More to the Story

Steve Nash—Divorces after Birth of Third Child.

This is Effed Up. He’s my favorite basketball player. What is up? I clicked to read more.Steve Nash Divorces After Birth of Child, An Off Putting Title Learned they have been separated for a few months and the process of marriage dissolution has been in the works for some time.  At times, I hate the bait and switch of sensation story writing. Must admit it works. I clicked. Made me realize these sensational story snippets is a hook and I got caught. 

But At This Moment. . .

Got me thinking this morning. Not to be so quick to judge. Enjoy the day. Sunday morning, sitting here at the new Panera, having an Jalapeno Asiago breakfast bagel sandwich. Downloading some pictures to FB. (Thanks Steve for compliment)  Tried working on my 5 things I am grateful for. Adopting this habit is important for me. On WordPress last night,  it was more challenging than my energies could marshal. Staying local today. No Beach run or Paley Museum.  Horoscope said it is a day of completion. Plus, home stuff needs attention.

It’s a beautiful day anyways. Yesterday, too. Manny Pacquiao won unanimous decision. Did some sightseeing in downtown LA and got some Thai food for dinner. This is what I am thankful for yesterday. In a couple of weeks, Thanksgiving is upon us. Spend time with family. Catch up. Eat watch the Lakers play. Maybe do a soup Kitchen. Enjoy others company. An entire day to be Thankful.

Self Analysis

Figured out why I visit so many museums of late. It hit me a couple days ago. Realized that this my recent fascination of art and sculptures stems from me compensating. A few months back, I was supposed to going be on a trip with M to the Getty Museum. It never happened. long story short, incommunicado. Still went. Spent hours at the Getty just taking pictures. Futilely filling the feeling of emptiness. It stirred me. Made me realized, I missed much. My Aunt Mary said, there are many artists in the family. From what I understand, she is fashion designer. Learned my grandfather was artist, too. Never really knew him. Wish I did. Learned that M enjoys art, too. That’s why I go.

My Coping Mechanism

From this, missed moment it has fueled my fire for history. Some personal and familial history. Don’t know how many museums I’ve visited this last year. From people at LCH, they tell me I go all the time. This is just compensatory.  Straight sublimation. There are more defense mechanisms I’m sure. Just Googled it.  This is how I cope.

Not Alone

My HR Management instructor once said, “Those with great strengths also have great weaknesses.” This always stuck. Made me wonder of all these Heroes, the people too good to be true.  Heroes we invest our Hopes and Dreams. Steve Nash divorcing, Rough.  When we learn they are human too, it brings one pause and makes us pay attention to our own stuff. There is comfort knowing we are in the same boat.

Manny Pacquiao won last night. What fuels his fire. In an HBO interview, Manny said, “He knows what it is like to be Nothing.”  From then on, I admired him more. He was very Human.  Not just a great fighter, but someone genuine.  Read that during the 11^th round, Manny looked at the referee, wondering are you going to stop this fight. He can’t see. Then Manny proceeded to NOT go for the Knockout. When I read this, Class Act. Not wanting cause more permanent physical damage.

Mind Wanders in Church

We all have some angst. Some thing that gnaws at us. We all have life issues. We have healthy ways handling stuff. Some aren’t so healthy. What used to bother me is that not being the best. If I wasn’t going to start, then I would find something that I would be varsity at. In time, it became humbling.  This need to be more than an honorable mention has been helpful and hurtful at times. In time, the need to be Elite has left. Now, I simply want to enjoy the people and time that I am with and let the rest take care of itself. Church yesterday got me thinking. Do all that I can and let God do the Rest.

. . .And Not

 I stole this from profile quote on FB from an old friend Marc, who got it from a movie 13^th Warrior. It helps me.  Merciful Father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things. This was not among them. But at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well. For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness.

If All Good Things Come to Those That Wait. . .

Life happens. Divorces. Bad choices. Computer problems. Plans of a perfect life are nice, but these life moments are the stuff we need. We need to get up when we fall down. We look at the situation. Analyze. Feel Bad. We suck it up and move on.

Why? We realize the next few minutes are really all we need. Life has a way or working itself out. Steve Nash, sorry for people sensationlizing a private matter. I hope this Axiom is True, Then the Opposite should also be true. If All Good Things Come to Those That Wait, then All Bad Things Leave To Those Ready To Move On.  

