Cycle Begins Anew. . .

Time for Change

Spending time to write this month. Making a more concerted effort. Its time to re-invent this blog. Hero’s journey seems a bit cliché-ish. It seems to run its course. Like a comic series that has finished its run. The good ones lose readership. Others re-invent itself and finds a new vein to explore. It feels this way for me. The journey that I have ventured feels a  bit tired. A long trek with various highs and lows feel like a Tour de Something.

Thing is, where should the adventure begin? What demons need to be conquered? What road should be traveled? Don’t want to head off in the deep, blue sea without a metaphorical mountain to climb or monster to vanquish. Where do want this adventure to take us?

This blog has transformed. This exploration has become one of Spiritual discovery. Used study as my vehicle of exploration however, this does not seem enough. Took courses in Bible as Literature and Philosophy of Religion. I’ve visited some Missions and seen some temples. Read more on the Judaism, Islam, and Buddhism. I’ve met with priests and watched DVDs on various religions like Mormonism, Christian Science.

Archetypes

Every new religion I’ve liked. Every new one has parts that is soul touching. I'm ready to be a proselyte. Ready to be a priest. Ready to convert. This may be blasphemous. However, is this any different reading a good book in the library? A good spy novel. A new graphic novel. Themes of falling, themes of redemption, themes of death and re-birth. These are just many stories in the holy books. In the Koran. In the Bible. In the Book of Mormons. In  Talmud. All these Heroes and Heroines battle some oppressor. 

How is any different than a good movie? Movies cite each other building on the modern mythology of cinema. Digging deeper in the old cinematic arts it seems to be revision of something already done.

New Hampshire. . .Its What's New

Today’s movies and video games are just a re-interpretation of something already done. A-Team. Get Smart. Mission Impossible. Inception (Matrix). And so on and so forth. New movies are just remakes of old comic book storylines. Avengers, Thor, Spiderman, Iron Man, Hulk, Green Lantern Fantastic Four, SuperMan, BatMan. Not saying that this is wonderful, being a former comic-philiac, it is just that there is certain ho-humness.

Guess, this alright. Certain continuity expected with all the heroic figures gracing our creative, heroic worship-sphere.  Like prophets sharing the word of the One. Like denying three times the task of evangelizing, then eventually acquiescing to the Call. Battle upon battles, conquering and losing, surviving and thriving. 

Guess it the challenge of looking at events with new eyes. Looking at the moment right here and now is the really battle. Battle of ennui. Battle of fighting corporatism. Battle of cocooning and exploring the world out there. Some people explore the past to learn  the future ahead. Some people explore the future in order to create a past. Whatever ones calling, there is a certain transitory nature that cannot be ignored.

Fires Are Good At Times

Guess, this is the reason for my adventure for exploring the past. Perhaps there is an answer that will reveal itself for a question that I have not asked yet. Maybe Shiva will come and make some much needed room for renewal. Well, this post has met its end.

Tell Me Your Story. It's a Homily

Not intended to be a diary

Tuesday night. Sitting in Barnes and Nobles now. Just left an Inquiry class. Wasn’t sure, but things fell into place for me to show up here. I had wanted to for awhile, but life obligations had to take place. Missed  Church last week. No morning mass, no Sunday either. Not feeling in sync for awhile.

Don't Know, Just Flow

Well, there I be. Sitting early at St. Mary’s in the Holy something room. Spoke with the inquiry teacher, an  instructor at AVC. A lot of things seemed to jump out this day. Wondered in silence, if I was going to be able to come again? Life lately seemed not fit with me going to the in Inquiry class. 

Question answered. Learned that they will be holding a second day a week for me to show. Looks like that I will be able to go at least once a week.

"Mine turned to marbles. Mine turned to bee-bees"

Went swimming this afternoon. Got midway. Meaning water were up legs, up to waist in water. The rest waiting for the courage to go all the way. In other words waiting for blood to stop from legs to go to brain. You stand there gauging how it is cold. Cold--brisk or hypothermic? You debate whether to go all in or fold. Either way you are going to be right. Right to jump and swim. Intentions were there. Might as well complete the act. Or the other way. Right to not go in. Its Freezing.They will become "bee-bees." (Line from a movie I can't remember)

Wuss

Today, things seemed to fall in play. Pool man came in. Surprised me. Saw me half way in playing with my H20 Audio. (Ipod for swimming. Don’t know? Its pretty cool. Had used for a year or so now.) Oh, yeah. Pool guy came in and I didn’t want to look like a wuss. So I dived head in. Paddle board ahead. Did 25 laps.

Timeout

Later, took my sunset pic. Had my G-Time. Left in the middle of the inquiry class in order to step away. Saw stairs. Never they were there before. Went up the stairs; there was Football field. Wow, Never knew. Just had to take a leap of faith. Saw the goal posts and thought. Guess, I am supposed to be here at this time. Saw the sunset and took my pics.

Lessons learned, Lessons shared

Went back in to the room and sat. Made some contributions. Shared the stuff I learned from the days before. Azazel and the emissary lambs—Scapegoats. Spoke of the Joseph and the brothers. Knew the Archangel Gabriel spoke to Mary about the announcement.

Word for the Day

Didn’t initially want this to be a diary of the day so far. However, the one thing that stood out is this.

Homily.

Learned that word today. Heard it many times, but today I discovered what it meant.  It is when the “priest or deacon describes how the good news of Christ’s saying mystery applies to the community in particular.”

Theory and Application

Whether you are Christian, or Catholic (I know kind of same thing), Muslim, or Hebrew, whatever Abrahamic or non-Abrahamic religion you follow, it seems to be a calling to share the story and lessons of a life learned. We are taught each day that school is vital for your future’s success. We learn a lesson and apply these in real life. Theory to Application.

