Happy Birthday, Mike

Cloudy this morning. Seems fitting for you today. Its your birthday and I want to let you know you are remembered. Only met you once and there was a sadness about it. The look on your face and I remember. Looking back I didn’t really notice then, but I do now. Hard to keep a straight face with all the emotions inside. I know.

You look like Kevin.  He’s an athlete like you. Football player. Spoke to one your mates. He said at half time you would change uniforms to perform during the band. The Arvin alumni band has your photos stream on. Your girlfriend, I assume, is a blond. Reminds me of Amanda. Similar tastes, I guess. Most of my friends were blonds, too.

Don’t know what you had to go through as you were growing up. From the awards I have of you, you were something. Wrestler, football player, drum major. I can see your Honor roll letters. Outstanding Student. Academic Honor Roll 1982. You danced too. You were truly an Alpha.

Spoke to one your mates. He said that if you someone got out of line, you were not afraid to get in their faces. Reminds me of Kevin. Kevin would have the Ultimate Warrior painted on his face when he competed. Not knowing you personally, I can see that. Kevin and I aren’t as musical as you are.  Kevin can dance. Dad was one dancer, too. When I was at Sig Ep parties, I would do my thing.

You probably know this already, but I visited you. A few days before your Halloween. Left some candy for you and one of your neighbors. Sorry it took so long. It took some time to find you. Had to walk up and down each plaque to find you. There was no directory available. Found you I did. I promise to be back before the month is up. Wanted to go today on your birthday, but just wasn’t in the stars. Supposed to snow and rain something fierce today. News has been reporting it. Its cloudy and the weather reporters may be right this time.

Called the school and the counselor remembers you. You must have made quite impression to foster a memory like that. I’m not surprised though. 

Last time I remember speaking about you was when I was AVC Student Body President.  Went to a get together and somehow a lady mentioned your name. She knew of you. Don’t know how or in what context, but it was you. Guess, I wasn’t  ready. Sorry. 

That accident. . .I don’t know how, but I can hear Dad saying, “Why? Why? Why?” He was in the hospital hallway. I know this, but I've never been there. Never went to funeral. Never went to you at the hospital. I was in junior high then and we barely knew each other. Sorry. Wasn't invited. I would have gone. I swear.

The trucker turned in and the rest. . .I’m sorry it happened. I would liked to have known you.

I remember that LA Express T Shirt you gave me. Wore it a few times. USFL, Steve Young. Thank you by the way.

It was a surprise to learn you have half-brother. I am graduating Sage Jr High and then to discover that I have an older brother. Can’t say that I was too happy. Maybe it was the time. Moving from Joshua Hills to a tougher part of the city. Maybe it was Rochelle passing. Maybe it was because I was mad at Dad. I was. Blamed him for many things. Some deserved. Some not. Maybe it was just puberty. Whatever it was, it was no excuse.

Took some pictures of the high school. Also went by the field you played on. Arvin is not a big town. It is farming land. Tiny main street. Not much for big box retail stores. It is a true farm city from what I gathered.  I can still see the statue of the Little Caesar on the building. This was much different city than Los Angeles. Don’t know how Dad got up here, but I will have to ask him when I get the chance. 

Finally saw his funeral. Had it for years and finally watched it. Saw some of our relatives. Minnie and Larry. A few others. There were guards and a procession. I was planning in on taking it to the cemetery and watching it with you.

There was a lady there. Not sure who she is. Don’t really want to know. I am betting it was Dad’s lady friend at the time. Last time I saw Dad, it was at the house before we moved. It was tough. He left and I remember I didn’t want him to go. It would be the last time I would see him. He sent me a text when I was at Garden Grove. It was after a close out. He wanted something and I couldn’t and would send it. It was minor thing and I was hurt and angry and just ready to close the door on things.

I was stupid. He tried and well, it is over now. I was troubled by things that Dad did. Won’t get into it, but I was angry. I have forgiven. Wish I did sooner. People make mistakes and try to fix things. Sometimes these windows close sooner than we expected. My stuff with Em is that way. 

Learned of a funny connection between her and I. Let’s just say, ‘It’s a Small World and God has a plan.”

I digress. I spoke to the counselor and she said she would have stuff ready for me. I can look at yearbooks at the school. Hope to get this done before the New Year gets here. I plan to hit the library there. Maybe get a traffic report on the accident. I would like to see if there were any articles of you in the newspaper. This will take a couple of visits. Perhaps go to the hospital where you stayed. I would really like to get to know you.

Any ways, you are remembered, Happy Birthday, Brother. I love you.

While I Still Got the Time. . .

