March. . .Again

Last year where were you? In Garden Grove at the Fish Market for me. Five minutes from another life. It was my home for a couple of years. Fish tacos, rice, and an Iced tea. Home was some local hotel. Got comped when I didn't feel like driving home. That more often than not. Attended one of Kaprece’s meets when I stopped by the Grove. San Diego meet,I think.  Last Saturday, I was at the Blue Pyramid of Cal State Long Beach for another. In many ways, I hope it never ends. Going to meets. If an when she stops going, it will mean she is growing up. 

Time flies so fast. We think we have more time, but we don't. Two more days and we would have completed a quarter of the year. Ninety days gone. Gone never to come back. Like holding onto sand at the beach.

Been keeping a journal for some time now. Easier some days, harder others. Remembering what happened during. . . Recalling past events, planning future ones. There tends to be certain monotony, a malaise to these days. We do things over and over again, in hopes of accomplishing some task, reaching some goal. Discovering some truth we already know.

Are you happy where you are now? Why do I ask? Because its going to end. It is no longer to be the way you had wished it. Events change. Your feelings will change about certain tasks. Or events around it will cause the events you are doing obsolete. Jobs, locations, schools, workplaces will no longer hold the same wonderment as before. In time, a new love be discovered. It won't be like your first. It will never will. It shouldn't be. Its just different.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate it. I welcome it. Our empties, but it is refilled.  It forces us to realize the importance of right now. Time demands to us pay attention to her. To cherish what is in front of us. It forces to let us leave the baggage of long ago. It hardens feelings and it makes us realize some things needs to be let go.  We can hold on tight, but the sands of just slips away and forces us to grow and die at the same time.

Every day a new dawn begins. Every day the sunsets. Whether we accepts us this or not, it is hard to learn some things are true whether believe them or not. 

Last year, where was I? Posted a few pics, March of last year. Giving a high school friend a ride to the airport. Having lunch at Farmers Market, her first time. Taking a trail in the desert that used to be a grade school oasis. Climbing rocks and finding an Easter surprise.  Attaining a level of Reiki-dom, touching the fabled SR-71, doing Zuma, and walking in middle of Hollywood Blvd for the Marathon.  Joined a book club and had lunch with Dana. These were the things I did last year at this time.

I no longer do some things with regularity. I am paying the price for that now.(Loving it) Other activities have taken over. Others things are more important. Others have faded. Going to God’s house strong since last year. It's become important to me. I’ve found solace. I found silence. I have found purpose and meaning here.  There is certain fullness I feel when visiting a Mission or attending St Mary Mass. There is a certain-ness. There is a knowing a revealing, a continuity.

Not sure where all this came from, but is as if hearing music sings for the very first time. It is the rhythm. It slows enough for the message to be heard and understood. Where sound of music fill in places that are lacking.  Can’t say that visit to Mission or churches will have the same effect as it does me. It is listening to the radio. 

Changing the station. Shuffling through some static. No Satellite, Nothing pre-programmed. Just adjusting to the frequency of the universe until it says this is the station I should listen to. We grow up with a certain sound. We enjoy rock, hip hop, country. We listen to what feels like home. Then we change. We hear techno, house, blues, acid, speed rock, reggae. We discover that there is so much more. We discover. Where have you been all my life? Its that first kiss. We get to a rhythm, and a at times, we discover we are in cacophony of noises. It changes subtlety. A wondrous harmony transforms to something strange, unfamiliar, dulling. Then some how, another changes the station for us. Maybe its the Big Smile, maybe its a newborn. Maybe it renewed, a rediscovered love that gets us in tune again.

Our body, our soul. Our hearts beat with a different rhythm filling us with much needed sustenance. Oxgyenating our muscles, removing toxins, attuning us in ways that brings back to our beat. We need that turning point. we need that drama, that resolution. we need that first kiss again. And again.And again.

Alas, this song must end. Time for a new one to come in. Its calling and I am drawn.

