Scribbles before Fight

This will be a short post. Once my laptop reaches a 100% charge, I am Audi.

Sitting at the bridge between the two towers here at the Central Library earlier in the day.  Been wanting to come here for ages, finally did after going to Saturday mass. Needed to get some G Time. Haven’t done that for awhile. Think I will be coming more regular, may 2 or 3 times for morning mass. I think my soul can handle it. Actually, I backed off for a bit. Needed to get some space and time. Did my reading, and I gots me some understanding.

My mind wanders when sitting in church. A week back in Sunday Mass, and they had the statue of the Fatima. Mom came with me. When she saw the Fatima, she immediately got up and touched the statue’s feet.  She never did that before. The Fatima was on a visit from somewhere. I was a bit surprised. I lacked understanding.

Been researching the Fatima. Some stuff what I gathered.  This got me revved up again. Started visiting various other holy places from different religious practices. Wanted to go to the source for this Higher Power. Stopped by the LA synagogue. Went to a Buddhist temple. Spoke with an Iman. Stopped by the St Andrews Abbey. Also, visited San Fernando Mission again.

This Saturday mass, I started thinking of Manny Pacquiao Fight and Chess.  Used to play chess, a lot. The Bishop, the knight, the queen, king and so on. Why do people choose the roles they take? What possess one to do what they do? Is it evolution? Is it behavioral? Is it some unresolved stuff from a previous life? What is it?

Take for instance the Dalai Lama. He’s been reportedly  reincarnated a fourteen times. His presence has inspired many movies, Seven Years in Tibet, Kundun and so on. He’s a rock star. Supposedly, in some schools of Hinduism it says that we have 8 stages of life in Hinduism. 2 stages belong to the life before. 4 stages are your own. Last two stages are set ups for the life coming. Karmic law and Dharma and the rest.

General Patton believed in reincarnation, too. He felt he fought in the Italy before as a Roman. I mean, he was a hero to the People.  Like George Washington and Bruce Lee. Like Manny Pacquiao. What makes a person a hero?

Tonight, for example, Manny Pacquiao will be fighting Margarito tonight in Dallas, Texas. A classic hero, coming from the barrios of the Philippines, and makes good. Margarito, a fallen fighter, who is looking for redemption. Maybe, it is how 24/7 HBO depicts these characters. But all this is Joseph Conrad myth-making stuff.

Freddie Roach, Manny’s trainer, said this may well be Manny’s last fight. Win or lose. WIN, OF COURSE. But certain people have been gifted. A Midas Touch about it them. From Poverty to Power in a short lifetime. What makes a person overcome Herculean Labors? What brings them to the top of the Mountain? This is so Rocky-ish. Is it some divine intervention? Is it pure will? Is it Darwinian’s “Most Fit” at play?  Our history is filled with these rags to riches. Secreteriat, Abraham Lincoln, Jackie Robinson, and so on. Overcoming obstacles are what heroes do. What separates the good from the great? What is the Gravitas? We all know it when we see it.

Back to church, I was thinking. A pawn is supposedly the weakest piece on the board. Can be taken out by a slew of other pieces. Rook, Bishops, Knights and Queens. However, once the pawn reaches its eight rank, then it can be transformed to a stronger piece. Sure many fall the waist side. They are cannon fodder.  Eight opportunities to reach the 8^th rank, then possibilities are endless.

Think about it. Some say being King is good. It is the piece that matters. Games ends and finishes with the King. It can go any which way. Up, down, left, right, diagonal. However, it is not afforded the range of maneuverability as his Queen. Plus, everyone and their mother are coming after you.  That is the whole basis of the game, Capture the King.

Being a queen is no picnic, either. Sure, it has the power of the Rook and bishop combined. But there is only one of her, compared the others. Plus, Queen is also on many people’s wish list. Furthermore, these lowly pawns at the end of the game, all want to be like her eventually. It’s a reverse sword party. No, perhaps, it more a it’s a Lilith Fair. By game’s end. I mean why would anyone want to be king. The queen has the most power on the board.

Still, I digress. Whether you are a King,  queen, Bishop, Knight . We all have some role we play in life. We are Mother, Father, Daughter, Son, Brother Sister, and so on. Actually, we die and are reborn. We go through rites of passage where we put childlike things away to become something more. To take our place in the community again. We become many things by necessity. It is built in. Hardwired in the DNA. Conditioned by Society with an ever changing system of reward and punishment.

