Scribbles before Fight

This will be a short post. Once my laptop reaches a 100% charge, I am Audi.

Sitting at the bridge between the two towers here at the Central Library earlier in the day.  Been wanting to come here for ages, finally did after going to Saturday mass. Needed to get some G Time. Haven’t done that for awhile. Think I will be coming more regular, may 2 or 3 times for morning mass. I think my soul can handle it. Actually, I backed off for a bit. Needed to get some space and time. Did my reading, and I gots me some understanding.

My mind wanders when sitting in church. A week back in Sunday Mass, and they had the statue of the Fatima. Mom came with me. When she saw the Fatima, she immediately got up and touched the statue’s feet.  She never did that before. The Fatima was on a visit from somewhere. I was a bit surprised. I lacked understanding.

Been researching the Fatima. Some stuff what I gathered.  This got me revved up again. Started visiting various other holy places from different religious practices. Wanted to go to the source for this Higher Power. Stopped by the LA synagogue. Went to a Buddhist temple. Spoke with an Iman. Stopped by the St Andrews Abbey. Also, visited San Fernando Mission again.

This Saturday mass, I started thinking of Manny Pacquiao Fight and Chess.  Used to play chess, a lot. The Bishop, the knight, the queen, king and so on. Why do people choose the roles they take? What possess one to do what they do? Is it evolution? Is it behavioral? Is it some unresolved stuff from a previous life? What is it?

Take for instance the Dalai Lama. He’s been reportedly  reincarnated a fourteen times. His presence has inspired many movies, Seven Years in Tibet, Kundun and so on. He’s a rock star. Supposedly, in some schools of Hinduism it says that we have 8 stages of life in Hinduism. 2 stages belong to the life before. 4 stages are your own. Last two stages are set ups for the life coming. Karmic law and Dharma and the rest.

General Patton believed in reincarnation, too. He felt he fought in the Italy before as a Roman. I mean, he was a hero to the People.  Like George Washington and Bruce Lee. Like Manny Pacquiao. What makes a person a hero?

Tonight, for example, Manny Pacquiao will be fighting Margarito tonight in Dallas, Texas. A classic hero, coming from the barrios of the Philippines, and makes good. Margarito, a fallen fighter, who is looking for redemption. Maybe, it is how 24/7 HBO depicts these characters. But all this is Joseph Conrad myth-making stuff.

Freddie Roach, Manny’s trainer, said this may well be Manny’s last fight. Win or lose. WIN, OF COURSE. But certain people have been gifted. A Midas Touch about it them. From Poverty to Power in a short lifetime. What makes a person overcome Herculean Labors? What brings them to the top of the Mountain? This is so Rocky-ish. Is it some divine intervention? Is it pure will? Is it Darwinian’s “Most Fit” at play?  Our history is filled with these rags to riches. Secreteriat, Abraham Lincoln, Jackie Robinson, and so on. Overcoming obstacles are what heroes do. What separates the good from the great? What is the Gravitas? We all know it when we see it.

Back to church, I was thinking. A pawn is supposedly the weakest piece on the board. Can be taken out by a slew of other pieces. Rook, Bishops, Knights and Queens. However, once the pawn reaches its eight rank, then it can be transformed to a stronger piece. Sure many fall the waist side. They are cannon fodder.  Eight opportunities to reach the 8^th rank, then possibilities are endless.

Think about it. Some say being King is good. It is the piece that matters. Games ends and finishes with the King. It can go any which way. Up, down, left, right, diagonal. However, it is not afforded the range of maneuverability as his Queen. Plus, everyone and their mother are coming after you.  That is the whole basis of the game, Capture the King.

Being a queen is no picnic, either. Sure, it has the power of the Rook and bishop combined. But there is only one of her, compared the others. Plus, Queen is also on many people’s wish list. Furthermore, these lowly pawns at the end of the game, all want to be like her eventually. It’s a reverse sword party. No, perhaps, it more a it’s a Lilith Fair. By game’s end. I mean why would anyone want to be king. The queen has the most power on the board.

Still, I digress. Whether you are a King,  queen, Bishop, Knight . We all have some role we play in life. We are Mother, Father, Daughter, Son, Brother Sister, and so on. Actually, we die and are reborn. We go through rites of passage where we put childlike things away to become something more. To take our place in the community again. We become many things by necessity. It is built in. Hardwired in the DNA. Conditioned by Society with an ever changing system of reward and punishment.

