Marriage By ROSELYN NADONZA

Re-posted from Facebook.

WRITTEN BY MS ROSELYN NADONZA

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with this story...
 
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly. 

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.

I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. 

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. 

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. 

But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. 

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. 

His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.





On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. 




She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. 

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. 



On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. 

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. 

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. 

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do you have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

THANK YOU ROSELYN NADONZA

Biolophilliacs Means Connection

Been busy last couple of days. Been writing, too.  Just haven’t posted yet. Will by later on tonight so sorry for the flood of posts. Where to begin? No one showed for the morning walk today. Missed them yesterday. Went for the walk myself. Did a walk run routine. Light to light, alternating between walking and running. It felt good. Been some time. My ipod sensor is not working and just haven’t spent the time worrying about it

Morning mass was good. Been too long since going in the morning. Not too many times last week as I would have liked, but life stuff happens. Its Easter now. From the flyer, it is from now until May 23. A time of renewal. Sitting in front of Palmdale Square, by the chamber and Aero institute. Can hear the birds chirping and the fountain flowing. Sunroof is open and the sun is warming my face.

Haven’t seen the other cousins lately. Hope they are doing well. Michelle and Bobby are always good and positive. Love looking at their pictures. Very vibrant. Pia don’t know so much, but she seems to live an exciting life. Dodger Opening Day today. Randy, very debonair. Needs help with fundraiser. Mike jiujitsuing. Leilani is interning, studying and being mom. Jason is probably studying.

Bri's got the mohawk action going on. He's rolling. Saw "Searching for Bobby Fisher" and I thought of him Raman, Ramsin, and Uncle Kidog. My chess crew. Something about slamming on the time clock is very. . . ass-kicking.  Rod, Shena, and the kids always have food and shopping. Ron’s tatting and "kutting har". Vince and Chris (don’t know about Eddie) are always whooping ass. Russ and Gem are marrying next month before he deploys. Kim/ Mitch/Audrey don't post too much. Shiela/ Jon are smart. Rarely on from what I gather. Jon, Jill, and Joanne are studying, living, and being a mom. Still learning about Melissa, Mason, Vickie, Jennifer, Bambi, Biranna, Mike, Glenna, Anthony, Maria, Roselyn, and others. Minnie is China, I think.

Who am I missing? Of course, Kev, Luz, and kids. Always with me, never away. I like to keep something’s private, but I love them more than words can say. They are my heart. No, most of my heart. Missing a big part. Anyways, love fills me.

Still learning more about my Dad’s side. Lots have been helping. Roselyn, Maria, Mary, Michelle, Bobby, and everyone. My heart is getting bigger with all this new love and family. Can’t take the place of my missing, but it has opened new places I never known.

Learned briefly while sitting on some porcelain. Read a newsletter from the LA Zoo. The term is Biophille. Basically it say there is an instinctive bond between people and nature. It literally means love of Life. People instinctively go to gardening, hiking, connecting. Biophilia describes "the connections that human beings subconsciously seek with the rest of life. Gotta give credit Edward Wilson for proposing this theory. Just learned I am Biophilliac.

Been going from place learning and exploring connections. Seeing the glory of things all around. In a baseball game. Standing at the start of the MS Walk. On top of vista in the California Poppy Fields. On the drive to Solvang, watching the Sana Ynez River and Chumaca Lake. Sitting at the Chumash Reservation (taking a picture of that tree). In the bad service at Red Viking. In the hello of the Greek food manager. At the front of my car. So much life. So much sun. Eric Fromm called it the psychological orientation. Priest call it the glory of . . . To me its all beautiful.

Maybe, I am compensating for something. Maybe, my eyes got softer. Maybe, its everythings’ everything. If this is an addiction, I really don’t want it to stop. Perhaps, it’s the Flow. It’s Maslow’s self-actualized stage. Feeling a part and an impactor in things I am in and doing. I am just making up new words now. Guess, I am following my maternal instincts of creating. Whatever it is, let it be.

As-Salamu Alaykum. Peace Be With You. Go With God. Have Faith. Trust In the Universe. Good thoughts, good vibrations. Big Smile. With this, I must go be a biophilliac.