Auld Lang Syne

Last week of the year. This one went by fast. Finished some things and still have some stuff left undone. Opened Christmas gifts early today. Just got home from Pasadena tonight. Went to Uncle Alex’s house for family get together. Saw something amazing today. It was at the cemetery. Wish I had charged my phone. Wish I didn’t forget my camera.

All these plots were decorated with Christmas decorations. Visited Tatay and Rochelle today. I can tell someone was there. The flower holder was easy to remove. There was family there today. Actually many, but there was one who I am guessing recently passed. They were all huddled together saying a prayer. Heard Santa Maria a few times. Anyways, I wish you could have seen what I have seen.

Anyways was there only for a little bit. Thought how in a generation or two. They will not be remembered. Maybe except in a picture or two. Just got me a little sad thinking about it. No one will remember Tatay and Rochelle like I did. Thought about Michael. Don’t know if anyone visits him. Thought about Dad. Thought about it, but I didn’t want to dwell on too much. Such is life.

I can understand the importance of Facebook. Connecting with people. Having the Timeline document your thoughts and feelings in the Internet universe. Living in a way that will be electronically be remembered. Visited a few museums this year. Nettercutt, Bowers, LACMA, Japanese, MOCA, and few others. Just taking time to remember the past. Standing and looking at some of the airplanes at Joe Davies. Looking at the vintage cars at the Nettercutt. Visiting Tatay and Rochelle. Rodney and his family will be leaving soon. For real. Felt it today as we were sitting next to each other. Thought about Ron’s friend. He was wearing his purple tie. I wonder what he will do when they are gone

When Rhi, said, “Hi, Uncle Jeff” It made me smile. Thinking of Uncle John and Alex. Thinking of Aunt Flor and Ruth. Thinking of relatives I still haven’t met. Made some promises, well, no resolutions this year. Kept some. Many, but some, still haven’t touched. Proud to say I finally visited Michael. Proud I finally watch Dad’s funeral. Proud that I knocked off a few things on the bucket list. Some, I am did not keep. Visiting Mary and Marv is a big one for me.  Going to a drive in movie and Silent One is another.

Strengthened some relations and let some wane. As the year comes to a close, I am haunted by some words. Auld Lang Syne. Saw some storms a brewing. Between son and mother (not mine). Between Sisters (and inlaws) Between Old Friends and New Ones.

On this Christmas day, can’t help think of Christmas Mass. Eyes closed as the priest gave his homilee. Standing in line waiting to get Communion. Thought of Shazam, Rinnes, Elaine. Thought of Rod, Ron, and Jason. Thought of Mike, Brian, and Mike. Of course my Brother and the family. Mom, Dad. Thought of relatives I have never met and ones I haven’t seen in years. Michelle, Randy, Bobby, Minnie, and Wynnel. Thought of Bambi, Pia, Bee, and Mary. Thought of my friends that I may seen soon  at the wedding. Thought about the Rose.

My mind wanders of the journey I will face ahead. Some alone. Some with others. Some with many.  I would like to think things can change with Em and I. Not sure how to proceed. Anyways, I have been blessed and I just want to thank the Big Smile for everything that I have been given. Also want to thank the Big Smile for taking away what was unnecessary. Thanks. 

Happy Birthday, Mike

Cloudy this morning. Seems fitting for you today. Its your birthday and I want to let you know you are remembered. Only met you once and there was a sadness about it. The look on your face and I remember. Looking back I didn’t really notice then, but I do now. Hard to keep a straight face with all the emotions inside. I know.

You look like Kevin.  He’s an athlete like you. Football player. Spoke to one your mates. He said at half time you would change uniforms to perform during the band. The Arvin alumni band has your photos stream on. Your girlfriend, I assume, is a blond. Reminds me of Amanda. Similar tastes, I guess. Most of my friends were blonds, too.