We pursue many things. Evolving and devolving in order grasp these trinkets and ideals from the nethersphere.  Each role brings benefits and drawbacks. Like salmon, there is a drive, an instinct, a wish to reach the top of the mountain. Going upstream, battling each other, battling predators to survive. All in order to seed the next generation with our hopes, dreams, and DNA.

Things is. This is all okay. It has purpose. May not be the things one likes. We may delude ourselves with beliefs of grandiosity. Some things are true whether we believe it or not. Still, it is what we got. All this is the life stuff. This is the fun part. We fall in love. We fall out of it. We have our hearts filled with Joy and Love. We get our Hearts broken with no foreseeable reason.  We recover, then discover, “Let’s Do It Again.” We fight. We win. We fight. We lose. We do what we do because this is the thing we call, “Life.”  We need to be inspired. This is the Hero’s role. We need to be filled with something greater. We search for this “Feel Good.” We seek to be re-energized. To transform. To be Queened. 

Okay. Time is up. Sorry, this was longer than anticipated. Got in the Flow. My laptop is charged and it is time to watch another hero battle.  In life, we are all pawns. We are also Kings and Queens, too. And everything In Between. Okay, “Let’s Get ready to RRRUUUMMMMBBBLLLEEE!!! “ Go Manny Pacquiao.

Relay for Life: A Relay for Rochelle

Before the Battle Begins
7 am in the morning. Sunroof open. Early sun heating up the desert air. Cars speed by as the day begins. Sitting in the parking lot of Quartz Hill High School. Sounds of commotion is behind me. People with tents and lawn chairs walk into the stadium. Men, women and children wear red and purple handkerchiefs on their shaved heads.  Like new inductee in the Marines, these have happy smiles and serious tone in their walk. Like viking warriors of Valhalla partying the night before the Ragnarok, there is a joy and sense of purpose. 

Its the home for Relay for Life. An all-day and all-night event for those stricken with Cancer. Events start at 9 am Saturday and runs til 9 am the next day. Lots of events are occurring around town. Graffiti Clean up in Palmdale Ponctilan Square. Arbor Day in Santa Clarita. Lakers versus the Thunder playoff game starts today. Where to begin?

Why We Fight?
For me it's easy. Starts with Rochelle. She suffered from cancer some many years ago and being here is what matters. Need to thank her in a special way for effecting my life. Her passing gave me the courage to do things that I was afraid to do. Ask that girl out. Run for an office. Go to Boston leaving family and friends.

Life Ends. Another Begins
Her death gave me life. Never looked back on too many things because her cancer-stricken made me really enjoy life. Being in the hospital in her last few days. Finding an empty room in Cedar Sinai and just crashing on the bed. Hearing her mother cry. It is something I will never forget.

Before, Death used to be something to be feared and angry about. Now, it is just a fact. Death is Life. For some, the tragedy of have a life expired in their prime, it brings sadness. Listening to family sob so deeply. Watching people eyes redden. Don't know anybody that hasn't somebody touched by the Black End. Rochelle and Angels on Earth



Today is a commemoration to all those that faced Cancer and lost. Today is celebration for all those that battle and won. Today is gathering for all those that still struggle on. You want to know about a Hero's Quest. Come to the Relay for Life today. You will see heroes. They are your friends. They your family. They are you.

I said before that I wanted to see really heroes. I wanted to see real life Angels. Well, today is that day. If you want to see them, come to Avenue M and 60th Street West at Quartz Hill High School 9 am April 17 to 9 am April 18, 2010. Relay for Life 2010: Antelope Valley

I hear Heimdall's horn. Time to suit up. HUAA.

To Dottie, the person at Barnes and Nobles: Basics of Sir Galahad Theory

I understand now.

This is to Dottie the person I met at Barnes and Noble tonight. (Again, this is not the person’s real name. Privacy is important I do not have this person okay use her name)

All of Life's Questions Are In the Movies.
Answer to the question, why we met? It is to give you the lay of the land. My experience, my skill set, my education, my love--It was to give you the broad strokes for what you have ahead. Books to read and movies to watch: Art of War, Celestine Prophecy, Incarnation of Immortality Series, Grand Canyon, Leap of Faith, True Colors, Primary Colors, Great Debaters, Power, Eli Stone. There is more to follow, but that should be enough. When and if we meet again, I will tell you why? For now, just pick them up. If you can find the Cliff Notes, Monarch Notes, or whatever, that is fine, too. Others interpretation are important. But everyone has their own heuristics, their own mind maps, you and I have different filters.

