Discovery

Cardiologist appointment in an hour. Don’t think it will be as positive as before. Been off the wagon for a few months. Perhaps this why I’ve been out of sync. Been in habits not conducive to a lifestyle of more life. Won’t dismiss all the traveling and adventures have not been fun, but I know there were many times that I could have done something differently. 

I am sure this is true in many of our lives. Things could have been a lot different if one said or did something differently. Saw a picture of my ex-girlfriend with her new baby girl (I think girl). Looked at her profile picture and it  reminded in how in a few short years many things could have been a lot different. Sent a friend request to a lady that is my good high school friend’s ex-wife. She is married now and looks happy from her photos. Spent time in his and her house one weekend reminiscing. Still don’t know where my friend, her ex is. 

From what I hear, my friend (her ex-) got shacked up with someone and now is pursuing a career in acting. Another friend is up north and has not returned any emails. Its funny how time flies by so and one see the road not traveled.  

Circle of friends are smaller these days. Some by choice. Some by attrition. Had lunch at a restaurant with some nice people and it reminded me the camaraderie factor. It reminded me how important a nod and smile can make a world of difference.

At dinner, one said she would venture out more, but she does not know where to go. Thought to myself that unknown is what drives us to go and adventure. It is this not knowing that is the fun part. At times it is discovering that wonderful new restaurant by the beach. Sometimes, it is learning that a new way of doing the same old thing, like grilled PBJs. Sometimes you learn that you like taking photos of flowers because you got a psychic message to. Often times, this discovery is learning, discovering about loved ones and yourself.

It is good to reminisce. Yet Future is the destination. Looking forward, there is so much to see. So much to enjoy. So much to live. The river we have ventured has gotten us to this place where we need to be. Could wax on about time immemorial passed; however, around the corner, around the next bend, is somewhere one belongs. Where one is committed to. Where that is for me, I am yet to find out. However, the journey will uncover many gifts of the world and many new gifts about me I’ve yet to discover. The price for these treasures are my time and choices. My chakras will clear. I will get attuned. The people that were once good friends will return or they will stay in the past where they should be. I send my love to them nonetheless. And I will move on because around the corner is where I will meet my new/ old friend again.

Congratulations Shell on your beautiful baby. Hope to see you again Scott. Brian you are missed, but its time.

Unclog

Poseidon Adventure

Early Thursday morning. Day is about to start. Traffic rushes on by and the sun begins its climb overhead. Life is different compared to last week. It’s more stationary. Nondescript. Time for contraction. Time for introspection. Cocooning. 

Where Were You Last Week?

Last week me found me sitting in a lawn chair in some unknown river in Del Sur. It found my cousin and I at Mel’s Diner in San Francisco debating whether to $5 in quarters on table top jukebox. Debating whether to play the same song 20 times in a row.(It was a tough decision) It found us in the Gonzalez local cemetery asking for direction to Big Sur.

Today's Observation

Today, sitting on BJ’s corner. Watching traffic rush by as several hundred flying bugs dance around my car. Mini wasps I think. Thursday it is. Weekend soon approaching. However, how is this day any different than other? Expectations and hopes can manifest at a moments notice. Friends and family members are Facebook post and email away. Don’t forget that phone call, too. Everyday is a choice.

Postcards: A Short, "I Am Thinking of You"

Just received a postcard from an old friend. It was nice. She visited a place that I was at couple weeks ago. I got her psychic vibes to show up. Got there a week early. Funny, she was down So Cal while I was in Nor Cal. 

This postcard says to me an effort was made to let me know, "Hey, I am in your thoughts." Not the immediacy of an email or Facebook post. Effort was made. She put a stamp on it and mailed it. It's nice to get besides bills and junk mail. Think I rather get a postcard than email.

Here at BJ's corner, a Metrolink flies by, horn whaling. Six cars longs. Taking their passengers to some unknown location. Exciting.

What a Difference a Day Makes

Eight-four degrees yesterday. Prime swimming pool weather. Not too hot, not too cold. Just about right. USA Soccer won in the running time. It’s a unknown overtime for tied soccer games. Great win. "Never give up, never give up, never give up"--Winston Churchhill

Last Thursday, Rushing the Hearst Castle Tour, driving to Solvang for chocolates, and heading to Valencia to watch a Game 7  Laker game.

How's Your Progress?

How has your life changed from week to week? Day to day? How has the events of yesteryear changed? Good, bad, indifferent? Are you happy where you are at? Are you happy at the progress made? Is the place you’re in the place you wanted to be from a year ago. A year back, I was coming to grips with mortality. Struggling with weight gain due to diabetes and chf meds. Found myself running and swimming a lot. Trying to make headway on health stuff.

Looking for Inspiration, Finding Trouble Instead

Now things are returning. Not sure though if this where I want and need to be. More spiritual now and had seriously considered a priestly vocation. However, I read another article in the paper of another lawsuit against the Catholic Church. It is troubling to learn that one given the spiritual leadership responsibility again betrayed one’s trust. 