Last day of my Thirties. Its been a good ride. Been blessed with great family and friends I would die for.  Sun is shining right. Roads are wet right now from last night rains. Listening to the SHeDaisies.  Sitting here in the St Mary’s parking lot. Will be heading to 8:30 am mass. Its been some time since I’ve been to weekday morning mass. 


Lots of things have changed since last year. Lots haven’t. Precie is headed to high school soon, maybe Paraclete. Lynn is steady as always. Angelo blossoming Star Wars fan. We got him the DS Star Wars II game yesterday. He seems a little unsure, but he will find his way. Christopher and Jewel are married. Rod and Shena might be heading to PI after all. Jason is studying still. Luz is laid up. Hurt her back. Sucks. I’ve read Mike and Lani’s stuff on Facebook. Their kids are winning dance contests and the like.

Lately, I’ve been retracing some family history. Did so a couple years ago, but got bit by genealogy bug. Cousin Michelle and Aunt Mary have been updating me on much family history. There is so much I don’t know and still to learn. Scanning old photos and awards and stuff. Been Microfishing old newspapers. Sent some friend request to relatives I have never met and just recently learned. Even looked up my old friend’s birth certificate.

Made a faux pas. Got to get this “adding”, Kuya, Ate, stuff down. Sorry Minnie. Thanks Michelle for educating me. Still have a few things I’ve done and haven’t done yet that I would like to do. I’ve never seen my Father’s funeral. Its been sitting by my VCR, but I haven’t watched it yet. Learned some stuff that I never knew with talking with my mother. Also discovered that my grandfather, Itay, was POW in Korea. It helps to ask.

Been searching stuff about my half-brother Mike. He looks much like Kevin. Will go visit him soon. Not sure when, but sooner than later. This is a definite. Been making contact with some of his old high school friends on FB. Hope certain feelers I threw out will prove fruitful soon. Will head up to Arvin cemetery. Found out someone took a picture of his grave for some website. Can’t tell you how happy to discover this. Wasn't sure how I was going to find him. Got an email and phone call from Mike’s friend.

Made a family tree a couple years ago. Maybe some stuff were transposed in faulty software gremlins. Maybe I wrote it down wrong. Maybe some one misremembed.  Its been an adventure trying to retrace family history. But I am re-doing again. Been Microfishing and sending out emails.

Haven’t been writing lately because I have been in introspection. Research. Taking time percolating questions and re-examining life stuff.  On Facebook, I looked up some pictures of ex-girlfriends. Seen pictures of their kids. It made me wonder, that could have been mine. Elaine, Shell, Mandy.  Then I think, I was an Asshole.

I was wrong. Can never get time back. Never will. Got to live with this. Time is always in pursuit. Guess that's the reason for why I’ve been blogging and recording family history. Just in case. This is all I got to say about that. One of my relatives had a name change. It was not cheap and the emotional meaning behind it. . .well, it was needed. What it took to do this, I understand why and I. . .well. . .this is all I got to say about that. People in our lives that show up and have been there have messages/ answers to questions we may never knew we had.

 A few years ago, diagnosed with CHF. Tried to make conact with Em and Dana. It hasn't worked out like I wished. Life is mysterious twists in turn has its own timing. Got an email from a cousin I haven't thought about in years. Dismissed at first, then the Universe was insistent. Aunt Mary said, "I am your relative." Listen. Since then I've retracing some family history.  It kick started things that are well under way. Not sure where this road will take me, but I am game.

A family reunion is something in the embryonic stages now. Hope it pans out. I’d like to keep in the States, but if it’s the PI, I really need to bone up on my Tagolog and Ilakano. From the missteps I’ve taken, well. Much work needs to be done.

One of my favorite singer is Darius Rucker, formerly of Hootie & the Blowfish.  One song keeps coming to mind the day before BDay.

Each representin’ a million mistakes
The last one still burns, there’s a wish I can make
This time I’m getting’ it right
So I close my eyes and I take a deep breath
And I promise myself in the time I have left

No more excuses and no more me doing things wrong
Life is too short, baby, I’ve wasted ours for too long
And baby from now on

I’m gonna work like I don’t need the money
I’m gonna laugh like I’m not afraid to cry
I’m gonna dance like nobody’s watchin’
I’m gonna love while I still got the time

Mass is starting in a few minutes. To those that read, thank you. Gian, I know where you been. No words advice, but if you are longing for accolades and kudos, do something else. Fame is fickle. OctoMom was the flavor of the month. Awards, ribbons and trophies are nice to have, but the only person that you really need respect from is the one in the mirror. People like and hate you for various reasons. Leave being judged to American Idol contestants, gymnast and beauty queens. Some are known and will never be known. There is simply too much stuff out there that needs doing then worry if others click, "Like." 