James Redfield Would Love This
Synchronicities, connections, the Big Smile—these are the reasons we had our encounter. I hope our brief meeting helps you in your journey. In your life, you got to Pay It Forward (Another book or movie I suggest.) You are part of the critical mass. Your question is part of the bigger picture. Your funeral, your eulogy, what are people going to say about your life. Remember, how do you want to be remembered?

I admire you, Dottie. First is because you understand what your question is? Second, and more importantly, you are readying yourself for the task at hand.

My message to you is Risk
Leave No Doubts. Regret Nothing. You will offend some. Hopefully, if you do it right, you will have many naysayers. Trial by Fire is not just for you, it is for others to hear the message. Remember another thing, it’s not your message. You are just caretaker. It’s your responsibility to prepare to take and deliver this message. Movie for my point, “Great Debaters" For future note,

Allen Iverson Remembered
I like to think backwards. My modus operandi is End in mind first. Second, what-if the possibilities and game plan the scenarios out. Prep for most likely scenario. Chess 101, control center. (I was Chess Club President for two schools. Yes, I am geek) Keep Question in Forefront. Good sales people, debaters will try and try to reframe the question in order to control the message they want to win the audience.I was a good Sales Manager. I love to train the close. Fact: Its just natural for people to side with winner of debate. Last, and most important, is practice, practice, and practice.

Cautionary Note:I Will Burn This Village to Save It
My questions for the post-winning the heart and minds is this: What’s next? You got them convinced¸ now ask for the Close. (Red Book of Sales, another interesting read, not a must, but an interesting one) WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM TO DO? Ready Yourself. Dottie, you will still have a big responsibility. I hate when people betray trust and when office holders take position to resume-build, I get perturbed. You convinced of something, now what? Leadership position is one I expect and demand responsibility. I hope you are ready.

You don’t have to answer right now. It is one for your next journey. You asked me, “What is my purpose for writing this blog?” I know you only read a short quip. I swear it is in my origin issue blog. Thanks, though. You reminded me what I need to . . .I have to remind me why I write. My question for our encounter is what do I need for this blog? Thank you for your answers to my question. Now, I digress.


The question for your next journey is this. You have convinced the masses that the Big Smile exists. Now what? Better have or know someone who has the answers to this question. Actually, no. Personally, I instinctively guard up whenever I felt like I was being closed. Again, I hope you have an answer for this question, Now What?

I hope that I have your purpose correctly remembered: Convince naysayers and the like that Big Smile exist, empirically, right? (Philosophy of religion class talking), Again, Now What? Its okay to not know. It is okay to not know where or who to go to. Its just you better have answer to give. Many if need be.


Lesson: Art of War, The Way
For clarification on my position, I believe people unconsciously know in their heads and instinctively in their heart in the Big Smile. Think Jodie Foster and the movie Contact. Brains are a Good Thing. Heart is just as important and at times, more. Again, What you have ahead? You convinced the masses, what’s next? Think Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. If not that, Professor X and Magneto. How about Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson? All believed in change was needed and was that it was undoubtedly coming. Now how to fix it is the next step. Methods are different. Radicalism one method of achieving goal. I don't know you well enough to determine methodology. Again, message the same. Conclusion and methods to resolve was/is problem dramatically different and is a question that must be considered.

Think Communication basics: Sender, message, barriers to communication, medium, receiver, and feedback. Besides the argument, there is arguer, the advocate, the mouthpiece. What’s the plan now to fix it?

Lesson: 8 Miles Revisited: Win Crowd and Silence Opponents
There will be detractors. Embrace the detractors. Learn the arguments. Learn their tactics. Understand the straw man defense. Understand the different rhetoric techniques to get you off your message. Confront them with it. Shedding light on their tactics, blows away their message. Think cockroaches. Turn on the lights, they scurry away. Tell what their argument is before they do. Then come back at them with the power of your message. Quiet the detractors. Think 8 Miles, Eminem, last scene. Embrace them, because people have lost their way. People argue, just because they like to argue. I am one of them. Detractors are simply the fire you need for the crucible. Their argument valid as they may be needs to be brought to the light, figuratively and theologically. It’s easy to burn down a house, then to build one up. However, once a foundation is built, it is hard to tear it or burn it down. You will be building your case and people are going to try to burn it down. Hope you will learn how to dodge future landmines.

