Friday Night Lights

SEASONS CHANGE
Going to bed early. Warm day. Triple digits.  Needed to take a nice dip today. Nothing fatiguing, just a way to escape this Summer October. Funny in 30 days will Halloween and thoughts of wearing a sweater feels comforting. Friday night lights where the big game is just a few days away. I can hear the band playing down the street. Not my high school, but still mine just the same.  Thoughts of the band director’s past discretion are gone with yesterday’s memories. I can hear the crowds cheer as new Hope springs.

AMAZING MOMENTS

Missed catches. Game saving tackles. Overloading the left side as that one lone defender flies and deflects that point after. Watching the errant kick sail just pass the field goal. Wide. There was that incredible catch by Shannon. He looked like a gymnast tumbling through the sky as his legs cart wheeled over the defender. Seeing his hand shoot up in the sky as the referee raised his arms upwards. That was something. 

NEVER ALONE
I am sitting in the crowds with her. She’s not here. She’s married with child. I see her Facebook post of his newest adventure. Still she is with me. In my heart, I am not alone. Her memories is enough. Like then, there was no one else and that would be okay. No cares in the world just being there. It was all that mattered. Never really cared for the outcome of the game. Just enjoyed the night with her.

Times changed now.

ICE CUBE

I am on the field now, watching my brother, the Coach. He’s on the sideline shouting at his players. His wife, my sister in law, says he might get kicked out of the game.  He’s a passionate player.  Voice that would scare most. An intimidating character. Reminds me of O’Shea Jackson. Think NWA and Are We There Yet?  He has that Mad Dog Scare. Eyebrows furrowed. Face grimaced. Ears red. His coach said one time, “Give me 20 more like him and we would never lose any battle.” This is true. Born under the sign of the warrior, Sagittarius. He is smart, athletic, with an indomitable will. Not tall in stature, he always found a way to compete. He found a way to excel.

FALCON PRIDE FOREVER

Sitting in the stands with girls. Both off from gymnastic practice. Texting and Instagramming. Wearing the Falcon Jersey. They move with the cheerleaders. Screaming and shouting better than the ones on the field.  They have been going to the games since they were little. “Palmdale Falcons How Do You Feel?” They scream, “We Feel Good. Oh We Feel So Good. . .There is more to it. Add some hip gyrating and arms twirling like riding a bronco. You get the idea. 

Dorian’s favorite is “Palmdale. . .Palmdale. . .Palmdale” Crowd waves one arm in unison as the team rallies for a score.  

FOOTBALL WIVES

Luz is talking with the other Football wives. One is the Cheer-leading Coach. The other is wife of the head coach. She has the most spirit. She screams when no one else would. She shouts and pumps up the crowd. She is the one that all of them love. She is the heart.

YOUNG FALCON FRIENDS

Angelo is with his new found friends. Running up and down the stairs. He gives the cheerleaders a kiss. He’s only four years old.  He’s their mascot. He’ll be an athlete, too.

Score is 54 to 6 at half time.

Lancaster is a fine team, but simply this not their year. I heard next Friday will be for Golden League. Both teams are undefeated. Couple years ago, the Rebels beat Palmdale during our Homecoming, 27-0. Not a great atmosphere. They might have won State. Or was it CIF Sectionals. Still.

What’s best is that on any given Friday one team can win and turn around a whole new season.

NOW MATTERS

For me, it’s the time right now. Watching the kids grow up. Watching the kids stay young. Watching memories of yesterday come back again.  It is the then, the now, and tomorrow all right here. Smell of the hamburgers wafts through the air. The monotone football announcer relaying the game to the crowd. It’s the half inflated Eagle across the field. Band and flag team parade across the field. Cheerleaders from the other side invite their counterparts to sit with them in a time honored  tradition camaraderie.

CYCLE ENDS, CYCLE BEGINS

Last whistle sings and the game ends. Palmdale Second stringers get one more touchdown. Defense pitches a shutout the second half. Its one more win for the season. Both team lines up and slap hands in respect. One more happy memory. Until next year when Friday Night Lights will shine again.

Happy Birthday, Mike

Cloudy this morning. Seems fitting for you today. Its your birthday and I want to let you know you are remembered. Only met you once and there was a sadness about it. The look on your face and I remember. Looking back I didn’t really notice then, but I do now. Hard to keep a straight face with all the emotions inside. I know.

You look like Kevin.  He’s an athlete like you. Football player. Spoke to one your mates. He said at half time you would change uniforms to perform during the band. The Arvin alumni band has your photos stream on. Your girlfriend, I assume, is a blond. Reminds me of Amanda. Similar tastes, I guess. Most of my friends were blonds, too.

