Showing posts with label domenic massari. Show all posts
Showing posts with label domenic massari. Show all posts

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Three Little Birds. . .


Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,

Saturday. Breeze is blowing. Green trees rustle while providing shade on this hot summer day. Kids are swinging to my left. Father and son are doing soccer drills in front of me. Two sisters ride their bikes on the central path. Kids skate on the park.


It’s a warm day cooled by the summer breeze. Dry green grass covers the field. Children's laughter is carried in the wind. Been alone with family. That’s the best way to describe it this last week. Brother is in Vegas with his wonderful wife and kids. Rodney his family hung out with me a few days back. Visiting Charlie Browns and Littlerock Dam.

Thinking back when my father was alive. I would always walk around. We used to camp a bit in the van. Cold, winter nights in the brown, multi-colored van hanging with Brian. I remember back in the early 80’s when we moved here to P-dale. It snowed that winter. Heavy. Several inches thick. Driving to downtown LA. Strangers coming to our van to grab some ice from my first snowfall. Felt so special then. Strangers walking to the fan to grab a handful of ice.

Dad’s gone now. He’s buried in the PI. Didn’t end it the way of would have liked. Still remember that text message on the Verizon phone. Thought it was a joke. Thought it was a desperate cry for help. Desperate cry for money. Thought was another sales scheme. I let it go. Yet, it still haunts me.

Choices were made. Forethought was absent. Hurt feelings still scarred me. Pain that I thought let go. Alas, I was not wise then. Let hurt rule that day. I remember being dropped off in the middle of the night by the aqueduct. Walking home in the dark as the party played on. I knew then. Actually, that is not true. Knew for quite some time. If I wanted anything, I had to do it myself. It was up to me. No one else’s fault but my own. Learned to swim. Learned to ride my bike. Learned to draw and write. Dad had a way with words. Those writings are gone like he is.

Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!

Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry!
"'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,

Can’t run away from this. Can’t get away of who I am. Problems that I face are my own. Solutions are up to me. Prayed for some time. Went to church for a bit, but couldn’t escape who I am and what I’ve done. Choices I made are mine alone.

Not strategic at times. Not the best outcome, yet still, here I am. I know in the grand scheme of things it little things that make the world of difference. It is the hug of nephew. The words, “I miss my uncle.” It is the postcard from an old friend. Don’t know if the things I do will change the world. Don’t know if it doesn’t matter. Hope can mean everything. Its hard to keep at times. When things are so bleak, so dark, to have this belief that things will be better. Dad always had that. I knew when it wasn’t there. Guess, that glimmer in the eyes. Recognize it all too well. In sales, I knew when a client was sold or was just hazed over.

Knew it with Glitter. Knew it with Dad. Knew it when I saw it in myself. That look in the eyes when I lost that glow. Raman said “Dead Inside.” Hard to re-ignite that fire when it was just a whisper.

It easy to lay down and die. To hide in the cave and just wait to end it. What a waste.

To this I say,

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself. ---D. H. Lawrence

So here I sit enjoying the hot summer winds. Listening to green trees rustle. Watching the Father and son kick the ball. There was a time I did this with my Dad. For now, this will have to do.

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry!
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no!
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Summer Morning at the Massari

Watching people walk around the park. Sun is shining and people are doing their thing. Groundskeeper is making his rounds. Driving the green cart, trash can in back. A man in a striped dress shirt and gray sweats finishes his first lap. Soccer moms in tights and baseball cap is completing their third lap around the Domenic Massari. One has a ponytail in back, green hat. Dark glasses, she has a serious look. 

Another triad of Hispanic ladies are dressed much the same. Their colors are the rainbow. Very vibrant. Very understated. Hearing the Spanglish in the conversation. A lady with water weights in hand has a white tennis visor passes them. Think she is Jamaican.

Its quiet. So quiet, I can hear my own thoughts. Quiet, except for the winds blowing against the trees. It’s a rustling sound. Reminds me of Pebble Beach. The oceans crashing. A steady pace. Rhythmic song calming the souls. Its swaying, dancing slowly like an old lover remembering good times. Negative ions in the air whisked away, returning back to the see. Good energy is replaced, balance is restored.

When one needs to recharge, this one sits in the sand. Thinking of good times of the past. Imagining better ones ahead. Staying there smelling the salty sea, having the white ocean spray across the face. Cool Zuma breeze gets heated by the summer sun. One is reminded that time just moves on. It slows at times so as one can live a lifetime in a moment. It speeds up when time is scarce and we need ever so more from her. 

