Can't See the Forest, the Trees Are In the Way

Feel My Flow

Saturday. Juno's on. Okay. I stopped the  video. I'm sure it is a good flic, just not into it. Been false starting a lot of late.

Enter the Dragon

Got some Dragon Blood incense burning. Need something different at the moment. Sunny outside and here I sit. Thought about writing on the full moon last night, but just wasn’t in to it. Its been that way for awhile. Not being into it. Been feeling Flow-less of late. Been swimming everyday. Been writing every other day. 

Its Genetic

Been asked to do Ballroom dancing with a friend. Sounds fun and I think I am in. My Dad was a dancer. A good dancer from what I understand. Always said, before getting married, if I get married, I'd learn how to Ballroom. Maybe this is a precursor for something. Who knows? Sounds fun. My brother Kevin took a Ballroom and he has been good in about everything he does. I am incredibly proud of Kay Kay. My sister-in-law’s nephew dances too. It looks fun.

Color Me Bad, A Time Remembered

Remember years back at the frat days. BU Sig Eps threw the best mixers. Mrs. Gold, Alpha something. Toga. Boy oh boy, I was intoxicated. An angry dancer, something to prove. Something that I needed to get out then. Not a couples dancer type at the time. Got that anger out of the system. Thought about dancing as a minor. The "E Effect" again. 

Lombard Street

Yet Tango looks like fun. Smiles, coordination, a little attitude and personality. A certain, "I got this" attitude. Only one I remember dancing with, being in sync with was. Well,  actually two. Ahhhh. Let’s not go there. Too many twists and turns, like Lombard. 

It was Michael Jackson's death anniversary yesterday. All these dancing videos are on. Remember the Time, Smooth Criminal, Dirty Diana. Perhaps, unconsciously I equate dancing with Life. With Energy. With Celebration.

In Sync, Not Really

So where do I go from here? Laundry is drying. Kitchen is a disaster. Getting new counters installed. Granite. Maybe a swim. Maybe a run. Maybe I will just continue writing. But about what? My usual process is to type and it just flows. Perhaps my chakras are blocked again. Perhaps, I am just not feeling in sync.

Just Jump

Dragon blood smells red with energy. Bathroom has some oils burning. Linen. Like fresh laundry. Always loved that smell. Smelled like renewal. It smelled fresh. It smelled of “Vigor again.” A life lived to do again. Saddling up. Getting back on the horse. Taking a jump. I should follow my Uncle Juhn's example. Get on the zip line in the Philippines and just hang on. Always loved the smells of freedom and risk.

Moment of Pause

It’s funny. Always considered myself the thinking type. Logical. Analytical. Orderly. Now, its been more spontaneous, un-planned, more energetic. Guess, like the feather in the wind Forrest Gump-ish.  History, destiny, universe giving me a nudge here and there. Looking over these last few days, it has been uneventful. Maybe it's time to pause and collect myself.

Getting Messages

Recently adjusted my google calendar to send me email reminders of museum days.  The blackberry buzzes for awhile. Many I would like to attend. Forrest Lawn Mexican Museum, the Getty has few. Ones  to attend feels like the La Brea Tar Pits and Natural History Museum. 

Odd thing, I noticed my viewing choices of late are of the history channels.Seeing these shows and museums strengthens me. It invigorates me.  Makes me think there is life out there. It has been there. It will always be there. It sends my soul messages. "Get out there learn from it. Go make some history yourself."

These visits to the Descano Gardens, Getty Center, Hearst Castle stirred something. Life, I guess. Media moguls that made fortunes like Citizen Kane. Able to make these beautiful homes with incredible gardens and forests. 

Flower Flow

Noticed that the flower vibe. I think its the "E Effect". Blame her.  She’s projecting and I picked up on her flower vibe. She hasn’t written for a bit. Hope things are well. Now, I've been stopping here and there on the side of the road taking photos of flowers and trees.

All Kinds

There’s meaning and purpose to this. Just don’t see the bigger picture right. Maybe its from the Phenomenon movie. John Travolta's character picks a bouquet of wild flowers from his house to his love interest Kyra Sedgwick. You'll have to see it to get the meaning. As for my reason for taking photos of flowers and trees, I don't know. No love interest at the moment. Answer will come. This I'm sure of.

Funny at the Descano Gardens I found myself taking lots of photos of trees: bamboo, spruce, redwood. 

On the trip down from SF, on the Coastline and Big Sur, I was amazed at the little pockets of trees on the side of the mountain. Green and lush on the yellow, maize hills. Green trees hugging the jagged silver coastline. Beautiful entities that hides the rivers, hides the mountains, brings shade to weary traveler. So much history.

