I Can't Do This, Sam--Frodo

Plans Change

Sitting in Customer Lounge at Robertson this morning. Needed to have Civic checked again. It was the second time in 2 days that I needed to get a jump. Five times I had to get a jump start since I brought it here three weeks back to get my battery checked. They said it was good. My car thinks otherwise. Lucky for me, I have in my flash drive a few flics: Ninja Assassin, Up In the Air, and To Paris With Love. Relatively, new movies. Took my meds with no food and I’m feeling it now. Had different things planned for today: haircut, hospital, Morning Mass, working out, and bill-paying. Not something extremely difficult, but necessary.

Star-Gazing At the Kodak

Had different plans for the night before and it didn’t pan out as I would like. Hoping to see the Oscars, no, I mean experience the Academy Awards. Planned on going to the Kodak Center on Highland and something and be one of the wanna-be paparazzi and take some photos. Never did it before, but thought it would be cool to do. Only thing close to ceremony with luminaries was my time with Shelly when we went to the Vegas Star Trek Hilton opening. Caught some pics with Jerry Ryan, Levar Burton, Jonathon Frakes, and few other actors in the various series.

It’s funny how we go star-gazing. These people who are like you and me, we just gawk with adoration. Their skills--their talents--is to mask and pretend. Their gift is to be characters in a story. Sure, this is make-believe, but stories are important. We like hero archetypes. We like to root against villains. The story is game of the struggle. The stories are of tragedy, loss, comedy, and love. The quest of the hero is to battle. To win to lose. To be reborn and be made better. To be something more. What I find is that people, like me, need to be inspired by these heroes, real and imagined.

Story of My Life

More and more, I am finding that we have this in all of us. We can be the hero to our own story. We need to be the hero in our story.

If you were watching a movie of your life, would it be an interesting story? Would you change the channel of your own life? Would it be a struggle? Would it be a tragedy? A comedy? Who would be your love interest? Who would be the primary characters in the movie that is you? Really, you are the producer of your own movie, your own film. You edit the story of your life.You decide what memories to keep and what to leave on the cutting floor.

And the Winner Is. . .

Working out last night watching part of the Oscars, I saw the parts of the awarding of the male lead presentation. Jeff Bridges, Morgan Freeman, George Clooney, Jeremy Renner (Hurt Locker) were the nominees. It was a nice presentation. Couldn’t hear the words being said (No radio on Ipod). However, I could see the faces and pictures of the nominees. It was nice collage of the body of works of these performers. Susan Sarandon’s other, Tim Robbins spoke in behalf of Morgan Freeman. In the background was Shawshank Redemption. George Clooney had Vera Farmiga. Jeremy Renner had Collin Ferrel. Michelle Pfieffer spoke of Jeff Bridges (They worked on the Fabulous Baker Boys) I liked how these people spoke in behalf of the Oscar nominees. It reminded me of a lawyer's summation of a good trial movie.

Defend Your Life

Not in a negative way, it reminded me of eulogy. People that worked with these great actors spoke in their behalf. Much like the telling heartfelt stories of the life occasions shared at a funeral. A lady I know said she liked the idea of angels advocating your life. Before going to next level, if you believe in Heaven, one would have to defend one’s life. A movie would show snippets of one’s life advocating moving up or re-doing life. All the good. All the Bad. Everything’s everything and its effect. One would be held accountable for the actions and events that would be your life. 

Imagine your life, if it ended today and you had to be judged, how would it turn out? Would you be proud of the life you have lived? Would you proud what you produced? Are you proud of everything you have done?

I’ve had good moments. I’ve had bad. Overall, I'm not happy with everything. Not so far. I have events in my life that I would like to re-do. I can’t do that though. Can only admit mistakes, move on, and do better next time. One of my favorite quotes comes from author, martial artist, and Icon. Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.--Bruce Lee I am working on the admitting part. Courage: its growing.

In the story that is your life, what are you producing? What are you holding on to? What are you fighting for? Are you worth watching?

I think, Yes.

Best Producer Award Goes To. . .

Remember, in the movie of your life, danger and despair are part of a good story, a good story that matters. You may try to re-shoot parts, but the other actors may not be there to re-shoot. As producer in the editing room of your mind, you can cut out things not worth keeping. In the end, you make your own story. During the acceptance speech, its customary to give thanks. In the end, you need to give credit to actors and actress. You need to give credit to the costume producers, the set producers, the prop specialists, the lighting, the gaffers, the assistants, the assistant’s assistants, the everything. Not all are major characters, but their presence had an impact in your movie. Well, enough with that.

Dark times passes. Courage takes note the many chances of turning back, but it keeps on.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

MONA-- **kicking the laundry monster**......AND STAY DOWN BITCH!!!

(Excerpts from Facebook exchange)
Mona (not her real name)--i think my children are allergic to washing a load of towels.

