Blonde and Brown Eyed

Moments In Time
Blonde. Big Brown Eyes. Soft-spoken. Waif-y type. She had a quiet, adventurous side. Its been some several years since we last spoke. She was smart, not the type to draw attention to herself. She was a sophomore and I, a junior, at the time. 

We went out a couple times. Nothing serious. She had a guy friend. His name was Tom. (No, it’s not. For this purpose, it shall be) From a distance, they looked together. However, when we spoke in class, his name never came up. There was a vibe.

Could Learn from Mr. Nice Guy

Tom and Blonde and brown-eyed had something. Serious relationship, I was not sure. Or I was not paying attention. At the time, he was more in, than she. I got the Mr. Nice Guy vibe. Reminded me of a Ryan and Patty relationship. Friends with no benefits. (Lisa if you are reading this, just nod knowingly)  Frankly, at the time, didn’t care too much. My wounds were fresh. Recently broke up with my middle school sweetheart (again). It was rough this time. Blonde and Tom, figured, she could always say, “No.”

Long run, what do I know about any relationships? Tom married twice and I still haven’t gone down on one knee. Perhaps, I could learn a thing or two from Mr. Nice Guy.

Six Degrees
Through six degrees of separation and synchronicity, I’ve discovered that a grade school classmate was related to Blonde and brown-eyed last night. Honestly, didn’t know why Tumbleweed would send a friend request to me, we weren’t close. If memory serves correctly, kids were mean and she showed high maturity depthness that did not fit for the Fifth grade time.


Tumbleweed
She was the scapegoat for immature kids. Seriously considered ignoring the request, fearing repercussion. Did not remember if I was in nice in grade school. Don't think I was part of the mob of Fifth grade. . .At any rate, something nudged me to accept. So I did. Thought she showed forgiveness, courage and strength that many wish they had when she sent FB request.

Met Tumbleweed (That’s the name of the grade school. Tumbleweed Elementary) Then met her cousin seven years later in high school. Then decades later, I receive a FB friend request from this grade school acquaintance, Tumbleweed. She was kind enough to open up and share. So I reciprocated some life story. Wasn’t sure on what this pending synchronicity was, but assumed it would be revealed.

In short, this discovery has not come with great joy.

Crashing
In a group email yesterday, this Tumbleweed informed her FB friends that she was coming from middle America back to the AV. It was to announce she will attend a funeral in a few days. Wasn’t sure if this was just coincidence, however, the name looked familiar. Couldn’t find the deceased photo. However, A quick click here on the other FB friends, a couple names looked familiar. I thought well, Palmdale was a small town. Clicked on the departed’s ex and the face looked familiar. It was Mr. Nice Guy. His former wife passed. 

Long story short recently departed was Blonde and brown eyed. 

Won’t go into the details, but her passing was not by natural causes nor was it accidental. You can figure out the rest. Knew her briefly, but this incredibly synchronicity was disappointing to learn.

No Sense, No Matter
Logically, I should not feel as disturbed as I do. We weren’t very close and its been a long time. However, can’t help feel connected and empty inside. Its not that we were best friends or old lovers, it’s just someone I knew in high school, several graduations ago.

Moments Matter
I’ve read what the internet articles wrote. It has more meaning, because she was someone I knew. A connection existed. She had nice, warm smile. Her eyes had wonderment and brightness deep in them from what I remembered. Much has happened in between, My memories of classroom chats are vague and clouded. However, taking a late night drive with her on a rainy night remains vivid and clear.

Wasn’t sure if she was seeing Tom seriously at the time, but what I remember deeply was that she said, “Yes.”

No Words
We had nothing in common. There was nothing we really talked about that stormy night. However, our paths crossed and it was right for that time. Won’t dwell on the events leading to her passing. Won’t focus that we really didn’t know each other afterwards. I will remember, we spent some time when we needed each other. No talking, just a nice drive and looking at the city lights that rainy night. Haven’t thought about her for long time. I think about her tonight.

We never spoke later about that night. We took different paths. She got serious with Tom, eventually marrying him. I met my soul mate, but that is a story already told. We would glance at each other down the hallways when we were with our others. Just a knowing smile and that was enough. A pleasant memory tucked away.

They married for years from what I read. They split; however, they remained friends from what I hear. This is no real surprise. She did not have an angry energy about her. My soul mate met another and she has a handsome son. We still exchange postcards and comment on FB. Yet, I digress.

