L'Event de Perseids

Drought Almost Over

Its been some time since. . .well, been feeling this drought for too long. I can pretend that it didn’t effect me, but that is what it would be,  Pretending. Perhaps, it’s fitting? After the feeling of emptiness, after this feeling of feeling less than, perhaps it is fitting that it will shower soon. Tonight, I read to be ready for a shower. 

Clash of Titans

Perseus was mythic character of Greek mythology. Born of questionable circumstances, raised by his adopted family.His life an adventure throughout. His journeys are one of legend. I know of two movies made of his exploits. Marrying Andromeda. Beheading the Gorgon, Medusa. Riding the winged horse, Pegasus. Passing the River Styx. Battling Neptune’s spawn, the Kraken. Standing up to the Gods of Olympia. Perseus in history inspired to be greater. To go against the wind and battle for better times, for Love.

Renewal

Symbolism of rain, of a shower. It supposed to be droplets of life. Of renewal. Of spiritual growth. In movies, rain means life. Think of it as a cleansing. A time for change. City of Angel, Forrest Gump, Leap of Faith. Rain played a significant part in all these movies. When Seth’s love, dies it rained. When the Forrest Gump was in Vietnam, going through all the types of rain. The ones that came up from the ground. The ones that went sideways. The ones that came in giant droplets. Rain was the last image one sees  in Steve Martin departure of his ways as he screams, "Rain, Rain, Rain."

Rain is coming tonight. From Perseus, too.

Streaks

Actually, it is a meteor shower. It’s where the dust from the Tuttle-Swift passes by earth’s orbit. Supposedly, there will be 45 to 100 meteorites streaking  through our night. It is said Nature’s Fourth of July. I just made that up. After tonight I will see if this is true. Maybe it will be a cleansing of the soul I need.

I Just Made that Up

Plans are to head to the Devil’s Punchbowl with my camera and lounge chair. No city lights. Just dark night and heavens above. Bring some snacks and hope to dust particles dance in green and red streaks on the atmosphere. Fourth of July, huh? Kaprece was born on the Fourth of July. That was big life changing moment.  Tonight is L’Event de Perseids. (I just made that up). We journey through the Swift-Tuttle dust stream.

It's That Guy

Called the Devil’s Punch Bowl campgrounds yesterday to get the logistics and the ranger said, some stay until to 1 to 2 am. Not sure, if I will be out that late, but we’ll see. It has been some time since I’ve been to the Bowl. Not sure what to expect, but a late night adventure it shall be. Per Google, modern day’s encyclopedia, states that the Perseid showers is called because the dust originates from the constellation Perseus. Remember the movie Clash of the Titans, it’s that guy.

What Does That Mean?

Dream dictionary interpret meteors as “some truth that has been kept hidden.” Or it may also means, some truth that has yet to be realized.” The earth in dreams tends to link to the facts and reality about your life. Meteors and asteroids are made out of earth so they too maybe have some link to reality. Meteors and asteroids may symbolize some truth which was not realized at first. Meteors supposedly links to some radical shift that is about to change your life. Maybe some new job or move is about to happen and the dream is reminding you of this change

 

Its Been A Long Time
Tonight I sit under the dark starry sky. Lounging looking at the celestial dance tonight. Maybe there will be a renewal, a spiritual cleaning. Tonight I will welcome the shower.  Tonight, I hope this rain will strengthen me spiritually to battle my personal Gorgons and Krakens. Maybe tonight I will find my Andromeda, ride my Pegasi? Tonight, maybe it will indicate some radical shift in my life. Maybe a truth will be uncovered. Whatever it is, this drought has been long and hopefully this rain will replenish me.

SOLVITUR AMBULANDOS

Saint Augustine--Solvitur Ambulandos. . .It is Solved By Walking

Sitting in the Domenic Massari Park. In my car, typing away, watching the people pass by. Morning sun is rising to my left. Cars behind me are taking their children to school right now. Pete Knight High. Quail Valley. Parks and Rec employees are busy performing their morning miracles. Two soccer fields in front. Tennis courts, basketball courts, and jungle gyms in the distance. Sun is warming my face and I feeling alive. Awakening as such. A new dawn. A new day.

Enlisted, I Be. . .

Morning walkers. I’ve joined their ranks. My anterior tibialis are just bulging. Still slow, though. The others I walk with are always half a house in front of me. Right now, I’m just happy to be in the running for the moment. It didn’t used to be this way. I used to be the one ahead by a distance. Now, I can barely keep up. Don’t want to say its because its my ejection fraction and lowered heart condition. Don’t want to say it because it would be an excuse for not trying. It would be an excuse for failing. Don’t want that. Don’t need that. Removing all doubts is not easy.

