March 10: Pictures are worth a 1000 words

Today's Events
5:59 Shit, Showered Shaved.

6:10 Heading to morning mass at 6:30
7:10 G-Time at His House. Leaving St. Marys
7:50 Went off trail. Got Winded. Looked at Junipers and Horse poop
9:30 Waiting for Corinna at Jen's place. Car Garage broken. Hangovers, hahahaha. Beautiful tree
10 Gassed at Ampam. Ha Chew is gum. Called Camille's missing Artist Way. Lost Black Book. Taking Back Roads. Hi to Cat House. Talks of Las Vegas reunion

10:45 Take Truck Route instead. Corinna Cringes in the tunnel. I'm driving fast in a tunnel I can't see. With Big Rigs all around. Go Bold or Get Old.

11:14 Off Highland. In Hollywood. Thinks of Shazams and Tamara at Lodge

11:35 Passed the Golden Apple. Take a picture of another comic shop on Melrose. Talk about 7 min of standup

11:40 Good parking space. Go pee and get dinosaur donuts. Think about buying academy award

12: Pretty girl. Not really listening to Corinna, instead looking at Pretty Girl works at CBS or restaurant at the Grove. Eat Mexican because Colorado Mexicans aren't nice to Corinna. Learn of Haanes and the kids.

12:15 Make eye contact and small talk at Scent shop with pretty girl. No digits. Corinna gets tea. Doggy Bakery. Where I spent my youth reading comics and porn, I was lucky. $10 validation card, No we wont pay. Haans knows Hindi.

1 Fairfax. Writers Guild. Who shot Notorious BIG. Little Ethopita and Jewish Council for Woman. Looking for Pollo. Get feeling will find in 10 minutes

1:15 Mgt messed up order for one customer. 8 pieces. Name tag for Lisa. She got a Jones for them bones. Kids cone dipped. Server has Big kids

1:30 Sad Memories of LAX. Blue Man Billboard, "WTF" Look as plane passes overhead

1:45 Corinna go bye bye. Sad. 1 Month see her again. My first strip club I went to closed. Chess at Embassy. Aerobics cert across the street. Was I angry? Yes.

145 got to be in Lancaster by 2:30. Big Donut. Think 2012 movie

2 Pass Howard Hughes. Traffic great. Time to look at overpass and grafitti

205 Passed the VA.Trivia Pursuit question. How many bathrooms does this hotel have?

2:13 Sherman Oaks Galleria. Glitter, Dave, LA Fitness Van Nuys. Missed Budlight Brewery and Tommies Runs with Shazam.

2:20 I like waters at night. Lights come on during Christmas

2:25: Always wondered what the hell is that for?

2:30 Late. Vasques Rock. I love guana. Vista Point and 3 Crosses.

2:45 Stopped by LCH and picked up some Flip Food. Stores is not closed

3:30 Dropped of broken bracelet. Store near Forever 21

3:45 Passed Airport, Joe Davies, and Gold Course. Man sells Flowers. Much respect.

4 Nap time

6:30 Headed to Supersport and then Pick up Prece at gym. On Sierra now

745 3 miles for Nike+ done. No lifting tonight

8 Going to ask parent about visiting AV Akido

8:15 Am/PM on Ave M and Sierra. Talk to Prece about George Foreman and Muhammad Ali "Ali Boma Ye"

9 Talk to Angelo about Star Wars. Hear about backpacks and eat hot wings and bread sticks
10:30 Watch some UFC, Fast Furious 3. Get Keys to head to lift at old 24 hrs. Get Laptop instead. Fall asleep after finishing post.

Sunday Afternoon

"Son of A King"--He Would Say
Sunday still. I’m shooting to catch up on some blogging. I’m waiting for my wi-fi to connect with the Pepperdine business school’s network. It’s across the street from Howard Hughes Promenade. Whenever, I come by here I think of Prince. He was my VP. Good man. He promoted me to Sales Manager at Garden Grove. He also sold me his Honda Passport when my Integra was stolen. I believe he lives down the street. I should look him some time. Today is not that time.

If things go well, it should be Ostrich, Oceans, and Oscars. We’ll see. It’s 2 pm now. Jason got me a Starbucks chocolate something. I was expecting Hot Chocolate but Chocolate Shake something.  Yummy. It’s been like that a lot lately. Events have been turning out better than expected. I was supposed to meet Jason at the parking lot across the street at the Spectrum, but I wasn’t really listening and ended up paying for parking. I got a great pic over the freeway. Lucky I had my money in the backseat versus the trunk where I usually keep my stuff. Lucky for me my car loss its juice and I got a jump from this guy pulling in. Lucky I put my backpack in the backseat.