Balloon Therapy

D. Valdez--"It is ALWAYS GRANTED when asked for....

Couple days ago asked for Forgiveness. On Facebook. Couple of nights ago, got in a car accident.

Driving on Palmdale Boulevard at a quarter past eight at night. Just past the rotary and out of nowhere. . .it looked like a white boxer. Brown, too. It was to my right. It was dark. Driving 50. It happened in a split second.

Moving On Means Going Back, Too
All of sudden, Blam!!! Continued driving. Had this sinking feeling. Unfortunately, I’ve hit dogs before late at night, but this was different. Drove on. Got home, but couldn't stop. Decided to go back. Flipped a U-ie. Called the 911 to inform police to where the incident happened. Felt horrible. Why? Because I just kept going.

It was only 3 minutes there and back--I remember--since the accident happened. But needed to know that dog was not suffering. Emergency lights on, drove up and down the street twice looking for the dog. No blood. No dog. No nothing. When the officer arrived, we searched but could not find a thing. Nothing. 

Stopped under a light and got to see the dent to the right front bumper. It was good foot in length. Time for a new bumper. What troubled me the most is not the accident. Nor the deductible. It was not finding the dog. Just bothered me so. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t get mind off it. Remembering the crunch. Feeling of the steering wheel trying to correct the car after the swerve. Just wanted to ease my mind knowing that dog didn’t suffer much.

Salvation Is Not Always In Church
Logically knew there was not much more that could be done. Mind was straight, just my heart felt heavy. It was an accident, no one’s fault, but it weighed on me. Woke up the next morning, foregoing my walk and run. Just left the house. Found myself at St. Mary’s and just prayed. It was 6:40 am. Ten minutes in the morning mass.  I prayed, took communion, and then left still feeling uneasy.

Message From the Heaven
On the way to LCH, noticed from a distance a dot in the sky. Couldn't quite tell. what it was. Driving closer and closer to Lancaster, past Avenue N, past Avenue K, the dot got bigger and bigger. Got to the hospital. Sitting in the parking lot, pulled the Pentax out and started looking for that dot in the sky. Couldn't quite tell still. Its a Monday. No hot air balloons on a weekday. People are working. 

Using the zoom, I realized the dot in the sky was a hot air balloon. An uncommon sight. Usually it’s a Saturday or Sunday when balloons dot the sky. Today, there it was. Most people would be out working, but this day was different. Started noticing my heart feeling lighter. Guess, my prayers were heard. Right then, realized and accepted damage was done and needed to move on.

Junipero Serra's Missions: Looking Up, Moving On
Something about looking up in the sky, and watching hot air balloons. My mind understood, but my heart still felt heavy for the loss. My heart needed to let go. It needed to lighten. It hurt and it bothered me. But seeing the dot in the sky helped me moved on. Can’t erase this memory, but one can reconcile on the mistakes made. 

Took pictures of a hot air balloon that was down a day earlier. Saw its descent and its landing on a field. Saw the retrieval truck pick up the passengers on their landing. Saw how the retrieval team follow the balloon on the roads. It was dangerous because the balloon was on Avenue M, near the airport. Right in front where planes land. Saw how quickly they were able to pick up these people up in the heavens and take them home.Maybe this is how Angels work.

Hindu Temple, Karma
I hope that the Dog found peace. I hope that Dog had lived a good life. I hope that Angels were able to pick up this Dog and take it to Heaven, to take the dog Home. I hope the Dog will forgive me.

After some time, it made me realize that we make mistakes. Sometimes people cause accidents. Sometimes people are the victims of accidents. Asking for and giving Forgiveness is hard at times. Whether you go to Church or Temple, there is something transformative in the act of Forgiving. Learned that lesson well. 

Angels Everywhere
Been burdened with heavy heart for a time. Now, done my crying. Done my hurting. Working on being Done with the heavy heart. "No more" is the plan. Got to pick up and let my soul take flight. Brian, Em, Robin, and so on—I Love You dearly. Got to go. Got to go with God. You are always with me. I believe the Big Smile will bring us back together.