Gone, No Longer

I’m working on it. Haven’t blogged or went to the gym for the last week. Wanted to clear my mind and accept certain things in my life. Certain things that pains me to accept. There is always some rebelliousness inside of me. Always something to challenge the conventional wisdom. It’s just who I am. Always had it. Always cherished the “F You” attitude about what I could and could not do. I am the captain of my own ship. I am the decider of what I can and cannot do. Tell me, “No” I will want it more. Tell me, “It’s impossible.” I say “Been there, Done that.”

I am sure that I am not only one that feels and thinks this way.

Hope Fills My Heart

Watching these ladies and gentlemen putting on their hoodies and sweats, ready to venture on the one to two mile walk, I admire them. Always did from afar. Now, I have joined the ranks. What attracted me to this was feeling of Hope and desire for Change. Watching somebody pumping their arms and legs. Making lips purse when they breathe. Their focused attention on the next step ahead, it made me feel honored. I feel marveled.

I get this thought “Hey, I can do that.” Then this thought becomes a desire, “I will do that.” Then it transforms to an action, “ I am doing that.” I smile at the memory, "I've done that and still do." Watching the dolphins at Sea World as they do amazing tricks, hypnotizes me. Doing flips over their trainers head. Jumping 50 feet in the air to eat some tiny fish.  Escaping earth’s gravity for what seems to be forever.

My niece Prece  produces the same wonderment for me. Doing handstands on the balance beam.  Running at escape velocity speed when she attacks the vault. Joggers in the marathon complete that 13^th Mile has me transfixed. Guess, the reason I like watching sports is that something amazing—something marvelous—could be just a blink away.

My Brother's Eyes

Don’t have the same eye as my brother when he watches sports. It still amazes me how he is able to dissect the movements, actions, and strategies of the players during football games. Did my best to follow. Read some of the strategy and concepts in his coaches books about the West Coast Offense or the Triangle Offense, but I don’t know what to look for. Guess, its like chess but with moving parts. Its all a blur to me. My love for sports has not changed much, except I marvel more. Can’t break down the athletes’ movements. Just not in my wheelhouse. However, seeing the human spirit in every step, I can see that. 

Spirits Rises At the Sound of Music

Well, I am marveled by the person’s spirit. Watching a person getting mind, body, and spirit right just lifts me up, it’s a freaking Rocky movie. The Rocky theme song is playing in my head. Sometimes it the Chariots of Fire. Its so uplifting. It’s so life-affirming. It’s so alive.

Daily choice of being healthier, mentally and physically. I marvel how in the time when luxuries of life are at our fingertips: Pay per view, Wii, internet, Facebook, QVC. People still decide to walk. They decide run. They decide to gym it.

It’s inspiring.

Every day one can decide to become something different. Everyday one can decide to be something more. Every day one can decide to shed what one is in order to become what one needs to--and want-- to be. Every day one can do this.

Journey of Thousand Miles Begins With. . .

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Time for me to join the ranks. Time to shed my old self and become something more. Time for the Rocky song to start playing.

Namaste

Tuesday morning. It’s a bit chilly. Not even the warm music and smiling waitress heat this early day. Bee Gees playing and I still feel the brisk breeze from the bottom of my legs. I wonder how this day will heat up. Hopefully, this will day will thaw soon. 

It’s been that way for a few days. It’s been cold inside for me. My heart stilled for some time and I need to feel it pumping soon. Been walking in the morning and still no melting. My heart and body slowed. It raced with passion and enthusiasm. Now, not so much. My ejection fraction lessened. Been cut off from the warmth. Been cut off from the Love. Hope took a blow. Starting anew will take some work. The things we do for love.

I know ice age is just temporary. Yet, the cold stings. The heat turned off. Got to fire this still beating heart. What warms me is playing Lightsabers with Dorian. What warms me is listening to Dorian sing the theme song of Star Wars. What warms me is the hugs he gives me for no reason. My Brother’s son brings a smile to my heart.

I missed much with Em. Nothing can ever replace this part of me. I know this soul loss is of dire consequence. I hope in time her heart will open to mine. I hope that our hearts will be together. I hope that the ice that fills another’s heart will be warmed. Not that frost is not deserved. I do understand this Nordic breeze. Hope in time Green House will melt the polar caps that I find myself in.