Overload: He Said, She Said

Look at your life. You absorb lesson from parents, teachers, friends, family, schools, internet, music, books, games, and sports. We are taught work hard, work smart, stand out, step up, don’t do drugs, use a condom, vote, don’t follow him because he’s liberal. Don’t follow him, he broke the rule of law. Weapons of Mass destruction, where?

Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot

I will leave at this. Use your head and your heart. We are given conflicting message all the time. We are told half-truths and fables. Reading this post you could be thinking what is this garbage you are spewing. I claim not to be knowing. Just Socratic. People will tell you they are. Personally, I fear them the most.

We are told that if we act this certain way, then we can be like this. Follow this pattern of behavior and you will reap the rewards and/or failure of your acts.  There is much truth to this. Yet, I think most people need to trust their head and their heart. Some people will be smarter than you. There always is.

However, one must still need to listen to their inner voice. In the end, you will be accountable for all your deeds and intention.  You need to look at yourself in the mirror. What has worked for another may not necessarily work for you. Big Smile, has different lessons—different challenges—for you to face. You have your skill sets, your own perceptions. Your own uniqueness. Square peg in round hole thing you know.

Hegetsme

Originally, I was going to talk about how the person we are the story one lives.  Homily is supposed to be the moral, the parable, the “hegetsme”. Huh? He gets me, this is the moral of the story. Looking how people live their lives and what the results are. Good, bad , or indifferent. He gets me is when the story told touches a chord with the one watching or reading. The Observer (Listener)  lives vicariously through protagonist of the story and applies this lesson in a nice short epigram.

Remember? It is the hero’s journey again. Work hard, sacrifice, trust in others, suffer a loss, and be rewarded with some moral Holy Grail. Do It again. In time of middle eastern countries, it was once believed the storyteller was hailed as the most powerful person of his tribe. Held in highest of esteem, storytellers were able to give meaning, teach lessons.

Lesson: Storyteller and Hero, Be Both

My dogma is this. Be your own Hero. Be your own storyteller.  Tell us what trials and tribulations you experienced and endured. Share what is important to you. Tell us what you value. Give us your “Hegetsme.” Perhaps with this understanding, we can learn that you are my brother. You are my sister. You are my mother and father. You are like me and my family. I will be more Forgiving and less quick in drawing judgment and acting in haste.

Reciprocity. You Do Me, I'll Do You

If you can share your story with me, and I with you, we can remember to not be so disconnected with each other. I listen to you and you and me.  Then we can be both a group and an individual. We can accept each other and do great things together.

Well, alas, I think we should keep it simple and just share and listen. For right now.  Once we get this down, we can do other greater things.

 

Publish Post

I believe. . .

Relay for Life: A Relay for Rochelle

Before the Battle Begins
7 am in the morning. Sunroof open. Early sun heating up the desert air. Cars speed by as the day begins. Sitting in the parking lot of Quartz Hill High School. Sounds of commotion is behind me. People with tents and lawn chairs walk into the stadium. Men, women and children wear red and purple handkerchiefs on their shaved heads.  Like new inductee in the Marines, these have happy smiles and serious tone in their walk. Like viking warriors of Valhalla partying the night before the Ragnarok, there is a joy and sense of purpose. 

Its the home for Relay for Life. An all-day and all-night event for those stricken with Cancer. Events start at 9 am Saturday and runs til 9 am the next day. Lots of events are occurring around town. Graffiti Clean up in Palmdale Ponctilan Square. Arbor Day in Santa Clarita. Lakers versus the Thunder playoff game starts today. Where to begin?

Why We Fight?
For me it's easy. Starts with Rochelle. She suffered from cancer some many years ago and being here is what matters. Need to thank her in a special way for effecting my life. Her passing gave me the courage to do things that I was afraid to do. Ask that girl out. Run for an office. Go to Boston leaving family and friends.

Life Ends. Another Begins
Her death gave me life. Never looked back on too many things because her cancer-stricken made me really enjoy life. Being in the hospital in her last few days. Finding an empty room in Cedar Sinai and just crashing on the bed. Hearing her mother cry. It is something I will never forget.

Before, Death used to be something to be feared and angry about. Now, it is just a fact. Death is Life. For some, the tragedy of have a life expired in their prime, it brings sadness. Listening to family sob so deeply. Watching people eyes redden. Don't know anybody that hasn't somebody touched by the Black End. Rochelle and Angels on Earth



Today is a commemoration to all those that faced Cancer and lost. Today is celebration for all those that battle and won. Today is gathering for all those that still struggle on. You want to know about a Hero's Quest. Come to the Relay for Life today. You will see heroes. They are your friends. They your family. They are you.

I said before that I wanted to see really heroes. I wanted to see real life Angels. Well, today is that day. If you want to see them, come to Avenue M and 60th Street West at Quartz Hill High School 9 am April 17 to 9 am April 18, 2010. Relay for Life 2010: Antelope Valley

I hear Heimdall's horn. Time to suit up. HUAA.

Friar-dom?

Lynn said in a former life I was a monk. Or my Reiki guide is a monk. Without any prompting and before we broke, she said an image of a monk kept on coming to her. Earth mother said she thinking my special word for me was "Faith" before I said it to our reading group. During my drunken college days, I dressed up as a monk and woke up a with a 9 inch wooden cross (and aching jaw where someone I still don't know who hit me during a drunken Halloween stupor) I have still have priest outfit that I wore for last Halloween. 

 She said “45” kept her in head. Lynn was my Reiki Instructor. I think I understand the 45, but I will keep that one to myself. 

Won’t deny that I feel comfortable and at peace in church. I'll will admit that I felt a calling to the clergy. I'll admit there is book sitting next to me named “Everything Understanding Islam.” I'll admit that I made a promise one year to “Make My Soul Stronger.” Took a Philosophy as Religion and Bible at Literature class. I'll admit that there was a need to be Baptised again. I'll admit that Abbey in Valyermo felt like home. I'll admit that when Welford and Shazam balked about me being a priest that my natural instinct was to say, “No, you are wrong. Priestly vocation has been a part of me. This life or past life—it is part of who I am.”