Don’t know what you had to go through as you were growing up. From the awards I have of you, you were something. Wrestler, football player, drum major. I can see your Honor roll letters. Outstanding Student. Academic Honor Roll 1982. You danced too. You were truly an Alpha.

Spoke to one your mates. He said that if you someone got out of line, you were not afraid to get in their faces. Reminds me of Kevin. Kevin would have the Ultimate Warrior painted on his face when he competed. Not knowing you personally, I can see that. Kevin and I aren’t as musical as you are.  Kevin can dance. Dad was one dancer, too. When I was at Sig Ep parties, I would do my thing.

You probably know this already, but I visited you. A few days before your Halloween. Left some candy for you and one of your neighbors. Sorry it took so long. It took some time to find you. Had to walk up and down each plaque to find you. There was no directory available. Found you I did. I promise to be back before the month is up. Wanted to go today on your birthday, but just wasn’t in the stars. Supposed to snow and rain something fierce today. News has been reporting it. Its cloudy and the weather reporters may be right this time.

Called the school and the counselor remembers you. You must have made quite impression to foster a memory like that. I’m not surprised though. 

Last time I remember speaking about you was when I was AVC Student Body President.  Went to a get together and somehow a lady mentioned your name. She knew of you. Don’t know how or in what context, but it was you. Guess, I wasn’t  ready. Sorry. 

That accident. . .I don’t know how, but I can hear Dad saying, “Why? Why? Why?” He was in the hospital hallway. I know this, but I've never been there. Never went to funeral. Never went to you at the hospital. I was in junior high then and we barely knew each other. Sorry. Wasn't invited. I would have gone. I swear.

The trucker turned in and the rest. . .I’m sorry it happened. I would liked to have known you.

I remember that LA Express T Shirt you gave me. Wore it a few times. USFL, Steve Young. Thank you by the way.

It was a surprise to learn you have half-brother. I am graduating Sage Jr High and then to discover that I have an older brother. Can’t say that I was too happy. Maybe it was the time. Moving from Joshua Hills to a tougher part of the city. Maybe it was Rochelle passing. Maybe it was because I was mad at Dad. I was. Blamed him for many things. Some deserved. Some not. Maybe it was just puberty. Whatever it was, it was no excuse.

Took some pictures of the high school. Also went by the field you played on. Arvin is not a big town. It is farming land. Tiny main street. Not much for big box retail stores. It is a true farm city from what I gathered.  I can still see the statue of the Little Caesar on the building. This was much different city than Los Angeles. Don’t know how Dad got up here, but I will have to ask him when I get the chance. 

Finally saw his funeral. Had it for years and finally watched it. Saw some of our relatives. Minnie and Larry. A few others. There were guards and a procession. I was planning in on taking it to the cemetery and watching it with you.

There was a lady there. Not sure who she is. Don’t really want to know. I am betting it was Dad’s lady friend at the time. Last time I saw Dad, it was at the house before we moved. It was tough. He left and I remember I didn’t want him to go. It would be the last time I would see him. He sent me a text when I was at Garden Grove. It was after a close out. He wanted something and I couldn’t and would send it. It was minor thing and I was hurt and angry and just ready to close the door on things.

I was stupid. He tried and well, it is over now. I was troubled by things that Dad did. Won’t get into it, but I was angry. I have forgiven. Wish I did sooner. People make mistakes and try to fix things. Sometimes these windows close sooner than we expected. My stuff with Em is that way. 

Learned of a funny connection between her and I. Let’s just say, ‘It’s a Small World and God has a plan.”

I digress. I spoke to the counselor and she said she would have stuff ready for me. I can look at yearbooks at the school. Hope to get this done before the New Year gets here. I plan to hit the library there. Maybe get a traffic report on the accident. I would like to see if there were any articles of you in the newspaper. This will take a couple of visits. Perhaps go to the hospital where you stayed. I would really like to get to know you.

Any ways, you are remembered, Happy Birthday, Brother. I love you.

Three in the Morning Ramblings

Sleepless Night

Three in the morning. Woke and I’m not ready to go back to sleep. NewYear's Eve is in few short weeks and I would have to say this has been a fine year. Filled with many memorable moments. That is all we can ask. Just fine memorable moments. Hope this streak will continue as the year winds down to rev up for another great one. 

New Dawn

Can’t hold too tightly. Like sands in our hand we realize this is all borrowed time. Moments seem to last forever. A time where we want to live forever. A smile of young nephews when the world wishes him happy birthday. The arms raised up victory of a great performance. Standing tall at the Bee with all eyes resting on you as one spells that word practiced many times over. The sight of a cow chasing after zebras. The time when you see your first sea lion sunning himself on the beach.

