Marriage By ROSELYN NADONZA

Re-posted from Facebook.

WRITTEN BY MS ROSELYN NADONZA

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with this story...
 
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly. 

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.

I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. 

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. 

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. 

But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. 

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. 

His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.





On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. 




She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. 

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. 



On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. 

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. 

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. 

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do you have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

THANK YOU ROSELYN NADONZA

Building Bridges Now: Connections from the past to the future

Takes Work. . .

Building takes work. Connections take mortar, clay, steel beams, concrete, planning, mistakes, corrections, and time. The distance between here and there can be treacherous. What once was there may fall into disarray and disrepair. If it is worth the time, then people will make efforts to make that connection. This is much how people are, too. Our relationships with our fellows may need to make that same mortar, clay, steel beams, and time. 

Lesson Learned

Building on what others have done in the past is vital on who we are. We learn the mistakes others have made and try not to make them. We learn that time heals wounds, but forgetting the past also has its problems. We are liable to make the same mistakes.

Building a Legacy

Watched a Iron Man 2 this weekend. Show begins with Robert Downey, Jr. playing the role of Tony Stark, brilliant billionaire business man. He is the maker of Iron Man suit and he holds an expo with the theme of building a legacy. That of his father, his own, the world’s Legacy.

Just Standing Around Looking at the Grass. . .

Before heading to cemetery to see Rochelle and Tatay, I asked one of my nieces (actually according to Family Tree, its my first cousin, once removed) if she wanted to go. Let’s call her 3^rd gen. Anyways, I asked her if she wanted to go and she said, “Why? All you are going to do there is stand around and look at the grass and stone tablet.” Thought this was quite astute for a six year old. Tried saying it was out of respect and that we need to see those that have gone away. She answered, “They are dead. They can’t say anything.” Didn’t want to lecture or discuss metaphysical stuff of life and afterlife.  Got a bit frustrated with myself that I wasn’t able to explain to her in terms that she would understand. This was something to chew on.

Will Not Be Unturned

Well, anyways, we got to the cemetery and it was quite busy. Gardeners were trying to close the early, but Uncle John wasn’t having it. He waited patiently for them to open the gates. We still had a half hour before closing.

Drove inside. It was packed. Cars were lined up and down the roadway. I could see why they gardeners were anxious to leave.  It was Mother’s Day. Uncle John and Mom put the fresh roses and carnations in the flower holder. Dropped off the necklace, Kaprece, Kaelynn, and I made at the Relay for Life Cancer Walk.

Family Stories Being Told

There we stood around and looked around on the grass and stone tablet as my niece predicted. We talked about the upcoming family events, Chris’s wedding in three days, Uncle John’s venture to the PI for HS reunion, and Aunty Flor’s return trip back home.

Star of David

Couldn’t help think of the conversation with first cousin once removed earlier in the day, Also had a talk with Lynn, my niece. Lynn’s ten now. We were brunching with the Palmdale Fam’s at El Torito. For some reason, the conversation lead to talk about history. The conversation starter was the Star of David on my niece’s thumbnail. I talked about the mont blanc pens and the star of David on top of the pen cover. Talked about Hitler commissioned to have the best pen of the world made. (Mont Blancs run from $100 to $1000s of dollars per pen). Unbeknownst to the Nazi leader, the pen makers were of Jewish descent. They placed the Star of David on top of the cap cover and there it remains. I asked her, if she knew who Hitler was? She said, “No.”

History Is More Than Class In School

This scared me a bit. How can she not know? Maybe it’s good that she didn’t know about the Holocaust at this time. It reminded me when I asked if she knew Muhammad Ali was. She said, “No” then too. Realizing people not knowing about the past scared me a bit. Historical figures that were prominent in my growing up reminded me that we need to take to share the oral history of our past. It may be time to bring children to cemeteries to show them that the past is important.  To remind children, History is important. To remind them people before are important. To remind them to respect and understand the past. It is time to learn History is more than a class in school.

This is daunting task, but one well worth the effort. With the advent of technology, we should be able to bridge the past and the future much easier. I hope in time the children remember to be more this lesson I hope in time we are the legacy and foundation of the future. I hope that we can teach the children that cemeteries are more than grass and stone tablets. I hope that even though people shed their mortal coils, the children learn that our loved ones are still alive in our hearts.

