Right Here, Right Now

Million Miles Begins With One Step

Only So Many Miles

According to a Google, average life expectancy of one born in America is 67.2 years. This translates to almost 59,000 hours.  Let’s say, 60,000 optimistically. A third of that is gone due to sleep. I wrote about this once, but I think we need to be reminded once in awhile about the importance of right now is. what-have-you-done-for-365-days post

2011

Day Worth Living is a Day Worth Documenting

Been keeping a journal for this year, it is filled with ticket stubs, library receipts, and miscellaneous functions I have attended.  Every day is a gift. Imagine all the things you have seen this last day. It is these precious moments that we realize that there is so much wonderment out there in the vastness of space.

Last Lunar Eclipse for a Couple of Years

Just A Phase

Heard on NPR last night an interview of an attendee of the Griffith Park Observatory Lunar Eclipse viewing. Three or four hundred  people on the lawn gathering in the middle of the city to watch the night get darker than what it is. What struck me is said he felt insignificant. He said he was touched by philosophically, psychologically, spiritually, metaphysically, blah, blah, blah. I think he just got hit by the adverb comet. To Me, being alive is Significant. If we aren't, then why are we here?  In each minute, life has something to offer.

Sights to See

Look Up

I am not the traveling monster as my cousin Barbara—Portugal,  Spain, Dubai, Australia, and so on. Nor am I like a former schoolmate, Edgar. Peru, Russia, and more. It is just that we experience so much in each minute. 

Through A Child's Eyes

New View, New Perspective

Pat, a friend’s mother was housebound. She was legally blind and sat in her chair most days with her wiener dogs, but she had some tales. Oprah and the like kept her apprised of what was going on and important. Didn’t really appreciate her situation and was a bit critical. However, my view has changed. 

We may need a moment. May need assistance. We may need to give a moment. We may need to give assistance

We All Fall Down

Her husband was also vision impaired, but he was something, too. Riding his bike everywhere. Being a respected instructor for some troubled kids in elementary. It was something. His stories of kids being on themselves, spitting at the teacher’s aide, and threats of bodily harm—I don’t know if had that much patience and control.

Injured, but won anyways. Heart goes a long ways

Hard Won Victory

I was told by my optometrist that I will have cataracts and though it is not present yet, I will undergo some challenges. Going Blind. . .wow.  It could happen so I won’t dwell on it. I am just saying what we see in the course of one day is not to be taken lightly. It is quite something. 

Inches We Need Are Everywhere Around Us

Artwork from an Ice Cube

Not going to harp on the choices people make regarding television. To some it offers worlds, I would never imagine experiencing. History Channel with Swamp People and Monsterquest. USA with Burn Notice, Covert Affairs, and NCIS. Hardcore Pawn, Cartoon Network, and Diners, Drive-In and Dives. Sure it is a dramatized version and cut in ways that are extracting much of the story. 

Also known as a car

Moments Can Change the World

I liken it to reading a novel, watching a movie,  looking at a painting, or having a gustatory moment with Anthony Bourdain. This is just a snippet of what is out there. A quick flash of just that moment.  Forever gone once its past. Sure, what is life without a little drama. For some, drama is what is interesting.

Tied a Note to A Balloon and set aloft

Message From Heaven

All I want to do is put out there is remind one of Now. Being Present. Being present to all the gifts the Universe offers. Thank you Big Smile for all that you have given. During the Holiday season it is one gift that we need to remember that is always there.

Balloon Therapy

D. Valdez--"It is ALWAYS GRANTED when asked for....

Couple days ago asked for Forgiveness. On Facebook. Couple of nights ago, got in a car accident.

Driving on Palmdale Boulevard at a quarter past eight at night. Just past the rotary and out of nowhere. . .it looked like a white boxer. Brown, too. It was to my right. It was dark. Driving 50. It happened in a split second.

