While I Still Got the Time. . .

Last day of my Thirties. Its been a good ride. Been blessed with great family and friends I would die for.  Sun is shining right. Roads are wet right now from last night rains. Listening to the SHeDaisies.  Sitting here in the St Mary’s parking lot. Will be heading to 8:30 am mass. Its been some time since I’ve been to weekday morning mass. 


Lots of things have changed since last year. Lots haven’t. Precie is headed to high school soon, maybe Paraclete. Lynn is steady as always. Angelo blossoming Star Wars fan. We got him the DS Star Wars II game yesterday. He seems a little unsure, but he will find his way. Christopher and Jewel are married. Rod and Shena might be heading to PI after all. Jason is studying still. Luz is laid up. Hurt her back. Sucks. I’ve read Mike and Lani’s stuff on Facebook. Their kids are winning dance contests and the like.

Lately, I’ve been retracing some family history. Did so a couple years ago, but got bit by genealogy bug. Cousin Michelle and Aunt Mary have been updating me on much family history. There is so much I don’t know and still to learn. Scanning old photos and awards and stuff. Been Microfishing old newspapers. Sent some friend request to relatives I have never met and just recently learned. Even looked up my old friend’s birth certificate.

Made a faux pas. Got to get this “adding”, Kuya, Ate, stuff down. Sorry Minnie. Thanks Michelle for educating me. Still have a few things I’ve done and haven’t done yet that I would like to do. I’ve never seen my Father’s funeral. Its been sitting by my VCR, but I haven’t watched it yet. Learned some stuff that I never knew with talking with my mother. Also discovered that my grandfather, Itay, was POW in Korea. It helps to ask.

Been searching stuff about my half-brother Mike. He looks much like Kevin. Will go visit him soon. Not sure when, but sooner than later. This is a definite. Been making contact with some of his old high school friends on FB. Hope certain feelers I threw out will prove fruitful soon. Will head up to Arvin cemetery. Found out someone took a picture of his grave for some website. Can’t tell you how happy to discover this. Wasn't sure how I was going to find him. Got an email and phone call from Mike’s friend.

Made a family tree a couple years ago. Maybe some stuff were transposed in faulty software gremlins. Maybe I wrote it down wrong. Maybe some one misremembed.  Its been an adventure trying to retrace family history. But I am re-doing again. Been Microfishing and sending out emails.

Haven’t been writing lately because I have been in introspection. Research. Taking time percolating questions and re-examining life stuff.  On Facebook, I looked up some pictures of ex-girlfriends. Seen pictures of their kids. It made me wonder, that could have been mine. Elaine, Shell, Mandy.  Then I think, I was an Asshole.

I was wrong. Can never get time back. Never will. Got to live with this. Time is always in pursuit. Guess that's the reason for why I’ve been blogging and recording family history. Just in case. This is all I got to say about that. One of my relatives had a name change. It was not cheap and the emotional meaning behind it. . .well, it was needed. What it took to do this, I understand why and I. . .well. . .this is all I got to say about that. People in our lives that show up and have been there have messages/ answers to questions we may never knew we had.

 A few years ago, diagnosed with CHF. Tried to make conact with Em and Dana. It hasn't worked out like I wished. Life is mysterious twists in turn has its own timing. Got an email from a cousin I haven't thought about in years. Dismissed at first, then the Universe was insistent. Aunt Mary said, "I am your relative." Listen. Since then I've retracing some family history.  It kick started things that are well under way. Not sure where this road will take me, but I am game.

A family reunion is something in the embryonic stages now. Hope it pans out. I’d like to keep in the States, but if it’s the PI, I really need to bone up on my Tagolog and Ilakano. From the missteps I’ve taken, well. Much work needs to be done.

One of my favorite singer is Darius Rucker, formerly of Hootie & the Blowfish.  One song keeps coming to mind the day before BDay.