Right now all I do is soak my feet in Epsom salt in one of those foot bath basin. A sad alternative, but it will do in the desert of the Antelope Valley. Joshua trees and tumbleweeds canvas the land across the street. Its a temporary fix until one can get back beach side and properly re-tune.This park is safe haven, an oasis of ocean sounds and people walking. Negative ions dissipate in the rustling of the wind against the trees. Like rocks crashing against each other at Pebble.

Try to go to the beach at least once a month to get right. At the beach there is ample amount of  energy stirring; the desert is more stingy with its droplets of life. 

Closest semblance to the beach is the home pool. Its an underwater heaven where one can skim the top as one races from end to end. My own personal theater of the dancing underwater lights. Sun heated, no murky beach sand water. No kelp or no seaweed. Just a pristine clean Blue Heaven. 

Been swimming more at home. Something about the bubbles. It just hovers like hot air balloons. Suspended in the liquid medium being pushed by current. All the hopes and good dreams float skyward to get the Big Smile's attention. 

Sometimes a leaf is found floating in the pool. It just hangs there waiting for a force to move it this way and that. Like the leaves from the trees of the Massari. Watching the leaves dance in the pool suspended. In a moment she moves left then right. Kick ball and chain. Pas de Bouray. Salsa. Tango. Waltz.  A pose here. Hitting its mark. So free flowing.

A family of five goes by. Father, mother, daughter, grand mom, and baby. Another senior couple goes by. One carries a water bottle. Both are wearing sun hats. Spanish is the language here. No Thai, no Tagolog, no Manchurian. Spanish here a the Massari. One of the romance languages Spanish is one of the romance languages. Fast and staccato. Other times sing-songy and fluid.

A soccer ball flies by my view. It’s a man practicing. An older man, maybe in his late thirties. Guess he trying to reclaim his youth. Maybe he’s readying for his upcoming parks and rec match. 

FIFA world 2010 is upon us at the Massari. Headphones on, he charges the field. Perhaps re-living the past. Perhaps practicing for the future. There is a joy to his playing. No one around, just him and the ball. He’s not chasing as I would do. He’s guiding her here and there. He jabs left. He goes right. He dances around the ball as he wipes the sweat of his face.  He visualizes an imagined foe. He jukes confidently as he wonders how to play this game scenario out. His smile is contagious.

Grounds keeper is mowing the lawn now. Driving the yellow vehicle up and down the field. He wears a sun hat on this warming day. Its only eight in the morning now. Most of the morning walks are going home. One was parked near a SUV and Honda. Had good shade. However, the sun is rising higher. Three hours up already. No more shade on this midweek day. Morning walkers left and my SUV shade has gone.

Soccer man gathers his bag and slows his pace. No running and jumping as before, but readying to go. No, my mistake. He wants to play more. Just catching a blow and downing a Gatorade. Its getting hotter as the seconds pass. Joys of living in arid lands. The yellow mower is on the other side of the park now. Parking lot is emptier. The lady with water weights in her hand passes me by for the second time. Triad is almost back again, gossiping about this that and the other.

Car alarm sounds off as two high school girls in black shorts exit their Aerostar. One has a soccer ball in hand, the other a blackberry. As they hurry off to the other side of the field, Doyer fans go by. One has a makeshift walking stick. These sunhats, thinking about wearing one makes me feel cooler. I should get one. The sun shines brightly on my face as I realize its almost time to go.

An older man gives me a nod of acknowledgment as he finishes up his workout. He was stretching at the lamp post. Pushing with dear might, as his arms pressed firmly against the pole. One leg back, the other bent forward. Calf stretch. He needs to keep his knees soft. Both knees wrapped in black sleeves to keep his patella in place. Wore one when my meniscus tore. 

Age and wear and tear of an active lifestyle must have taken its toll. Got to keep those knees. An martial artist instructor said, “Can’t walk. Can’t run. They’ll have no fun.“ Did that once. Will never do it again. Not something for children to know at an immature age.

Parks is getting busier again. Dog walkers are here. It’s a parade of Chihuahuas and Yorkies go by. Another lady has two golden haired shepherds. These ones aren't trained like the others. These one bark and struggle against their owner's will. They fight and jump and down in excitement as people walk by. 

Scenes of the dog whisperer come to mind. “Shhhh and Shhhh and Shhhh," I think to my head. Get control. Let the dogs know you are the leader of the pack. Good owners need to be trained too.

