lama. He’s been reportedly  reincarnated a fourteen times. His presence has inspired many movies, Seven Years in Tibet, Kundun and so on. He’s a rock star. Supposedly, in some schools of Hinduism it says that we have 8 stages of life in Hinduism. 2 stages belong to the life before. 4 stages are your own. Last two stages are set ups for the life coming. Karmic law and Dharma and the rest.

General Patton believed in reincarnation, too. He felt he fought in the Italy before as a Roman. I mean, he was a hero to the People.  Like George Washington and Bruce Lee. Like Manny Pacquiao. What makes a person a hero?

Tonight, for example, Manny Pacquiao will be fighting Margarito tonight in Dallas, Texas. A classic hero, coming from the barrios of the Philippines, and makes good. Margarito, a fallen fighter, who is looking for redemption. Maybe, it is how 24/7 HBO depicts these characters. But all this is Joseph Conrad myth-making stuff.

Freddie Roach, Manny’s trainer, said this may well be Manny’s last fight. Win or lose. WIN, OF COURSE. But certain people have been gifted. A Midas Touch about it them. From Poverty to Power in a short lifetime. What makes a person overcome Herculean Labors? What brings them to the top of the Mountain? This is so Rocky-ish. Is it some divine intervention? Is it pure will? Is it Darwinian’s “Most Fit” at play?  Our history is filled with these rags to riches. Secreteriat, Abraham Lincoln, Jackie Robinson, and so on. Overcoming obstacles are what heroes do. What separates the good from the great? What is the Gravitas? We all know it when we see it.

Back to church, I was thinking. A pawn is supposedly the weakest piece on the board. Can be taken out by a slew of other pieces. Rook, Bishops, Knights and Queens. However, once the pawn reaches its eight rank, then it can be transformed to a stronger piece. Sure many fall the waist side. They are cannon fodder.  Eight opportunities to reach the 8^th rank, then possibilities are endless.

Think about it. Some say being King is good. It is the piece that matters. Games ends and finishes with the King. It can go any which way. Up, down, left, right, diagonal. However, it is not afforded the range of maneuverability as his Queen. Plus, everyone and their mother are coming after you.  That is the whole basis of the game, Capture the King.

Being a queen is no picnic, either. Sure, it has the power of the Rook and bishop combined. But there is only one of her, compared the others. Plus, Queen is also on many people’s wish list. Furthermore, these lowly pawns at the end of the game, all want to be like her eventually. It’s a reverse sword party. No, perhaps, it more a it’s a Lilith Fair. By game’s end. I mean why would anyone want to be king. The queen has the most power on the board.

Still, I digress. Whether you are a King,  queen, Bishop, Knight . We all have some role we play in life. We are Mother, Father, Daughter, Son, Brother Sister, and so on. Actually, we die and are reborn. We go through rites of passage where we put childlike things away to become something more. To take our place in the community again. We become many things by necessity. It is built in. Hardwired in the DNA. Conditioned by Society with an ever changing system of reward and punishment.

We pursue many things. Evolving and devolving in order grasp these trinkets and ideals from the nethersphere.  Each role brings benefits and drawbacks. Like salmon, there is a drive, an instinct, a wish to reach the top of the mountain. Going upstream, battling each other, battling predators to survive. All in order to seed the next generation with our hopes, dreams, and DNA.

Things is. This is all okay. It has purpose. May not be the things one likes. We may delude ourselves with beliefs of grandiosity. Some things are true whether we believe it or not. Still, it is what we got. All this is the life stuff. This is the fun part. We fall in love. We fall out of it. We have our hearts filled with Joy and Love. We get our Hearts broken with no foreseeable reason.  We recover, then discover, “Let’s Do It Again.” We fight. We win. We fight. We lose. We do what we do because this is the thing we call, “Life.”  We need to be inspired. This is the Hero’s role. We need to be filled with something greater. We search for this “Feel Good.” We seek to be re-energized. To transform. To be Queened. 

Okay. Time is up. Sorry, this was longer than anticipated. Got in the Flow. My laptop is charged and it is time to watch another hero battle.  In life, we are all pawns. We are also Kings and Queens, too. And everything In Between. Okay, “Let’s Get ready to RRRUUUMMMMBBBLLLEEE!!! “ Go Manny Pacquiao.

Answer: In the Form of Question, Please.

 

I Can't Go On, I'll Can Go On

Just finished the last few minutes of BandSlam. There is a song in my head, "Everything I Own" I Will Give Everything I Own. . .Just to have ya.. ." Vanessa Hudgens, Kaprece’s former favorite singer. She’s into Usher and Taylor Swift. Boy meets girl. Girl leaves Boy. Boy gets back the girl. Happy ending.