A man is injecting his (I assume wife) with insulin in the booth in front of me. What an act. A simple one. A loving one. Life-giving, life-saving, life-loving act. My soul is healing and I have shed tears of diamonds from the treasure of my heart. I will breathe the green energy in my heart chakra. I will spin the wheels of life to let the prana heal my aching heart. Got to let the love in. I hope to heal and find my attunement. Need the beach waters to recharge my souls. Need to ground myself and disperse the negativity that has bathed my soul for some time. Need to let the love in and be re-born. Need to love again.

Hope in time that Em will let me. Hope in time that my soul will find what it has been missing. Mind and body will find its way. Need to find my melody. Listening to the rhythm of my soul. Em, I love you. I hope all my love and prayers find you well. Namaste.

Vasquez Rocks: Easter

Music is playing. Kids are atop the rocks. The feel of festivity rings through the desert air. A baby is crying. People are walking to the limited seats. There’s an excitement in the air. Its time for me to leave soon. Going to bring my backpack and music in a second. Won’t bring the laptop in fear of dust and drop damage. Actors dressed in nativity garb passes by. Seats begin to fill. I’m excited. Cars, minivans, a police escort travels up the narrow windy road. People on reverse exodus. Headed away from home, but to the Easter Service.

What’s the excitement one may ask? Hopefully, the picture can better explain the sights I see instead of the words that I use. Dust flies in the air. Man in a sunhat and walking cane walks by. The cane is olden cane. Not the Nordic type ones sees of the  more serious California jogger. This cane reminds me of the movie Ten Commandments. Seats are being filled and its time for me to leave.  Sorry, more to come.

Back home now. It was something else. I’ve seen plays before, but this was a great play.

Might see again tomorrow. Something about the backdrop of Vasquez Rocks. Brought some realism to the whole Passion of the Christ story. Bread was being passed out. The Crucifixion on top of the rocks. The snap of the whip.

I knew the basic story, but seeing up close and personal it brought something more personal. Although it was lip sync at times, the message of the story seemed to resonate. I will let the pictures speak for themselves. If you ever get the chance to watch Easter Service at Vasquez Rocks, take the time and go.

This journey of spirituality is bringing me places I would never have considered before.

Faith Is Yours

Can’t undo the things I’ve done. Looks like I can’t make up things that I failed to do. I have made my apologies. I made my attempts at reconciliation and redemption. My sorries were apparently too little and too late. My efforts not suffice. Wish that I could change things. Wish I knew another way to re-connect. They are at different place and I do not have the wherewithal to reconnect. This part is a mystery.

Being unanswered, says a lot. “No Answer” is an answer.

They were polite by accepting friend requests. However, it appears they moved on. And I am not invited. No hate in my heart for them or the situation. Just being a ghost. . .doesn’t wear well with me. I need to shed the hollow spirit shell. It sufficed in protecting me from the cold allowing me to heal at this soul loss. Now this hollow shell’s heaviness collects new pain and sorrow. A burden I no longer wish to carry. It’s stopping me from growing. From moving on.

No new joy comes. What’s left is but good memories of a time past. Their profile pics remind me I am not in other’s lives. Their comments and posts tell me they are alive. I thrill at their life and joys, but the feeling I get weighs. Perhaps, I’m wrong? But it feels like am dead in their eyes. I will not pursue because I have been accepted but unanswered. A soul banishment. Perhaps it was the previous me they accepted. Perhaps it’s the past me that they banished. Points in my life I am. Points in my life I was. Points in my life that I can’t erase. I am those things and no longer am those things. I hear me and I no longer will be a ghost. My journey with them this lifetime looks like its past.  Happiness is there and theirs. That will be enough for now. I need to journey and find my own.

Big Smile, thank you for letting me share some time with these good people. Looks like I will close some doors because there’s a draft on my soul. The winds of absence chills me. It stills my heavy heart. It still beats, so I can’t stay here no more. Ghost no more. Forgive me for letting go. Please open new doors for me.

I hope someday to be forgiven. I have forgiven myself and I hope others may follow.

I hurt. I loss.

I . . .

I believe it’s time. I believe it’s time to move on.

It’s time to let go. 

Time to grow up. Time to Grow on.

I need my soul to heal.

Big Smile, send them my Love. Please give me the wisdom and strength to accept their absence. If willing, may our next journey together be soon. May the next time together, I am better in the lessons of lifelong friendships that I failed this lifetime. If I have just one or two lifelong friends, I am okay with that.  

For now, I’ll just pray and be thankful. Please refill me. Please fill my heart with love again.

My Faith is Yours.