Time for me to go. Sun is getting higher in the sky and find myself wanting to enter the Blue Nirvana, my water world. Got to train myself. Fifty laps here. Diet log and meal plan there. People at the park have inspired me. Time to recharge, time to see the lights dance of the swimming pool floor.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

SOLVITUR AMBULANDOS

Saint Augustine--Solvitur Ambulandos. . .It is Solved By Walking
Sitting in the Domenic Massari Park. In my car, typing away, watching the people pass by. Morning sun is rising to my left. Cars behind me are taking their children to school right now. Pete Knight High. Quail Valley. Parks and Rec employees are busy performing their morning miracles. Two soccer fields in front. Tennis courts, basketball courts, and jungle gyms in the distance. Sun is warming my face and I feeling alive. Awakening as such. A new dawn. A new day.

Enlisted, I Be. . .
Morning walkers. I’ve joined their ranks. My anterior tibialis are just bulging. Still slow, though. The others I walk with are always half a house in front of me. Right now, I’m just happy to be in the running for the moment. It didn’t used to be this way. I used to be the one ahead by a distance. Now, I can barely keep up. Don’t want to say its because its my ejection fraction and lowered heart condition. Don’t want to say it because it would be an excuse for not trying. It would be an excuse for failing. Don’t want that. Don’t need that. Removing all doubts is not easy.

Gone, No Longer
I’m working on it. Haven’t blogged or went to the gym for the last week. Wanted to clear my mind and accept certain things in my life. Certain things that pains me to accept. There is always some rebelliousness inside of me. Always something to challenge the conventional wisdom. It’s just who I am. Always had it. Always cherished the “F You” attitude about what I could and could not do. I am the captain of my own ship. I am the decider of what I can and cannot do. Tell me, “No” I will want it more. Tell me, “It’s impossible.” I say “Been there, Done that.”

I am sure that I am not only one that feels and thinks this way.

Hope Fills My Heart
Watching these ladies and gentlemen putting on their hoodies and sweats, ready to venture on the one to two mile walk, I admire them. Always did from afar. Now, I have joined the ranks. What attracted me to this was feeling of Hope and desire for Change. Watching somebody pumping their arms and legs. Making lips purse when they breathe. Their focused attention on the next step ahead, it made me feel honored. I feel marveled.

I get this thought “Hey, I can do that.” Then this thought becomes a desire, “I will do that.” Then it transforms to an action, “ I am doing that.” I smile at the memory, "I've done that and still do." Watching the dolphins at Sea World as they do amazing tricks, hypnotizes me. Doing flips over their trainers head. Jumping 50 feet in the air to eat some tiny fish.  Escaping earth’s gravity for what seems to be forever.

My niece Prece  produces the same wonderment for me. Doing handstands on the balance beam.  Running at escape velocity speed when she attacks the vault. Joggers in the marathon complete that 13th Mile has me transfixed. Guess, the reason I like watching sports is that something amazing—something marvelous—could be just a blink away.

My Brother's Eyes
Don’t have the same eye as my brother when he watches sports. It still amazes me how he is able to dissect the movements, actions, and strategies of the players during football games. Did my best to follow. Read some of the strategy and concepts in his coaches books about the West Coast Offense or the Triangle Offense, but I don’t know what to look for. Guess, its like chess but with moving parts. Its all a blur to me. My love for sports has not changed much, except I marvel more. Can’t break down the athletes’ movements. Just not in my wheelhouse. However, seeing the human spirit in every step, I can see that. 

Spirits Rises At the Sound of Music
Well, I am marveled by the person’s spirit. Watching a person getting mind, body, and spirit right just lifts me up, it’s a freaking Rocky movie. The Rocky theme song is playing in my head. Sometimes it the Chariots of Fire. Its so uplifting. It’s so life-affirming. It’s so alive.

Daily choice of being healthier, mentally and physically. I marvel how in the time when luxuries of life are at our fingertips: Pay per view, Wii, internet, Facebook, QVC. People still decide to walk. They decide run. They decide to gym it.

It’s inspiring.

Every day one can decide to become something different. Everyday one can decide to be something more. Every day one can decide to shed what one is in order to become what one needs to--and want-- to be. Every day one can do this.

Journey of Thousand Miles Begins With. . .
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Time for me to join the ranks. Time to shed my old self and become something more. Time for the Rocky song to start playing.