Also heard on the radio of the governor wanting to pay minimum wages to workers. Heard on the radio that a city will letting go of all its government employees. We hear of the Mayor of LA is getting in investigated on because he attended basketball games and other functions gratis. Aren't there other things to worry about?

Good is Out There

Its troubling and disheartening that this is what dominates the airways. The general sense of ennui. Learned of the God particle (it was trending on Yahoo). Also learned that Sun cycle or dormancy is unusually quiet. Does the world need a reset? I mean with all the eeeehhh in the world it seems we are going through these times of unrest.

Albert Einstein said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. 

Yet, I find solace and Hope that people survived troubling times. People flourished.  Before there was the European Rennaisance, there was the Dark Ages. Watching a segment of the History Channel to discover that the Vikings, the Jews, the Chinese, and the Polynesian may have discovered America long before Columbus. I find Hope traveling to the Getty Center to look at Da Vinci’s statues and the Old World Bibles. I find Hope that crash from Area 51 may have spurned on the production of Fiberglass and Stealth technology. (Big things in Palmdale) 

Whether these things are true or not. Whether you believe aliens landed on the earth, whether you believe sailors from Far East made all the way to California in a canoe. True or not it is idea that great things are done by ordinary people every single days. Albert Einstein also said, "When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking."

What's Wrong, Then?

Guess, the maxim “if it bleeds, it leads.” Has been bothering more than I care to admit. Talking heads tearing people down for whatever reason, not doing this, doing this, not considering this, failing to recognize that. When the climate to destruction goes counter to people’s spirit of construction, it this discontinuity brings a schism. A fault line in a soul.

Flower Power, Soul Power--Okay, Master Yoda

When a chakras are blocked, there is no Flow, no Force, no energy going through. No growth. Perhaps a roto-rooter needs to unclog this ennui. Guess, it starts me. Let everyone else follow. A higher purpose, a higher plan, a higher calling is needed and I am sure is in effect. Perhaps, it is everyone’s calling to overcome these perceived challenges. Some people wilt to pressure. Some people are hardened and forged by pressure.

Hendriatus

Whatever it is, perhaps, this is what needs to be reminded of. Leave nothing for the swim back. Leave your wrestling shoes on the mat. Leave a standard higher than one’s before us so as the future can do the same for us. In the circle of life, in the Olympic hendriatus --Citius, Altius, Fortius—perhaps this what we needed to be reminded of. History is a force.

Right now, it's time to Be Expansive. Anabolize, instead of catabolize. (at least for a little while) Create. Build. What is a man (or woman) that does not make the world a better place? (Don't you love movie quotes)

Okay my rant is over. I feel better. Guess, I need to unclog. Chakra opening. Let the good times flow.

Guess, I forgot What do we really have control of? 

Our smiles and cries.

Yeah, I Am Not So Smart At Times

Scary Stuff

Learning more and more people are reading my blog. It’s a bit scary. Not that I did not think it would happen. Not that I didn’t want people to read my blog. It is just that it is becoming more and more real. All I see is three followers. However, I get emails here and there. Some I know. Some, I don’t.  More and more people are learning about my life, my thoughts, my every thing. It is scary.  It’s scary to be so exposed. It’s scary learning people-you-know know stuff about you, you did not directly tell them. You learned the stuff they know are because the blogs you posted.  Basically, I am a private person. I don’t mind being alone here and there. I don’t get lonely much. I’m okay with my own company. 

Masks We Wear

It is just that I am learning to be more accepting of the person who I am. Getting to be that “authentic” self as my new group would say. Everyone wears mask. Each one has roles to play. One is worker. One is a son. One is a brother. An uncle.  A mother. A daughter. A sister.  An aunt.  I wear a comfortable mask.

It's Chicken Sh#t Not. . .

This reading group I have newly joined is on a journey of discovery of the “artistic” self. They have been welcoming and warm. Understanding and guiding.  I am just an emotional novice, an artistic cub.  Though my time has been short, I feel lucky. Their journey is through a book called the Vein of Gold. This group is creating a safe place to find oneself authentic/ genuine self. Funny thing, I believe I am authentic. I think it’s chicken sh*t, when one isn’t giving it their all.

In my writing, I’m trying to let this self—this authentic self--come out. I am trying to be without filters. What I say here is what I say in the world. Just be who I am. Putting my thoughts and experiences out there is scary. People that don’t know you have feelings and thoughts about you. People-that-know-you know more about you that you thought they knew is scary. Confusing? Sorry. Its still scary.