Someday. 

Maybe next time we can do it better.

She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain When She Comes

Two Steps Back
Solvang--Took the long way to three hour tour. Got a bit lost. It rained. Windshield wiper needed replacement. Got bad food service. Left for another restaurant. Got bad food. Drove home in the pouring rain. Vista Point of the Saint Ynez River closed. Knew I should have stopped earlier. Gift shop at Chumash Casino was limited. My favorite Catch-21 was closed. Pita Pit just closed in Valencia. 

Overall, I had a good time.

One Giant Leap For Me-Kind
Spent all day driving, eating, and taking pictures out of my car. Said hello to nice people. Angelo from Tom’s. Greek fella. Got to say in Greek.  Thank you thanks to much needed Facebook support (Thanks Michelle, Roselyn). Got free drinks, food, and stuff by just listening today.  Took some great pics. Chumash Reservation area was. . .not that big. Beautiful and if I had more time I would like to have just sat there for awhile.   

Was up in the clouds today. Got to look down at the clouds, too. Took a view of the Santa Ynez River and Cachuma Lake. Makes me want to visit Lake Elizabeth in the near future. Never have before.  But it is more than inkling now.

Visited the Mission of Santa Ines. Think I want to go to service there one day. Think I want to visit the other mission, too. San Fernando and San Buenaventura. 

Didn’t put my feet in the Pacific like I would have liked. Too rocky, too rainy, and getting too late. Waves were crashing hard and I had no change of clothes. Got a bit scared at the black van at the Sea Cliff, too. Very Nomad-ish. (1980’s movie)

Listened on the radio on 60 minutes about the Nine year boy old finding remains of the other nine year old that lived 1.9 million years ago. Supposedly, it is the connection between homo sapiens and Cro-Magnons.

Pacific Coast, Chumash, and Korean War--Sunday Highways
On the drive to Solvang, I kept on seeing the real Camino sign on the highway. Thought about how the Danish journey to the far west from European roots to create the town of Solvang. Driving the windy road, seeing the Chumash Highway sign, it made me think. Danish were not the first here. There were many others. Chumash Indians, probably the Spaniards, than the Danes. Probably before them were the Chinese (If you haven’t read or heard there was a theory that China landed in California some time before Columbus). Driving kept me think of connections. Made me think of the others before me. Made me think of the people after me.

Memories On These Lanes
What also fascinated me was the drive. It was memory lane for me: going to Carpenteria with Shell, driving through Ventura thinking of J. Hill and Kirsten, Delpster and UCSB leadership camp. What fascinated me the most was the drive through the mountains and then the discovery of the Santa Ynez River. It was my remembered sighting.  I’ve seen brooks before, but never a river like the Santa Ynez. 

Read somewhere that rivers were the symbol of life. When I saw the Santa Ynez River, I just wanted to follow it wherever it led me. Remembered a good time with Glenn Young going to Kern River.

Had intentions of taking pictures of the Cachuma Lake, but didn’t want to spend the parking fee. Not worth it. Still did not get to Solvang yet, time was short, and it was getting late. Would have liked to have spent more time there. (Another few things to add on the life’s to do list)

Just For the Trees, That's Enough
Finally got to Chumash territory. Chumash reserve, well, its nice but nothing to take great pictures of. What I saw was green, a few trees, and more green. Guess that is why the Chumash settled this area. Big spanses of green. Close to the river for fishing and hunting. Beautiful area. Close to the ocean. Kind of.

Days Coming To an End, Still Much To Do
Spoke to a pretty Chumash lady at the Casino. Big Brown eyes. Smart.  Could have talked more, but it was late and there was more life to see. Needed to get to Seacliff before it got too dark. Needed to get on the hwy 126 and get some fruits from the freeway. Needed to go live life. If I had more time, another life perhaps.

Another post, another time.