Moving On Means Going Back, Too
All of sudden, Blam!!! Continued driving. Had this sinking feeling. Unfortunately, I’ve hit dogs before late at night, but this was different. Drove on. Got home, but couldn't stop. Decided to go back. Flipped a U-ie. Called the 911 to inform police to where the incident happened. Felt horrible. Why? Because I just kept going.

It was only 3 minutes there and back--I remember--since the accident happened. But needed to know that dog was not suffering. Emergency lights on, drove up and down the street twice looking for the dog. No blood. No dog. No nothing. When the officer arrived, we searched but could not find a thing. Nothing. 

Stopped under a light and got to see the dent to the right front bumper. It was good foot in length. Time for a new bumper. What troubled me the most is not the accident. Nor the deductible. It was not finding the dog. Just bothered me so. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t get mind off it. Remembering the crunch. Feeling of the steering wheel trying to correct the car after the swerve. Just wanted to ease my mind knowing that dog didn’t suffer much.

Salvation Is Not Always In Church
Logically knew there was not much more that could be done. Mind was straight, just my heart felt heavy. It was an accident, no one’s fault, but it weighed on me. Woke up the next morning, foregoing my walk and run. Just left the house. Found myself at St. Mary’s and just prayed. It was 6:40 am. Ten minutes in the morning mass.  I prayed, took communion, and then left still feeling uneasy.

Message From the Heaven
On the way to LCH, noticed from a distance a dot in the sky. Couldn't quite tell. what it was. Driving closer and closer to Lancaster, past Avenue N, past Avenue K, the dot got bigger and bigger. Got to the hospital. Sitting in the parking lot, pulled the Pentax out and started looking for that dot in the sky. Couldn't quite tell still. Its a Monday. No hot air balloons on a weekday. People are working. 

Using the zoom, I realized the dot in the sky was a hot air balloon. An uncommon sight. Usually it’s a Saturday or Sunday when balloons dot the sky. Today, there it was. Most people would be out working, but this day was different. Started noticing my heart feeling lighter. Guess, my prayers were heard. Right then, realized and accepted damage was done and needed to move on.

Junipero Serra's Missions: Looking Up, Moving On
Something about looking up in the sky, and watching hot air balloons. My mind understood, but my heart still felt heavy for the loss. My heart needed to let go. It needed to lighten. It hurt and it bothered me. But seeing the dot in the sky helped me moved on. Can’t erase this memory, but one can reconcile on the mistakes made. 

Took pictures of a hot air balloon that was down a day earlier. Saw its descent and its landing on a field. Saw the retrieval truck pick up the passengers on their landing. Saw how the retrieval team follow the balloon on the roads. It was dangerous because the balloon was on Avenue M, near the airport. Right in front where planes land. Saw how quickly they were able to pick up these people up in the heavens and take them home.Maybe this is how Angels work.

Hindu Temple, Karma
I hope that the Dog found peace. I hope that Dog had lived a good life. I hope that Angels were able to pick up this Dog and take it to Heaven, to take the dog Home. I hope the Dog will forgive me.

After some time, it made me realize that we make mistakes. Sometimes people cause accidents. Sometimes people are the victims of accidents. Asking for and giving Forgiveness is hard at times. Whether you go to Church or Temple, there is something transformative in the act of Forgiving. Learned that lesson well. 

Angels Everywhere
Been burdened with heavy heart for a time. Now, done my crying. Done my hurting. Working on being Done with the heavy heart. "No more" is the plan. Got to pick up and let my soul take flight. Brian, Em, Robin, and so on—I Love You dearly. Got to go. Got to go with God. You are always with me. I believe the Big Smile will bring us back together.

Someday. 

Maybe next time we can do it better.