Recently learned my Uncle Mike was accepted to a most prestigious seminary school in the Philippines. Learned one of my Fonacier relatives is a priest too. Maybe its in the blood. Whatever it is, I'll admit that I believe that I am a Man of Faith. What that Faith is, I’m still discovering.

My blog posts are of redemption and higher calling. It is about the heroic journey. Things are coming to clarity now. Still do not know where this journey leads, but here I be. Still not sure if this my life or my guide to do be and do, all I know is that I'm beginning to know. Still coming to grips with these messages.

This will be a short post. Sorry.

Have Faith.

Yeah, I Am Not So Smart At Times

Scary Stuff

Learning more and more people are reading my blog. It’s a bit scary. Not that I did not think it would happen. Not that I didn’t want people to read my blog. It is just that it is becoming more and more real. All I see is three followers. However, I get emails here and there. Some I know. Some, I don’t.  More and more people are learning about my life, my thoughts, my every thing. It is scary.  It’s scary to be so exposed. It’s scary learning people-you-know know stuff about you, you did not directly tell them. You learned the stuff they know are because the blogs you posted.  Basically, I am a private person. I don’t mind being alone here and there. I don’t get lonely much. I’m okay with my own company. 

Masks We Wear

It is just that I am learning to be more accepting of the person who I am. Getting to be that “authentic” self as my new group would say. Everyone wears mask. Each one has roles to play. One is worker. One is a son. One is a brother. An uncle.  A mother. A daughter. A sister.  An aunt.  I wear a comfortable mask.

It's Chicken Sh#t Not. . .

This reading group I have newly joined is on a journey of discovery of the “artistic” self. They have been welcoming and warm. Understanding and guiding.  I am just an emotional novice, an artistic cub.  Though my time has been short, I feel lucky. Their journey is through a book called the Vein of Gold. This group is creating a safe place to find oneself authentic/ genuine self. Funny thing, I believe I am authentic. I think it’s chicken sh*t, when one isn’t giving it their all.

In my writing, I’m trying to let this self—this authentic self--come out. I am trying to be without filters. What I say here is what I say in the world. Just be who I am. Putting my thoughts and experiences out there is scary. People that don’t know you have feelings and thoughts about you. People-that-know-you know more about you that you thought they knew is scary. Confusing? Sorry. Its still scary.

Call, Fold, Or Raise--I Got Some Gamble

Having others know something about you by the blogs that you post is a bit disconcerting. Well, I guess I will let the universe decide the benefit or detriment of this way. If I wanted to hide in my cave for awhile, I guess I would stop blogging. I am not that smart. I suppose that I have stuff to say. I will play with the cards that I am dealt. Call, Fold, or Raise. I’ll Give it some action and I want to see the flop. Win Big or Go Home. Knew this might happen. Knowing something may happen and learning that it has happened is certainly different.

Hopefully, It Will Take

Last few weeks, I learned a some people knew my recent religious experiences, inklings, and feelings. I never told them. They were people close. They knew of my unspoken hopes to make things right with my past. They knew of my posting. These are very personal. Its private. Yes, it is hypocritical that I write about it. Yeah, I am not so smart at times. Guess, I knew this might happen. Just didn’t think my fear was this big. Lucky for me I jumped before thinking about it too much. Probably would have my Doubt gremlins get the better of me.  Being open, so open, is not something I am very comfortable with. Yet, guess by being so exposed that I am learning to have a bit thicker skin. I am learning to have my voice be heard. Learning to live with a more open heart. I’m learning to be courageous. I’m learning to act heroic. Hopefully, it will take.

Thunder and Lightning Strikes Fear

Feels like the lesson of lightning from the movies Mongol.  All Mongols had a deep rooted fear of lightning. All, except, Termujin. As a child, Termujin was punished for being the son of the poisoned khan. As punishment, he was banished to the mountains, exposed to the booming thunder and lightning strikes. This was a most extreme punishment for any Mongol, yet severe for a young boy. Having no place to run. No place to hide. Termujin had to face the thunder and lightning as a child. Later, this experience would strengthen his resolve to become who he was meant to be. Having nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, young Termujin had to stand there and face his fears. Later, this resolve would strengthen his people. They fought an army of warriors larger, stronger, and better than they. Yet, when the storms came, the lightning struck, the thunders shook, Termujin's army pushed forward, while his enemies cowered. He became his people’s unifier. Termjuin become his people’s Great Khan. He would become the historical figure Genghis Khan. Mongol movie

I’m not saying I want to become good old Genghis. It is just being so open, so exposed. I have nowhere to hide. I must live with thoughts, my feelings, my actions, my inactions, my everything.

With all this out there, people can learn so much me. Some things I am proud. Some, not so much. People can learn just about everything I have said and done. With this fact, it is very scary. Yet, with all this social networking, easy access, and immediacy of one’s action, I have learned that no one is really an island. We are all connected. We are all open. Everyone knows something about us. If they don’t, they can easily find out.  Google yourself. It’s unnerving. 