Each representin’ a million mistakes
The last one still burns, there’s a wish I can make
This time I’m getting’ it right
So I close my eyes and I take a deep breath
And I promise myself in the time I have left

No more excuses and no more me doing things wrong
Life is too short, baby, I’ve wasted ours for too long
And baby from now on

I’m gonna work like I don’t need the money
I’m gonna laugh like I’m not afraid to cry
I’m gonna dance like nobody’s watchin’
I’m gonna love while I still got the time

Mass is starting in a few minutes. To those that read, thank you. Gian, I know where you been. No words advice, but if you are longing for accolades and kudos, do something else. Fame is fickle. OctoMom was the flavor of the month. Awards, ribbons and trophies are nice to have, but the only person that you really need respect from is the one in the mirror. People like and hate you for various reasons. Leave being judged to American Idol contestants, gymnast and beauty queens. Some are known and will never be known. There is simply too much stuff out there that needs doing then worry if others click, "Like." 

I’ve got 300+ stuff on my Sharebucket list. Only have 25% done. Just take care of the six inches in front of your face. The inches we need are everywhere, but we got crawl and scratch for those six inches. (Sorry, this is from the Any Given Sunday Inches Speech) Life has a way of working itself out. To those in my life and those before and soon to come, thank you for being part of my story. Hope to play a good part in yours.

Memorial Day: I Hear You, Dad

Just finished DVD. Taking Chance. Its movie about a fallen Marine named Chance. It was a story about a Marine military analyst, played by Kevin Bacon, that volunteered to take back Chance home to his parents. It was a story about how ordinary people not knowing this fallen soldier would display acts of kindness and respect. A airline attendant bumping the escort to first class, a flight attendant giving a crucifix to the escort, the flight line standing in respect, and so on.

Memorial Day is a week away. Can’t help think of my own father. He was a Marine. He passed away too. He’s in the Philippines now. I have never seen his funeral. It has been tucked away for some time. Still haven’t watched it. Not really ready too. It has been several years and I still haven’t. My brother has a giant cross tattoo on his arm. For some time, I never knew it was my Father. 

Did not leave on good terms with my Dad and it has always bothered me. He was a smart, intelligent man. A Closer, too. A Dreamer. Passionate. Driven. Strong. Courageous. Hard-Headed, too. I get that from him. I had some issues with him that I am not ready to share. I think of him often. I pushed out of my head for awhile. Some things I needed to do. I have Forgiven him for stuff that happened, but I haven’t given him the respect I believe need to do. As a young man, I didn't see things the way he did. He was my Dad. He loved my Brother and he said somethings that were very inciteful. Looking back I wished that I listened more. He brought me places. He taught me things. 

Was angry with him for some time. I was angry at myself for not being there for him. Blamed him for stuff. Some stuff was warranted. Others not. He loved me. I know this now. I have always known. He was no saint. He had his faults. Like all of do. Myself included. 

I sense his presence now and then. He's watching over me. Thank you for giving me the freedom to me. I remember the things you have written. They still mean the world. I am proud of you, too.

Think of my half-brother Mike. Did know know until I was eleven years old. He had another son. Made some attempts to find out where he is buried. Its fallen on deaf ears. Going to push the issue soon. Just will have to do this alone.  I think it is something that needs to be done. Its not me, but I think its my Dad’s spirit that has been nudging for awhile. I get this feeling that I need to do this for my Father, our Father.

Don't know why I chose to pick up this DVD, but I did. Don't know why I decided to watch it, but I did. I believe now I know why I did these things. Thanks, Dad, I am listening.

Next Monday is Memorial Day and I believe that I need to pay a visit. Need to say, Hello to Marv and Mike. Need to say Hi to Tatay. 

Tatay watches Rochelle. Marv is with Mary at Riverside National. My father’s son is in Arvin somewhere. My father is in the PI. Never said goodbye. I am sorry for that. 

Well, to those that have stepped up in the military. Thank You. Thank you Russell, Michael Crescitelli, Ricky Christiansen, Uncle Robert Barr, Tammy’s ex, Brandon, Terri Jones. Thank you for everything.

Marv and Tatay I will visit you soon.

Dad, I love you. You are missed. I still pray for you. I will bring you with me to see Mike.

Whiplash and Walnuts: This Ride Is Scarier Than Disneyland

Leaving Da Ville

Saturday—Headed to Walnut. On the road from Da Ville to the Nut. Its Aaron’s Birthday. It’s been some time since I was there last. Sitting right next to bags of siapao. Curry chicken is at my feet. Listening to some Taylor Swift’s Tim McGraw. Got to have a lot of faith when I drive with Aunt Tally. I’m lucky if I don’t get whiplash. She likes to brake—A Lot. A LOT. Whew, what one suffers through to do other things. I rather not drive. If I had a driver to get me where I wanted to go, I  would be in bliss. Actually, thinking about driving less. Get on the bike and just getting where I need to be. Kind of like the doctor in City of Angels.