We pursue many things. Evolving and devolving in order grasp these trinkets and ideals from the nethersphere.  Each role brings benefits and drawbacks. Like salmon, there is a drive, an instinct, a wish to reach the top of the mountain. Going upstream, battling each other, battling predators to survive. All in order to seed the next generation with our hopes, dreams, and DNA.

Things is. This is all okay. It has purpose. May not be the things one likes. We may delude ourselves with beliefs of grandiosity. Some things are true whether we believe it or not. Still, it is what we got. All this is the life stuff. This is the fun part. We fall in love. We fall out of it. We have our hearts filled with Joy and Love. We get our Hearts broken with no foreseeable reason.  We recover, then discover, “Let’s Do It Again.” We fight. We win. We fight. We lose. We do what we do because this is the thing we call, “Life.”  We need to be inspired. This is the Hero’s role. We need to be filled with something greater. We search for this “Feel Good.” We seek to be re-energized. To transform. To be Queened. 

Okay. Time is up. Sorry, this was longer than anticipated. Got in the Flow. My laptop is charged and it is time to watch another hero battle.  In life, we are all pawns. We are also Kings and Queens, too. And everything In Between. Okay, “Let’s Get ready to RRRUUUMMMMBBBLLLEEE!!! “ Go Manny Pacquiao.

Not Seeking. It Will Be Revealed

Where do I begin? Feeling troubled of late. Not sure if its me or if it is others. 

“Yesterday opened your eyes in many ways, the biggest of which was the fact that your current relationships need some tweaks. You may even be thinking that it's you, not the others, who need to make those changes. You've been thinking of little else since, and you're willing to put Stage One into operation yourself. Asking for help with Stages Two, Three, etc., certainly couldn't hurt and might be part of the solution.” My Aquarius Horoscope

This was my horoscope for the day. Actually tomorrow. Used to be an avid reader. Used to believe on getting a heads up for tomorrows adventure. Then I realize that I didn’t want to know the future. It took away from the excitement of living everyday as if it was your last. It took away because these generalization would be true whether I believed them or not. It was true in that I would do the opposite to make sure that these events the horoscope forecasted would not become true.

Learned of thing called self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believed certain events would happen, then consciously or unconsciously they would happen. Used to get déjà vu all the time. Got the feeling I’ve been here before all the time. The events of life moments seemed so familiar.

Well, I read the horoscope of the day before to see if what happened or not. I mean I still keep my birthday horoscope each year, but the power of horoscope once held no longer interest me. It seems a bit tired. I read once in awhile, but now no longer. They mystery of the day unfolding via the daily horoscope has passed.

Sure things of the future I am fascinated by. Walked by the New Age section of Barnes & Nobles and it was covered with 2012 stuff. Read stuff on Yahoo about the Sun being inactive and the next few years could be a turbulent times. Even picked up a dvd from the library about the rise and fall of Mayan and Incan civilization. They say that an increase of earthquakes would be signs of Armageddon ahead.

Perhaps my bout with Diabetes and CHF have made me get more spiritual. Seems a bit crappy I think. However, in my defense, I did not cry to God to help me because I had these illnesses. I did seek spiritual solace in my mistakes I’ve made. Found myself going to church weekly and daily. Visited churches and mission up and down the LA area. On my trip to SF, I wanted to visit all these missions. Started reading about Islam, Hinduism, Judaism. Still doing that now. Watched videos on Mormonism. Catholicism, and the such.

I attend church regularly, and I find that I thank the Big Smile more and more every day. Read snippets of many religious practices. More and more I read, I find myself wanting more. Learning more. Each religion I found very sensible and very uplifting. What I’ve been troubled is with a lot of the humanness and frailties that take the Word and distort the message by the messenger. Catholic priests and child abuse. Muslim terrorists and plots against Americanism. Christian zealots attacking same-sex marriages. It seems many conflicts and wars were religious based.

Live this way to reach Heaven, Nirvana, and so on. Live another way and you will go wherever.

I read that in “Everything You Need to Know About Judaism” book that Abraham as child destroyed all the statues in his father’s shop except the big one with a hammer. When his father asked, Abraham said that the big one destroyed the others. Here is where monotheism begins. In another book about Buddhism, it said that Brahman also believed in the monotheism centuries years before the Lamb of God and Prophet Muhammad. Vishnu, Brahma, Shiva were all facets of the same ultimate being.

Guess a little knowledge is dangerous. Guess, I am deadly. Lots of little knowledge here and there. Immerse myself in all and everything. I am learning nothing.

All this reading, experiencing, and discovering I have asked question and the answers are coming. Intuitively, there is a higher purpose, a higher being. Intuitively, I believe there are reasons for things happening. Intuitively, I believe in a Flow.

