Happy Birthday, Mike

Cloudy this morning. Seems fitting for you today. Its your birthday and I want to let you know you are remembered. Only met you once and there was a sadness about it. The look on your face and I remember. Looking back I didn’t really notice then, but I do now. Hard to keep a straight face with all the emotions inside. I know.

You look like Kevin.  He’s an athlete like you. Football player. Spoke to one your mates. He said at half time you would change uniforms to perform during the band. The Arvin alumni band has your photos stream on. Your girlfriend, I assume, is a blond. Reminds me of Amanda. Similar tastes, I guess. Most of my friends were blonds, too.

Don’t know what you had to go through as you were growing up. From the awards I have of you, you were something. Wrestler, football player, drum major. I can see your Honor roll letters. Outstanding Student. Academic Honor Roll 1982. You danced too. You were truly an Alpha.

Spoke to one your mates. He said that if you someone got out of line, you were not afraid to get in their faces. Reminds me of Kevin. Kevin would have the Ultimate Warrior painted on his face when he competed. Not knowing you personally, I can see that. Kevin and I aren’t as musical as you are.  Kevin can dance. Dad was one dancer, too. When I was at Sig Ep parties, I would do my thing.

You probably know this already, but I visited you. A few days before your Halloween. Left some candy for you and one of your neighbors. Sorry it took so long. It took some time to find you. Had to walk up and down each plaque to find you. There was no directory available. Found you I did. I promise to be back before the month is up. Wanted to go today on your birthday, but just wasn’t in the stars. Supposed to snow and rain something fierce today. News has been reporting it. Its cloudy and the weather reporters may be right this time.

Called the school and the counselor remembers you. You must have made quite impression to foster a memory like that. I’m not surprised though. 

Last time I remember speaking about you was when I was AVC Student Body President.  Went to a get together and somehow a lady mentioned your name. She knew of you. Don’t know how or in what context, but it was you. Guess, I wasn’t  ready. Sorry. 

That accident. . .I don’t know how, but I can hear Dad saying, “Why? Why? Why?” He was in the hospital hallway. I know this, but I've never been there. Never went to funeral. Never went to you at the hospital. I was in junior high then and we barely knew each other. Sorry. Wasn't invited. I would have gone. I swear.

The trucker turned in and the rest. . .I’m sorry it happened. I would liked to have known you.

I remember that LA Express T Shirt you gave me. Wore it a few times. USFL, Steve Young. Thank you by the way.

It was a surprise to learn you have half-brother. I am graduating Sage Jr High and then to discover that I have an older brother. Can’t say that I was too happy. Maybe it was the time. Moving from Joshua Hills to a tougher part of the city. Maybe it was Rochelle passing. Maybe it was because I was mad at Dad. I was. Blamed him for many things. Some deserved. Some not. Maybe it was just puberty. Whatever it was, it was no excuse.

Took some pictures of the high school. Also went by the field you played on. Arvin is not a big town. It is farming land. Tiny main street. Not much for big box retail stores. It is a true farm city from what I gathered.  I can still see the statue of the Little Caesar on the building. This was much different city than Los Angeles. Don’t know how Dad got up here, but I will have to ask him when I get the chance. 

Finally saw his funeral. Had it for years and finally watched it. Saw some of our relatives. Minnie and Larry. A few others. There were guards and a procession. I was planning in on taking it to the cemetery and watching it with you.

There was a lady there. Not sure who she is. Don’t really want to know. I am betting it was Dad’s lady friend at the time. Last time I saw Dad, it was at the house before we moved. It was tough. He left and I remember I didn’t want him to go. It would be the last time I would see him. He sent me a text when I was at Garden Grove. It was after a close out. He wanted something and I couldn’t and would send it. It was minor thing and I was hurt and angry and just ready to close the door on things.

I was stupid. He tried and well, it is over now. I was troubled by things that Dad did. Won’t get into it, but I was angry. I have forgiven. Wish I did sooner. People make mistakes and try to fix things. Sometimes these windows close sooner than we expected. My stuff with Em is that way. 

Learned of a funny connection between her and I. Let’s just say, ‘It’s a Small World and God has a plan.”

I digress. I spoke to the counselor and she said she would have stuff ready for me. I can look at yearbooks at the school. Hope to get this done before the New Year gets here. I plan to hit the library there. Maybe get a traffic report on the accident. I would like to see if there were any articles of you in the newspaper. This will take a couple of visits. Perhaps go to the hospital where you stayed. I would really like to get to know you.

Any ways, you are remembered, Happy Birthday, Brother. I love you.

March 10: Pictures are worth a 1000 words

Today's Events
5:59 Shit, Showered Shaved.