She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain When She Comes

Two Steps Back
Solvang--Took the long way to three hour tour. Got a bit lost. It rained. Windshield wiper needed replacement. Got bad food service. Left for another restaurant. Got bad food. Drove home in the pouring rain. Vista Point of the Saint Ynez River closed. Knew I should have stopped earlier. Gift shop at Chumash Casino was limited. My favorite Catch-21 was closed. Pita Pit just closed in Valencia. 

Overall, I had a good time.

One Giant Leap For Me-Kind
Spent all day driving, eating, and taking pictures out of my car. Said hello to nice people. Angelo from Tom’s. Greek fella. Got to say in Greek.  Thank you thanks to much needed Facebook support (Thanks Michelle, Roselyn). Got free drinks, food, and stuff by just listening today.  Took some great pics. Chumash Reservation area was. . .not that big. Beautiful and if I had more time I would like to have just sat there for awhile.   

Was up in the clouds today. Got to look down at the clouds, too. Took a view of the Santa Ynez River and Cachuma Lake. Makes me want to visit Lake Elizabeth in the near future. Never have before.  But it is more than inkling now.

Visited the Mission of Santa Ines. Think I want to go to service there one day. Think I want to visit the other mission, too. San Fernando and San Buenaventura. 

Didn’t put my feet in the Pacific like I would have liked. Too rocky, too rainy, and getting too late. Waves were crashing hard and I had no change of clothes. Got a bit scared at the black van at the Sea Cliff, too. Very Nomad-ish. (1980’s movie)

Listened on the radio on 60 minutes about the Nine year boy old finding remains of the other nine year old that lived 1.9 million years ago. Supposedly, it is the connection between homo sapiens and Cro-Magnons.

Pacific Coast, Chumash, and Korean War--Sunday Highways
On the drive to Solvang, I kept on seeing the real Camino sign on the highway. Thought about how the Danish journey to the far west from European roots to create the town of Solvang. Driving the windy road, seeing the Chumash Highway sign, it made me think. Danish were not the first here. There were many others. Chumash Indians, probably the Spaniards, than the Danes. Probably before them were the Chinese (If you haven’t read or heard there was a theory that China landed in California some time before Columbus). Driving kept me think of connections. Made me think of the others before me. Made me think of the people after me.

Memories On These Lanes
What also fascinated me was the drive. It was memory lane for me: going to Carpenteria with Shell, driving through Ventura thinking of J. Hill and Kirsten, Delpster and UCSB leadership camp. What fascinated me the most was the drive through the mountains and then the discovery of the Santa Ynez River. It was my remembered sighting.  I’ve seen brooks before, but never a river like the Santa Ynez. 

Read somewhere that rivers were the symbol of life. When I saw the Santa Ynez River, I just wanted to follow it wherever it led me. Remembered a good time with Glenn Young going to Kern River.

Had intentions of taking pictures of the Cachuma Lake, but didn’t want to spend the parking fee. Not worth it. Still did not get to Solvang yet, time was short, and it was getting late. Would have liked to have spent more time there. (Another few things to add on the life’s to do list)

Just For the Trees, That's Enough
Finally got to Chumash territory. Chumash reserve, well, its nice but nothing to take great pictures of. What I saw was green, a few trees, and more green. Guess that is why the Chumash settled this area. Big spanses of green. Close to the river for fishing and hunting. Beautiful area. Close to the ocean. Kind of.

Days Coming To an End, Still Much To Do
Spoke to a pretty Chumash lady at the Casino. Big Brown eyes. Smart.  Could have talked more, but it was late and there was more life to see. Needed to get to Seacliff before it got too dark. Needed to get on the hwy 126 and get some fruits from the freeway. Needed to go live life. If I had more time, another life perhaps.

Another post, another time.

Tears Are Falling. . .

"Rinnes," I've thought about you said, "Women have expiration dates." Didn't understand at first. It sucks. Don't know if its true. However, there were three of you that felt that way, so there is some general credence. It still sucks. It sucks and it scares me. Biological clock tick tocking away. Beautiful ladies feel their worth diminishes as the time goes by. That blows.

To those that aren't in the know. Couple days ago, I had late night sit down with Rinne's at the Goldfish. Soon to be older (Twenty-one years old again this year), a tall 8th grader femme (I thought she was a high school sophomore), and her mom.These ladies were my company of the pre-workout stint. Hearing them say this to me made me think. Women have expiration dates. She said so eloquently, "The times when men fall at their beck and call is reaching their sunset." Bad service at restaurants to come because of the age-beauty thing--Sad. Men falling at their wink and smile gone.