Videotape, Front Page, Internet--Your Business Is Out There

Yet, it’s all very liberating. It’s a call for people to be accountable and ideally to be more accountable to each other.  One ethics class question I was asked comes to mind. If what you did were broadcasted on CNN, would you do it? If your thoughts were on put on the front of the Valley Press or LA Times, would you be ashamed of it? Well, I think now is the age of reality TV, social-networking, and voyeuristic society, I don’t think one can really avoid it. Tiger Wood's Personal Business

Carrion Do The Same Thing

Knowing all this, one does what he does, thinks what one thinks, and lives as one does. No shame. No apologies. No nothing. Just a person is what one is? Guess, this why abhor shows like TMZ. Piranha paparazzi living on the gaffes and misfortunes of others. Their purpose is to make their bones humiliating, degrading, stalking, ridiculing, and harming the celebratti.  Not really creating stuff, it’s just a place where people tear down and hurt people knowingly. Maybe they are bringing things to light. Maybe they provide some purpose. Carrion do the same thing. Guess, I just don’t like the tearing down much.  If one were to video tape and scrutinize everything you said and didn’t say—did and did not do—think and did not think—I would be gun shy from the glitterati and paparazzi.

Well, my time is up. My writing is much. Go out. Live life authentic.  Live fearlessly. Conquer your gremlins. Live Right. Do Right. Act Right. In time, It will Take. As my mentor might say, “Fake It ‘til You Make It.”

Just Waking Up In the Morning Gotta thank . . .Big Smile (Part 2 of 2)

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No barking from the dog, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog
I got my grub on, but didn't pig out—Ice Cube

I’m back. Little background, yesterday was a good day. (Read previous post) Met Chelle and her family, which indirectly is my family. Guess, I want to talk about again. It’s great feeling discovering a new part of me. 

I digress. Okay, feet back on the ground. Meeting my Chelle’s family made my heart rise. Company, food, music, ambience—it was just great. Unfortunately (and fortunately) I had to leave for my cousin Ron’s birthday get-together. More than couple of hours late, and good half hour away, Just hoped they were still up. Torrance to Burbank, just didn’t know. Called on the Blackberry, speaker phone , of course (It’s the Law). Before I knew, I was standing  at their front door knocking. What seemed seconds later, we were fueling up with Krispy Kreme at the Plant. Needed fuel  before journeying through the streets of LA.

I mean, quick overview of night  1pm, Morgue in Lancaster. 4:30pm Torrance, grilled peppers, ribs, and buried in face down studying my new family.  9 pm at Burbank Krispy Kreme with family. 11 pm, Federal Building and National Cemetery, Westwood. 1 am, Hookers and Hollywood.

Midnight Sightseeing LA
Now, we ready for another journey. Thank goodness, I wasn’t driving.  Great photos and famous sights. Capitol Records Building and Mann’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood. Then it was the National Cemetery and Federal Building in Westwood paying our respects. We, then, got lost and found the Bel Air Bar & Grill where I danced on tables (my other life, another time) We, later, drove by Hana Sushi with the stripper poles (previous post). We ventured West Hollywood and searched for a French patisserie on Santa Monica Blvd. Passed Miyagi’s, Body Shop (strip join), and Comedy Club. We took photos at Freddie Roach’s Wild Card Gym. Manny Pacquiao wasn’t there. Next, we travelled past Griffith Park Observatory and my favorite Fountain. Stopped by Jim Carrey Yes Man’s bar. Drove by Americana in Glendale, the bigger, better version of the Block of Orange, Farmer Market’s Grove, and Universal City’s City Walk

What Really Matters. . .

Despite, all the great sight-seeing, what I loved the most . .  .the company.  It was family.

Midnight driving with loved one talking about this, that, and everything. It was the greatest. Midnight story of midnight Denny’s Mr. Crazy Man fight.  A mentally disturbed boyfriend sitting in the next booth  put his girlfriend in a headlock. Two patron angels stood and fixed this situation. Six police came in and arrested Mr. CrazyMan. That was the back story. 

Fight, Fight, Fight---Denny's Night Fight
Funny part was German. Rod’s 11 year old step son, soft-spoken and calm demeanor, was the punch line to the story.  Iceman, my new nickname for him, kept calm while the rest of family was hysterical. Anesha screamed at Rod to help them. People were jumping over tables and booths to avoid flying silverware and dishes. IceMan had the wherewithal to calmly pick up his plateful of spaghetti, keep an eye on the fight, fork in hand-- and still feed himself while getting out of the way of the restaurant tussle which was inches away. The rest of the family left their food on table. Calmness, I’m calling German, IceMan. Funny part was the family wondering why they didn’t get their food free since it got cold waiting for the fight to finish. Guess, the manager could have said, “Well, your son kept eating. Why didn’t you do the same?” Damn it! German, you mess up everything. Can’t even panic right. Bet they’ll expect a tip.  

Secrets Learned
It was learning cousins John and Antoinette were on a few TV episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 and Boy Meets Girl. It was my story of grinding on femme while dancing on the tables at Bel Air Bar and Grill. It was the ghost stories at the National Cemetery. It was the crashing-seashell-chandelier-and-the-standup-5 ft- lamp-almost-killed-Antoinette-while-we-playing-Nintendo story. It was educating my cousins the physiology of rigor mortis. It was our collective personal experiences with spirits and apparitions.

Dead Again. . .

It was helping Rod recall the circumstances how our Nanay’s death.  In parts of the Philippines, it’s tradition to have the deceased family member’s body stay in the house a few days so the spirit can take care of business before passing on. You see our Nanay’s sister died twice in a week. Yeah, twice. During a vigil, Nanay was watching over her deceased sister in her casket. All of sudden, a grumbling came out of her dead sister mouth. Nanay’s sister sat up in the funeral casket and asked for water.  Nanay had a heart attack. Both sister passed later in the week. Seriously, Nanay’s sister came back to life after being pronounced dead. We speculated she needed company.

Solicitation Is Against the Law
 It was laughing at Anesha vomiting off the side of the road. It was our fear of being arrested.  Black and whites cruised the streets of Hollywood. We thought the police would bring us in the pokey for soliciting some pokey. From an outside view, it looked like we were picking up a working girl in in the middle of a Hollywood night. There were a few street-walkers on the track tonight. (IceBerg Slim, if you know) It was Krispy Kreme hats. It was weekend plans to initiate Mitchell and Nayr for their first lap dance.