You Must Understand Lancelot's Son
Dottie, you have got to learn offense/ defense. You got to do both. When Enemy is stronger, evade. When equal, fight. Sir Galahad theory: If you believe in something strong enough, then its your duty to learn how to fight for it. There is much to discuss, but this more than enough right now. Be strong. Good luck in your journey. Remember you are the Hero on your journey. Setbacks are just part of the journey. Prepare for battle and for ready for post-Ragnorrak, post-2012, post-Final Conflict.

Hospitals: Today's Battlefield, Today's Front Line. Its Where Angels Roam

Every Day, Every Night--The Good Fight Dropped Mom at the hospital again. She goes almost every single day. Every day, life and death. Day in, day out. Taxing to the Body. Taxing to the Soul. Taxing to see so much struggle. A lifetime of healthy living, going to the gym religiously, eating well. Unexpectedly and all of sudden. Person is struck down by a stupid car accident. Or going to the hospital could be the result of a lifetime of bad habits. Smoking 2 packs a day, a diet of fat, greasy food, a regimen of lying on the couch, years in front of the boob tube watching other people live life.

Grew up in a hospital Its a second home. Mom's a nurse. Most of my aunts are LVNs and RNs. Uncle Juhn and Uncle Torney are in database. Uncle Alex works Presybyterian Memorial. Uncle Ruth is Engineering at Kaiser, Panorama. Aunty Dely is in Lab. Aunty Myrna worked in the cafeteria. Aunty Ellen and Aunty Cello are in business services. Uncle Alvin is Respiratory Tech. Cousin Jason and Russel's girl are both in RT school now. Leilani is at USC for Occupational Therapy. Ron Mitchell's in X-ray Tech. (Picture of Ron Mitchell and Rochelle Below) Going to the hospital is like going home. All my family members are there.

As a child, I'd roam around the hospital, running here and there. Road the elevators to the different floors. NICU. Lab. Med Surge. Each time the doors opened it was like changing channels on the TV. Each floor had a different show. ICU/ CCU, slow and somber. People stood around so quiet. NICU--Families crying and smiling. ER--fast and exciting. X-ray has secret doors that hid the cool humming sound. Lab--test tubes and microscopes. Morgue, I see dead people. Ate in the cafeteria since the food was free. Learned how to use the computer in database. The hospital was my second home. Always felt comfortable here.

I Hate Hospitals
That all changed. Rochelle got sick. She had stomach cancer. Hospital was not so fun. Seeing my cousin not getting better. Getting worse. Not so much fun. She was dying and I was . . . crying. Losing a playmate. Seeing her plugged up to the ventilator. Canulas in her nose. Tubes in her wrist. IV bag drip. Hearing the respirator breathe for her. Watching the heart rate monitor flash numbers. Systolic, 100. Diastolic, 60. Respiration, 50. Its like watching the stock market. The Flash of P Wave. QRS Wave. T Wave scroll across the screen. Those are the squiggly lines telling us that her heart's still beating. We're waiting for some sign, something miraculous. Hoping, she would magically be better. Rochelle would pop out of the bed to come play with us. C'mon, Rochelle, lets play. Lets go run around the halls. Go to the cafeteria and get our favorite green jello Aunty Myrna made. Take the elevator rides.

Her funeral has come and gone. But we're in the hospital again. Tatay is sick. Years of smoking caught up. Cancer, again. Lung this time. Here we go again. More tubes. More drugs. More time at the stupid hospital. Tatay passed, too. He's buried next to Rochelle. I hate the hospital. Never want to go back.

Got a call. Back to the hospital. Mike, my half-brother. A brother I did not know until a few months ago. The stranger stopped by a few months back. I was angry. I was jealous. I was stupid. Did not know that Dad had another family before us. A truck, 16-wheeler made a wide left. Apparently, the driver did not see Mike while making the turn. Dirt got in his brain. Looking down the Hospital hall. Dad, he's sitting down. Face buried in his hands. His body convulses. My father's sobs echo down the hallway. "Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Why?" That's all I hear. Another funeral. Another burial. Cemetary, again. More people dressed in black crying. Losing another loved one. Fucking Hospital. I hate this place.

God, Stop. Hospital Bad. I get the point.

Wait, there's more, God answers back. Pushed off a slide. Broke my arm. Damn, hospital. Knelled on glass table. Stitches for my knee. Can't go swimming. Hospital. Got to get shots, hospital. Cousin Edwards on the third floor, appendix removed. Hospital. Dislocated elbow. Patient in next bed keeps talking about yellow spots everywhere. A mere hospital curtain between us. I hear the clanking of the police hand cuffs. Drug overdose. Every one sick and hurt are at the hospital. I don't want to go. So much pain. So much misery. So much. Too much for me. I hate hospitals.