Life sucks.

The reading group I recently joined are of a different ilk. I get a different presence. They are 50 to 60 ranges. Matriarchs all. I hear a strength and community when I hear them speak. Pity parties Classic version. I say that's a rough what these Goldfish ladies are going through. Blame your Dad for not giving you the Y Chromosome. Little secret, Men don't have it so good either.

Men statistically die much younger than women. Ladies, men don't have that pity parties. Testosterone and society has made us cave dwellers. Lone wolves. Toughing it out alone are our cross that we bear. We sit and ponder. We wonder and wallow talking to old ex-girlfriends and moms about our feelings. Well, this is what my Psychology of Men class said. Ever wonder why men die earlier than their female counterparts. It was postulated that men don't know how to connect as well. They don't know how to communicate their feelings and since no connections. They keep it inside and take Viagra to make them feel younger. They keep their pain inside and men let their pain it eat them up physically. They die alone and sad.

Tough. Being a Y Chromosomer, I wonder if life is worth living without a connection to another. One old buddy of mine Brad would go on male-bitch sessions. We would say we are tired of being Male-Bashed. Blah-blah this and blah-blah that. In way, I've been blessed. I had lots of love when I was younger being First of First. Passed around going to cool places, I gots my share of attention. I had a girlfriend early during puberty and I met my soul mate relatively early too. So I have been lucky. True, there are times that I miss being in a couple, being connected. However, the only connection that I sorely miss is that special one. Hopefully, she lets me in because I really want to know her.

As for relationship-wise, I know life would be better with company. I see that with my Bro and Sis-In-Laws relationship. Jr. High Sweethearts and now three kids. He's even luckier than I am. He was always better a lot of things and I am very proud of him. He's my Hero. However, another one life's answer is found in the movie. "Up In the Air" movie comes to mind. George Clooney and Vera Farmiga are lovers with a twist. Moral of story, George Clooney learns he his ready to connect. The crucible line, the tag, the thing that sums the whole movie in one moment of clarity is this. "Remember all the great moments in your life. They are most likely with someone. Simply put, Life is better with company."

Guess, the reason I like the movie is because I relate with character. Granted what movie don't I make a connection with. . .True. I still like it and that is the story I'm sticking with. Anyways, the late night sit down was with nice ladies was enlightening and upsetting. Goldfish Mom had life issues and needed love. Apparently, she discovered her three year relationship was a lie. Her significant other was not-so-significant. He was also no-so-faithful--was not really divorcing his wife--not so monotonous having other gaming girlfriends. Nice guy. But I'm sure the signs were all there and the fantasy she had dreamt up was just a comedy.

No, that's not nice.

This is one of those "I'm looking at the cliff thinking about jumping off" moments. Hopefully, this is the time where she sees the light. She wises up and gets stronger. This is going to be her Halle Berry Boomerang moment. She'll toughen up and the right guy will come where she least expects it.

She was in pain. Could see it her eyes and hear it her tone. Body language showed she was fronting strength, hiding deep, deep pain. Now, I understand after this little diatribe. Sorry, light clicked in my head. Her pain was deep, so deep. Simply, she wanted to connect. Connect with something real. Connect and grow.

It reminds me of the many flowers in the dessert. Poppy festival is happening next month. The city of Lancaster has two day event at Lancaster Park. Besides the carnival food and games, the dance recitals, the arts and crafts, the city does something nice. They used to--I don't know if they still do--They would bus people to go see the Poppy Fields. Oceans and oceans of yellow poppies . When you see them, you can not help but smile.

So much potential. So much beauty. If no one would goes and appreciates the beauty these poppies possess, nothing dramatic would happen. Poppies would go and still be poppies. This is okay. Yet, when people can look and see their beauty, one has got to smile. It transforms these desert flowers to something more. Life showers them with sun and rain. Yet, life has been cloudy for Rinne's friend right now. She feels her leaves are falling and no one has gotten to see her flourish. She feels like fertilizer has dropped and it stinks right now. These moments will make her stronger. Crap still feels like crap. I understand her pain now. She wants to make a connection like many of us do. The tears are falling and she feels no one knows.

I am beginning to understand why I am going to church so much lately. I don't feel as alone. I don't feel as unloved. I don't feel so lost. My connection--this spiritual renewal/ rebirth--has given me new found energy that was always there. My own self-love was not enough.