Lucky I waited to eat at Mickey Dees versus stopping by Charlie Brown’s and getting my first Ostrich burger. Stopped by got some picks of velociraptors and brachiosaurus. I wasn’t going to drive down to LA because of whatever reason. Decided to get up and go. It was and still is a beautiful day. Called Jason from the intersection of Sepulveda and Jefferson. He was the same intersection across the street at the same time. Went to go see Tatay and Rochelle, it’s been too long. 

Speaking To The Dead
Never spoke out loud talking at cemetery. Today, I did. In a generation, no one may be visiting them. To the nephews and nieces that will follow, they will just be plaques in the ground. They will never know how much any of them have meant to me. No one will never know the importance these people had on the people to come. 

Their lessons, their stories are not their own. They are mine. True, they may never have to chance to learn from the originator. Guess, we are carbon copies of the one’s before us. How many know our great, grand parents? How many know our grandparents? How many know our family's children? How many know your own children? Well, unlike many in the future, the virtual reality we live in just virtual. A dream.

Grafitti, High Scores, and Blogging
Beginning to understand the people who wanted to have their high scores on the video arcade games. I understand why taggers leave their markings on the overhead pass, on the walls of the freeway, on the sides of the road. They simply wanted to be remembered. If they are lucky, their tag will not be removed for awhile. Too bad, their tags are just lines on the road equated of with a troubled youth. Not growing up in the “Boys In the Hood” areas, I don’t understand the language. These messages are sending are gibberish. To me, its just a sadness. The best they got is spray paint on the road.

So much beauty out here and all they could do is inject into our memory a $1000 fine their parents have to pay because the best they can do is leave spray paint on the wall. Their best has created a government program unit to wipe any memory of their existence. That’s all they got. Sure. Some graffiti is beautiful, artistic; However, when they tag over others painting, it only illicits sorrow. Guess, their souls hurt deeply. Its true: Misery likes company. I hope these taggers find hope in their heart and better things to come. Maybe, they can find beauty before too long?

Artists All
I’ll admit my tastes are different than most. I like comics. I like unusualness. I like works that illicit intellectual gravitas. Give me John Byrne. Give me Frank Miller. Give me Piers Anthony, John Clancy, and Anne Rice. Give me Leonardo da Vinci. Give me Sting. Sarah McLachlan. Matisyahu. Nina Simone. Muhammad Ali. Bruce Lee. Whoever are your muses, look with softer eyes in people. Look at their aura. There’s pain there. There is anger there. Some are that are lost and unaware there’s something better—and they deserve that Goodness. People have goodness. It’s there. Don’t sympathize, empathize. Their actions are theirs to own.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them”--Bruce Lee 

As my cousin Vince posted on his Facebook page, “All of us have Love in us. It’s just are harder to find in some.”

Everything Counts

Tuesday morning. Where do I start? I sit in It's A Grind. Had a morning everything bagel, buttered. No hot cocoa this morning. No service on my Blackberry. No internet service. Thank goodness for Wi-Fi. Not sure where this thread will lead me, but I'm sure something will emerge. The call to Jung's Collective Unconscious. Things are at critical mass now.

Chris leaves by the end of the week. He's at the Radisson for med check.  Sony is cocooning hard core. Not going out much I suspect. John and Ryan are Rolling around. Anesha and Jon are at restaurants all the time. Mitch is having issues. He's feeling out on the lurch. Antoinette and Myk I am not sure. None of them went Chris's going away. Kind of sucks. No it sucks.

Other things were more important. Its the convergence and divergence.  Families and friends spread out and go their way. They leave what's familiar for go to explore other things. They find out who they are. At times people forget who they were in order to become who they need to be. Sometimes people choose to follow different paths.

Don't suspect I will see Chris for sometime. He's re-enlisting. He proposed to Jewel at the going away. In the middle of truth or dare. Good for him. Think that was the reason I felt the need to go. I may not see him in like forever. May never ever. Just wanted to hold on a little longer. This may be the last chance. Off to go find his destiny.

Guess, at parties, its indicator how and much think of you. If they show up or call, if they do nothing, or they forget, if they throw birthday celebration, it is how much you are cared for. Had my birthday recently, I won't say much about that. It is reflection on how you have or have not impacted people's lives. They say when one is the hospital, the one that shows up first is the one that loves you the most. I'm in the hospital. I see it all the time.