Marriage By ROSELYN NADONZA

Re-posted from Facebook.

WRITTEN BY MS ROSELYN NADONZA

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with this story...
 
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly. 

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.

I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. 

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. 

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. 

But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. 

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. 

His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.





On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. 




She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. 

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. 



On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. 

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. 

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. 

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do you have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

THANK YOU ROSELYN NADONZA

Call of Duty: Decision Points

Hearing the Call

Call of Duty—This is what Heroes are faced with. Some will answer the call. This is a popular recruitment theme for the US Marine Corp. Heard Manny Pacquiao may be hearing a call. He may be answering wholeheartedly soon. This may be his final fight, the one upcoming. Win or lose, he carries the Hopes and Dreams of many Filipinos.

Decision Points

Last Sunday, I attended the AFI Film festival. Watched movies from 1 pm to Midnight. Would have gone longer for the Midnight Mystery flic, Julia’s Eyes, but that would have meant getting home at 3:30 or 4am. Something, I no longer want to do. Angels have been watching over me when I was driving home sleepy. Don’t want to push my luck. There are Decision Points.

Star Power

Felt a certain pride waiting in line for the new movie Facebook link to AmigoThe Movie. Not that the line was long, and it was. It was that there were so many people wanting to see this move. It’s a feature film with B List Actors. Not the star power of Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, and the like. But the actors you would definitely would have seen before. Movie was a period piece, time line about the turn of the century movie of the US and Philippine War. US exercising the Monroe Doctrine liberating Cuba and the PI from Spanish rule.

"I Love AFI" Guy

History, Lesson Learned

Learned about a decision point. Movie explored the time critical to development of a Philippine nation. It gave an account, an understanding of the cultural distinctions and developments of the Filipino people. It was in Tagalog, but thankfully it had English subtitles. Understood some of it not being a strong native speaker. (This is something I am proudly working on.) It is nice to understand the context in which one is born in. It is vital to understand the times of the people, the social mores, the technical advances, the world events of a person.

Our Time

For me, growing up TV was a babysitter. Latch key kid was common. Comic books were my first taste of the arts and literature. People played outside. In time, Atari, Coleco, PacMan, and Apple injected into the culture. Internet Explorer, HBO, and the Showtime Lakers were the Giants of my youth. Now, these days, Direct TV, Iphones, Firefox, and GPS are the norms.

Continuation, Last Samurai

Certain themes come to light as social mores develop. Recently finished the 47^th Ronin. The backdrop of the story reminds me of events happening today.   Economic hardship, the transition of class structure, and the doubt in government solutions. While, watching films of the AFI, the stories were of Redemption, Hope, Hardship, and Perseverance. There were themes of fulfilling a loved one’s dying wishes, Father’s love, Familial duties and expectations. My AFI watching theme was  unconsciously that of Continuation. These movies were Second Gate to Sleeping, Princess Montspiere, Screaming Man, and Amigos.

Fact Is. . .

In our Collective Unconscious, Heroes go through tough times. They suffer loss. They are faced with the choice of lying down or getting back up. There are fundamental truths. When dealing with social mores must fight and/ or accept events. There were great personal and community loss and hardship. There are/ were bad things in life that happen. All of us face this. All of us. Yes, I mean all of us. The return to better times is simply not possible. There were always something good and bad happening. Always. We could examine the past and long for comfort of simpler time, but that would we be missing what we have now. 

Moments In Time

Been visiting many LA museums of late. You name it. I’ve been there or will be in the next few months. There is a beauty to seeing of the past. It is nice to view someone’s interpretation of something wonderful of his or her time. Still, that is where it belongs. It is natural for people to evolve, develop, to change.  It would be a life unlived to have the same views one had when they were in their teens for their thirties, and on.

Freshness

Everyday we should be amazed by something.  There is so much beauty out there. If we can’t see it, then we are truly wearing some blinders. Or perhaps our hearts aren’t open and they should be?  Many long for a return to innocence. It is with amazement of the view, we long. It is that freshness one misses.

It's A Wonderful Life

Clarence, It All Counts

Choice is simple.  Remember you are a tourist here. The time we have is borrowed and at some time we will need to return the body we have to the owner. It is just the way it is. Yet, to look through old eyes and a heavy soul is to miss many things.