Someday I'm Gonna Be Free. Someday I'm Gonna Find My Rhythm

"Can Anybody find me somebody to love? Each morning I get up, I die a little Can't barely stand on my feet. . ."--Queen

Sunday morning, sitting in my car watching the sunrise. Sitting in my Lancaster Park place. Disappointed there are no Hot Air Balloons rising. Where have all the romantics gone? I mean morning sunrise, hot air balloons. Aaah!!! Another time, I guess. Listening to George Michael's version of "Somebody to Love" My cousin Chris posted on Facebook where can he and his beau get some oysters. It brought a smile to my face. Woo-ing is still alive.


I work (He works hard) every day of my life
I work 'till I ache my bones
At the end (At the end of the day) I take home (Goes home) my hard earned pay all on my own
(Goes home on his own)
I get down (Down) on my knees (Knees) and I start to pray (Praise the lord) 

Friday morning went to Pathology. Saw a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Pink Roses and some baby' breath. Amongst the glass slides and requisition papers, there stood proudly, a beautiful spread of pink and green. It brought life to the the black, glossy counter. Ah, Delightful. It made my heart beat a bit happier. I asked Potter, the receiver of this token of love, what her and her loved one had plans for Cupid Day. She said dinner and some time painting in the mall somewhere. Another smile to my heart. I asked another co-worker what her plans were. Nothing. Her shoulder hunched. I can relate. I'm sure a few of you can.

There's a difference between lonely and being alone. Always been comfortable with my own company, but I can't help think of line from a movie, the name escapes me. "Remember the Best times of your life. You weren't alone, were you? . . .Life is just better with company." I know I butchered it, but couldn't remember where it came from. Gist, we walk alone sometimes. Sometimes, if we are lucky, We walk as couple. (2010 Rose Parade, Pepe Le Peux)

They say I'm goin' crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
I got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe (He's got nobody left to believe) 

A close relative spoke of intentions of going to Cirque. Her voice was abound in anticipation. Unfortunately, as Sunday was coming, I asked her again about the du Soleil. She answered a heavy No. Oooohhh. That supposed to be me exhaling, in a consoling breath. I feel her disappointment for her disappointment. Breaking someone's heart. . .No, its more letting them down is never pleasant. Seeing her shoulders hunched and head down. It reminds me of my nephew whenever he doesn't get to play Super Mario Wii.

Speaking with Potter. I reminisced that, "For one year, I gave the love of my life a flower every single day." Big bouquets on the big days, valentines, anniversary, birthday, Ground Hogs, you know the major ones. Other times it was just a small white carnation, spray painted with blue. Other times it was whatever I can pick from my garden or my girlfriend's neighbor's garden. Stopped getting flowers when we parted. Occasionally, I picked some up for my belle at the time, but it was never quite the same. The romantic me just didn't have the same luster.

For awhile, the only reason I was going to the flower shop were for funerals. Depressing, I know. Yet, the smell of the fresh cut flowers. The cold of the walk-in refrigerator. The Happy silver, mylar balloons. So bright, so green. I loved flower shops. Well, it reminded me of Love. Despite, going to the shop for a wake or a funeral*, it still brought back fine memories. A time of True Love. Funerals are  still of time of Love.

(Ooh lord) Oh Somebody, ooh (Somebody)
Anybody find me somebody to love? (Anybody find me someone to love? )
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat (You just keep losing and losing)

On a few occasions, when taking one out to dinner, and the occasional lady with baskets of roses would stop by. I would respectfully shake my head, no. I'd see Angelo again, that same slumping of the shoulder and the head lean downward a bit. I know that it was . . .a bit heartbreaking, but. . .it wasn't the same. No more late 11:55pm  runs to Seven-eleven to get an overpriced rose. No more stopping by the Vons or Pavillions for the occasional Friday-night-before-we-go-out bouquet. No more looking behind my back, checking if my neighbor saw me cutting from her prize-winning garden. It just lost some luster. Maybe I am dead (inside) as my good friend once said. Perhaps, I lost the passion. I don't konw.

I mean after your soul mate. Well, everything just pales in comparison.