Never Gone 
This is about her. Perhaps, the nudge to accept FB request was this. Synchronicity. This is something I believe. Events have purpose. We shared this quick, fleeting moment. Yet, I now find myself putting this out into the internet universe. I have some reservation about sharing this since the circumstances are difficult. However, the best way to honor someone is to remember and to respect their memory. No one is really gone if you never forget. 

Whether you believe in heaven and the other place. Whether you subscribe to reincarnation and karma.  I hope you will share my wish that her spirit moves on, letting justice take its course. Her family and friends may have anger and revenge in their heart and they should. However, I pray these strong feelings are quenched soon so their healing can begin. 

Return to Innocence
Heather, I hope that your soul finds peace soon. Although our paths crossed briefly, I am sure we will meet we will meet again. Maybe we can help each other to get to where we need to be again. Your presence helped me discover how deep my Love was. We will connect and be friends again, this I am sure. 

What more can I write, except that her journey is not over. There really is no beginning to the end, just a return to innocence. May it begin happily anew.

Anahata: Zuma Recharged

Chakras 

Sitting, watching the waves crash. Having the water rush to where I sit. Drinking the colors of the rainbow. Spinning the chakras. Breathing red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. My base, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, brow, and crown. Lam, Yam, Ham, Ram, Ohm. Breathing the energy in to let the spinning. Taking the ocean of ions recharging the spiritual batteries. 

Clarity

Never been a great follower of the energy healing, however, why not.  I must admit sitting there, there were moments when the sounds of the ocean waves got clearer. Perhaps my sinuses were clearing. Maybe just sitting there and taking in just made thing more salient.

Upside down happy face by Angelo

My Needs

Breathing better now. Slept like a baby after the day at Pointe Dume. Don’t want to say it was the force, my prana, Big Smiles touch, or whatever divine intervention that brought some clarity. Hanging with family at the beach was. . . therapeutic. Honestly, needed to be there yesterday. Needed to watch the sun race across the sky, shine its light on me.  Needed to taste to the white waves crash. Needed to bathe in the smile of my family’s face.  Needed to hear the laughter of kids on boogie boards catch a good one. Needed to dance with the seaweed mountains as they swayed in and out the wet sands. Needed to feel safe as the lifeguards patrolled this space of heaven, while they twirled their red buoys in BayWatch fashion. 

This lifeguard saved two people today

Diaphragmatic

Taking a deliberate breath. Four seconds in, two seconds hold, and four second out. As I sat there I was reminded that transitory nature of everything. It was watching the kids dig holes on the beach, digging desperately to try keep the ocean out. Smiling on how this was incredibly futile. Their joy, their laughter, their cries, as they held on to what can’t be held. Yet, they dug anyways. I was reminded it was not that the holes was dug, it was not whether succeeded in stemming the tide. It was the act and their responses to endless ocean. Instinctively, I knew they knew. Yet, they smiled and sighed anyways. I forgot this was the fun stuff. Their joys reminded me of this fact.

What Is Really Important

Watching them dig deep for sand crabs. Pulling out little creatures as they tickled their hand trying to bury themselves in the beach, not knowing the crabs are in the hands of babes. It was watching Dorian laugh glee as the sand crabs disappear into the sand. It was the Flow

V

Entertainment was watching the overcast on the beach. Being amazed as the endless oceans crash. Seeing the flying “V” of the  pelicans. Looking at the water beyond the crashing waves, hoping to see a family of dolphins. 

Pelicans

For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge 

Lying on the unicorn blanket listening to college kids using the word, “Fuck” as an adjective, verb, pronoun, adverb, and an interjection. It was hearing their conversation transition from well-reasoned debate on China’s single child policy, to choice between death by polar bear, gobi desert, and mount everest.  It was listening to the gasping incredulity of the group as one of the group admits her inability to swim. It was the realization that I heard their parent’s guilt trip in these cynical kids. It was the listening to the necessity of IPads, desktops, and need for a shower.

Seaweed, Sand, and Sun

Joy was watching the family packed beach with makeshift forts made of umbrellas and boogie boards. It was the tanning femmes. The sight of footballs flying overhead amongst the kites and helicopters overhead. It was watching the bi-plane overhead telling all to Find their Captain and drink some innocuous drink.

ticket attendant. It was worth every penny

Something  about Point Dume. Something about Zuma.

