I Can't Do This, Sam--Frodo

Plans Change

Sitting in Customer Lounge at Robertson this morning. Needed to have Civic checked again. It was the second time in 2 days that I needed to get a jump. Five times I had to get a jump start since I brought it here three weeks back to get my battery checked. They said it was good. My car thinks otherwise. Lucky for me, I have in my flash drive a few flics: Ninja Assassin, Up In the Air, and To Paris With Love. Relatively, new movies. Took my meds with no food and I’m feeling it now. Had different things planned for today: haircut, hospital, Morning Mass, working out, and bill-paying. Not something extremely difficult, but necessary.

Star-Gazing At the Kodak

Had different plans for the night before and it didn’t pan out as I would like. Hoping to see the Oscars, no, I mean experience the Academy Awards. Planned on going to the Kodak Center on Highland and something and be one of the wanna-be paparazzi and take some photos. Never did it before, but thought it would be cool to do. Only thing close to ceremony with luminaries was my time with Shelly when we went to the Vegas Star Trek Hilton opening. Caught some pics with Jerry Ryan, Levar Burton, Jonathon Frakes, and few other actors in the various series.

It’s funny how we go star-gazing. These people who are like you and me, we just gawk with adoration. Their skills--their talents--is to mask and pretend. Their gift is to be characters in a story. Sure, this is make-believe, but stories are important. We like hero archetypes. We like to root against villains. The story is game of the struggle. The stories are of tragedy, loss, comedy, and love. The quest of the hero is to battle. To win to lose. To be reborn and be made better. To be something more. What I find is that people, like me, need to be inspired by these heroes, real and imagined.

Story of My Life

More and more, I am finding that we have this in all of us. We can be the hero to our own story. We need to be the hero in our story.

If you were watching a movie of your life, would it be an interesting story? Would you change the channel of your own life? Would it be a struggle? Would it be a tragedy? A comedy? Who would be your love interest? Who would be the primary characters in the movie that is you? Really, you are the producer of your own movie, your own film. You edit the story of your life.You decide what memories to keep and what to leave on the cutting floor.

And the Winner Is. . .

Working out last night watching part of the Oscars, I saw the parts of the awarding of the male lead presentation. Jeff Bridges, Morgan Freeman, George Clooney, Jeremy Renner (Hurt Locker) were the nominees. It was a nice presentation. Couldn’t hear the words being said (No radio on Ipod). However, I could see the faces and pictures of the nominees. It was nice collage of the body of works of these performers. Susan Sarandon’s other, Tim Robbins spoke in behalf of Morgan Freeman. In the background was Shawshank Redemption. George Clooney had Vera Farmiga. Jeremy Renner had Collin Ferrel. Michelle Pfieffer spoke of Jeff Bridges (They worked on the Fabulous Baker Boys) I liked how these people spoke in behalf of the Oscar nominees. It reminded me of a lawyer's summation of a good trial movie.

Defend Your Life

Not in a negative way, it reminded me of eulogy. People that worked with these great actors spoke in their behalf. Much like the telling heartfelt stories of the life occasions shared at a funeral. A lady I know said she liked the idea of angels advocating your life. Before going to next level, if you believe in Heaven, one would have to defend one’s life. A movie would show snippets of one’s life advocating moving up or re-doing life. All the good. All the Bad. Everything’s everything and its effect. One would be held accountable for the actions and events that would be your life. 

Imagine your life, if it ended today and you had to be judged, how would it turn out? Would you be proud of the life you have lived? Would you proud what you produced? Are you proud of everything you have done?

I’ve had good moments. I’ve had bad. Overall, I'm not happy with everything. Not so far. I have events in my life that I would like to re-do. I can’t do that though. Can only admit mistakes, move on, and do better next time. One of my favorite quotes comes from author, martial artist, and Icon. Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.--Bruce Lee I am working on the admitting part. Courage: its growing.

In the story that is your life, what are you producing? What are you holding on to? What are you fighting for? Are you worth watching?

I think, Yes.

Best Producer Award Goes To. . .

Remember, in the movie of your life, danger and despair are part of a good story, a good story that matters. You may try to re-shoot parts, but the other actors may not be there to re-shoot. As producer in the editing room of your mind, you can cut out things not worth keeping. In the end, you make your own story. During the acceptance speech, its customary to give thanks. In the end, you need to give credit to actors and actress. You need to give credit to the costume producers, the set producers, the prop specialists, the lighting, the gaffers, the assistants, the assistant’s assistants, the everything. Not all are major characters, but their presence had an impact in your movie. Well, enough with that.

Dark times passes. Courage takes note the many chances of turning back, but it keeps on.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

Just Waking Up In the Morning Gotta thank . . .Big Smile (Part 2 of 2)

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No barking from the dog, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog
I got my grub on, but didn't pig out—Ice Cube

I’m back. Little background, yesterday was a good day. (Read previous post) Met Chelle and her family, which indirectly is my family. Guess, I want to talk about again. It’s great feeling discovering a new part of me. 