Okay, I'm Done
Can’t tell you how good a day (and night) it was. Love, life, fighting, hookers, lap dances, cemeteries, vomit, dancing, resurrections, sightseeing, Krispy Kreme, Ribs, Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffle (Hollywood sucks BTW), ghost stories, road trips, Beverly Hills 90210, Morgue,  good eats, warm fire, Buddha head—It was everything. It was my birthday gift before my birthday. Today was a good day. . .

Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow, Bet Your Bottom Dollar

It’s dark outside. Evenings are coming sooner and sooner. I’m sitting in the hospital front lobby right now. Laptop’s plugged in. Getting some juice. It flashed earlier 5 minutes left. My eyes are heavy. There’s lots of commotion in the TV room. I hear a baby crying. A little girl cries, “She hit me.” Tired now. Still too much going on for me to rest. Automatic sliding door keeps opening and closing. Volunteer receptionist says, “Lancaster Community is closing in a couple of months,” to the visitor signing in.

Where's The Remote Control?

Winter Olympics are going right now. Kids are watching Dora the Explorer. Can’t get to a TV to watch the opening ceremonies. 2010 Vancouver not really sure if it’s that important. My interest is nothing compared to the 84 LA Olympics. Maybe it’s because the Olympics were only an hour away. Maybe, it’s because there was little viewing choices at the time. Only HBO then; Not like the hundred TV choices we have today. Maybe, it’s because the media blitz was so close to home. Maybe it was because everything was so new.

World's Ending. . .Again

It still dark outside. Foreclosures. 10%  jobless rate. Ads on radio, Iran’s nuclear enrichment program. Doom and gloom is still around. There was always one more war. Yet, it is no different than times before. No different so many hardship stories told before. I still hear the noise from the kids room next door. Political pundits cry a foul. Channel is changing. President did this. President didn’t do that. Mayor did this, Mayor did not do that. No one is ever satisfied. No one is ever totally happy. Palin-haters and Brownies. I am a Brownie.

Right Here, Right Now

What is your moment in time? What historical forces are coloring your view? What are your times? It’s NBA All-Star Weekend. Rookie and celebrity all-star event is playing right now. Dunk-a-thon and Horse are tomorrow’s events. Sunday is the All-Star game. Kobe is out, bad ankle. Iverson is out, too.Family Issues. City of Dallas has over a foot of snow. Yet, the game goes on. Couple of weekends ago was Super Bowl Sunday, Colts versus the Saints. I wore my Manning jersey. Colts lost. Yet, I wasn’t too terribly upset. Just did not have my heart into it. There was no emotional connection. No mountain of joy. No valley of despair. It just . . .Eeeeh. No big deal.  New Years the same. Little over a month.

Earlier, I was at Barnes and Nobles reading about screenwriting and plot. It talked how good story lines had a simple story and strong conflict. It talked about a management of emotions. It talked about internal conflicts. Physical conflict. Conflicts with nature. Conflicts with Higher Ups, something mystical. I have all this.

Nancy Kerrigan, "Why Me!!!"

Did some self-analysis. I wondered why someone want to read my story. My blog. My stuff. Then it came to me. My story now is simple. I’m having questions of Faith. No, I haven’t found God, but I am considering life in the clergy. I am Father that is trying to re-connect with his estranged daughter of 16 year.  Strong emotion internal conflict. I am starting to lunch with her married mother. I am struggling with Congestive Heart Failure and Diabetes. I have been on subconscious, self-imposed exile from my past and I am trying to make amends with former friends. Some victories. Some disappointments. Yet, I go on.

In This Life Time. . .Or the Next

I have major and minor players to my story. Elaine for one. Brian for another. Tammy, Corinna, Lisa, Bobby and Randy. There is an occasional walk-on. Don’t know if I will share all of me. I will tell most of my story. I am struggling to uncover my Father’s past. I am learning about my Father’s sister, my father dead son (my step-brother), my many, many cousins. Many mysteries are ready to be revealed. I will do my best to let you in. I hope my journey will help some. I hope my struggles will help deal with your own.

At times, it feels like I am writing in the dark. Don’t know whether you like or hate what I write. Don’t know if I care. I’m lying. I do care what you think. If you like, you keep reading and post a comment. If not, you will post a comment and still keep reading.  My journey is your journey. The struggle I face is just darkness.  Darkness is simply absence of light. I hope that I can shed some in my journey of writing. Hope you will share your opinion and add some sunshine on m journey.

You Light Up My Life, Debbie Boone

My blog is about the hero’s journey. It’s your journey, too. It’s all of ours. This blog will undoubtedly uncover some personal issues because it is the nature of writing. Free Associating, Roscharch inkblots, writing this blog will reveal my hopes, my fears, my issues, my life. It’s simply my unconscious percolating to the top. I’ll do my best to stay on topic. Let this be a foreshadowing of struggles to come.

Its still dark outside. Automatic door closes. A winter breeze gusts in.  It will be dark for a few hours. Baby is now laughing, though. I hear a little sister complaining. Someone’s shouting “Poopie and it stinks.” I hear more giggling. They changed the channel. I hear the Olympics Theme song in the background. Sunset happened a few minutes ago. It will be dark for awhile. Feeling warmer. Heater is kicking in. The sun will rise. Sliding door opens again. I hear the more laughter and I smile. My eyes widen. Receptionist says, “Yes. We’re hiring for the new Palmdale Hospital.”

Just Breathe. . .

Now what? Sitting here thinking, "Now, what?" So much done, so much still to do. Two things checked off. Only, twenty-five more to go. Now what? What do you do in moments of nothingness. I am learning a new skill. I have been told it may take years of practice, and may still not be mastered. My new resolution this year is. . .Drum roll, please. It is my number one task. My skill to master above, all else. My hope and dream is to master how to . . .Breathe. Yes, I have been doing it wrong for ages. At least this is what my new yoga instructor told. Following journalism 101, get two separate sources collaborating this fact. I got a book and my cousins. I have been doing wrong all this time. I don't know to breathe.