My connection with this Higher Power has healed and strengthened my heart to give more--to be more--to love more. Master Yoda gave me his Star Wars sticker book yesterday and I almost cried. He loves this book. Yet, he wanted to share with me. We name the characters in the book together. I colored a picture for him. He plays lightsaber fights with me with spoons and forks. I talk to Prece about Muhammad Ali and "Ali, Boma Ye" I worked on a Chumash Indian Project and recorded whale sounds. These are the moments that counts.

I know I have missed much with M. I see her pics D gave me and I know. That coy smile and I know. . .I know I missed much. Too much. Rinne's friend made me realize that people are sometimes lost. They don't see their own light. They don't know that a connection is there. Rinne and I spoke and we came to the conclusion her friends needs to listen to heart. Hopefully this message will not gone for naught. Hope she finds strength in herself and realize loves out there. Its hard right now for her. I know.

Well, I have been sitting in the lot too long. Got to end blog. Morning Mass started and I need to connect.

Awakening

Feeling melancholy. Don’t know if it’s the weather. Don’t know if it’s the music I’m listening to. Don’t know if I am just feeling. . .down. Didn’t like my horoscope for tomorrow much. It said,” That old expression, if you ignore them, they'll go away? Well, that might not always hold true, but right now it just so happens to be quite accurate -- especially when it comes to a certain family member or friend who seems intent on obsessing over something neither you has any control over. Explain this once, then put some distance between the two of you until they get over it.” I’m having lunch with someone important. I’m afraid that I will be that person ignored. I will be the one that will be asked to put some distance.

Battery for laptop is about to die. Orange light has come on. Well, I hope to put what I can before the lights go out. I need to gym it. When I gave blood this afternoon, they said I should avoid strenuous exercise for at least 12 hours. I am afraid if I don’t go, then I will be slip sliding down that slippery slope. Didn’t jump in the pool this afternoon because I was told that I might go in cardiac arrest due to the cold water. It scared me. I know that I can work out tomorrow. It will be fine. It’s just my psyche will be more effected by not going in. It has already effected me. Doubt Gremlins has effected my hampered my risk-taking mechanism.

Well, I must be going because laptop is about to shut off.

I wrote the above the night before. I’m back. Went to the gym last night and again this morning. Jumped in the pool. No cardiac arrest. I'll admit I was scared. Got some feedback today. It was good. My posts are vague at times and it feels that like I am speaking to someone. I get that. It’s fair. Guess, I got the Doogie Howser syndrome. I appreciate the comments. Give me more. Please. 

Who am I writing these blogs to? The Universe. Basically, whoever wants to listen. Whoever wants to read this blog. This is who I write to. I’m also writing to myself, flushing out stuff and making some beliefs stronger.

Finally saw Book of Eli. I liked it. It hits home for me. Been going through a spiritual awakening. Going through a journey of discovery. Been going to church more and more often. Been reading about more and more religious texts. Picked up the book for Everything to Know About Islam. Been reading some Jehovah Witness literature. Had plans to go see the Dalai Lama at Universal City CityWalk last weekend. (Plans fell through) Listening to lots of Matisyahu. Don’t know if that counts. Love listening to Halleluiah. Been jumping in my pool a lot, kind of rebirth/ pretend baptism of sorts. I’m attending weekly Religious Inquiry class Tuesday nights.  I pray every sunrise and sunset. I pray when I eat. I pray when I go to bed. I pray when I wake up. I find myself planning on attending morning mass on weekdays. 

Been reawakened of sorts. Never been a churchie, so this all new.  I am finding strength—I am finding understanding—I am finding peace whenever and wherever I pray.  It’s funny. I’ve heard so many people say it’s chore to attend. I  like it. I like going to church.

What I like is continuity. I like the message of hope and redemption. I like meaning and symbolism of the events. Lent, for example, is a warm-up for Easter. For the resurrection. The forty days symbolizes Christ’s 40 days in the desert being tempted by the Fallen. The ashes on the forehead represents an ancient tradition reminding people, “from dust we came, from dust we shall return.” Its 6 times a day, worshippers of the Muslim faith prays. It’s the reading stating from the Jehovah Witness that a sprinkling of water on the forehead is not a true baptism until one is fully submerged. It’s the learning that in Jewish Temple, there is the big room where the highest of highest books are placed. It’s the tradition that the people of the Muslim faith have to take a journey to Mecca. Its Dalai Lama’s 13^th Incarnation. Its Shamanism of the Totech and the 5 agreements.  What I like is everything.