Buddha and Bohdi, Spiritual Enlightenment

Perhaps the fascination began with learning the spiritual significance of the Bohdi tree. Read that the Buddha found enlightenment in the tree's protection. Perhaps it has been the vanishing Josuha Trees close to home. Perhaps it was the drive to Zuma with the Totem poles. Funny, started with the dance and now trees. Don't the significance of trees to the soul, but there is calmness there. Been feeling the inkling to go to the Pasadena Arboretum. Never been. Just learned about it. Maybe its time.

Gaea

Can’t watch the show the Ax Man. There is purpose in what they do, however, it feels like whale hunting. Not something that feels right. Perhaps, it is the environmentalist emerging inside of me. Stop the Oil Gushing, BP

Sitting out Big Sur just felt energizing.  Trees all around. Lots of energy. It felt like wearing clothes  just out of the dryer. Renewed. Well, it is time to go. Got to look at the Bonsai, she's calling. It needs some love and attention.

She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain When She Comes

Two Steps Back
Solvang--Took the long way to three hour tour. Got a bit lost. It rained. Windshield wiper needed replacement. Got bad food service. Left for another restaurant. Got bad food. Drove home in the pouring rain. Vista Point of the Saint Ynez River closed. Knew I should have stopped earlier. Gift shop at Chumash Casino was limited. My favorite Catch-21 was closed. Pita Pit just closed in Valencia. 

Overall, I had a good time.

One Giant Leap For Me-Kind
Spent all day driving, eating, and taking pictures out of my car. Said hello to nice people. Angelo from Tom’s. Greek fella. Got to say in Greek.  Thank you thanks to much needed Facebook support (Thanks Michelle, Roselyn). Got free drinks, food, and stuff by just listening today.  Took some great pics. Chumash Reservation area was. . .not that big. Beautiful and if I had more time I would like to have just sat there for awhile.   

Was up in the clouds today. Got to look down at the clouds, too. Took a view of the Santa Ynez River and Cachuma Lake. Makes me want to visit Lake Elizabeth in the near future. Never have before.  But it is more than inkling now.

Visited the Mission of Santa Ines. Think I want to go to service there one day. Think I want to visit the other mission, too. San Fernando and San Buenaventura. 

Didn’t put my feet in the Pacific like I would have liked. Too rocky, too rainy, and getting too late. Waves were crashing hard and I had no change of clothes. Got a bit scared at the black van at the Sea Cliff, too. Very Nomad-ish. (1980’s movie)

Listened on the radio on 60 minutes about the Nine year boy old finding remains of the other nine year old that lived 1.9 million years ago. Supposedly, it is the connection between homo sapiens and Cro-Magnons.

Pacific Coast, Chumash, and Korean War--Sunday Highways
On the drive to Solvang, I kept on seeing the real Camino sign on the highway. Thought about how the Danish journey to the far west from European roots to create the town of Solvang. Driving the windy road, seeing the Chumash Highway sign, it made me think. Danish were not the first here. There were many others. Chumash Indians, probably the Spaniards, than the Danes. Probably before them were the Chinese (If you haven’t read or heard there was a theory that China landed in California some time before Columbus). Driving kept me think of connections. Made me think of the others before me. Made me think of the people after me.

Memories On These Lanes
What also fascinated me was the drive. It was memory lane for me: going to Carpenteria with Shell, driving through Ventura thinking of J. Hill and Kirsten, Delpster and UCSB leadership camp. What fascinated me the most was the drive through the mountains and then the discovery of the Santa Ynez River. It was my remembered sighting.  I’ve seen brooks before, but never a river like the Santa Ynez. 

Read somewhere that rivers were the symbol of life. When I saw the Santa Ynez River, I just wanted to follow it wherever it led me. Remembered a good time with Glenn Young going to Kern River.

Had intentions of taking pictures of the Cachuma Lake, but didn’t want to spend the parking fee. Not worth it. Still did not get to Solvang yet, time was short, and it was getting late. Would have liked to have spent more time there. (Another few things to add on the life’s to do list)

Just For the Trees, That's Enough
Finally got to Chumash territory. Chumash reserve, well, its nice but nothing to take great pictures of. What I saw was green, a few trees, and more green. Guess that is why the Chumash settled this area. Big spanses of green. Close to the river for fishing and hunting. Beautiful area. Close to the ocean. Kind of.

Days Coming To an End, Still Much To Do
Spoke to a pretty Chumash lady at the Casino. Big Brown eyes. Smart.  Could have talked more, but it was late and there was more life to see. Needed to get to Seacliff before it got too dark. Needed to get on the hwy 126 and get some fruits from the freeway. Needed to go live life. If I had more time, another life perhaps.