Awakening

Feeling melancholy. Don’t know if it’s the weather. Don’t know if it’s the music I’m listening to. Don’t know if I am just feeling. . .down. Didn’t like my horoscope for tomorrow much. It said,” That old expression, if you ignore them, they'll go away? Well, that might not always hold true, but right now it just so happens to be quite accurate -- especially when it comes to a certain family member or friend who seems intent on obsessing over something neither you has any control over. Explain this once, then put some distance between the two of you until they get over it.” I’m having lunch with someone important. I’m afraid that I will be that person ignored. I will be the one that will be asked to put some distance.

Battery for laptop is about to die. Orange light has come on. Well, I hope to put what I can before the lights go out. I need to gym it. When I gave blood this afternoon, they said I should avoid strenuous exercise for at least 12 hours. I am afraid if I don’t go, then I will be slip sliding down that slippery slope. Didn’t jump in the pool this afternoon because I was told that I might go in cardiac arrest due to the cold water. It scared me. I know that I can work out tomorrow. It will be fine. It’s just my psyche will be more effected by not going in. It has already effected me. Doubt Gremlins has effected my hampered my risk-taking mechanism.

Well, I must be going because laptop is about to shut off.

I wrote the above the night before. I’m back. Went to the gym last night and again this morning. Jumped in the pool. No cardiac arrest. I'll admit I was scared. Got some feedback today. It was good. My posts are vague at times and it feels that like I am speaking to someone. I get that. It’s fair. Guess, I got the Doogie Howser syndrome. I appreciate the comments. Give me more. Please. 

Who am I writing these blogs to? The Universe. Basically, whoever wants to listen. Whoever wants to read this blog. This is who I write to. I’m also writing to myself, flushing out stuff and making some beliefs stronger.

Finally saw Book of Eli. I liked it. It hits home for me. Been going through a spiritual awakening. Going through a journey of discovery. Been going to church more and more often. Been reading about more and more religious texts. Picked up the book for Everything to Know About Islam. Been reading some Jehovah Witness literature. Had plans to go see the Dalai Lama at Universal City CityWalk last weekend. (Plans fell through) Listening to lots of Matisyahu. Don’t know if that counts. Love listening to Halleluiah. Been jumping in my pool a lot, kind of rebirth/ pretend baptism of sorts. I’m attending weekly Religious Inquiry class Tuesday nights.  I pray every sunrise and sunset. I pray when I eat. I pray when I go to bed. I pray when I wake up. I find myself planning on attending morning mass on weekdays. 

Been reawakened of sorts. Never been a churchie, so this all new.  I am finding strength—I am finding understanding—I am finding peace whenever and wherever I pray.  It’s funny. I’ve heard so many people say it’s chore to attend. I  like it. I like going to church.

What I like is continuity. I like the message of hope and redemption. I like meaning and symbolism of the events. Lent, for example, is a warm-up for Easter. For the resurrection. The forty days symbolizes Christ’s 40 days in the desert being tempted by the Fallen. The ashes on the forehead represents an ancient tradition reminding people, “from dust we came, from dust we shall return.” Its 6 times a day, worshippers of the Muslim faith prays. It’s the reading stating from the Jehovah Witness that a sprinkling of water on the forehead is not a true baptism until one is fully submerged. It’s the learning that in Jewish Temple, there is the big room where the highest of highest books are placed. It’s the tradition that the people of the Muslim faith have to take a journey to Mecca. Its Dalai Lama’s 13^th Incarnation. Its Shamanism of the Totech and the 5 agreements.  What I like is everything.

Don’t know where any of this leading. Don’t really have any expectations. It just seems to clear. I know so little and this I don’t know what to call. It brings me peace and strength. It makes sense to me. I am just thanking the Big Smile. There are times of melancholy. There are times of forgetfulness. There are times I question where this manifestation comes from. All I know is that I feel congruent. I feel steadfast and expansive. I see things more clearly. I notice more. I take pictures all the time. I am just amazed about everything. Events seem more purposeful. It feels like a jigsaw puzzle coming into place.

I’m getting these Ah-ha moments all the time. Strange, I know.  Events of long ago, events of the future, and  moments-in-the-now  feel “together” I worry less about the past. I am not so concerned with the upcoming. I am just here and it seems so clear. There are questions--so many questions. Yet, it feels like if I look more closely, listen more intently and keep my heart more open answers just appear.  Of course, there is life stuff. There’s always life stuff. Yet, it’s just stuff.

“Vague”—Yup. I will work on that.

Well, what a difference a day can make. What a difference a 10 miles of cardio can do. What a difference jumping into a cold pool will do. No--Its more what new discovered Faith has me doing. Jumping a freezing cold pool. It has me doing 10 miles of cardio. It has me attending church more often. It has me reading the the Bible, the Torah, and the Koran. It has me feeling more in tune. 