If life were that simple. It is. No, I will be the first one to admit, "Life is not a movie." Nor should it be. One hundred minutes does not encapsulate a life. It is everything and more. It is the sum total of what we are, what we experience, how we filter these feelings, thoughts, and imaginations. To think that life is simply work, school, wife, family, and the rest. . .well, it is this and more.

We Have No Control

Forces around us play havoc in our lives. Whether it is an unappreciative teacher or boss. Maybe it is the unloving and uncaring other. Maybe it is the economy and the Evil forces over there, in some distant land. We, at times, feel like a puppet being played by some marionette master. At times, we are that.

We Have Control, I Am Captain

Still, we must remember, we are the Captain of our own soul.  The body we have is a transport on who we go through during this life’s journey. Sometimes, the body gets banged up. Still, there is more. We are also the construct of what the brain creates. Mind. Our perceptions on how we see the world. They say the line between genius and madness is a thin line. 

Yet, the programming that mind creates, the heuristics, the sum total of what we know can get flawed, outdated, corrupt. At times, we need to reboot new software to the shell of the programming. Windows 7, Vista, 3.O and the like. Think, of the people with Alzheimer or Autism. Are they no longer the person we think they are because the mind is broken? INVICTUS, Poem by William Ernest Henley

Human Potential, May Be Limitless

Problems, Challenges, Opportunities

Person would quickly discard others as defective, broken, . . as being special. Well, they are. We all are. We each are more than the stuff we can perceive. Sometimes people go to a higher power for answers. At times, we need to pray. We do. 

I Believe. . .

However, there are unbelievers. Well, I am not sure entirely that this without cause. A lady close to me who denies certain things exist and pooh poohs this as ridiculous. Do I think there are other life forms not of this planet? Sure, it is big out there. “It would seem like an awful waste of space. . .” to think we are the only ones. Do I believe ghosts and afterlife? Sure, I am sure each one of has had or knows someone who has had an experience with an afterlife. Do I believe in God? Yes, I believe and love God. 

We each have a destination. All on its own time and situation.

Only One Answer, More Than One Answer,

Am I religious puritan? Hardly. Do I think there is more than the Bible? The Koran?  Bhagavad Gita? Yes. Think of all the many religions out there. Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Wiccans, Hari Krishna and Sikhs. Could go on with other religions? But. . .this is not my point. There are certain truths we have face every single day. We are faced with decisions to make, do, believe, feel, and think. Sure, some are ridiculous. Sure, some are well thought. There is more. 

Muhulland Fountain

True Today. True Tomorrow. Never Was True. Always True

Paradigms are just body of beliefs that are relevant at the time. There are many truths have laid hidden. Some facts are suppressed, repressed, destroyed , manufactured in order to hold on to certain truisms. Logic for one has been used to justify certain life events. Religion has been used as weapon for horrible acts.  Laws have all too often been legal, but immoral. History is littered with atrocities

Nietzche

I used to enjoy sports. I used to enjoy politics. Comics, movies, books, and the like. I still enjoy many of these things. However, being locked to certain beliefs and feelings have been more of struggle these days. We need Heroes, real and imagined. At times, villains win. Sometimes, the Celtics win (Just kidding, I like Larry Byrd, Danny Ainge, and the Chief) Faith is at time hard-earned. Many problems are man made. So are many of its Solutions.

Facebook Fatigue

Sitting out at the Grind again. I find that there has been a certain fatigue. Been thinking of a concept of facebook fatigue. Many people I know personally have been cocooning. Not wanting to share stuff out there. Totally understandable. Putting one’s life thoughts, actions, beliefs, feeling, hopes in a post is tiresome. In many ways, it has been purely voyeuristic. Reading others thoughts, clicking like and adding oneself to a fan page. It has been somewhat exhibitionistic, broadcasting to the world. Look at my picture. Check out where I am. See how many miles I have done, read my ads, join my group because I know the good life. Perhaps, this is true. Don’t want to judge. Takes too much time away from enjoying where I am and who is with me.

Del Negro: Former All Star, Coaches Clippers

Go Both Ways

We have a duty.  I believe, we must give what we take. We must continue to provide guidance and patience for others to make way. Sure many will fall down. Many will not reach their dream this lifetime. That is okay. It is supposed to be that way. Many will not have the same dreams and wishes that you had. They are not supposed to. We are not our parents. Nor our kids us. We must face whatever is ahead of us with the body and knowledge (and insights) to respond.

Me, We or Me, Wheee

I think back to this saying. Muhammad Ali (the Manny Pacquiao of his time to those that don’t know) gave the speech at a prestigious university. All in attendance screamed for the former fighter to give them a poem. He was poet, a great storyteller. He said, “Me, we.” I heard of hit in a movie, “When We We’re Kings.” I thought what a magnificent social leader. Me, we are part of a bigger community. We are all in this together. Recognizing individualism and collectivism in a short two word poem. Later, I read somewhere another attendee , “Heard it this way. Me, Wheeee.” Meaning it is a good life and I am enjoying as best as I can. Both powerful possibilities. Both credible interpretations.