Don’t know what you had to go through as you were growing up. From the awards I have of you, you were something. Wrestler, football player, drum major. I can see your Honor roll letters. Outstanding Student. Academic Honor Roll 1982. You danced too. You were truly an Alpha.

Spoke to one your mates. He said that if you someone got out of line, you were not afraid to get in their faces. Reminds me of Kevin. Kevin would have the Ultimate Warrior painted on his face when he competed. Not knowing you personally, I can see that. Kevin and I aren’t as musical as you are.  Kevin can dance. Dad was one dancer, too. When I was at Sig Ep parties, I would do my thing.

You probably know this already, but I visited you. A few days before your Halloween. Left some candy for you and one of your neighbors. Sorry it took so long. It took some time to find you. Had to walk up and down each plaque to find you. There was no directory available. Found you I did. I promise to be back before the month is up. Wanted to go today on your birthday, but just wasn’t in the stars. Supposed to snow and rain something fierce today. News has been reporting it. Its cloudy and the weather reporters may be right this time.

Called the school and the counselor remembers you. You must have made quite impression to foster a memory like that. I’m not surprised though. 

Last time I remember speaking about you was when I was AVC Student Body President.  Went to a get together and somehow a lady mentioned your name. She knew of you. Don’t know how or in what context, but it was you. Guess, I wasn’t  ready. Sorry. 

That accident. . .I don’t know how, but I can hear Dad saying, “Why? Why? Why?” He was in the hospital hallway. I know this, but I've never been there. Never went to funeral. Never went to you at the hospital. I was in junior high then and we barely knew each other. Sorry. Wasn't invited. I would have gone. I swear.

The trucker turned in and the rest. . .I’m sorry it happened. I would liked to have known you.

I remember that LA Express T Shirt you gave me. Wore it a few times. USFL, Steve Young. Thank you by the way.

It was a surprise to learn you have half-brother. I am graduating Sage Jr High and then to discover that I have an older brother. Can’t say that I was too happy. Maybe it was the time. Moving from Joshua Hills to a tougher part of the city. Maybe it was Rochelle passing. Maybe it was because I was mad at Dad. I was. Blamed him for many things. Some deserved. Some not. Maybe it was just puberty. Whatever it was, it was no excuse.

Took some pictures of the high school. Also went by the field you played on. Arvin is not a big town. It is farming land. Tiny main street. Not much for big box retail stores. It is a true farm city from what I gathered.  I can still see the statue of the Little Caesar on the building. This was much different city than Los Angeles. Don’t know how Dad got up here, but I will have to ask him when I get the chance. 

Finally saw his funeral. Had it for years and finally watched it. Saw some of our relatives. Minnie and Larry. A few others. There were guards and a procession. I was planning in on taking it to the cemetery and watching it with you.

There was a lady there. Not sure who she is. Don’t really want to know. I am betting it was Dad’s lady friend at the time. Last time I saw Dad, it was at the house before we moved. It was tough. He left and I remember I didn’t want him to go. It would be the last time I would see him. He sent me a text when I was at Garden Grove. It was after a close out. He wanted something and I couldn’t and would send it. It was minor thing and I was hurt and angry and just ready to close the door on things.

I was stupid. He tried and well, it is over now. I was troubled by things that Dad did. Won’t get into it, but I was angry. I have forgiven. Wish I did sooner. People make mistakes and try to fix things. Sometimes these windows close sooner than we expected. My stuff with Em is that way. 

Learned of a funny connection between her and I. Let’s just say, ‘It’s a Small World and God has a plan.”

I digress. I spoke to the counselor and she said she would have stuff ready for me. I can look at yearbooks at the school. Hope to get this done before the New Year gets here. I plan to hit the library there. Maybe get a traffic report on the accident. I would like to see if there were any articles of you in the newspaper. This will take a couple of visits. Perhaps go to the hospital where you stayed. I would really like to get to know you.

Any ways, you are remembered, Happy Birthday, Brother. I love you.