I need a party. Hospital party, well, I guess so. All family friends and co-workers are from the hospital. Their kids I can play with. That's not so bad. Played volleyball. Game winning spike. Gift shop is okay. Doctors and nurses are alright, I guess. Security guards say Hi. Ambulances with the blaring sirens and flashing lights are cool. Hospital green jello is my favorite. I still don't love the hospitals like I used to.

Code. . .Huh?
Time passes. Took mom to the hospital, Again. LCH. Lancaster Community Hospital. 6 in the morning. Pick her up at 7:30 at night. Used to drop her off at 7 at night, then pick her up 7 in the morning. No more graveyard shifts. She's got to watch her Dancing with the Stars. 8 pm it starts. She walks in. Automatic doors open. Says "Bye" to the nurses leaving. Stethoscope around her neck and lunch bag in hand. She walks into the battlefield. She goes into the struggle where life and death happen every single day. As the door open, over the speaker. "Code: Blue. Code: Blue. Code: Blue." It means, everyone get ready.

Code Blue: Heart attack patient coming in. Code Red: Fire. Code Green: Combative person using physical force. Code Brown. defecating person. Code Amber: Child Abduction. Code Pink: Infant Abduction. (Sometimes, its nurse being harassed by doctor. Keep this on the down low, not a very pleasant occurrence) Code Grey: Combative person no weapon. Code Orange: Show of force. Code Yellow: Missing patient. Code Rainbow: Riot.

Angels Roam the Hospital
My mom is one of them. She battles every single day. She works in CCU. Her patients are the terminally ill, post op from heart surgery, Swine flu, isolation. 500 lb morbidly obese that need 6 nurses to roll over. Stabbed inmates. Failed suicide attempts. Car accidents in full body casts. Psych patients that did not take their meds.

Mom guards her patients from the Grim Reaper. She also welcomes and introduces them to Death. Ravages and pains of cancer riddles the young and old. Like Rochelle. Like Tatay. Or accident cases. Like Mike. Like Andreas, my neighbor's son. She has a cordial relationship with Death. There is a Hate/ Not-so-much Hate with Death. Its just the way it is. She goes on with her business. Like every female Filipino, its her calling. Nursing. She liked the white uniform. She wears blue scrubs these days.

Mom gives the patients meds. She checks IV bags and life monitors. Gives her reports. Replaces dressing. She reviews student nurses work. She problems solves. For two shifts, nurses were wondering why there was no stool in plastic bag. Patient report read symptom, diarrhea. Last night, mom scolded the male student nurse. She asked why the tube is not in the patient's anus. Its in the other orifice. She sternly asks if he knows the difference. (She's laughing on the inside) They insert the tube in the correct hole. 700 cc. Jackpot. Its a gusher. NICE. Yuck.

Kaiser, I Hope
I've decided. I will work in the hospital, too. Not because I want to wipe, I don't. As a Pharmacy Tech, I hope. You see, the hospital is my second home. I grew up here. Good memories and bad experiences. And everything in the middle. I'd like to see more angels before I go to heaven. Haven't seen too many Angels lately. Seeing Angels makes me believe in a higher source. Anyways, here she comes. Dancing with the Stars starts in 30 minutes. Tom Delay broke his foot. He's out. Leaving for the hospital. Maya is not bad. Kathy Ireland is stiff. Who is going to get eliminated? Yes, I know the the car is too cold. I will roll up the window, mom. Got to get her home. Her show starts in 15 minutes.

My Fight With Kanye West

Nike+ Challenge--My Origin
Today's battle. A Cyber Bully. Let's call him Kanye. Why? He is a sore loser.(Refer to Taylor Swift/ Kanye West VMA Awards)

Joined Nike Plus. Its a website for runners with Nike+ sensors. On this site, runners post challenges, chart runs, set goals, request traing assistance, etc. Started a couple months ago. Purchased the sensor a year ago, but never used it. In late July, I found it and started using it. Needed something to get my fat ass to the gym. It monitored my progress. This was great, at first. Guess, I needed more. Looking back, I was afraid of the sensor, afraid of running. Never been a great runner. Actually, crappy would best describe me. Geriatric is another good adjective.

Joined a couple of distance challenges. Object was not who's the fastest. Nor is it who does the most mileage in a month. Its just Finishing. This is what I needed. You see, I have congestive heart failure (another post for another time). Needed something to keep me moving. Or I would die fat and short of breath. Swimming is awesome, but the water gets cold. Plus, riding the stationary bike hurts my butt after an hour.