"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life"--Muhammad Ali
Given not all of us have lived life of happiness. To this, I say. Its your fault. Yes, Your Fault.  If you have been wronged and you probably have, then would it not be a shame to be remained locked in the chains of your past. You only strengthen the ties of those long gone and undeserving of the precious moments you have left in this wonderful world. If you have been fortunate to be blessed, then it is your duty—your  Call to Duty to continue this practice. Happy people suck, at times.  I will agree, this is true. If you can’t beat them, well, you know the rest.

Insanity Is. . .

So for those willing to explore new avenues of life, ready to let go of the ties that hold us back from being more, I salute you. For those, unhappy and depressed. Its time change Clubs and find Fun again. View life as a kid again. The definition of “Insanity is. . .” Stop if, you heard this, “. . .is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” Those already Happy, the Best Parts of Life, usually had Company during these moments. 

Looking Back

Pacquiao, I hope you will Finish well. Amigo Film Director John Sayles, thank you for bringing me some understanding of my cultural history that Books can’t give. Thank You, 47^th Ronin for reminding me of Higher Moral value is one of the immutable truths worth living and dying for. Forty-Seven Ronin

A Place Where People Know Your Name

Khris is her name. Pleasant smile. She looks you in the eyes. She remembers your name. Customers know her name. Kids wave bye. Dressed in pink and with obligatory "It’s a Grind" brown apron. Saturday at noon and the place is packed. Electrical outlets filled. Kids are sitting and smiling. Taking pictures. People with backpack look around and smile. Laptops wi-fied in. People are locked in on the computer screen

Fiji, Arizona, and Perrier stand tall in the refrigerator stand.  Butter croissant, bran muffin, apple fritter are displayed.  Bulletin board could be of better make, but it has that feel of homemade. Order here and pick up here signs hang from the ceiling. A lady with gorgeous red hair walks out the door with her nieces I am guessing. Red dreds, blue eyes with a pretty smile.

“At last, my love is coming home. . .” plays on the speaker over head. The workers are staff mingle and smile.  Backs to the wall ready for the next rush of customers to come in. Can smell the macchiato here. white foam. Heaven.Three women, one man. Man has a tight goatee sipping on a. . .I don’t know. The other latin lady smiles as he converses with Khris. Wearing a red top with and white thermals she smiles as the conversation goes on. The other lady with the long pony tail is deep in making macchiato magic.

Good morning they sing as two walk in. One is dressed in light suede jump suit. She’s obviously the mom. Looking at her kids. Red Verizon phone in her hand hugging her left ear. She has her right arm on her hip in a motherly manner. This is the power stance. A stance of. . .waiting. She sits down with her kids as they are peruse the internet.

She leaves with a smile. Guess, her kids are doing school work. She drops her sunglasses and kicks across the store in soccer style. Accident, of course. She passes me by and we do the obligatory eyebrow lift. We recognize and smile.

Many things are resolved in a smile. Wish most things were that easy.

Another man sits typing away. He’s in the corner next to the bathroom. An oversized painting of Ray Charles looms overhead. Ray Charles is also smiling his big giant smile. 

Two sit next to me. They got the big grand daddy chairs. Large, leather. A pattern one would see in hotels like the Oxford Inn or Hampton Inn. A mini table separates the two as they flip through their business books. Don’t get that science feel. Feels more accounting, management, MSCI feel. One is in an orange, white, and blue gold shirt. Hair slicked back. Both speaking Spanish as they peruse. The other dressed in a white Geoffrey Beane. He has white wife beater underneath. Face has a bit of rosacea. He looks at his silver imac, playing with the wiresless mouse. His IPOD phone is left hand as speaks English to his girlfriend or wife. How do I know? He says, “Okay, Baby.”

He hangs up and faces his associate. Back to Spanish.

Latin It’s a Grind has the long view. Linda is her name. She looks out the opened front doors. A pretty face. A new edition to the staff. Haven’t been here in awhile. Khris is in the middle of the group. She looks and smiles. Apparently she’s the manager. Latin lady says, you are the manager and you are showing a bad example. This is a good crew. Ready and waiting. I can tell it’s a good crew. Everyone is smiling. Everyone is cracking on each other. A new rush comes in. 