6:10 Heading to morning mass at 6:30
7:10 G-Time at His House. Leaving St. Marys
7:50 Went off trail. Got Winded. Looked at Junipers and Horse poop
9:30 Waiting for Corinna at Jen's place. Car Garage broken. Hangovers, hahahaha. Beautiful tree
10 Gassed at Ampam. Ha Chew is gum. Called Camille's missing Artist Way. Lost Black Book. Taking Back Roads. Hi to Cat House. Talks of Las Vegas reunion

10:45 Take Truck Route instead. Corinna Cringes in the tunnel. I'm driving fast in a tunnel I can't see. With Big Rigs all around. Go Bold or Get Old.

11:14 Off Highland. In Hollywood. Thinks of Shazams and Tamara at Lodge

11:35 Passed the Golden Apple. Take a picture of another comic shop on Melrose. Talk about 7 min of standup

11:40 Good parking space. Go pee and get dinosaur donuts. Think about buying academy award

12: Pretty girl. Not really listening to Corinna, instead looking at Pretty Girl works at CBS or restaurant at the Grove. Eat Mexican because Colorado Mexicans aren't nice to Corinna. Learn of Haanes and the kids.

12:15 Make eye contact and small talk at Scent shop with pretty girl. No digits. Corinna gets tea. Doggy Bakery. Where I spent my youth reading comics and porn, I was lucky. $10 validation card, No we wont pay. Haans knows Hindi.

1 Fairfax. Writers Guild. Who shot Notorious BIG. Little Ethopita and Jewish Council for Woman. Looking for Pollo. Get feeling will find in 10 minutes

1:15 Mgt messed up order for one customer. 8 pieces. Name tag for Lisa. She got a Jones for them bones. Kids cone dipped. Server has Big kids

1:30 Sad Memories of LAX. Blue Man Billboard, "WTF" Look as plane passes overhead

1:45 Corinna go bye bye. Sad. 1 Month see her again. My first strip club I went to closed. Chess at Embassy. Aerobics cert across the street. Was I angry? Yes.

145 got to be in Lancaster by 2:30. Big Donut. Think 2012 movie

2 Pass Howard Hughes. Traffic great. Time to look at overpass and grafitti

205 Passed the VA.Trivia Pursuit question. How many bathrooms does this hotel have?

2:13 Sherman Oaks Galleria. Glitter, Dave, LA Fitness Van Nuys. Missed Budlight Brewery and Tommies Runs with Shazam.

2:20 I like waters at night. Lights come on during Christmas

2:25: Always wondered what the hell is that for?

2:30 Late. Vasques Rock. I love guana. Vista Point and 3 Crosses.

2:45 Stopped by LCH and picked up some Flip Food. Stores is not closed

3:30 Dropped of broken bracelet. Store near Forever 21

3:45 Passed Airport, Joe Davies, and Gold Course. Man sells Flowers. Much respect.

4 Nap time

6:30 Headed to Supersport and then Pick up Prece at gym. On Sierra now

745 3 miles for Nike+ done. No lifting tonight

8 Going to ask parent about visiting AV Akido

8:15 Am/PM on Ave M and Sierra. Talk to Prece about George Foreman and Muhammad Ali "Ali Boma Ye"

9 Talk to Angelo about Star Wars. Hear about backpacks and eat hot wings and bread sticks
10:30 Watch some UFC, Fast Furious 3. Get Keys to head to lift at old 24 hrs. Get Laptop instead. Fall asleep after finishing post.

Just Waking Up In the Morning Gotta thank . . .Big Smile (Part 1 of 2)

Did not get much sleep last night. Can’t tell you how happy that made me feel. Got home in bed at 2:30 am. My adventure started in the Antelope Valley to Del Amo/ Torrance to Burbank to Bel Air to Pasadena and then back home. It was great. Saw Hana Sushi. Saw the National Cemetary. Saw the 6967. Saw the bar of Yes Man. Drove the green, green mountains of highway 14. What was the greatest part of the entire adventure, it was seeing family.

Left late afternoon around 3:30 from Palmdale. It was late, in that, I had much commuter traffic to go deal with. Everyone would be getting off work and would make the 405 a parking lot. Yet, this day was different. After logging many wasted hours sitting on the freeway, I knew the battle ahead. For some reason,  the roads parted from Palmdale on ramp to the Crenshaw Blvd exit. Got there an hour earlier than planned. Had time to just take it in and say my thanks to the Big Smile. Took to amazing pics, too.

Birthday Wishes Come Early
You know its my birthday in two days. Got my gift a couple days earlier than expected. Got a birthday wish from a beautiful high school friend I went on a dance with. Got another birthday message from a Vampire Wars friend. (I promise to return thank yous after I finishing typing these magical moments)

My gift was seeing my second cousin’s 5th Birthday. It was pretty awesome. A new family. Kids had a birthday habit (genetics, I guess). I had the same issue. We knew cakes felt lonely. Birthday cake is just sitting on the table not being appreciated. . .well,  you got to appreciate. Its lonely. So much activity all around. Kids playing with toys. Family cooking. Laughing, smiling, and the cake gets nothing. Kids are in tune to unhappy vibes of the cake. Well, they want to show love so, kids take swipes of the frosting. Yummm. Inexperience. They need someone to show them the way. Lucky for them I was there to show the way. 