Another post, another time.

Chasing Clouds In the Sky

Sunday morning—It was good rain last night. It’s going to be a good day today. Morning desert nothing really compares. Parked at the base of mountain I took some photos of mountains with the clouds hanging over the top. Originally, I was headed to 24Hours in Apple Valley, but the Buffallo Wild Wings Building got in the way. 

Then the hill got in the way. Then the powerlines of the Apple Valley Plaza got in the way. Finally pulled over to the sides, passed the horses, passed the Arby, passed the Sonic. Eventually, stopped and parked in the entrance area of the Apple Valley Union School District. Drove so long and so far, the magnificent clouds I was ready to take a picture of were gone.

So I sat there and just prayed. It was G-Time anyways. No sunrises, too cloudy. Thanked the Big Smile, Prece for doing well in the competition. Thanked for being able to hit at the Batting cage, play basketball, shoot pool, have good eats, and finally watch the last 10 minutes of 2012. Thanked the Angels for getting us to the house safely in the pouring rain and keeping my heavy eyes open. I just thanked for having great people in my life Kev, Luz, Eli, Dor, Prece, and Mom.

I prayed Chris would be safe in the AZ. I prayed that Jo would be strong for herself and baby Lyander and thanked the Big Smile a chance to talk with her for a bit. (The turtle is safe by the way, Lyander. The black light for turtle bowl fell in and almost shorted out) I thanked and prayed for giving me all of what I needed.

I looked at my dying phone. 10 messages. Vampire Clans sent message to chat. Someone I don’t tagged a photo of me in some photo album. Direct Buy something. . .Got some other mail and messages that no longer held importance. Sitting in the car and readying to leave, I turned on my blinker. I then realized another cloud came past and showed an even bigger and better picture. It made realize and hit home some things I knew, but forgot. The Big Smile’s delays are not his denials. 

There is a pause for things. There are times when other things need to happen in life before you get what you want and need. Others have needs too and we must allow certain things to happen before what you want happens. Its often that folly of young and new chess players to act too quickly. Dreams and wishes often do not come in the time line you want or supposedly needs. However, more and more, I realize they do come.

You’ll realize that the thing you at first wanted may not be what you really needed. Think of that movie that first came out and you needed to see the first showing. Think of the Tuesday new DVD release that was must get at Best Buy and which now sits on your DVD shelf. Think of the things that you were so desperate to get and now it is not so important. There are things that must be gotten at the time you need them, like Emergency Care. Like Spiritual renewal. 

Spent some time years ago at a beautiful home with many, many luxuries. But at what price? I fear a dear price was paid for such nice-ities. Hopefully, they will be forgiven. No things are worth giving up one’s soul. Yes, cryptic. Sorry. What needed to be said was. Others will judge. 

I leave at this. Hold precious to what is important. Realize there are price to be paid for some temporary pleasures. Take the Long view and short view of things at the same time. Know big and small. Be judging, look with softer eyes. Be right, do right. Follow your Heart and Let your Soul be your pilot.

Brevity calls today. Lakers vs Magic this afternoon and I still got a drive. I would like to get some catch up cardio done. 

Here I Am. . .

You spend time on what’s important. If you’re not, then you may want to ask yourself why?

Took a photo Sunday. It’s a pretty remarkable one. I am not going to say what it is. You are just going to have to decide for yourself. Made a decision after wards, no, it’s more of a flash. I have those at times. I am just listening to them more often. Had a friend give me an honest opinion on something I have had some reservation on something I am doing. I still have reservations. It was honest and has a great deal of merit. This person I trust and have known for years. I hold her opinion in great confidence. Yet, I think I will go on. 

 As for one of decisions, I made. Decided I will not post sunrises and sunsets on Facebook anymore. I will still wake up every morning and take time out of my day to view the sunrise and sunset. Its not that I won’t do it again. Its just that I will take a sabbatical. Decided not to post sunrise/ sunset pictures for a few weeks. I have a date in mind, but you will have to keep posted I guess. (April sometime) Also, decided to stop eating beef and pork. Dalai Lama/ Glitter thing. Plus, I need to get back on track. Been off for couple of weeks. Getting off the track for a little while. Nothing purposeful, nothing disturbing. Its just I need a bit of a course correction. Need some cocooning before I spread my wings in the future.

Been taking more time on everything. Not that I have more time. I am just taking more time in the moment. This morning decided to enjoy every bite of breakfast. Scrambled eggs. Tater tots. Bagel with butter and strawberry preserves. It feels a bit awkward with no meat. I like beacon. I like Korean BBQ. I like Tacos. Before I knew it I realized some people-without savor every bite because they do not know when that next  bite will be.