I fear my past has  or is catching up. Divergence is happening within my families. Each one going their own way. Palmdale. Victorville. Culver City. Camarillo. West Covina. Glendale. Burbank. Family tress is branching out. Becoming their own thread.

In a generation in half, we will be forgotten. When our children pass. When our children's childrens pass, we will be forgotten. Not ever to be remembered. Got this line from the movie Troy with Brad Pitt. In this age, the heroes of yesteryear are forgotten. Only images and moments etched in memory do they live on. We must take a bite of that apple, so that it will be part of us. It will always be part of us, no matter how short it is. (Phenomenon movie)

Go to that party which may be an hour and half drive. Go to that one of many dance recitals. Gymnastic competition. Watch that them grow and go. The ties that bind is more than the blood coursing the veins. Its the moments of pain and love. Its the moments of hellos and goodbyes. its those celebration of everyday. Our time is finite. Our love needs to be cherished. Our love needs to be nourished by that hug, that word of encouragement, that time together. Before next times become never anymore, go.

Moments happen every second. Moments gone. Moments lost. Moments happen everywhere. There is never nothing happening. Moments are everywhere. Just need to watch. Need to listen. Need to feel.

Well, this moment is over. Got to start a new thread.

Just Breathe. . .

Now what? Sitting here thinking, "Now, what?" So much done, so much still to do. Two things checked off. Only, twenty-five more to go. Now what? What do you do in moments of nothingness. I am learning a new skill. I have been told it may take years of practice, and may still not be mastered. My new resolution this year is. . .Drum roll, please. It is my number one task. My skill to master above, all else. My hope and dream is to master how to . . .Breathe. Yes, I have been doing it wrong for ages. At least this is what my new yoga instructor told. Following journalism 101, get two separate sources collaborating this fact. I got a book and my cousins. I have been doing wrong all this time. I don't know to breathe.

Are You Sure You Are Doing That Right?
While sitting down on the recumbent bike, my favorite Life Fitness with toe grips on the second notch, seat height on 1, (I am no tall) I was reading a book called, "Real Men Do Yoga?" What drew me in after scanning of the topics and pictures and little scribbles to the pages' side, I was drawn to the chapter? Why did it jump out? It said look how you are breathing, you are not doing it right. Damn, I have been doing it before I was born, now after 30+ years, the book is saying I got it all wrong. Ohh--Kay? (Can you hear my sarcasm?)

911--Hmmmm, I have called around 50 times
Well, The guy next to me, dripping sweat, gasping for air as his legs pump up and down. He's certainly not doing right. K thud. K thud. K thud. Old guy is on the treadmill. Thought this guy was going to have an MI right here and now. Thinking to myself, elevate feet. Get someone to call 911. Let him lie down and take a breath. K thud. K thud. K Thud. I am thinking to myself, this 50 year old guy needs to dial it down a notch. Never saw him before, he was probably a new resolute. Working for the fitness industry at Gold's Gym and LA Fitness, I have seen his type. Can't fault the guy for going all out, but I just grimace at the thought of having to do CPR. Almost had to do it several times. Thinking back, I have easily called 911 for assistance around fifty times in my lifetime. I am sure there will be more. Hopefully, not today.

Left Nostril, then Right. Mouth Breathe, Yes, Exhale Through Your Eyelids
Anyways, the chapter that jumped out was breathing. Breathing. How to breathe? Different techniques on such a basic thing. Everyone does it, but from what the book said there are several techniques to breathing more efficiently. Never thought about it before. It such a basic thing, but from I understand it many people do it wrong. I'm one, apparently. The book discusses nostril breathing, where one plugs one side and breathes through the open nostril. It discusses diaphragmatic breathing. Breathe through your belly. Huh? I have heard breathe through your eyelids (Susan Sarandon, Kevin Costner in Bull Durham) It states that about only 7% percent of the breathes we take contain oxygen. Its mostly CO2, which makes sense.

Mouthpiece Memories Make Me Shudder
I think back at the mouthpiece in my car, but first let me tell you this, in case you did not know. They use mouthpieces as a training tool to improve cardio fitness. Flipped through the ads of Runner magazine and I saw plastic mouth pieces for sale. Fifty bucks, ouch. I blackout for a second. I had bad mouthpiece flashback. I don't know about $50 bucks, come on. Guess, it works. Rubber bands for working out was joke when it first came out, now its a staple to fitness trainers.