Forrest Gump, I'm Not
So I got on the treadmill and as Forrest Gump would say "I Started Running!!!" Unfortunately, that stopped quickly. Mind willing, Body not so much. Hurt my ACL playing basketball and my meniscus swells to the point I can't bend my knee. You see as a child, I pushed the school bus uphill in the snow while the rest of the kids drank warm cocoa. Let me tell you, "I'm no Runner." Five foot four weighing 275 lbs at the time, 2 foot stride length. Basically, I was carrying another person around my waist while I run. I wrestled 121s in high school. Depressing. Yet, kept walking. 20 minute miles. If you are runner, you know this is slow. Turtles move faster than I do. Snails, too. Senior citizens in walkers, its a race. (Amendment: with one leg) I was okay with this. I was moving.

JPeg Trophies and Medals Are My Candy
Anyways, I digress. Started getting stronger. Lost 15 lbs. Joined more challenges. Took second in a few of them. This started revving my competitive engine. I like to win. Jpeg trophies are my candy. I was hooked. First month, did 8 miles. Second month, August, 74 miles. Last September, finished 200 miles. Now, shooting for 300 in October. Got a few invite to other challenges. Got a number of friend requests. Started seeing my name in first place on a few challenges. One Nike+ Ambassador asked me to post one of my quips I wrote on her Facebook page on her running blog site. She thought it was inspirational. Now, I felt good. Felt connected. Felt proud. Jpeg trophies and medals brought a smile on my face. Kudos and hollas from Facebook friends pumped me up. Invites for new faster and longer challenges awaited.

Kanye West Called Me A JOINER
Now, I'm in a new fight, a new battle. I am faced with a new challenge. Kanye called me a "Joiner." ARRGHHH!!! You see I'm in a Nike+ Distance challenge with 8 people. 2 on my side. 6 on the other. We are beating the other team by a 100+ miles. Its a rout. One of the challengers I have named Kanye West, a coward, questioned whether I was a "Fan" or "Joiner." A Joiner is a "Tourist" for those Fight Club fan. (Watch the movie, if you don't know.) Expected some smack talk. I expect being called out. Its just the way of the jungle. I responded in kind, not wanting to be a Punk. I questioned Kanye's "Joiner" machismo and he responded. Called me sensitive. Ouch.

"Ali, boma ye!"
I hear the Zairians crowd chant "Ali, boma ye!" "Ali, boma ye!" "Ali, boma ye!" ("Ali, kill him!") You are about to wake the sleeping lion. My 2-person team is beating the 6-person team by a 100+ miles. Personally, if either Shellie or I withdrew, I suspect we'd still win. It still would be 140 miles us to 180 miles them. I suspect that I would be able to catch the other team and perhaps win given the 60 days left. However, other runners could always join or withdraw at anytime. Being called sensitive is getting personal.

Sun Tzu Lectures Me
If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Draw the other army out. Frustrate and anger the opponent. This personal effrontery from a dweeb one hundred miles behind bothered me. In the 300, King Leonidas said King Xerxes's weakness is Pride. I have always been prideful and I know that the best recourse may be to let the pettinesss pass. Should I let the name calling wash over me and just play my game. However, now I want to win by a few touchdown. No. Coach Yoast is shouting in my ear, "Leave No Doubt." Maximus orders "Unleash Hell."

I am going to sleep over this and plan my next course of action. Any suggestions, please send them.

The Real Battle, The Real Challenge
Challenge is a good thing. Name calling drives me to do more. It makes me want to head to the gym now. Get on the treadmill. Put up some ridiculous, demoralizing-to-the-other team number. I want beat the entire team by myself. Like Kobe putting up 81 points against the Toronto Raptor. I just want take over the 4th quarter. All this extra running will help my heart and help shed the tire around my waist. These Nike challenges raises my competitive juices. And I want to drink from the cup of victory. Nike, the goddess of victory, calls. "Citus, Altius, Fortius" stands for faster, higher, stronger. That which does not kill us makes us stronger--Friedrich Nietzsche. This personal battle is not with Kanye. I must look at the real opponent. Crimson Tide Denzell Washington, the real opponent is not with the Russians. Its with War Itself. That Opponent being Me. Its my Pride. Its my belly. Kanye, I am deleting you again. The rent in my head just got raised and its eviction time. Just win, baby.

Gotta go now, treadmill is calling. I want to win this challenge running away. Kanye West, I will break you. I will cancel this tour, too.