I'm ok, I'm alright (He's alright, he's alright)
I ain't gonna face no defeat (Yeah, yeah)
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I'm gonna be free, lord (One day I'm gonna be free, lord)


Well, No more words of wisdom. Just a smile and a sunrise. I hope you still feel the beating of your heart. I hope you still have your rhythm. Maybe, I'll get my rhythm back. Big Smile will provide when its time.

Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love love love!
Find me, find me, find me love.


*nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14
Valentine's Day

Blackouts, Balloons, and Big Smile: Promises Kept, Promises Reminded

Big Smile Blows a Fuse
Lights out. Frustrated, I put my book down on the toilet set cover. Power must have went out. Wonder if its the entire house. Maybe its the entire block. Probably, I think its just the circuit breaker for the bottom floor of the house. I move the light green shower curtain to the side. Not even ten minutes in the tub. I like to soak in the tub for 20 to 30 minutes reading a book here and there. Sometimes its an Encyclopedia of Mythology. Other times, its a Sudoku puzzle book. Often, its the Sun Tzu's Art of War. Today it was the Anatomy of Strength and Weight Training. I was beginning to understand the nuts and bolts of a proper squat. Learned about blocking and how not to cave in your chest or something like that. Guess, I got to re-read it again.

G-Time and Firebird Promise
Guess, it was a sign. Unusually, I didn't work out in the morning as I originally planned. Last couple of months, Sundays are for a couple hours of cardio and 30 minute shoulder routine. This time I was disturbed by hot air balloons. No, not really disturbed. I was disrupted. Okay,fascinated. You see every morning . . .wait, almost every sunrise and sunset I have been having some G-Time. G Time is my promise to myself and the Big Smile that I would thank him and reconnect with what is important. Its my Firebird promise. Every sunrise and sunset I will take at least 5 minutes out of the day and listen to the sound. Stole this idea from Dvd City of Angels. If you don't know, find out.

Well, this morning I did my G-Time to get right with you know. . .everything. It was a cloudy morning and the Sun was having a hard time shining through. At this time, I like to document my health stats, write in my journal, and review my "To-Do" list for the day. I was highlighting my "Dones" and was reaching for my Exercise/Diet Journal, then all of the sudden the movie screen which was my car windshield was filled with Hot Air Balloons. Where did they come from? I remember a white, clean truck with extended cab in the desert by its lonesome. This was unusual, but not uncommon in the Antelope Vally. What was a white F150 now was a red and yellow giant hot air balloon. Actually, it was five hot air balloons. Let me correct that. It was seven hot air balloons laying on its side getting fired up with blasts of propane burners. (Riding a Hot Air Balloon will be going on my resolution list,Thank Ms. Stipech)

At any rate, there they were. Balloons were getting larger and larger. Seventy feet in height, balloons were taking up the my entire beautiful view my San Gabriel Mountain sunrise. It was an Ansel Adams picture with hot air balloons--in color) Maybe not so Ansel Adams. I must admit that I was frustrated that my G Time was being obstructed by Hot Air Balloons. Little did I notice that I needed just that. Got out of my car. Grabbed my Blackberry from its car charger. I started walking out the parking lot toward 10th Street West. I parked at the Lancaster Park, next to the new Y. Raised up my phone/camera/organizer/mp3 player/flashlight/etc and I started clicking away. Sent to my facebook account and that was it.

Look Ma, I Riding a Hot Air Balloon with No Basket
Another balloon onlooker started saying something, but I was not listening. I was lost in the moment. One man was in hot air balloon. Almost 80,000 cubic feet of hot air, at the will of the AV Winds,and this guy is going solo on a freaking strap-on swing seat. Yes, there was no giant basket that can fit 6 people comfortably. This guy was strapped onto a swing seat. Ah, some AV people are listening to the beat of different drum. It reminded me of one of those carnival rides where you are strapped onto a swing and it just twirls you round and round. This guy had the hot air balloon and a swing seat. That's it. I got to try that.