Cake Taster, Birthday Boy's Responsibility
Kids don’t take fingers swipes at the top of the cake. You take it at the bottom. On the sides. Take swipes where no one can see cake divots. The obligatory pictures and Birthday song time are simply too long. Sugar bliss right there, come on. Patience is a virtue; however, one can always for Forgiveness. Cakes want to be eaten. Kids want to eat cake. One can only guess outcome. Plus, there is an unsaid birthday celebrant's responsibility. Who checks the cake is up to birthday standards? It is the responsibility of the celebrant. Don't forget, its his damn party. What are you going to do not eat the cake? Are you not going to sing him birthday? Come on. It his duty to make sure the cake is good. If not, let’s just call the whole thing off. Enough said about that.

Beautiful Home Filled With Love
Went to a beautiful home. With beautiful family, with lots and lots of family and friends. People I never knew until a few days back. You see, I hardly know anyone on my late father’s side. Chelle was gracious to invite her to home to celebrate her son’s birthday. There has been a calling for me to learn more about my Dad's side of the family. I am glad I went. It was incredible. Not only was the eats great. I mean great. No, I mean outstanding. Ribs perfect. Grilled eggplant and peppers. Suvaki--just delicious. Her husband is Greek and manages a Greek restaurant. You know the food was outstanding.

The whole time was full of love. Lots and lots. . .lots of Love. So many things revealed. So many questions answered by a glorious trip.  First, one was greeted by yips and yaps of the furry three. Tiny. Reminds me of Tina, my fearless Chihuahua that loves swimming with the ducks. Smiling hand-sized dogs. The door opened and I was greeted by a  great big smile and warm loving hug. It was cousin Michelle. It was . . .Home.

Don’t get me wrong I love my family. It was different. Kind of like chocolate. I mean there’s three musketeers. The Twix. Hershey Kiss. Its just a new flavor the family of Chocolate. It felt, smelt, tasted, looked, and sounded like. . .Home. Could’ve burst into tears. Just not the guy thing to do. Inside. It was something.  If you ever watch the movie Joy Luck Club at the end, it was like that.It’s just its been a whole lifetime. More than a quarter of decade since I seen Chelle. What I remember Chell, she was the short, skinny girl that Dolph and Robert picked on.  “Cuz” was what she called me. Awesome. Great ear to ear smile. Her presence just fills the room.

Husband a strong, good man. Ex-Judo guy. I've seen his type at Gold's Gym before. Body builder-type. Walks with an air of confidence and strength. He has "If I want to kick your ass air, I love family deeply and I know how to get shit done" air about him. I love that. Well, their home was filled with toys in the living room. The kids were playing, watching Sponge Bob (My favorite). My cousins. Cool. These strangers were part of me. A part I never knew. They were my family, too.  My Dad’s family. Best way I can describe it was like this. When I schooled in Boston for college, coming off the airplane and seeing Mom and Dad smiling and waiting in the airport terminal after more than year away. It was that feeling. A connection of who you are while you weren’t there. It’s a welcoming of old you and new you. It is the merging of all love then and all the love now and love in the future. Its all the important stuff in one single moment.

Stealing a line from the movie Star Trek Insurrection. "A person can live a whole lifetime in a moment in time."

Well, I’m sorry but I got to run. Wish I had more time to write. But, 800+ words , plus ten minutes to get where I need to go in five minutes time.

Marvin, My Dad's Friend

Going to visit an old family friend. Marvin. He was my dad's good friend. Best friend, I think. We are going to the Riverside National Cemetery. Good three hour drive. It's been too long since we were at Marvin's burial. Fate would have it. His daughter Tracy put a post on Facebook about her mother being in the hospital. Long story short. I said I would like to go see Marvin, but don't know where he is. Got the info and now I am going to drop off some flower. The day I wrote Tracy was the day he died. His death anniversary. Tracy wrote that her mother, Mary, would like that dearly since she is half a country away. Don't know why there has been so much death in my posts. Rochelle. Andres. Dad.

Guess, it has to deal with my own mortality. Yesterday why exercising I felt a a plopping feeling. Thought it was my belly moving up and down from the exercising. Didn't think it was my heart because my heart rate was normal. Put my hand on chest anyways, just in case. Normal, I guess. How normal can it be with congestive heart failure. Anyways.

I miss him. I miss Marv. He was the last living connection to my Dad before he went to the Philippines. I miss Dad.

I'll write about my journey when I get back.