Well, it’s gym time again.

MONA-- **kicking the laundry monster**......AND STAY DOWN BITCH!!!

(Excerpts from Facebook exchange)
Mona (not her real name)--i think my children are allergic to washing a load of towels.

Awareness Is The First Step
JN--Its a problem. Not everyone understands nor do they respect this disease. . .I, mean CONDITION. The first step is awareness. Once people know that 97 percent of people are inflicted with this condition, then we can take strides. We are considering a help line and future fundraisers for allergies against cleaning in general. It's an epidemic. The government is keeping under wraps to avoid widespread panic. The billboard campaign will come out in March of 2010. Please understand. You, too, can be infected. Wear masks. Wash your hand to avoid possible contamination.

Mona--So Jeff.....what is the cure for said condition??

JN--(Glad you asked. . .) Its call overloading. You give the children the wonderful task of washing clothes until they become numb. Keep bombarding with loads and loads and loads of laundry. Dirty, clean, never-worn clothes-just give it to them to wash. Got to build the antigens for washing towels. They will build a tolerance. Active immunity at its best. Build the antigen for washing. Before too long they will just wash, with no lip too. Who knew? Torture works (No, I do not subscribe such practice. It's a joke. . .okay, I do. Anyways)

JN--You can try the booster shot method. Give them small loads and ease into their lifestyle, but this is not as entertaining (as the aforementioned)

JN--Yet, still one more method. Not as long lasting, purely short-term. Bring them to a cleaner and have them launder the clothes. If they are of driving age (and even if they are not. Just as long as the feet touch the pedals) give them cash and car keys and tell them to get it done. If they learned anything, then you come home with nicely pressed towels. Starch is good word for you to teach. Remember learn them good.

JN--If its a severe case, tell them to go buy new towels. This is an extreme measure and you have to be on a donor allergy-washing-loads-of-towel list. No an easy list to get on. May need government assistance. I am sure there is a university working on this condition as we speak. You got to do what you got to do.


Laundry Polio Shot?
All joking aside. There is something about washing clothes. I really hated it. There was time where I just dropped off my laundry in plastic trash bags at the cleaners. Now, I do my own. All of last year in my journal, at least half of my "to-do" list was washing of some sort. Wash clothes. Wash cars, Wash jacket. Wash blanket. Wash cars again. wash clothes again. It never stopped. For awhile, I realized that will never stop. As my my childhood friend Mona put it, "**kicking the laundry monster**......AND STAY DOWN BITCH!!!" Maybe there will be a shot, like polio, which will eradicate the laundry monster, I don't know. My closet is still overflowing with clothes.

Folding Towels Brings Nirvana, Carpe "F*#k-ing Diem.
What I did find as I folded towels today, I felt peace. There was a sense of renewal. I mean my socks and pants had sand in them. It reminded me of the beach in San Diego. I think of the seagulls and pelicans. I remember the surfer and that photos of the ride ready to come. A time ago, I would have been upset about getting dirt on me. Now, it lets me know that I used the day.

At my family friend's wedding, my Aunt Tally had vomit on her blouse. Honestly, I smiled. Just thought how funny seeing her drooped over in a drunk stupor as Jason held her up while the valet got our car. I can still see the vomit on the sidewalk next to the valet key booth. The look at his face when he stepped on the puke--Priceless. I recall the bartender cutting her off. Memories of a blouse with vomit

I think of the blood on my sock, "Hey, I got Diabetes. Do my foot exam or I won't worry about shoes at all." Dirty clothes say we enjoyed the day. Carpe "F*$#k-ing Diem.

Washing is just daily challenge. . .daily activity saying we lived life. It says we have a life still yet to live. This is why we do it. A metaphorical rebirth. A chance to start anew. We can wash away the sins of the past and put a new you on display. We are like the Egyptians washing cloths on the rocks by the Nile River. Only there is no human sacrifices and we have washing machines and dryers.

Washing clothes is a connection to the past. And unless, we all decide to go Adam and Eve, a la commando, we will always have laundry to finish. Let me a borrow a line from the musical genius--my favorite singer and I know yours-- Vanilla Ice "Will it ever stop? Yo! I don't know" Will it ever stop . . .Yo! I hope not. Not washing would mean not living. Everyone has a dragon to slay. With orange Tide bottle in my right hand and Downy in the other, I am ready to battle this laundry monster.

Side Note: For future references, No, I will find my own personal Zen. Don't ask. Don't offer. Do your own laundry? If you have kids, take above steps to deal with this CONDITION. Any suggestions are always welcome?