Awareness Is The First Step
JN--Its a problem. Not everyone understands nor do they respect this disease. . .I, mean CONDITION. The first step is awareness. Once people know that 97 percent of people are inflicted with this condition, then we can take strides. We are considering a help line and future fundraisers for allergies against cleaning in general. It's an epidemic. The government is keeping under wraps to avoid widespread panic. The billboard campaign will come out in March of 2010. Please understand. You, too, can be infected. Wear masks. Wash your hand to avoid possible contamination.

Mona--So Jeff.....what is the cure for said condition??

JN--(Glad you asked. . .) Its call overloading. You give the children the wonderful task of washing clothes until they become numb. Keep bombarding with loads and loads and loads of laundry. Dirty, clean, never-worn clothes-just give it to them to wash. Got to build the antigens for washing towels. They will build a tolerance. Active immunity at its best. Build the antigen for washing. Before too long they will just wash, with no lip too. Who knew? Torture works (No, I do not subscribe such practice. It's a joke. . .okay, I do. Anyways)

JN--You can try the booster shot method. Give them small loads and ease into their lifestyle, but this is not as entertaining (as the aforementioned)

JN--Yet, still one more method. Not as long lasting, purely short-term. Bring them to a cleaner and have them launder the clothes. If they are of driving age (and even if they are not. Just as long as the feet touch the pedals) give them cash and car keys and tell them to get it done. If they learned anything, then you come home with nicely pressed towels. Starch is good word for you to teach. Remember learn them good.

JN--If its a severe case, tell them to go buy new towels. This is an extreme measure and you have to be on a donor allergy-washing-loads-of-towel list. No an easy list to get on. May need government assistance. I am sure there is a university working on this condition as we speak. You got to do what you got to do.


Laundry Polio Shot?
All joking aside. There is something about washing clothes. I really hated it. There was time where I just dropped off my laundry in plastic trash bags at the cleaners. Now, I do my own. All of last year in my journal, at least half of my "to-do" list was washing of some sort. Wash clothes. Wash cars, Wash jacket. Wash blanket. Wash cars again. wash clothes again. It never stopped. For awhile, I realized that will never stop. As my my childhood friend Mona put it, "**kicking the laundry monster**......AND STAY DOWN BITCH!!!" Maybe there will be a shot, like polio, which will eradicate the laundry monster, I don't know. My closet is still overflowing with clothes.

Folding Towels Brings Nirvana, Carpe "F*#k-ing Diem.
What I did find as I folded towels today, I felt peace. There was a sense of renewal. I mean my socks and pants had sand in them. It reminded me of the beach in San Diego. I think of the seagulls and pelicans. I remember the surfer and that photos of the ride ready to come. A time ago, I would have been upset about getting dirt on me. Now, it lets me know that I used the day.

At my family friend's wedding, my Aunt Tally had vomit on her blouse. Honestly, I smiled. Just thought how funny seeing her drooped over in a drunk stupor as Jason held her up while the valet got our car. I can still see the vomit on the sidewalk next to the valet key booth. The look at his face when he stepped on the puke--Priceless. I recall the bartender cutting her off. Memories of a blouse with vomit

I think of the blood on my sock, "Hey, I got Diabetes. Do my foot exam or I won't worry about shoes at all." Dirty clothes say we enjoyed the day. Carpe "F*$#k-ing Diem.

Washing is just daily challenge. . .daily activity saying we lived life. It says we have a life still yet to live. This is why we do it. A metaphorical rebirth. A chance to start anew. We can wash away the sins of the past and put a new you on display. We are like the Egyptians washing cloths on the rocks by the Nile River. Only there is no human sacrifices and we have washing machines and dryers.

Washing clothes is a connection to the past. And unless, we all decide to go Adam and Eve, a la commando, we will always have laundry to finish. Let me a borrow a line from the musical genius--my favorite singer and I know yours-- Vanilla Ice "Will it ever stop? Yo! I don't know" Will it ever stop . . .Yo! I hope not. Not washing would mean not living. Everyone has a dragon to slay. With orange Tide bottle in my right hand and Downy in the other, I am ready to battle this laundry monster.

Side Note: For future references, No, I will find my own personal Zen. Don't ask. Don't offer. Do your own laundry? If you have kids, take above steps to deal with this CONDITION. Any suggestions are always welcome?

My Fight With Kanye West

Nike+ Challenge--My Origin
Today's battle. A Cyber Bully. Let's call him Kanye. Why? He is a sore loser.(Refer to Taylor Swift/ Kanye West VMA Awards)

Joined Nike Plus. Its a website for runners with Nike+ sensors. On this site, runners post challenges, chart runs, set goals, request traing assistance, etc. Started a couple months ago. Purchased the sensor a year ago, but never used it. In late July, I found it and started using it. Needed something to get my fat ass to the gym. It monitored my progress. This was great, at first. Guess, I needed more. Looking back, I was afraid of the sensor, afraid of running. Never been a great runner. Actually, crappy would best describe me. Geriatric is another good adjective.