Heliotherapy, Zuma-Style

Sunday at the beach recharged my batteries. It reminds me to take a moment of pause. It reminds me of the noise that one hears from all around. It reminds me that all these moments is the fun stuff is. It is wonderment of sand crab crawling on one’s hand for the first time. It was learning of a lifeguard saving a grandfather and grandson. It is watching a 3 year old sleep under a towel forever because he played  hard on the Dume. It is hearing the noise of college kids daily challenges. It is sitting watching  the summer sun chase after its lover to the west, to some place  special. It is not so much saving the world for me anymore. It is more staying in the right now. It is that one moment in time and being in the past, present, and future at the same time.

Sitting there she said this at least a 10 times. Must heard what I was feeling

"I Love the Beach"

It’s a gift.

Descano (Part 2 of 3)

(Cont)

It's a Journey
Got there and I am glad that I did. Spent a few hours there. It is a beautiful place. Sitting in the parking lot doing some reading and writing. Got a call from cousin Jason and asked where I was. Figuring I’d be here an hour or two. Said let's, "Hook up before the graduation party."

Many Things For the Senses
Well, it was an adventure at the Gardens. Koi, turtles, almost breaking my ankles, Japanese tea garden, Lilac lots, redwood trees, walk up hill to the Boddy house, getting lost, off trail, trams, trains, wedding parties, bonsais, chips, class on bonsai pruning, herons, jumping fish, waterfall, lots and lots of pictures (648 for the day). It was cool. Couple are not enough.

Listening to shuffled songs on the blackberry as I was on my journey. Thought of my Dad. This must be  where his inspiration may have manifested.

Altitude Equals Attitude
Sitting atop of the stone bench above his house. It was an adventure. Met up with Jay and we took a tram. Was not going to do the walk again around the place. It was tiring. Plus, the Salmon/ spinach crepes were escaping my digestive tract. Went to the bird observation and took some photos.

Remembering Special Moments
Don’t like to take too many pictures of people because that feels like an invasion of privacy. If they are far off and can’t get a good picture of the face, I am less troubled. If you noticed, don’t have too many pictures of my family. Just those things are private and special to me.

Rebirth, Renewals, and Wet Willies
The rest of the day was marking things to do on life list. Finally went to Vromans to get that Phoenix. Hung out with the family. Discovered that Cathy, Marn’s ex, got married that day.

Messed with Jillian. Gave her wet willies. (Jillian, It wasn’t coke. Just joking with you.) People don’t laugh and smile a lot. Some much tension around. Wet willies to all.

Sabbath and Serra
Went Saturday Mass in this huge church in Pasadena. Fourteen multi-colored columns. Pictures of saints. Father Serra statue was in the parking lot. (Forgot to take his picture) Church was huge. Had to be at least five stories high. I think a Filipino priest. Could tell by the slight accident. Notice atop of one of the arches that there was this gold mylar balloon overhead.

Feel My Flow
Got me thinking there is so much out there. If we just notice the signs. Would not have gone to the Descano Gardens if I didn’t notice the signs. Some stuff is in our mental hopper just percolating. At the right time, things begin to flow. You will remember some obscure factoid and you will be somewhere you are supposed to be. Don't forget to take pictures.

(Cont)

Descano (Part 3 of 3)

(Cont)
Flow
Got me thinking there is so much out there. If we just notice the signs. Would not have gone to the Descano Gardens if I didn’t notice the signs. Some stuff is percolating in our mental hopper.  At the right time, things begin to flow. You will remember some obscure factoid and you will be somewhere you are supposed to be.

Listen to Your Compass
Riding this wave we need to see the long view and short view at the same time. They say, "Be Present. Don’t worry about the past, don’t worry about the future. Concern yourself with only the present." My views has changed. Its "Do all at the same time." Be present, remember your past, act for the future. Yes, at the same time. 

SAID (Specific Adaptation to Increased Demands)
Look at everything now. Multi-task mentally. They say 10 percent of the brain is used. Maybe we got to work on the interneurons more. Build that corpus callosum that connects the right and left hemisphere. Touch, taste, sight, smell, hear—Use all the senses to build those memories. Activate all the lobes. Make these connections better. Overload your synapses. Apply SAID principle to the brain. Get all these senses firings. Imprint. Bring all the senses, activate all the lobes, parietal, temporal, occipital, frontal. Swish that cerebral spinal fluid.