Guiding Light, Prometheus and Epimetheus

My point is this. Whatever fundamental truths are learned in the experience and totality of everything before and future, it all has meaning.  Sounds like gobbledygook (yes, this is a word) It may be. We must look to both the future and past for insight for decisions we make today. Both are relevant and irrelevant.  We must decide to hold on to certain values and truths and we must decide to go a very different way if the past is holding us back on who we need to be. We are decider of our personal realities. Prometheus and Epimetheus

Your Question, Your Answer, Your Life

Truth is this. . . 

(Enough Said)

Choice: Get Up Or Stay Down

Fresno-bound. Five in the morning and we should be at the hospital around noon or earlier. Sitting in the back seat, not driving. Yeah!!! Couldn’t find my phone charger. Nor could I find my extra batteries for my camera. Guess, I will charge with the laptop when the moment comes. Rather have the backup, Cest la vie. We’ll see. Either way, not so bad. 

Headed to a hospital. Learned that a distant cousin stroked. Tough. Learned she is loaded; however, not being able to enjoy is not so fun. We are given gifts and challenges that we all must face. 

Learned that the word, Agon means the ability to endure pain. Hence the word agony. Found this out from a DVD about the First Olympics. Haven’t seen the movie in its entirety. I however learned something.

They had this discussion about boxing, wrestling, and cromantics (I think). Cromantics is much like UFC. Except all these people are naked. Actually, they were all men. No slaves. No women. Just naked men competing. Fun? Well, naked women are more my taste. However, it is what it is.

This will be the second time in two weeks that I will be visiting someone in the hospital. Not sure that I am up to this. Don’t like to see someone in Agon. It hurts in the soul. From what I understand, she does not have use of her legs and her speech is slurred. The lady I saw last week at Kaiser had a valve replacement. She is laid up and she said spiraling down several times which troubled me.

Ancient Greeks admired athlete's ability to endure pain and deliver pain. To survive. To struggle. Not much has changed since then. Whenever, I watch UFC or Manny Pacquiao, I enjoy the culmination of years of hard work and training in the visual spectacle of a person’s everything. Putting the body, mind, and soul in this never ending battle. A battle to reach some supreme level.If they win or not, it is the struggle that find entertaining.

This something seems universal. Admiration to go above and beyond. Look at Lance Armstrong, conqueror of cancer and seven time Tour de France winner. Look at Michael Jordan, two-time three peater, after death of father and less than spectacular baseball stint. Look at Manny Pacuiao coming up from the dark days of bar room fights to fighting in the Dallas Cowboy Stadium.

Why is this? Why do we enjoy these struggles? I think it is ability to get back up after being knocked down. It is enduring, to move on when. Guess, the reason I am having the hard time going to the hospital is the dark side of the movie. It is the down and out. It is the hurtful angry time when things do not seem fair. Admittedly, I was feeling down and depressed of late, “living in turmoil and distraught” Maybe it is chemical, but I’ve been feeling sad.

Thing is horoscope said that all this reflection and self-analysis is nice, but like looking at two mirrors facing each others. Staring at reflection after reflection after reflection. A decision must be made to act. A decision to get better. Get stronger. To get back in the ring. So the hospital to me is the time before the decision is made. A time stuck in the reflection. A moment of pause.

For some time, my brother said something that seemed very profound. He does not want  work in physical therapy, because there are people there that do not want to be there and heal. They rather lay down and remain in pain. Being angry at life events. Staying at the place staring in the mirror, indecisive. This was a large reason why I chose to work at the gym I wanted to be in a place where people wanted to heal themselves and get stronger. Perhaps this is why he is a coach. Be in a place where they accept competition and struggle. Where delivering and enduring pain is common and expected.

Perhaps this is why the reason, so many are choosing careers in health care. To see struggle and survival at its most basic level. To see one face reality for the first time, after years of lying to themselves and self-destruction, it is time where one decides to get back again. I should qualify that. With people eating themselves to obesity, overdosing on narcotics, and other lifestyle related illness. We see people take their first steps to becoming who they need to be.

Given there are relapses, but the road to recovery, the road to discovery is always the right one. Road to getting better is something that energizes. It is something that makes us want to get up and dance. So going to the hospital is just a minor awkward moment before one decides to get back up or to stay down. Thing is that it feels like forever. So when one stops looking at the countless reflections of the mirror, chasing the endless tail, one can take a moment and decide. Get up or stay down. 

Hopefully, I will see that today when I go to the hospital. I’d like to see another hero today