I’ve got 300+ stuff on my Sharebucket list. Only have 25% done. Just take care of the six inches in front of your face. The inches we need are everywhere, but we got crawl and scratch for those six inches. (Sorry, this is from the Any Given Sunday Inches Speech) Life has a way of working itself out. To those in my life and those before and soon to come, thank you for being part of my story. Hope to play a good part in yours.

Father and Son

Been lucky in my life. A great brother, a fantastic nephew. Both are smart, intelligent, passionate. Both  are strong willed. Both, I am fortunate to be related to them.

What can I say that hasn’t been said before. Except that I love them dearly. My world would not be the same without them here. Kevin is a good man. A good coach. A good person. If I ever had to say who my hero is, it is without question it’s him. Not going to get into accomplishments, there are too many. Not going to get in to what he means to me, there are no words. Not going to saying anything, except that I am lucky to call him my brother.

Angelo, he’s a handful. Willful. Caring. Smart. Intelligent. Good-hearted. Passionate. He is going to be a handful when he grows up. Smart beyond his years. Athletic as hell. He is not afraid of anything. Loves to swim. Loves Sonic and Mario Brothers. He also enjoys football like his Dad. Loving mom. Loving sisters. Loving Nanay. Loving family. Angelo I would have to say is as almost as lucky as me.

Not sure what the future brings, but with their energy. I am not worried about them in the least. Academic success, athletic achievement, a heart breaker. No doubt. I hope that their joys are brought steadily and that disappointments short-lived. 

Learned in life that the measure of a person’s life is based on how much joy and happiness ones brings to others in life. If anybody feels an iota of what the two mean to me, than Kevin and Angelo are rich beyond compare. Not sure what more I can say, except they both mean the world to me.

No pictures because some treasures I chose not to share. Just want to keep this feeling close to my heart.

Happy Birthday to the Both of You.

His name is Vince

Birthday Coming Soon
It’s my childhood best friend’s birthday in a couple of days. We haven’t talked in years. We lived next door and he was good man from what I remember. Intelligent, a voracious reader. Good family, great friend. 

He was a better friend than I ever was to him. His ex- girlfriend tells me to keep Hope. Have patience. I do. I will. Don’t worry about that. Can’t change the past. Can’t undo things I’ve done and didn’t do. Many birthdays have passed since we last talked. Sixteen I think. Four Presidential elections ago. Four Olympics ago. 16 graduating classes has passed since we last spoke.

Can’t ask him to be my friend again. It’s not something that I think is feasible nor reasonable. Much time has passed. Much life has been missed. Much has been forgotten. Much has not been forgiven. Can’t say I blame him. I was not so good person for a time.

He knew me when I was not a good friend. He was still a friend despite my stupidness.

I don’t know how he is anymore. Don’t know how he’s been. Don’t know who he is.

Better Times

Joshua Hills. Making forts in the desert. Swimming in his pool. Arthur. Winfield Scott, Arcade games. Gatorade and Jack Daniels. Reading the Dragon trilogy, Raistlin and Tas. AV Mall and Walden Books.  Denny’s with the Zebra. . .Well Much has passed. My Bonsai tree died, too. Time has moved on. As it should.

Can’t step in the same river twice.  

It’s your birthday soon. I hope you and your other have a blessed day. I hope you have a blessed life. 

Lisa, don’t worry. My heart is still open. My head is too hard to give up Hope. If not in this life, then the next.  Lisa, you are right, we got to live with decision we make. No regrets. A bigger plan is out there. Sometimes we are too small at the time to see the big picture. Faith in others makes us have faith in ourselves.   

Love unconditionally. I do. I send my love to him, to you, and to yours.

Original Tommy's; Simply the Best

Happy 64th

Tommy’s. Its her 64^th Birthday. Been forgoing the fast food kick for awhile. Fish and chicken, but today I learned it’s the birthday of the Best Hamburger Place in the Universe. It artery clogging. Terrible for your cholesterol. Probably the primary reason for obesity in Southern California. However, it must be done.

Yummm, (Drool, Slobber, Drool)

Tommy’s has been Food Channel. ABC, NBC, LA Times, and just about everywhere. It is an institution. Yellow and white tissue paper wrapper to soak up the grease from the heavenly chili. Beefsteak tomatoes slices. Quarter-sized dill pickle. Chopped onions atop a slice of a just cooked 100% ground beef—fresh, never frozen patty. Dressed in mustard  and sandwiched in fresh daily delivered buns. Just heaven on earth. http://www.originaltommys.com/

Nothing Better

There are other ingredients that can be added, like lettuce, and 1000 island dressing, but why add on perfection?