Afferent Neurons Receive Info From Senses
We primarily have three senses to our learning style preference, KSA: Kinesthetic, Sight, Auditory. However, our gustatory and olfactory sense seem to bring the greatest memory.

Think about your first love’s scent. Cool Water. Peach Bath and Body lotion. These were what I wore. (Not telling you what my first love wore. Its my little private heaven.) Think of the senses that brings those happy memories. Those that bring you, peace. love. joy.

A Pattern Exist, People Face Challenges
It is said that physicist were able to take a picture of a molecule. They took pictures of it at three different places. No big deal. (Movie, What the Bleep) Significant fact was the same molecule, (or was it an atom) was photographed in three distinct location at the same time. In other words, the atomic particle was three places at the same time. If children, can watch tv, listen to their ipod while blogging and studying, then why can’t a person be multi-tasking.

Answers Revealed, They Are In the Little Things
Perhaps a bit far-fetched. Its just at times when getting in the flow, I noticed that memories of the past, now, and the future rush in. Time feels like it slows down when being in the zone. Can’t help think of a line in a Star Trek movie, Insurrection (I think?) “One can live a lifetime in a moment.”

Angels Above
Maybe this is true. So this is guess, what I am saying. Live a lifetime in a moment. People, events, thoughts will come to you sending. Your soul is always listening for these moments. Its up you to decide to act, to move. Inertia causes the body to move in the same direction unless a force greater will cause it change direction. Live your life the way it is and a certain results are highly probable. Eat, watch tv, live a life alone. Enjoy, take moments, live a life full. We will all have a journey's an end. Its natural. Its okay. Do you really want to live forever? 

All count moments. Perhaps, it is a flirtatious smile. Perhaps, it is a bee flying on a plant pollinate it. Perhaps it is a surfer standing on the shore, ready to journey ahead. Little events can be the force that changes your perspective. An old saying goes, that a butterfly's wing flapping caused a tsunami in China that caused the surf on at Zuma. (Okay, I revised it)

Can You Hear Me Now?
Your inner voice will give suggestions. Sometimes it is a whisper. Sometimes its a shout. You are the captain of your ship. Go with the flow or battle the storm. Both work.

Everything Count
For me, I rather live regretting things I did, than things I never did. Like a kiss on a moonlit night. Like a flight to somewhere across the continent. Like pulling off the side of a road, because a sign on the side of the road said "Descano Gardens" My soul heard, "Go."

Descano (Part 1 of 3)

Back Again
Haven’t been posting for a bit. Been writing a little, but nothing I want to put out in the internet universe yet. Let’s call it first draft. Been busy. Yesterday, found me in the Descano Gardens. 168 acres or place to recharge. Green, green, and more green. Lots of colors.

Signs Overhead
What drew me to this place were signs on the road. First sign was tents on the overhead of a bridge. (Balloon in church—I’ll get back to this)

Free Food, Okay?
Anyways,  headed to my cousin’s graduation party in Pasadena. Got up early and was out the door. Anyways on the 210 freeway, saw these tents overhead. Thought it was a 5k and thought. "Free food, healthy giveaways, lets get off the freeway and go. Lots of time before the party" (There was a run on North Sierra Highway early in the morning)

Go This Way
Wanted to explore anyways. Some things on the fly are the best. Anyways, the sign on the fence, as I was getting off the 210 Freeway said, “Descano Gardens.” It piqued my curiosity. Must have read about it somewhere and it was in the hopper of things to do. 

Not a 5k Run, Just Vegetables
Back to the tents. It was a 5k. It was a farmers market on a deserted section of parking lots. Growers were bringing their wares. Vegetables, fruits, pastries, flowers, and there were a few restaurateurs.

Flower Power
Had a salmon, spinach crepes. My first. Took some photos of some flowers. Actually lots of flowers. Don’t know what it has been lately, but flowers have been motif for me. Perhaps it was the orange poppy fields. Perhaps, it was the Getty Smell Garden?

Minutes Away
Whatever, it was I started asking about the vendors about the Descano Gardens. No one knew what I was talking about. Going to say, just go to the graduation party. Walking to my car, almost bumped into a person was fumbling with his wallet. He glowed, a bit. I asked if he knew about the Descano Garden. He looked at me startled, as if I was an old high school buddy that forgot his name. In an excited, exasperated enthusiasm he told me about this local treasure.  He was quite descriptive. His glow and zeal fired me up. Guess, this is where I need to be. He said, "I must go and it was only a few minutes away."

(Cont)