Sunday Drove to Downtown LA from Riverside National Cemetery to have breakfast at Catch-21 in downtown. Area is a few blocks outside some troubled areas. Just wanted some Fish and rice for breakfast.  New England Clam chowder, too. Love shrimp, too. Reminds me a bit of Faneuil Hall in Boston

Wasn’t able to fit some things this weekend, but still it was a memorable weekend. Thankfully, it has been many memorable weekends lately. Everyday has been more memorable. What troubles me when ever I hear this is, Ugly Mondays. Thanks Big Smile for the weekend. Its Hump Day.  I mean why is there so much enjoyment placed on the weekend. It’s just if one focuses on three days of the week, what about the other four days. If you need to take a break, take a break. If you are not happy in the job you’re in, quit. Do something else. If it no longer feels right, and you don’t foresee something better. If the reward, does not justify the expenditure, then this does not seem, well, smart. 

Everyday can be a celebration. Instead of dreading heading to work. Dread not working. Dreading a commute. Dread missing the opportunity to change the radio station or change the route. Some people have only one way. Some still have cassettes radios. In Downtown, I have seen the downtrodden. I remember driving past Skid Row picking a son's friend at the bus station. I thank every moment that  could be worse than I am.

I still take my G-Time. I take my moment with the sunsets and sunrises. I still take pictures. We all have a sunset. We will all meet our sunsets. Take that weekend away. When you do that, everyday will be a weekend day. Then everyday will be a Day. Every will be a moment. Every moment will be a lifetime. Start small. You'll notice how big things are. Like you. You'll notice you are a Giant. Your gaze will be far when you start looking near.

At any rate, there are signs for all of us to do something. It’s just are you ready? Things are not always how they seem; things do no turn always turn how we hope. Sometimes, they are better. 

Watching Rain From the Bottom of the Pool

Raining outside. Nice though. Watching the raindrops hit the pool. I remember swimming when it was raining. Quite a sight. The glass ceiling would dance with drops of rain. It was like watching a meteor shower dance overhead. Yet, it wouldn't hurt. Watching the sky have stream of water hit all around you. Its quite a sight to see. May sound strange. I would love to do it more often, but. . .I don't know. Its cold. Pool is 38 degrees and the layer of body fat that would keep me warm is happily thin. I suppose I could have the hose and sprinkler set go while I was swimming, but it would not be the same. Not as random, too planned. Just letting the Big Smile do his thing. Watching the rain hit the pool is something to be in awe. I was more courageous when I was younger--or dumber--either way. I feared having thunder strike when I was in the pool. The fascination of just watching the glass ceiling over head just be bombarded with rain droplets was enough to brave the cold. I sit in the house, windows open. I sit watching the rain drops hit the pool. I imagine and remember the beauty and simplicity of something so wonderful.

I prayed yesterday. Actually, I pray more often. My niece and God daughter Kaprece performed well at her gymnastic competition. Seeing her complete her beam routine and watching her sigh with relief at its completion brought me joy. It was like watching rain from the bottom of the pool. Its was so simple yet my heart filled with so much joy. I get it when I watch Star Wars with Angelo. Sitting on the bed, he is holding his DS and watching Master Yoda do his thing. It is like watching Kaelynn dancing on stage.

I saw one of Em's artwork. It was a tree with a man. It looks like Jesus with trees coming out its body. A tree and its limbs are growing out of the long-haired man's body. He is wearing a watch or a wristband in his right hand. Can't see his face. His hair covers his face. In his hands, he is cradling a bonsai tree. Hunched over a tree is growing out of his body. I felt a joy for Emi is talented, quite artistic. It was not the same joy because I have not shared in that experience. It is world I am not a part of but I sorely need to be. I her pictures and smile, but it is happiness that is not fully experience. It is an artificial joy. An artificial-ness due to my own undoing. I hope someday, she will forgive me. I hope someday that I will be able to share those moments. So many moments I missed. It is like watching rain drops from the bottom of the pool. So beautiful. So amazing. So close. Not enough courage to bare the cold. i hope sometime soon before the clouds disappears that I will be able to brave the cold and just enjoy the beauty again. I pray that I will have one more chance to be with her. I hope someday she will forgive me.

There is so much beauty there if i would just jump in and bear the cold. Em, be well. I hope some time you will get the chance to see what its like to watch rain from the bottom of the pool. Its beautiful. Cold. Take the risk and jump in. Its worth the sight. I pray that I will build the courage to jump again. I know its worth it. Rain please don't go away. I missed so much I do not want to miss anymore.