I digress. Okay, feet back on the ground. Meeting my Chelle’s family made my heart rise. Company, food, music, ambience—it was just great. Unfortunately (and fortunately) I had to leave for my cousin Ron’s birthday get-together. More than couple of hours late, and good half hour away, Just hoped they were still up. Torrance to Burbank, just didn’t know. Called on the Blackberry, speaker phone , of course (It’s the Law). Before I knew, I was standing  at their front door knocking. What seemed seconds later, we were fueling up with Krispy Kreme at the Plant. Needed fuel  before journeying through the streets of LA.

I mean, quick overview of night  1pm, Morgue in Lancaster. 4:30pm Torrance, grilled peppers, ribs, and buried in face down studying my new family.  9 pm at Burbank Krispy Kreme with family. 11 pm, Federal Building and National Cemetery, Westwood. 1 am, Hookers and Hollywood.

Midnight Sightseeing LA
Now, we ready for another journey. Thank goodness, I wasn’t driving.  Great photos and famous sights. Capitol Records Building and Mann’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood. Then it was the National Cemetery and Federal Building in Westwood paying our respects. We, then, got lost and found the Bel Air Bar & Grill where I danced on tables (my other life, another time) We, later, drove by Hana Sushi with the stripper poles (previous post). We ventured West Hollywood and searched for a French patisserie on Santa Monica Blvd. Passed Miyagi’s, Body Shop (strip join), and Comedy Club. We took photos at Freddie Roach’s Wild Card Gym. Manny Pacquiao wasn’t there. Next, we travelled past Griffith Park Observatory and my favorite Fountain. Stopped by Jim Carrey Yes Man’s bar. Drove by Americana in Glendale, the bigger, better version of the Block of Orange, Farmer Market’s Grove, and Universal City’s City Walk

What Really Matters. . .

Despite, all the great sight-seeing, what I loved the most . .  .the company.  It was family.

Midnight driving with loved one talking about this, that, and everything. It was the greatest. Midnight story of midnight Denny’s Mr. Crazy Man fight.  A mentally disturbed boyfriend sitting in the next booth  put his girlfriend in a headlock. Two patron angels stood and fixed this situation. Six police came in and arrested Mr. CrazyMan. That was the back story. 

Fight, Fight, Fight---Denny's Night Fight
Funny part was German. Rod’s 11 year old step son, soft-spoken and calm demeanor, was the punch line to the story.  Iceman, my new nickname for him, kept calm while the rest of family was hysterical. Anesha screamed at Rod to help them. People were jumping over tables and booths to avoid flying silverware and dishes. IceMan had the wherewithal to calmly pick up his plateful of spaghetti, keep an eye on the fight, fork in hand-- and still feed himself while getting out of the way of the restaurant tussle which was inches away. The rest of the family left their food on table. Calmness, I’m calling German, IceMan. Funny part was the family wondering why they didn’t get their food free since it got cold waiting for the fight to finish. Guess, the manager could have said, “Well, your son kept eating. Why didn’t you do the same?” Damn it! German, you mess up everything. Can’t even panic right. Bet they’ll expect a tip.  

Secrets Learned
It was learning cousins John and Antoinette were on a few TV episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 and Boy Meets Girl. It was my story of grinding on femme while dancing on the tables at Bel Air Bar and Grill. It was the ghost stories at the National Cemetery. It was the crashing-seashell-chandelier-and-the-standup-5 ft- lamp-almost-killed-Antoinette-while-we-playing-Nintendo story. It was educating my cousins the physiology of rigor mortis. It was our collective personal experiences with spirits and apparitions.

Dead Again. . .

It was helping Rod recall the circumstances how our Nanay’s death.  In parts of the Philippines, it’s tradition to have the deceased family member’s body stay in the house a few days so the spirit can take care of business before passing on. You see our Nanay’s sister died twice in a week. Yeah, twice. During a vigil, Nanay was watching over her deceased sister in her casket. All of sudden, a grumbling came out of her dead sister mouth. Nanay’s sister sat up in the funeral casket and asked for water.  Nanay had a heart attack. Both sister passed later in the week. Seriously, Nanay’s sister came back to life after being pronounced dead. We speculated she needed company.

Solicitation Is Against the Law
 It was laughing at Anesha vomiting off the side of the road. It was our fear of being arrested.  Black and whites cruised the streets of Hollywood. We thought the police would bring us in the pokey for soliciting some pokey. From an outside view, it looked like we were picking up a working girl in in the middle of a Hollywood night. There were a few street-walkers on the track tonight. (IceBerg Slim, if you know) It was Krispy Kreme hats. It was weekend plans to initiate Mitchell and Nayr for their first lap dance.

Okay, I'm Done
Can’t tell you how good a day (and night) it was. Love, life, fighting, hookers, lap dances, cemeteries, vomit, dancing, resurrections, sightseeing, Krispy Kreme, Ribs, Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffle (Hollywood sucks BTW), ghost stories, road trips, Beverly Hills 90210, Morgue,  good eats, warm fire, Buddha head—It was everything. It was my birthday gift before my birthday. Today was a good day. . .