Rather Ride, Than Drive

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy driving.  Rather take photos or write than be focused on the cars ahead, behind me, and to the sides. Too often, I get in my time machine and just drive. There’s so much out there one does not see when flying by. In the car, I miss much. We race  by and I miss the “California Lotto” sign next to me. I miss the cracks on the sidewalk. I miss the green, green grass.

 Breaking the Law

Uuugh.  She likes pot holes. Will not miss one of them. Not one of them. Not one. She's consistent that way. She's talking on the phone while she is driving. I try not to think about her not being focusing and just driving with no care in the world. It scares me. My heart can't take it. Yeah, we are merging on the freeway. Jerk, shake, brake. No, it’s okay. Breathe. The 16 wheeler semi is only 80 mph and we are going into his lane at 30 mph. Get off the F-in phone and pay attention. Breathe

Aahh, Thank goodness the Walmart truck has good brakes. I can still see smoke from the tires. Its so beautiful.  She still talking on the F-ing phone.  She’s not the smoothest driver at that. Hope we don’t flip it. We are only going 80 mph. She likes being really close to the steering wheel. At times, I think she is trying to read the license plate and bumper stickers. She forgot her glasses for this drive. Plus, she’s not that tall. About 4’ and some change. She has two pillows to prop her up. She is so small you can see her feet on her driver’s license. Let's put it this way, I feel like Yao Ming in a Toyota IQ when I drive her car.

Well, she has a crucifix hanging on the rear view mirror. I am reminded have to have Faith in others.  Yet, it is one of those times. I just close my eyes and pray we get there. No, two feet behind the Taurus in front of us is not tailgating. It's a 5 second rule not 5 milliseconds. Well, that is what she thinks. You see she knows-SHE KNOWS--SHE KNOWS--that the other drivers can read her mind and will adjust accordingly. We, humans, follow a different set of rule of following at least one car length per every 10 mph.  Those do not apply to her. She’s got superhuman reaction skills with *Optimus Prime brakes.  Well, that what I make myself believe when I ride with her.

Okay, I will take the phone from her. He's speaking to her son

Just spoke with Chris. He re-enlisted and is in the AZ now. I miss him already. Gave him some projects to do for me. Hopefully, he’ll do one of four. I asked him to follow me on my blog. Maybe, if I write about him he’ll read them. Looking to get a 100 followers. I guess, I can dream. Asked him to blog while he’s in the AZ.  Sunset or sunrise photo once a week. Post card once a month. 

Promises Made

Last task, Goofy picture at least once a week that has a toy in the background. It’s like the Verizon commercial with dad going to all these odd places taking pictures with a toy monkey.  The movie with George Clooney, Up in the Air something. He had a photo of his sister and her fiance. People all around the country would take photos  in odd places. It supposed to represent I guess that they are with them wherever they are.

So Far, Yet So Close

What I am loving about the internet, Facebook, camera phones is the ability to send people what you see instantly. Knowing that I could be there with you a click of my phone or mouse it makes me feel connected. I mean if you think about we are all connected. If we really want to get know each other we are just mouse click away. If you want to share your life with others get on Facebook. It’s not the same as the person to person contact, but if you think about we are really closer than you think. No one is ever really alone.

A Search for Mike. . .

I think of a promise I made. Visit Mike's grave. I have a half-brother Mike that passed away some years back. Never knew him that well and for some reason I been feeling this need to re-connect with family. It’s driving me to learn about them. This drive was calling me to visit my Dad’s good friend Marv. It’s driving me to learn about my cousin’s on my father’s side. Trying to learn of Father’s other family. I hope they will receive me. I know he passed but I still would like to say, “Hi.” I saw Mike’s picture when he was in band. He was on drum line and played football like my brother, Kev. Its on the Arvin Band website. Seeing his photos with his girl, it’s like . . .It feels right.  That’s enough for me.

Well, exiting the freeway now. Thank you Angels for getting us here.  I’ll live with the whiplash. Neck brace medium will do. Heart rate only 220 bpm. Got to cry now in joy and kiss the ground that we made it. Breathe

*Transformers--More than Meets the Eye