A Different Perspective

We stand, we sit, we lie down remembering moments, just wanting to spend forever.

We realize that we have seen and experienced so many things. You wonder what you have given up to get where you are. You look back and smile that this was a fair trade.

Crossing Tracks

Then you think again about what you gave up. Special moments lost forever. Opportunities past of what could have been. You close your eyes and think about what you lost. Deep in moment at what could, what should have been. A place you can never go back to. Missed moments. Angry words. Self-protecting moments with shutting doors. Closed moments where mother and daughters must say goodbye. Where vision is lost?  One wonders what was so troubling that can may one close the door for what seems forever.

It was the Best of Times, It Sucked, too

A divorce. An ex re-marrying. An angry boss. Consideration of finding a new job and being old. . .older. A time where you wonder  whether the neighbor’s  are going to steal their way in your home to harm your kids. You wonder if your Mom and Dad are going to be okay? You wonder of a lost friend’s troubles with Meth is finding them in dark waters.

Passing

You think of an old friend. You wonder if that person you walked passed was him. You think did they pass because they didn’t recognize. Or did they pass quietly because they did recognize you. A silent moment in wonder. Where family move on with their own lives. You wonder whether you will have something like what they have. Where young nieces and nephews have changes in their lives. A new school. A new gym. A new everything.

Season Ends

Where seasons of football comes to a cold end. Where teams huddle up for the last time on a cold, rainy night. Where one watches for the final time. . .again. . . as kids one has coached realize this is the end. No longer playing. The loss of Friday Night Lights. Seniors become Freshmen again. Return to the beginning. A new place. A new home. A new everything. A sadness washes over one. They stand soaked as the downpour continues. Its cold. Its wet. It makes one bring in tightly, wrapping themselves under the torrent of change. Shoes get soaked by the barrage of rain.

Ahhhhhh

One closes in on the the comfort of something. . .of something. . .familiar. Like Home. Where good memories are housed. Where many parties are held. Where late night tv is watched. Where the Christmas trees were decorated. Where the birthday parties reveled. Where family and friends got together and enjoyed. 

Moving Day

Many homes around are emptying. Some for the loss of job. Some for the loss of a loved one. For some, bigger and better. Change is a coming. It is always coming. Sometimes the change is incremental. A slow decline of better to worse. And sometimes it’s a dramatic leap from LA to San Francisco. Where one says so long to loving sister one has shared a tiny room in the back. Some times it is saying, “No more traveling and job to spend time on what is important. A daughter’s love.” It is time to stay close to family because their brother is having a new child. It is time to hold on close to parents that are meeting their twilight.

Charlie Chaplin, Kermit-Style

It is the realization that to shed one’s old life for something new. It is the acceptance of loss in order to gain. Its everything large and small. It is the realization that the precious sands of time, the sand of life, the sands that build beautiful things are fleeting. Always fleeting. It is knowing the harder we hold tightly that they slip faster through our hands. It is this way. It is always this way. 

We think that we have forever. We do. Its just the vehicle we live in, the avatar, it gets worn. A representation of who we are. Who we need to be. Who we no longer need to be. It is all the same body.

Call Home

In many cultures, the snake is represented as a mystical animal. Despite, the Catholic imagery of the snake being negative. The influencing Eve who in turn influenced Adam consequently banishing them from Eden. Snakes in many cultures are said to be good creatures because of their ability to shed their skin. To slough the scales holding into a body that no longer contain their growth.   We are like this. We grow. We develop underneath the derma. We hardened by events, scarred by various life things. It is painful. It is the realization we are growing and the suit that protected one before no longer fits. It is this time where people must slough out the armor, to be vulnerable under the harsh climates. Until the sun and elements hardens the new skin to protect once again the body underneath.

Tour of California

A continuous cycle of beginning and ending. We all must face this. As the cycle winds down, there is the clock ticking away. It seems to get louder at certain points. People amass an energy. The final push. The climactic moment before the resolution. Like a good story that is about to turn the corner for something uncomfortable and wonderful at the same time. A sadness and joy brought together. They say time is relative. It is. I think time is more how connected we are to events all around.

Sunrise/ Sunsets

Well, I wrote much. It was not my intention to scribble so much. Just wanted to fill some moments until I felt sleepy again. I am sleepy again. Good Night again. Good Morning. Again.  

Be Like Water. . .

Its cold.

Now
Air conditioning is on high. It is cold outside, too. Winter soon. May come early if this morning is any indication. Went swimming yesterday afternoon. Nice and brisk. The way that I like it. Finished 50, mostly legs. Zoomers and Scuba fins day.