Are You Sure You Are Doing That Right?
While sitting down on the recumbent bike, my favorite Life Fitness with toe grips on the second notch, seat height on 1, (I am no tall) I was reading a book called, "Real Men Do Yoga?" What drew me in after scanning of the topics and pictures and little scribbles to the pages' side, I was drawn to the chapter? Why did it jump out? It said look how you are breathing, you are not doing it right. Damn, I have been doing it before I was born, now after 30+ years, the book is saying I got it all wrong. Ohh--Kay? (Can you hear my sarcasm?)

911--Hmmmm, I have called around 50 times
Well, The guy next to me, dripping sweat, gasping for air as his legs pump up and down. He's certainly not doing right. K thud. K thud. K thud. Old guy is on the treadmill. Thought this guy was going to have an MI right here and now. Thinking to myself, elevate feet. Get someone to call 911. Let him lie down and take a breath. K thud. K thud. K Thud. I am thinking to myself, this 50 year old guy needs to dial it down a notch. Never saw him before, he was probably a new resolute. Working for the fitness industry at Gold's Gym and LA Fitness, I have seen his type. Can't fault the guy for going all out, but I just grimace at the thought of having to do CPR. Almost had to do it several times. Thinking back, I have easily called 911 for assistance around fifty times in my lifetime. I am sure there will be more. Hopefully, not today.

Left Nostril, then Right. Mouth Breathe, Yes, Exhale Through Your Eyelids
Anyways, the chapter that jumped out was breathing. Breathing. How to breathe? Different techniques on such a basic thing. Everyone does it, but from what the book said there are several techniques to breathing more efficiently. Never thought about it before. It such a basic thing, but from I understand it many people do it wrong. I'm one, apparently. The book discusses nostril breathing, where one plugs one side and breathes through the open nostril. It discusses diaphragmatic breathing. Breathe through your belly. Huh? I have heard breathe through your eyelids (Susan Sarandon, Kevin Costner in Bull Durham) It states that about only 7% percent of the breathes we take contain oxygen. Its mostly CO2, which makes sense.

Mouthpiece Memories Make Me Shudder
I think back at the mouthpiece in my car, but first let me tell you this, in case you did not know. They use mouthpieces as a training tool to improve cardio fitness. Flipped through the ads of Runner magazine and I saw plastic mouth pieces for sale. Fifty bucks, ouch. I blackout for a second. I had bad mouthpiece flashback. I don't know about $50 bucks, come on. Guess, it works. Rubber bands for working out was joke when it first came out, now its a staple to fitness trainers.

Mouthpieces and I have a history. I cringe at the thought of plastic in my mouth. Ex girlfriend wore braces. She had use to wax for some strange reason. Apparently, one long kissing session, and I got a nice gob of plastic for an unexpected snack. Yuck!!! Thanks, Amanda. Another time, I boiled mouthpiece for football season and scalded my lips and gums. Blister, nice. However, my worst memory was a few years back. After a closeout*, I was pulled over under suspicion of a DUI (*sales industry term)Tired from decorating the gym and selling ships. I had couple of rounds with my sales team. Tired and not eating, I decided to head to the local Motel 6 to stay for the night. Simply,I wasn't up for an hour and half drive on the 5 freeway.

Now With Your Left Finger Touch Your Nose. . .
I took a curb short. BLAM!!!My wheels hit the curb and I bounced, almost hitting my head on the roof top.Before I knew it, flashing red lights filled my rear view window. Had to take breathe because my life was going to change forever. I am going to the drunk tank in the Garden Grove. Or maybe it was the Stanton office. I am at the border. Arrested, DUI on my record, nobody to open the gym--I'm screwed. Officer asked me to get out of the car with his hand on his holster. I unbuckled and stepped out of the car. He said that he stopped because I was driving erratically.

Officer John asked me, "Have you been drinking?" I said, "Yes." I call myself STUPID in my head. I say under my breath I have right not to incriminate myself. Moral Jeff, was superseding Business Law Jeff tonight. Thought to myself, just have Faith and answer the man's question. Its a fair one. Honestly, I had doubts on whether I was doing the right thing versus the legal thing. Sometimes, they don't agree. I wasn't going to have outright argument with myself here and now.

Officer Jimenez asks me to stand on one leg. I do. He tells to put both my arms out. Now, I am thinking, place your hands behind your back. He, doesn't. I hear ". . .field sobriety test. . ." Great. I raise my arms. He then asked me to touch my nose with my finger. I did. (Thank God, I took a couple of Pilates classes these last couple of weeks. Holding a position for awhile paid off. That one leg thing almost killed me. Admittedly, instructor was cute and I hated for her having me hold a position for three minutes straight. It kept me out of jail, though. Thanks, Mary. My Core was strong like bull. Whew)

He then asked me to take a breathalyzer test. I did not believe I had to take the test, but if I was guilty, I would live with the consequence. So much to ask at 2 in the morning with 3 hours sleep the night before. I opened my mouth and tasted the nasty plastic mouthpiece. Blew a 0.08. I'm done. I am going in. Going to the pokey, hopefully wont get poked. Bad American Me movie memories. Little did I realize that the legal limit was still 0.1. Next week, the lower standard goes in effect. At least, that was what Officer John said.

Office Jimenez asked where I was going. I told him I was tired, hungry, and I was headed to Jacques a la Boites for some food then to Motel 6 next door to crash. Angrily, he said I almost did just that. Can't hate the guy. Reckless drivers are bad and should go to jail. Thought to myself, I may be one of them.