Mouthpieces and I have a history. I cringe at the thought of plastic in my mouth. Ex girlfriend wore braces. She had use to wax for some strange reason. Apparently, one long kissing session, and I got a nice gob of plastic for an unexpected snack. Yuck!!! Thanks, Amanda. Another time, I boiled mouthpiece for football season and scalded my lips and gums. Blister, nice. However, my worst memory was a few years back. After a closeout*, I was pulled over under suspicion of a DUI (*sales industry term)Tired from decorating the gym and selling ships. I had couple of rounds with my sales team. Tired and not eating, I decided to head to the local Motel 6 to stay for the night. Simply,I wasn't up for an hour and half drive on the 5 freeway.

Now With Your Left Finger Touch Your Nose. . .
I took a curb short. BLAM!!!My wheels hit the curb and I bounced, almost hitting my head on the roof top.Before I knew it, flashing red lights filled my rear view window. Had to take breathe because my life was going to change forever. I am going to the drunk tank in the Garden Grove. Or maybe it was the Stanton office. I am at the border. Arrested, DUI on my record, nobody to open the gym--I'm screwed. Officer asked me to get out of the car with his hand on his holster. I unbuckled and stepped out of the car. He said that he stopped because I was driving erratically.

Officer John asked me, "Have you been drinking?" I said, "Yes." I call myself STUPID in my head. I say under my breath I have right not to incriminate myself. Moral Jeff, was superseding Business Law Jeff tonight. Thought to myself, just have Faith and answer the man's question. Its a fair one. Honestly, I had doubts on whether I was doing the right thing versus the legal thing. Sometimes, they don't agree. I wasn't going to have outright argument with myself here and now.

Officer Jimenez asks me to stand on one leg. I do. He tells to put both my arms out. Now, I am thinking, place your hands behind your back. He, doesn't. I hear ". . .field sobriety test. . ." Great. I raise my arms. He then asked me to touch my nose with my finger. I did. (Thank God, I took a couple of Pilates classes these last couple of weeks. Holding a position for awhile paid off. That one leg thing almost killed me. Admittedly, instructor was cute and I hated for her having me hold a position for three minutes straight. It kept me out of jail, though. Thanks, Mary. My Core was strong like bull. Whew)

He then asked me to take a breathalyzer test. I did not believe I had to take the test, but if I was guilty, I would live with the consequence. So much to ask at 2 in the morning with 3 hours sleep the night before. I opened my mouth and tasted the nasty plastic mouthpiece. Blew a 0.08. I'm done. I am going in. Going to the pokey, hopefully wont get poked. Bad American Me movie memories. Little did I realize that the legal limit was still 0.1. Next week, the lower standard goes in effect. At least, that was what Officer John said.

Office Jimenez asked where I was going. I told him I was tired, hungry, and I was headed to Jacques a la Boites for some food then to Motel 6 next door to crash. Angrily, he said I almost did just that. Can't hate the guy. Reckless drivers are bad and should go to jail. Thought to myself, I may be one of them.

Both officers said they would wait until I got a room, then leave. Went to window teller, paid for my room. I showed them my plastic door key card and smiled. Officer John looked at me said, "Next time eat and get a ride." They turn their flashing lights off and drove away. I exhaled a deep breath of air. Then I preceded to hyperventilate. Whew!!!

After picking up Jumbo jack and pomme frittes, I went to my room. Woke up the next day and sifted through my pockets. Surprised, it was the plastic mouthpiece. I gasp, finding it hard to catch my breath. Thinking how last night could have turned a lot differently, I thank the Big Smile and the Angel watching over me.

My Telepathic Ability and Powers of Suggestions Are Working Now
K Thud. K Thud. K Thud. Tilt the head back. Check the nose and mouth for air inspiration and expiration. Watch the abdomen rise and fall. He needs to slow down. All of the sudden, I look at the guy and close-lip smile. He is reaching for the arrow pointing down. pressing it sevearl times. Good, he is slowing down and decreasing intensity. Good job. Anaerobic man is going to get his HR to a reasonable pace, 180 BPM. His breathing slowing. Color is returning to his face. The sprinkler of sweat has turned off. Couldn't tell you how gross it is to see droplets of sweat fly everywhere. Reminds me of that rain-x commercial. Beads of water fly off the windshield. I shudder. At least he is not gasping for O2 like before. You see, I was this guy a year ago. Tried to make up for the years of bad food choices, little sleep, and hours of TV time.