What Tomorrow May Bring
Not sure what I will do this weekend. Maybe a moonlit night hike at Devil’s Punch Bowl. Maybe watch rubber duckies travel around Drytown. Maybe I will go to Highland and do the Relay for Life for Cancer. Not sure, but horoscope says that my emotional vibe will strong.

Tomorrow's Dreams
Kevin’s team plays tonight. Going against Kennedy. Somewhere in the Valley. They blew out Hart last week. Hope they win tonight, too. It would be nice for Palmdale to win a CIF Championship. They have been so close for so long. Next week they play Valencia. A perennial powerhouse. From what he told me, Valencia destroyed whoever they played last night. Normally, he can’t scout a team before they play them. Most high school games are all on Fridays. Last night must have been an unusual.

Starbursts and Bees, Look Up
Whatever is going, I can sense a something unusual in the air. There is something about the season changing. Days and nights are becoming more even. Autumnal Equinox soon. It is a time of balance. Soon we get to fall back, Day light savings time. Move the clock back an hour.

Time
It’s nice to have a reset. A time to get back some precious day, just by turning back the clock. Darkest hours does not come so soon. Still, it comes. The more we speed up, the slower things get. We start noticing the little things. Watched History Channel or National Geographic show. Talked about the physics of time travel and the theories on how it is may happen. Worm holes. Gravitational sucks. Spaceship surfing the time-space continuum. Essentially, the faster one moves the slower time gets. 

Fault Lines
This has been my experience. Being in the flow, where time and space seems to slow. Moments where one is in the Zone. Haven’t been here in awhile, yet I know it exists. Been there playing a good game of basketball. Swimming in the pool. Time, space, and mind is in sync. Where everything is right. Everything falls in place. It is where everything exist. The past, the future, the now. It all makes sense. Still. This pursuit for Zen, the “Flow”, Big Smile never seems to end. 

Civilizations have risen and fallen in the search for something Bigger.

Manic-Depressant
Yet, season change in the endless pursuit. One wonders why struggle? Why acquiesce? The mountains and valleys one yearns for seems counter-intuitive to follow. It is so Bipolar. Still, it is what it is. We live in many variations of the same journey. Whether it is the pursuit for State Championships. Whether it is the completion of that college degree. Whether it the fifty laps completed. 

Journey May Take Hours
This pattern of struggle invigorates and depletes. It is not to be mind tired of the countless hours at work or in school. It is not the countless hours in the gym or dojo being physically tired. It is not the time being in love. And out of love.

It is the journey of the keyboard tapping. It is the journey stroke of the paintbrush. It is the dance itself. It is the pursuit with ferocious unrelentlessness. It is taking the moment of the little things that makes all the difference.

Bonds, Be Like Water
Sure the many molecules do not connect. Many attract and repel. Some being ionic. Taking an electron. Losing an electron. We become positive and negative in relationships. Some times these bonds are covalent. Where supposed opposites find balance together. Think Yin Yang symbol. Inequality becomes mutually beneficial. Think symbiosis. Like the two hydrogen atoms forming a togetherness with the oxygen. Magical qualities happen. This alchemy of life makes something wonderful. Things fit.

Magic Happens
True, it may seem without purpose. It may be. However, when serendipity and synchronicity happen, magical moments happen. Like the musicians named John, Paul, George, and Ringo form. Like when basketball wellsprings forms in Boston and Los Angeles. When perfect storms destruct and construct something wonderful. Music is made. Dynasties are built. Ordinary becomes extraordinary.

Magical Moments, Taken for Granted
If everything wonderful happened all the time, miracles would not be so special.  Things is, as time speeds up and as we begin to slow down, we notice miracles happen every single day. Every single moment. Every everything. We learn that its all special. We begin to ride the wave.

Phil's Birthday, 9/17/45
As my second favorite coach has said,”In basketball - as in life - true joy comes from being fully present in each and every moment, not just when things are going your way. Of course, it's no accident that things are more likely to go your way when you stop worrying about whether you're going to win or lose and focus your full attention on what's happening right this moment.”—Phil_Jackson

Oceans Subside. Take A Ride
So let it be cold. Let the a/c be too high. Let the pursuit for football glory continue. Let Valencia bring it on. Let me do my fifty laps in the the sixty degree September pool. Let the keys be tapped and may this internet quietdom ring soon with joy and laughter. And remember to pay full attention on the what is happening right this moment. This is realization that the little things count, because they are never little. It all counts. Miracles happens all the time. All the time. All the time. It just become so common that we forget that nothing is common.Every moment is magical.