Both officers said they would wait until I got a room, then leave. Went to window teller, paid for my room. I showed them my plastic door key card and smiled. Officer John looked at me said, "Next time eat and get a ride." They turn their flashing lights off and drove away. I exhaled a deep breath of air. Then I preceded to hyperventilate. Whew!!!

After picking up Jumbo jack and pomme frittes, I went to my room. Woke up the next day and sifted through my pockets. Surprised, it was the plastic mouthpiece. I gasp, finding it hard to catch my breath. Thinking how last night could have turned a lot differently, I thank the Big Smile and the Angel watching over me.

My Telepathic Ability and Powers of Suggestions Are Working Now
K Thud. K Thud. K Thud. Tilt the head back. Check the nose and mouth for air inspiration and expiration. Watch the abdomen rise and fall. He needs to slow down. All of the sudden, I look at the guy and close-lip smile. He is reaching for the arrow pointing down. pressing it sevearl times. Good, he is slowing down and decreasing intensity. Good job. Anaerobic man is going to get his HR to a reasonable pace, 180 BPM. His breathing slowing. Color is returning to his face. The sprinkler of sweat has turned off. Couldn't tell you how gross it is to see droplets of sweat fly everywhere. Reminds me of that rain-x commercial. Beads of water fly off the windshield. I shudder. At least he is not gasping for O2 like before. You see, I was this guy a year ago. Tried to make up for the years of bad food choices, little sleep, and hours of TV time.

I take a deep breath myself. Keeping my cardio in the aerobic range has been documented to be a better for fat-burning than going anaerobic. I am edumacated. Eyes gots my learnin done. Again, breathe in through nose than out mouth. In Nose, Out Mouth. Nose, Mouth. Nose, mouth. Or was it mouth, then nose? I forget. Get a rhythm. Runners breathing technique. Talk while working out. This will tell you whether you are getting enough oxygen to the rest of the body.

RT Giving Me Some Learnin
Breathing is such a physiologically complicated process. Cousin Jason was trying to break it down me. He's in a RT program, Respiratory Therapy. So is my other cousin's girl, Jewel. At least, if I need breathing treatment in the future, I will be covered. Nasal cannula and albuterol, I can't wait.Thought to myself, I used to tutor this stuff. On cellular level, the hemoglobin carries molecules of oxygen through the capillaries. There is a nice Hemoglobin curve that explains the pace of picking up CO2 and O2 molecules. Diaphragm contracts, creating negative space which consequently causes the lobes of the lungs to expand. Blah, blah, blah.

Let Me Entertain You With The Dulcet Sounds of the Humpback and Red Sox Fan
In the my recent yoga class, the instructor emphasized in nasally Boston-tone that I want to breathe in the prana, the chi, the life force. Baah-Stun accent and whale songs, music to my ears. Such harmony. Not! My first yoga experience, one I will never forget. When you have your arms and legs intertwined in Eagle pose, or have you butt in the air in Dog, or standing tall in Warrior, the yoga instructor keeps telling us to breathe. I said how, if your diaphragm is going this way, and your chest is caved in that way, breathing? No, I don't think so.

Yes, I Crash This Course. This Left Nostril 101, Right?
In Tae Kwon Do, Aikido, Jiu Jitsu, and every martial art they emphasize the need to breathe when striking. Exhale, when you hit the bag. Ki--AAAA!!! Breathe In, Breathe. Yes, Mr. Miyagi. Breath In, Breathe Out. Breathing is so simple its complicated. After reading a chapter in this book, did I realize that I gots to get some edumacation. Left nostril, then right. Complicated. I think I will go register for a class. That's in the Learning Annex for graduate study section.

Jedi Mind Master I Be . . .or Six Month Pregnant
"SLOW DOWN" I shout in my head. I look back and see the anaerobic runner slow down his gallop to nice pedestrian jog. Hey, it worked. Master Qui-Gon Jinn, I have much Mitocholander in my cellular structure, too. His chest slowly rises and falls. His abdomen expands like a 6 month pregnant women. It contracts back, like a 4 month pregnant woman. He's got a belly. Mine is about a 2 month pregnant woman now. A year ago, the maternity ward was going to be my next home.

Moral of Story: Resolution #1 Breathe
I sleep better now. Less weight. My CPAP mask and breathing machine are at the side of my bed. At nights I am blasted away with my own wind tunnel of oxygen. Sleep Apnea. Instinctively, I knew that when I stopped breathing that is not such a good thing. Even got edumacated to this fact. The book told me so. Plus, I got RTs-in-training to draw pictures for me explaining how. They are family. If you cant trust them, well, you know.

No, seriously, I didn't realize this simple, everyday thing has been the core of everything that is wrong with me. I did not slow down and catch breath before and I ballooned up to almost 280 pounds. I did not realize that I had sleep apnea and I was literally dying at night. Moreover, I was going anaerobic and not exercise correctly. This is why I could not kick my ex-girlfriend's new husband's ass because I was not "Ki Yahhhhing" properly. Bad breathing all in. I am getting better. I got a book. I am going to learn how to breathe--Better.

Look With Soft Eyes, That Pregnant Guy Could Be You
K thud. K thud. K thud. The 50 year old new resolute is off the treadmill now. Whew. No CPR needed. He is still sweating like a pig, looking like he was dropped in a dunk tank. At least, he is on the road to better health. Hopefully, sometime next year, he'll have given birth and gotten rid of his baby fat.

Got to keep remembering, everyone is on their own Hero's journey. A big part of become whole again is the physical and mental trials. To be reborn again, like a phoenix from fires, one needs a little oxygen to get that pyre burning. So Breathe. Use your left nostril first, the right. Or was it in your nose, out your mouth? If that is not enough, grab an exercise mouthpiece. Oh whatever, just breathe. You have been doing before you were even born.