Book Said Green Grass and I Get Tumbleweeds
I was just present and in the moment. Little did I realize that I just felt. . .lighter. Buoyant. I was happier. I was deep in G Time and I felt my heart rate speed up. Blood rushing. Headache starting. BP rising. I was getting stressed out all the worries in life. The usual worries I guess most of us feel. Not enough money. Not enough time for family. Not being healthier. Not enough, whatever. Watching those balloons fill up with air and head to the sky, I just felt amazingly lighter.

Funny thing is I was reading a passage from the "How to Lower Blood Pressure." Passage was an mini-exercise on how to relax. Visualize a big park. Full of green grass. Imagine walking around and coming up to a small hill. There over the hill. There are bunch of hot air balloons sitting. As you get closer, all your worries, are climbing into the basket of the hot air balloon. As you get closer, all the balloons slowly are picked up by the wind currents are flying away. As I was taking my pictures for facebook, I realized that this just happened. No grass, but brown, sandy tumbleweed-filled desert. Thanks, Big Smile.

Bathroom Blackouts: Its A Sign To Keep Promises
Anyways, back to the reason why I write. It was a blackout. Not to the entire house, just the part I was in. Standing in the shower with the lights out, the flashed. Go to Church. You see days back I made a promise to myself and Big Smile that I have my heart open and listen to the synchronicities of Life. Couldn't tell what time it was, but I thought to myself, "I can do this. I can make it." Lights out reaching for the conditioner. Reaching for the Scrub brush and the green body wash, I said, "I have time. I can make it." I thought to myself, I made a promise to got to church at least once a month for an entire year. I wrote it down. Its a promise. Its a contract. Its my Covenant.

Got out of the searching for light. Stepped on my shoes and shorts. Forgot that it was blacked out. I felt for the light and my toothbrush. Wait, I already brushed and flossed. Then I realized, Blood sugar. Getting low. No workout. No meal replacement bottle. Didn't have my breakfast. Blackberry flashes from the bathroom floor. Must have fell of the toilet seat cover. My screen reads, "Breakfast. Morning Meds." Thank you Calendar Daily Event Function.

Got dressed and started the oven. Butter, shrimp, and one egg. Grabbed Quaker Oats "Maple and Brown Sugar" packet. Butter sizzled, threw in the shrimp. Cracked the egg and went to the fridge to grab the block of cheese (another post, remind me) Shrimp ready and scrambled egg is poured in the frying pan. Wash the same bowl (I hate doing lots of dishes). I open the oatmeal packet and pour two 1/4 cups of water. Throw it in the microwave and I take a breath.



Big Smiles--Eat, I Will Get You There
I am not a big fan of microwaved oatmeal. Too creamy for me. I would have liked to have used the kettle, but I have this amazing skill of burning water and setting off the fire alarm, even when its not my fault. Someone threw away the several times burnt over blackened kettle. I looked at the time, 9:45 am. I can make the 10 o'clock service (I think that is the time of the service. I don't go often enough to know the time.) I take 5 minutes and sit. I look at the time again and see its 9:50. I calculate driving time to St Mary's will be 10 minutes. I decide I will be late, but that's okay. I figure its better be late, then feint. I eat hurriedly, not gulp the food. I say to myself, "I have time."

Out the door and in the car. Of course, red light. Traffic. Cars ahead of me slow down to see, of course, the many yard sales on the east side. I am on Avenue S, passing Mickey Dees, KFC, and I am the curve. The Curve is 20th East. Can't forget the curve. Its a Palmdale landmark. At end of the curve is a cemetary. Some say its a pet cemetary. I never really checked. I think pioneers are buried here. Guess, I need to look it up sometime. Anyways, I head toward the high school and turn on R-4 (I think). There it is St. Mary. Looks like the cars ahead of me had the same blackout in the shower. My car dashboard reads 10:15. Boy, I am late. I think to myself, maybe I will go to the 11 am service, if they have one.