Joined a couple of distance challenges. Object was not who's the fastest. Nor is it who does the most mileage in a month. Its just Finishing. This is what I needed. You see, I have congestive heart failure (another post for another time). Needed something to keep me moving. Or I would die fat and short of breath. Swimming is awesome, but the water gets cold. Plus, riding the stationary bike hurts my butt after an hour.

Forrest Gump, I'm Not
So I got on the treadmill and as Forrest Gump would say "I Started Running!!!" Unfortunately, that stopped quickly. Mind willing, Body not so much. Hurt my ACL playing basketball and my meniscus swells to the point I can't bend my knee. You see as a child, I pushed the school bus uphill in the snow while the rest of the kids drank warm cocoa. Let me tell you, "I'm no Runner." Five foot four weighing 275 lbs at the time, 2 foot stride length. Basically, I was carrying another person around my waist while I run. I wrestled 121s in high school. Depressing. Yet, kept walking. 20 minute miles. If you are runner, you know this is slow. Turtles move faster than I do. Snails, too. Senior citizens in walkers, its a race. (Amendment: with one leg) I was okay with this. I was moving.

JPeg Trophies and Medals Are My Candy
Anyways, I digress. Started getting stronger. Lost 15 lbs. Joined more challenges. Took second in a few of them. This started revving my competitive engine. I like to win. Jpeg trophies are my candy. I was hooked. First month, did 8 miles. Second month, August, 74 miles. Last September, finished 200 miles. Now, shooting for 300 in October. Got a few invite to other challenges. Got a number of friend requests. Started seeing my name in first place on a few challenges. One Nike+ Ambassador asked me to post one of my quips I wrote on her Facebook page on her running blog site. She thought it was inspirational. Now, I felt good. Felt connected. Felt proud. Jpeg trophies and medals brought a smile on my face. Kudos and hollas from Facebook friends pumped me up. Invites for new faster and longer challenges awaited.

Kanye West Called Me A JOINER
Now, I'm in a new fight, a new battle. I am faced with a new challenge. Kanye called me a "Joiner." ARRGHHH!!! You see I'm in a Nike+ Distance challenge with 8 people. 2 on my side. 6 on the other. We are beating the other team by a 100+ miles. Its a rout. One of the challengers I have named Kanye West, a coward, questioned whether I was a "Fan" or "Joiner." A Joiner is a "Tourist" for those Fight Club fan. (Watch the movie, if you don't know.) Expected some smack talk. I expect being called out. Its just the way of the jungle. I responded in kind, not wanting to be a Punk. I questioned Kanye's "Joiner" machismo and he responded. Called me sensitive. Ouch.

"Ali, boma ye!"
I hear the Zairians crowd chant "Ali, boma ye!" "Ali, boma ye!" "Ali, boma ye!" ("Ali, kill him!") You are about to wake the sleeping lion. My 2-person team is beating the 6-person team by a 100+ miles. Personally, if either Shellie or I withdrew, I suspect we'd still win. It still would be 140 miles us to 180 miles them. I suspect that I would be able to catch the other team and perhaps win given the 60 days left. However, other runners could always join or withdraw at anytime. Being called sensitive is getting personal.

Sun Tzu Lectures Me
If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Draw the other army out. Frustrate and anger the opponent. This personal effrontery from a dweeb one hundred miles behind bothered me. In the 300, King Leonidas said King Xerxes's weakness is Pride. I have always been prideful and I know that the best recourse may be to let the pettinesss pass. Should I let the name calling wash over me and just play my game. However, now I want to win by a few touchdown. No. Coach Yoast is shouting in my ear, "Leave No Doubt." Maximus orders "Unleash Hell."

I am going to sleep over this and plan my next course of action. Any suggestions, please send them.

The Real Battle, The Real Challenge
Challenge is a good thing. Name calling drives me to do more. It makes me want to head to the gym now. Get on the treadmill. Put up some ridiculous, demoralizing-to-the-other team number. I want beat the entire team by myself. Like Kobe putting up 81 points against the Toronto Raptor. I just want take over the 4th quarter. All this extra running will help my heart and help shed the tire around my waist. These Nike challenges raises my competitive juices. And I want to drink from the cup of victory. Nike, the goddess of victory, calls. "Citus, Altius, Fortius" stands for faster, higher, stronger. That which does not kill us makes us stronger--Friedrich Nietzsche. This personal battle is not with Kanye. I must look at the real opponent. Crimson Tide Denzell Washington, the real opponent is not with the Russians. Its with War Itself. That Opponent being Me. Its my Pride. Its my belly. Kanye, I am deleting you again. The rent in my head just got raised and its eviction time. Just win, baby.

Gotta go now, treadmill is calling. I want to win this challenge running away. Kanye West, I will break you. I will cancel this tour, too.