USC Trojans--Do the Right Thing

Okay, I was starting this post before synchronicity hit. It was a good sidetrack. Prior Post was "To Dottie, Barnes and Noble. . ."

First Step of Recovery Is . . .Or Opportunity Knocking, Answer the Door
Mark McGuire, Sorry. Pete Carroll, Sad, but Glad.

That's the Gist. Hope Brevity Will Speak Volumes

Newspapers, Magazines, TV News Show, Talk Radio, ESPN Radio, Fox Sports news, MLB TV, other blogs, etcetera will undoubtedly fill in the rest.

Nutshell--Mark McGuire, Sorry. Pete Carroll, Sad, but Glad.

This Blog's Purpose, The Hero's Journey

Compared to my first post this will definitely be different. Not as in depth. Not as long. Not as personal. Just Different.

MNF
Monday Night Football in a few minutes. Never been a huge football junkie, but I will watch this over other things. Brother is a good high school football coach. Been to few of his games. My brother's family are always dressed up Palmdale Falcon gear and we watch and cheer most games. Angelo, my nephew, 2 years old, is going to be an outstanding player. He likes to hit. He likes to kick. He rather watch college football than Sponge Bob. Its close, but pigskin wins.My Brother and Angelo are watching now.

Favre, the Protagonist
At any rate, Brett Favre is playing tonight. Minnesota versus his old team, Green Bay. Being built up as revenge game, sort of. ESPN announcers are trying to downplay the significance and meaning of the game. However, not really. If not a big football follower, here is a little back story. Two years back, quarterback Brett Farve retired from football. He left Green Bay, played 10+ years for the storied franchise. He's been on video game covers. His the face was the face of the franchise. Won Super Bowls. Perrenial All-Star. MVP this and superhero that. He has a street named after him in Green Bay. Later, it came out that management forced out the Hall of Famer, but he still wanted to play. Played for the Jets, after some controversy, the next year. Then Brett retired, with no plans to comeback--Again. Later this year, close to the end of football training camp and before regular season, after saying, "He's Done. Again" Brett came back, again. More controversy, un-retired Brett came with more controversy. He joined the Vikings. He joined Green Bay's division rival Minnesota Vikings. It's like joining the LA Lakers after playing for Boston Celtics. LA Dodgers then San Francisco Giants. Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees. Bad. Brett's joining the Viking was so bad that before signing on with the NY Jets, there was a clause that Brett could not play for division rival Minnesota without franchise penalty (Vikings had to give up 4 first round draft picks or something to that effect). Anyways, the Football pundits are trying to underplay the signifcance of this game and this brings me to the reason I write. This post is about Payback. This post is about Struggle. This post is about the Hero's Journey.

Thank You, Film Class
Everyone has had some adversity they faced. Some thing that has gnawed on their soul. Some grade school bully they wanted to beat up. Something that drives you to do more, whether truth or imagined. This blog is about the Hero's Journey. Learned about this concept from a film class. (Didn't need, but thought it would be fun) Little did I realize that this simple concept has been part of me since . . .forever. You, too. Premise goes like this. Hero (or Heroine) is faced with a battle of some unbeatable foe or some terrible monster. Hero loses this fight, then goes licks his wounds and learns new skills in which will topple is unbeatable foe. Before the battle, there has to be some kind of loss. Loss of friend. Loss of mentor. Loss of some great importance. Think Luke Skywalker and Ben Kenobi in Star Wars. Luke Skywalker and Yoda, Empire Strikes Back. Kung Fu Panda and Rat Sensei. In his deepest despair, our hero finds that intestinal fortitude to fight on and defeat his nemesis. His Arch-Enemy. His grade school bully.

Watch any movie. Read any story. This Hero's Journey is the formula for a guestimated 80% of them. Movies in the theater today. District 9. Fame. Informant. Surrogate. The Invention of Lying. Protagonist lives a certain life. He thrust in some battle. Or the hero has some dream he is fighting for. He loses something--Wife. Family. Home. Dignity. He faces some kind of struggle, real or imagined. He conquers his fear. Pow. Then there is some major loss that test his resolve. Some kind of sacrifice. There is some price paid for this newer, stonger hero-to-be. Boom. He conquers his fears, then his foes. Our hero is whole again and much wiser, stronger, and better somewhow.

Dvds on my shelf. Phenomenon. Celestine Prophecy. Tin Cup. Saving Bobby Fisher. Without Limits. Visionquest. Watch any John Carpenter movie. The eternal struggle is relived again and again and again. There are variations of the players. Variations of the foes. Variations of the lesson learned. Look on your bookshelf. I am sure some of your favorite stories has the Hero's Journey theme in it. Stephanie Meyer's Bella Swan. Anne Rice's Lestat. Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan. Margaret Weiss's Raistlin. Look at the Classics. Hercules. King Arthur. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

Blog's Mission
What I hope this blog will do is entertain my readers (if I get any). And hopefully she will touch a chord with some of you. Ideally, this blog will pass the message of Hope, Survivorship, and Triumph. Moreover, she will connect and broadcast the belief in the Human Spirit is strong and lives on. As for the post topics, she will cover Heroes (and Heroines), real and fictitious. She will talk about modern mythology and the classic mythological stories. She will talk about books I have read. Movies I have watched. Article I have read. This post will cover movies, magazines, comics, sports figures, political leaders, general news, etc. Mostly, this blog will discuss my personal experiences, observations, commentaries on just about everything that comes to mind that relates to the Hero's Journey. I know I will at sometime face some inner demons. Share secrets that lay hidden. Hopefully, I will uncover ontological truths and find that inner hero in me. I'm sure in time, you'll learn about me and hopefully I will learn about you. This blog will be my own Hero's Journey.

Gotta go now. Vikings 14. Green Bay 14. I would like to see if the Hero Brett Favre will be triumphant in this never ending battle of good against evil.