Not too many things, can compare. Sure, I like Inn-N-Out Double-Double animal style. Pink’s dogs are okay. Also, like BJ’s pizzookie, however, nothing really compares to the memories I have with the Original Tommy’s.

Stars Eat, Too

Driving to Rampart in downtown LA. Waiting in lines that surround “The Shack” two times over. (Sorry, Pinks got you beat line-wise. Food, Original Tommy's are the Lakers. Pinks you are the Clippers) Watching families in the Dodge Windstars barrel out of their van to get a dog and in soda. Minute Maid in the can. Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Orange Crush in the lying down freezer. Two areas of attack. One on the corner and the other in the back. Parking lot filled. People of note come here. Saw Lawrence Fishbourne driving his convertible corvette one night. Through the years, saw a few Dodgers and Laker players drive in and out carrying the cardboard boxes filled with chili dogs and fries.

Tamms and Brad

There were those nights driving to Roscoe on a Tommy’s run. It was those nights driving with family and friends at 1 and 2 in the morning after a late night drinking and dancing. It was meeting Tammy and Jason late at night. Driving with Brad and Rinnes on those nights with the moon roof open and night filled with Air Supply singing. It was just drive from Palmdale to the Valley. It was freedom and life.

Dad

It was times with Dad. After leaving Ambassador Hotel to get a bite. It was standing by the wall, grabbing a napkin from the side dispensers. It was enjoying the time with family and friend. Just feeling proud and happy with Hamburger delight. It was a place where no matter what happened in the world, things were going to be alright.

Times have changed. Life needed to move on. Don’t go to Tommy’s as much.  Nope, not the same regularity. 

Thank goodness. Arteries couldn't take it.

Nothing like the Original

I mean I’ve hit places like Valencia and in Van Nuys. Seen Tommy’s the Northridge Mall, but it wasn’t quite the same.  Burbank is okay. It has that city-fied field. Kind of. It became commercialized. It became trendy. It became not of the same great memories. Maybe it was me and I was going through a phase. They opened an Original Tommy’s 20 minutes from home, but if you asked which would I rather go: Rampart, Roscoe, or Rancho Vista. Rancho Vista and Roscoe, Sorry. 

Rampart hands down.

 

Danger, Will Robinson, Danger

Rancho Vista is cleaner. It’s fresher looking. It newer. Roscoe has the Budweiser brewery across the street. Rampart and Beverly, all others can't compare. There was a sense of danger being in Downtown. Black and whites rolling up.Movie stars and professional athletes. Coziness of  "The Shack" Grade School cafeteria napkins. The chest style freezers filled with Hawaiian Punch and A&W Root Beer in the can. Yes, with the sliding doors. You are so close to the food that you can reach over and flip the burger yourself. "Hamburger, Hamburger, and Cheese,"--Those words were magical to me. Staff were so close in the Shack that one can charge $20 for a lap dance.

Ambiance

However, the memory investment has to go back to the classic. 64 years at the same place. Get a free burger when you stop in and say happy birthday, Tommy's. Shack can't compare. The tiny parking lot. The waiting in lines. Standing shoulder to shoulder with rock stars and regulars. Wiping off the secret recipe chili off my face, my shirt, my shoes--Just Heaven. 

Right Company is Important

Sure, I’ve taken family and friends on Tommy’s run. It was never quite the same. If you asked me would I rather go friends and family or by myself. I think I rather go alone. It is a place special to me. It is a place where my Dad took me after a long comic convention day. It is where Tammy lived close to. It was where Brad and I sang the night away. They are not close anymore, but I miss them dearly. Tommy's is a place where I can be alone with them.

Some places are special. Churches, mission, graveyards they have an emotional investment that can’t be measured. Not comparing Tommy’s with other fast food with these sacred places. However, the Original Tommy’s has a special place in my heart.Tommy's, Thank you for being there for me and my Dad. Thanks for sharing those many magical moments. Thank you letting me remember a happier time. Happy 64th Birthday, Tommy's. Thank you for the memories.

Just Waking Up In the Morning Gotta thank . . .Big Smile (Part 1 of 2)

Did not get much sleep last night. Can’t tell you how happy that made me feel. Got home in bed at 2:30 am. My adventure started in the Antelope Valley to Del Amo/ Torrance to Burbank to Bel Air to Pasadena and then back home. It was great. Saw Hana Sushi. Saw the National Cemetary. Saw the 6967. Saw the bar of Yes Man. Drove the green, green mountains of highway 14. What was the greatest part of the entire adventure, it was seeing family.