I take a deep breath myself. Keeping my cardio in the aerobic range has been documented to be a better for fat-burning than going anaerobic. I am edumacated. Eyes gots my learnin done. Again, breathe in through nose than out mouth. In Nose, Out Mouth. Nose, Mouth. Nose, mouth. Or was it mouth, then nose? I forget. Get a rhythm. Runners breathing technique. Talk while working out. This will tell you whether you are getting enough oxygen to the rest of the body.

RT Giving Me Some Learnin
Breathing is such a physiologically complicated process. Cousin Jason was trying to break it down me. He's in a RT program, Respiratory Therapy. So is my other cousin's girl, Jewel. At least, if I need breathing treatment in the future, I will be covered. Nasal cannula and albuterol, I can't wait.Thought to myself, I used to tutor this stuff. On cellular level, the hemoglobin carries molecules of oxygen through the capillaries. There is a nice Hemoglobin curve that explains the pace of picking up CO2 and O2 molecules. Diaphragm contracts, creating negative space which consequently causes the lobes of the lungs to expand. Blah, blah, blah.

Let Me Entertain You With The Dulcet Sounds of the Humpback and Red Sox Fan
In the my recent yoga class, the instructor emphasized in nasally Boston-tone that I want to breathe in the prana, the chi, the life force. Baah-Stun accent and whale songs, music to my ears. Such harmony. Not! My first yoga experience, one I will never forget. When you have your arms and legs intertwined in Eagle pose, or have you butt in the air in Dog, or standing tall in Warrior, the yoga instructor keeps telling us to breathe. I said how, if your diaphragm is going this way, and your chest is caved in that way, breathing? No, I don't think so.

Yes, I Crash This Course. This Left Nostril 101, Right?
In Tae Kwon Do, Aikido, Jiu Jitsu, and every martial art they emphasize the need to breathe when striking. Exhale, when you hit the bag. Ki--AAAA!!! Breathe In, Breathe. Yes, Mr. Miyagi. Breath In, Breathe Out. Breathing is so simple its complicated. After reading a chapter in this book, did I realize that I gots to get some edumacation. Left nostril, then right. Complicated. I think I will go register for a class. That's in the Learning Annex for graduate study section.

Jedi Mind Master I Be . . .or Six Month Pregnant
"SLOW DOWN" I shout in my head. I look back and see the anaerobic runner slow down his gallop to nice pedestrian jog. Hey, it worked. Master Qui-Gon Jinn, I have much Mitocholander in my cellular structure, too. His chest slowly rises and falls. His abdomen expands like a 6 month pregnant women. It contracts back, like a 4 month pregnant woman. He's got a belly. Mine is about a 2 month pregnant woman now. A year ago, the maternity ward was going to be my next home.

Moral of Story: Resolution #1 Breathe
I sleep better now. Less weight. My CPAP mask and breathing machine are at the side of my bed. At nights I am blasted away with my own wind tunnel of oxygen. Sleep Apnea. Instinctively, I knew that when I stopped breathing that is not such a good thing. Even got edumacated to this fact. The book told me so. Plus, I got RTs-in-training to draw pictures for me explaining how. They are family. If you cant trust them, well, you know.

No, seriously, I didn't realize this simple, everyday thing has been the core of everything that is wrong with me. I did not slow down and catch breath before and I ballooned up to almost 280 pounds. I did not realize that I had sleep apnea and I was literally dying at night. Moreover, I was going anaerobic and not exercise correctly. This is why I could not kick my ex-girlfriend's new husband's ass because I was not "Ki Yahhhhing" properly. Bad breathing all in. I am getting better. I got a book. I am going to learn how to breathe--Better.

Look With Soft Eyes, That Pregnant Guy Could Be You
K thud. K thud. K thud. The 50 year old new resolute is off the treadmill now. Whew. No CPR needed. He is still sweating like a pig, looking like he was dropped in a dunk tank. At least, he is on the road to better health. Hopefully, sometime next year, he'll have given birth and gotten rid of his baby fat.

Got to keep remembering, everyone is on their own Hero's journey. A big part of become whole again is the physical and mental trials. To be reborn again, like a phoenix from fires, one needs a little oxygen to get that pyre burning. So Breathe. Use your left nostril first, the right. Or was it in your nose, out your mouth? If that is not enough, grab an exercise mouthpiece. Oh whatever, just breathe. You have been doing before you were even born.