As I turn into the parking lot entrance, its not full. I mean its not filled, but its filling. I see families get out their car and start quick walking into the church. Some are quick walking. Others are still in the car. I say to myself, "Maybe, I am not late."

I get out my car. I tuck in my shirt. Tighten my belt. My pants have been kind of loose. All that cardio time looks like its paying it off. I walk in. Church is three quarters filled. Choir is singing. People are reaching for the fountain to anoint self. To the left, there is a giant crucifix. Over the Jesus, the letters read "INRI" I say to myself, I know what that means. Took a Bible at Lit class and Philosophy religion class. Probably the only thing I remember. "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews" I's were often used as Js. It looks the Big Smile got me in on time. Thank You.

HUAA: Marine-Speak "Heard, Understood, and Acknowledged
Father comes in and apologizes for being late. I laugh to myself and say, "I bet it was a blackout." The teenager next to me looks at me funny. I say, "Inside Joke." She shakes her head and takes a step away from me, closer to her family. Whatever, she smelled funny any ways. I smile. Before I knew, the Father in his Jamaican (or maybe its West African) accent he talks about Baptism and talks about the priesthood as a vocation. Two things I have been seriously thinking about. Definitely, Baptism and kind of like the idea of being license to marry people. Questions I have been considering for years and that have been resurfacing a lot lately has been answered. I shake my head. I ask myself, "Do I have the stuff to make a commitment?" Honestly, I don't know. I like women, a lot. Ever since Mac gave me a Bible, I have been thinking about getting involved in Church. I consider myself Catholic, but not heavy. No,I am more of the Holiday Catholic. Sure, I go to church for Midnight Mass, Baptisms, Funerals (I have been to too many last year) I have been this ache, no, calling, I don't know what to call it but whatever it is I have been considering being more seriously involved. I dedicated one year of my life learning in Faith, "My journal was Get my Soul Stronger" I was heavy in DABDA self-defense mechanism (Dr. Poole, Thank you. Another blog for another time).

Gorillas, Crushes, Old Friends: Life in Review
Sitting in St Mary's I have thought about my life and how people that were gone or I left are coming back in. Trouble is that the one I want in, isn't. (Corrina, I hope things are working out. Gorilla thing, you know) As I was writing, I just got an invite from Mike. He used to live with my family in high school. I was a Jodie, as my AP Biology teacher said.(Not a good thing. He enlisted and I unexpectedly met my my soul mate. His girlfriend) I thought of Christy (No, its not her real name. Its her sister's. She is now a friend on my facebook. I thought she was incredibly cute. Out of my league. Boy, I would have liked to have kissed her.) I think of my old friend Brian and I apologize to him in my head and pray he forgives me. I say to myself, that I believe that I would be a good priest. Its a big commitment. I don't know if that is what I should do. I have the inkling. The calling is not screaming to me, its just. . .I do not if I got the stuff, the real stuff to be the Big Smile's voice, to be his messenger. Tough things are that I have asked and he has given. I have received. How can I turn and not do this? I made some promises. Promises to myself. Promises to Big Smile. Promises. Nothing is set it stone and I know that I will be at the moment. I will be looking into George Foreman's eyes and I will have to answer that bell. "Miyagi, boma ye" Miyagi was my nick name at LA Fitness.

Its a Question Fuse Box Faith
Do I have stuff? Is my Faith Strong Enough? Is my Will Enough? Is it my destiny? What is His Will? Big Smile I hear your calling. I am not what I am being asked to do. I will keep listening to the message and I will do my best to interpret your messages. This I promise.

By the way, can I have lights back on? I am okay going to the bathroom in the dark, I have Faith. Its just this. My aim is better with the lights on. Just kidding. I will check the fuse box. Big Smile, thank you for the balloons and blackout. I needed both.