Left late afternoon around 3:30 from Palmdale. It was late, in that, I had much commuter traffic to go deal with. Everyone would be getting off work and would make the 405 a parking lot. Yet, this day was different. After logging many wasted hours sitting on the freeway, I knew the battle ahead. For some reason,  the roads parted from Palmdale on ramp to the Crenshaw Blvd exit. Got there an hour earlier than planned. Had time to just take it in and say my thanks to the Big Smile. Took to amazing pics, too.

Birthday Wishes Come Early
You know its my birthday in two days. Got my gift a couple days earlier than expected. Got a birthday wish from a beautiful high school friend I went on a dance with. Got another birthday message from a Vampire Wars friend. (I promise to return thank yous after I finishing typing these magical moments)

My gift was seeing my second cousin’s 5th Birthday. It was pretty awesome. A new family. Kids had a birthday habit (genetics, I guess). I had the same issue. We knew cakes felt lonely. Birthday cake is just sitting on the table not being appreciated. . .well,  you got to appreciate. Its lonely. So much activity all around. Kids playing with toys. Family cooking. Laughing, smiling, and the cake gets nothing. Kids are in tune to unhappy vibes of the cake. Well, they want to show love so, kids take swipes of the frosting. Yummm. Inexperience. They need someone to show them the way. Lucky for them I was there to show the way. 

Cake Taster, Birthday Boy's Responsibility
Kids don’t take fingers swipes at the top of the cake. You take it at the bottom. On the sides. Take swipes where no one can see cake divots. The obligatory pictures and Birthday song time are simply too long. Sugar bliss right there, come on. Patience is a virtue; however, one can always for Forgiveness. Cakes want to be eaten. Kids want to eat cake. One can only guess outcome. Plus, there is an unsaid birthday celebrant's responsibility. Who checks the cake is up to birthday standards? It is the responsibility of the celebrant. Don't forget, its his damn party. What are you going to do not eat the cake? Are you not going to sing him birthday? Come on. It his duty to make sure the cake is good. If not, let’s just call the whole thing off. Enough said about that.

Beautiful Home Filled With Love
Went to a beautiful home. With beautiful family, with lots and lots of family and friends. People I never knew until a few days back. You see, I hardly know anyone on my late father’s side. Chelle was gracious to invite her to home to celebrate her son’s birthday. There has been a calling for me to learn more about my Dad's side of the family. I am glad I went. It was incredible. Not only was the eats great. I mean great. No, I mean outstanding. Ribs perfect. Grilled eggplant and peppers. Suvaki--just delicious. Her husband is Greek and manages a Greek restaurant. You know the food was outstanding.

The whole time was full of love. Lots and lots. . .lots of Love. So many things revealed. So many questions answered by a glorious trip.  First, one was greeted by yips and yaps of the furry three. Tiny. Reminds me of Tina, my fearless Chihuahua that loves swimming with the ducks. Smiling hand-sized dogs. The door opened and I was greeted by a  great big smile and warm loving hug. It was cousin Michelle. It was . . .Home.

Don’t get me wrong I love my family. It was different. Kind of like chocolate. I mean there’s three musketeers. The Twix. Hershey Kiss. Its just a new flavor the family of Chocolate. It felt, smelt, tasted, looked, and sounded like. . .Home. Could’ve burst into tears. Just not the guy thing to do. Inside. It was something.  If you ever watch the movie Joy Luck Club at the end, it was like that.It’s just its been a whole lifetime. More than a quarter of decade since I seen Chelle. What I remember Chell, she was the short, skinny girl that Dolph and Robert picked on.  “Cuz” was what she called me. Awesome. Great ear to ear smile. Her presence just fills the room.

Husband a strong, good man. Ex-Judo guy. I've seen his type at Gold's Gym before. Body builder-type. Walks with an air of confidence and strength. He has "If I want to kick your ass air, I love family deeply and I know how to get shit done" air about him. I love that. Well, their home was filled with toys in the living room. The kids were playing, watching Sponge Bob (My favorite). My cousins. Cool. These strangers were part of me. A part I never knew. They were my family, too.  My Dad’s family. Best way I can describe it was like this. When I schooled in Boston for college, coming off the airplane and seeing Mom and Dad smiling and waiting in the airport terminal after more than year away. It was that feeling. A connection of who you are while you weren’t there. It’s a welcoming of old you and new you. It is the merging of all love then and all the love now and love in the future. Its all the important stuff in one single moment.

Stealing a line from the movie Star Trek Insurrection. "A person can live a whole lifetime in a moment in time."

Well, I’m sorry but I got to run. Wish I had more time to write. But, 800+ words , plus ten minutes to get where I need to go in five minutes time.