Medium sized black man, wearing a mammoth t shirt. Good shape. Shaved head. He’s cool. He has his oakleys on the back of his head. His girlfriend (wife?) just left the restroom. She’s in light blue with a faux alligator bag on her right shoulder. Blue and white parachute pants. Okay. Everyone is laughing. Smiles all around. Pleasant place. Don’t want to say where it is because you may want to come in. Its my spot. Okay, I’m selfish. 

Time to go. Time to run. It’s been fun. Time to sun. No, no, no gun. Okay, you won. Needs some mon. A ton, hun. Much fun. Got stunned. No sesame seeds on the bun. No pun. I’m done. . .Son.

She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain When She Comes

Two Steps Back
Solvang--Took the long way to three hour tour. Got a bit lost. It rained. Windshield wiper needed replacement. Got bad food service. Left for another restaurant. Got bad food. Drove home in the pouring rain. Vista Point of the Saint Ynez River closed. Knew I should have stopped earlier. Gift shop at Chumash Casino was limited. My favorite Catch-21 was closed. Pita Pit just closed in Valencia. 

Overall, I had a good time.

One Giant Leap For Me-Kind
Spent all day driving, eating, and taking pictures out of my car. Said hello to nice people. Angelo from Tom’s. Greek fella. Got to say in Greek.  Thank you thanks to much needed Facebook support (Thanks Michelle, Roselyn). Got free drinks, food, and stuff by just listening today.  Took some great pics. Chumash Reservation area was. . .not that big. Beautiful and if I had more time I would like to have just sat there for awhile.   

Was up in the clouds today. Got to look down at the clouds, too. Took a view of the Santa Ynez River and Cachuma Lake. Makes me want to visit Lake Elizabeth in the near future. Never have before.  But it is more than inkling now.

Visited the Mission of Santa Ines. Think I want to go to service there one day. Think I want to visit the other mission, too. San Fernando and San Buenaventura. 

Didn’t put my feet in the Pacific like I would have liked. Too rocky, too rainy, and getting too late. Waves were crashing hard and I had no change of clothes. Got a bit scared at the black van at the Sea Cliff, too. Very Nomad-ish. (1980’s movie)

Listened on the radio on 60 minutes about the Nine year boy old finding remains of the other nine year old that lived 1.9 million years ago. Supposedly, it is the connection between homo sapiens and Cro-Magnons.

Pacific Coast, Chumash, and Korean War--Sunday Highways
On the drive to Solvang, I kept on seeing the real Camino sign on the highway. Thought about how the Danish journey to the far west from European roots to create the town of Solvang. Driving the windy road, seeing the Chumash Highway sign, it made me think. Danish were not the first here. There were many others. Chumash Indians, probably the Spaniards, than the Danes. Probably before them were the Chinese (If you haven’t read or heard there was a theory that China landed in California some time before Columbus). Driving kept me think of connections. Made me think of the others before me. Made me think of the people after me.

Memories On These Lanes
What also fascinated me was the drive. It was memory lane for me: going to Carpenteria with Shell, driving through Ventura thinking of J. Hill and Kirsten, Delpster and UCSB leadership camp. What fascinated me the most was the drive through the mountains and then the discovery of the Santa Ynez River. It was my remembered sighting.  I’ve seen brooks before, but never a river like the Santa Ynez. 

Read somewhere that rivers were the symbol of life. When I saw the Santa Ynez River, I just wanted to follow it wherever it led me. Remembered a good time with Glenn Young going to Kern River.

Had intentions of taking pictures of the Cachuma Lake, but didn’t want to spend the parking fee. Not worth it. Still did not get to Solvang yet, time was short, and it was getting late. Would have liked to have spent more time there. (Another few things to add on the life’s to do list)

Just For the Trees, That's Enough
Finally got to Chumash territory. Chumash reserve, well, its nice but nothing to take great pictures of. What I saw was green, a few trees, and more green. Guess that is why the Chumash settled this area. Big spanses of green. Close to the river for fishing and hunting. Beautiful area. Close to the ocean. Kind of.

Days Coming To an End, Still Much To Do
Spoke to a pretty Chumash lady at the Casino. Big Brown eyes. Smart.  Could have talked more, but it was late and there was more life to see. Needed to get to Seacliff before it got too dark. Needed to get on the hwy 126 and get some fruits from the freeway. Needed to go live life. If I had more time, another life perhaps.

Another post, another time.