Call, Fold, Or Raise--I Got Some Gamble

Having others know something about you by the blogs that you post is a bit disconcerting. Well, I guess I will let the universe decide the benefit or detriment of this way. If I wanted to hide in my cave for awhile, I guess I would stop blogging. I am not that smart. I suppose that I have stuff to say. I will play with the cards that I am dealt. Call, Fold, or Raise. I’ll Give it some action and I want to see the flop. Win Big or Go Home. Knew this might happen. Knowing something may happen and learning that it has happened is certainly different.

Hopefully, It Will Take

Last few weeks, I learned a some people knew my recent religious experiences, inklings, and feelings. I never told them. They were people close. They knew of my unspoken hopes to make things right with my past. They knew of my posting. These are very personal. Its private. Yes, it is hypocritical that I write about it. Yeah, I am not so smart at times. Guess, I knew this might happen. Just didn’t think my fear was this big. Lucky for me I jumped before thinking about it too much. Probably would have my Doubt gremlins get the better of me.  Being open, so open, is not something I am very comfortable with. Yet, guess by being so exposed that I am learning to have a bit thicker skin. I am learning to have my voice be heard. Learning to live with a more open heart. I’m learning to be courageous. I’m learning to act heroic. Hopefully, it will take.

Thunder and Lightning Strikes Fear

Feels like the lesson of lightning from the movies Mongol.  All Mongols had a deep rooted fear of lightning. All, except, Termujin. As a child, Termujin was punished for being the son of the poisoned khan. As punishment, he was banished to the mountains, exposed to the booming thunder and lightning strikes. This was a most extreme punishment for any Mongol, yet severe for a young boy. Having no place to run. No place to hide. Termujin had to face the thunder and lightning as a child. Later, this experience would strengthen his resolve to become who he was meant to be. Having nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, young Termujin had to stand there and face his fears. Later, this resolve would strengthen his people. They fought an army of warriors larger, stronger, and better than they. Yet, when the storms came, the lightning struck, the thunders shook, Termujin's army pushed forward, while his enemies cowered. He became his people’s unifier. Termjuin become his people’s Great Khan. He would become the historical figure Genghis Khan. Mongol movie

I’m not saying I want to become good old Genghis. It is just being so open, so exposed. I have nowhere to hide. I must live with thoughts, my feelings, my actions, my inactions, my everything.

With all this out there, people can learn so much me. Some things I am proud. Some, not so much. People can learn just about everything I have said and done. With this fact, it is very scary. Yet, with all this social networking, easy access, and immediacy of one’s action, I have learned that no one is really an island. We are all connected. We are all open. Everyone knows something about us. If they don’t, they can easily find out.  Google yourself. It’s unnerving. 

Videotape, Front Page, Internet--Your Business Is Out There

Yet, it’s all very liberating. It’s a call for people to be accountable and ideally to be more accountable to each other.  One ethics class question I was asked comes to mind. If what you did were broadcasted on CNN, would you do it? If your thoughts were on put on the front of the Valley Press or LA Times, would you be ashamed of it? Well, I think now is the age of reality TV, social-networking, and voyeuristic society, I don’t think one can really avoid it. Tiger Wood's Personal Business

Carrion Do The Same Thing

Knowing all this, one does what he does, thinks what one thinks, and lives as one does. No shame. No apologies. No nothing. Just a person is what one is? Guess, this why abhor shows like TMZ. Piranha paparazzi living on the gaffes and misfortunes of others. Their purpose is to make their bones humiliating, degrading, stalking, ridiculing, and harming the celebratti.  Not really creating stuff, it’s just a place where people tear down and hurt people knowingly. Maybe they are bringing things to light. Maybe they provide some purpose. Carrion do the same thing. Guess, I just don’t like the tearing down much.  If one were to video tape and scrutinize everything you said and didn’t say—did and did not do—think and did not think—I would be gun shy from the glitterati and paparazzi.

Well, my time is up. My writing is much. Go out. Live life authentic.  Live fearlessly. Conquer your gremlins. Live Right. Do Right. Act Right. In time, It will Take. As my mentor might say, “Fake It ‘til You Make It.”

Will You Answer The Call?

Watching Haiti Devastation is something. The capacity for good are within our grasp. So much being done, yet so much needed left to do. Can’t help thinking of this quote, "We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Watching VP Biden on Live CNN, saying we could do more, but there is more mass on Target. In other words, people could do more—more relief, more supplies, more help—can be given, but the logistics is slowing progress. An analogy was given, It was like fitting a bowling ball through a straw. Hard to imagine.

Be ready. Our capacity for humanity’s good is the bowling ball. We need to get a bigger straw. We need to let this capacity for good to be released.

Haiti’s earthquake, I fear, may be a preview for something more. I live in Southern California, Big Earthquake country. Future of Humanity’s Good is ready to be released. Borrowing an old Arthurian quote, “During England’s Greatest Time of Need, the King Shall Return”

Earth and Humanity’s need will not remember enemies’ words, it will remember if you did nothing. Be a Hero. Step Up. If you can’t help now, there will be a time. When the call is made, will you answer the call?