Don’t know where any of this leading. Don’t really have any expectations. It just seems to clear. I know so little and this I don’t know what to call. It brings me peace and strength. It makes sense to me. I am just thanking the Big Smile. There are times of melancholy. There are times of forgetfulness. There are times I question where this manifestation comes from. All I know is that I feel congruent. I feel steadfast and expansive. I see things more clearly. I notice more. I take pictures all the time. I am just amazed about everything. Events seem more purposeful. It feels like a jigsaw puzzle coming into place.

I’m getting these Ah-ha moments all the time. Strange, I know.  Events of long ago, events of the future, and  moments-in-the-now  feel “together” I worry less about the past. I am not so concerned with the upcoming. I am just here and it seems so clear. There are questions--so many questions. Yet, it feels like if I look more closely, listen more intently and keep my heart more open answers just appear.  Of course, there is life stuff. There’s always life stuff. Yet, it’s just stuff.

“Vague”—Yup. I will work on that.

Well, what a difference a day can make. What a difference a 10 miles of cardio can do. What a difference jumping into a cold pool will do. No--Its more what new discovered Faith has me doing. Jumping a freezing cold pool. It has me doing 10 miles of cardio. It has me attending church more often. It has me reading the the Bible, the Torah, and the Koran. It has me feeling more in tune. 

Well, it’s gym time again.

Everything Counts

Tuesday morning. Where do I start? I sit in It's A Grind. Had a morning everything bagel, buttered. No hot cocoa this morning. No service on my Blackberry. No internet service. Thank goodness for Wi-Fi. Not sure where this thread will lead me, but I'm sure something will emerge. The call to Jung's Collective Unconscious. Things are at critical mass now.

Chris leaves by the end of the week. He's at the Radisson for med check.  Sony is cocooning hard core. Not going out much I suspect. John and Ryan are Rolling around. Anesha and Jon are at restaurants all the time. Mitch is having issues. He's feeling out on the lurch. Antoinette and Myk I am not sure. None of them went Chris's going away. Kind of sucks. No it sucks.

Other things were more important. Its the convergence and divergence.  Families and friends spread out and go their way. They leave what's familiar for go to explore other things. They find out who they are. At times people forget who they were in order to become who they need to be. Sometimes people choose to follow different paths.

Don't suspect I will see Chris for sometime. He's re-enlisting. He proposed to Jewel at the going away. In the middle of truth or dare. Good for him. Think that was the reason I felt the need to go. I may not see him in like forever. May never ever. Just wanted to hold on a little longer. This may be the last chance. Off to go find his destiny.

Guess, at parties, its indicator how and much think of you. If they show up or call, if they do nothing, or they forget, if they throw birthday celebration, it is how much you are cared for. Had my birthday recently, I won't say much about that. It is reflection on how you have or have not impacted people's lives. They say when one is the hospital, the one that shows up first is the one that loves you the most. I'm in the hospital. I see it all the time.

I fear my past has  or is catching up. Divergence is happening within my families. Each one going their own way. Palmdale. Victorville. Culver City. Camarillo. West Covina. Glendale. Burbank. Family tress is branching out. Becoming their own thread.

In a generation in half, we will be forgotten. When our children pass. When our children's childrens pass, we will be forgotten. Not ever to be remembered. Got this line from the movie Troy with Brad Pitt. In this age, the heroes of yesteryear are forgotten. Only images and moments etched in memory do they live on. We must take a bite of that apple, so that it will be part of us. It will always be part of us, no matter how short it is. (Phenomenon movie)

Go to that party which may be an hour and half drive. Go to that one of many dance recitals. Gymnastic competition. Watch that them grow and go. The ties that bind is more than the blood coursing the veins. Its the moments of pain and love. Its the moments of hellos and goodbyes. its those celebration of everyday. Our time is finite. Our love needs to be cherished. Our love needs to be nourished by that hug, that word of encouragement, that time together. Before next times become never anymore, go.

Moments happen every second. Moments gone. Moments lost. Moments happen everywhere. There is never nothing happening. Moments are everywhere. Just need to watch. Need to listen. Need to feel.

Well, this moment is over. Got to start a new thread.