Do I believe in Muhammad? Do I believe in Joseph Smith? Buddha? Dalai Lama? Jesus Christ?Of course I do. They all preach a lesson of God’s Love. All preach be good to one another. All preach a Higher higher.

So this spiritual journey, this quest, this moment of my life finds me not looking for answers. These answers will be revealed to me.

It’s funny sitting here at It’s a Grind a Bible study is forming. Twelve people are surrounding all around. I may say something. It’s funny how things manifest itself. Well, guess, I will listen and pray.  Answers are being revealed.

You Walk Alone, Sometimes. You Ask For Help, Sometimes

Got up. Got out. Gone. That was this morning. Went to bed early last night. Sporadic insomnia I think I'll call it. Woke up at 2 in the morning. Fell back to sleep again. Woke up at 4:45.  Back to sleep. Decided to finally get out of bed at 6:10. Morning sunrise was 6:47 and I needed to Sh*t, Shower and Shave before going to the Hospital.

14th Dalai Speaks

Before I knew it, I was in my morning spot. G-Time. Sunrise was covered by heavy clouds. It covered the morning sky. Glimmers of light were north, but the Sun was hidden. Yet, I know it’s there.  Faith is the belief in something is there despite any tangible evidence. Decided to take a road different today. It felt right. Saw dirt, desert, and tumbleweeds. An unusual combination in the Antelope Valley.  Had the Dalai Lama on the stereo. Book on CD is called the Universe In A Single Atom. Read by Richard Gere. 14th Dalai Lama

Crosses On Side of the Road, I've Seen My Share

Took some blackberry pics of the sunrise; it’s on Facebook. Also, took a picture of 4 crosses on a corner. It was on the corner of 70^th and Avenue M or N. Sad, but . . .  As an auto claims adjuster, I’ve seen my share of totaled cars. Writing now. Could that be. . .4 crosses? I wonder if that was my neighbor’s son?  Hmmm. New Crosses, not weather beaten. Another time.

Couldn’t help think of the movie I did not watch yesterday. Had my back to the Tv while it was playing. I was making up for the Lost Blog. The movie was Contact with Jodie Foster, Contact. If you don’t know, pick up the DVD. It seems to get better every time I see it.  

Front Row--They're Blind and I Can't Hear

First time, I saw it was at Movies 22 in Lancaster. Saw with Shelly’s family when it first came out. Both were legally blind. They had some vision, but Shelly’s mom, whose name escapes me, was constantly asking what was happening. A bit annoying at times, I was trying to hear dialogue of the characters. Personally had trouble. We sat in the front row. My neck still ache thinking about it. They didn’t like the movie. I think they felt unsatisfied. I enjoyed it.

Jodie Foster played a brilliant scientist with great drive and deep passion. Both parents died and this affected her emotional makeup deeply.  She worked on the SETI project and had to go through many incredible trials that would have broken most men. Yet, despite these heart-wrenching, motivating-stealing events, a course of purposeful accidents found her on this mission of discovery.

". . .Accept Her Story On Faith"

What stuck with me was this exchange with National Security Advisor Kitz, played by James Woods, and Ann Arroway (Jodie Foster). During a Congressional Committee investigation, Kitz the chief interrogator berates Arroway. Faced with mounds of evidence stating that nothing happened on her multi-year, multi-billion dollar six-second journey, Arroway remains hesitatingly steadfast. Arroway claims her adventure was an 18 hour journey to an unknown planet through cosmic “wormholes.” Kitz asks condescendingly, how can the world accept her personal accounts--traveling through the universe and conversation with an alien beings--when the rest of the world saw static. Despite all of the evidence to the contrary,  Arroway admits the lack of evidence to support her perception of the events, but maintains the validity of her story. She ask people to accept her story on Faith. Not an easy personal concession for Arroway.

Roadside Angel Has A Goatee and Drives a Salmon Truck

I have been going through a journey on Faith myself, my own Hero’s quest. Yesterday, left my car lights on while I was paying the water bill. To my benefit, my car would not start. Ordinarily, I call Roadside Assistance and wait an hour for my Triple A heroes to come.

Yet, today was different. I don’t like asking strangers for help, but today was different. Not that I am afraid to ask, I was in sales. Its just I like to do things on my own. No problem giving help because it makes me feel good. However, I said somewhere that one needs to let others be heroes. Changed my ways and chanced it. Decided to take my own advice.

I asked the man two parking spaces away for a jump. He just arrived. He was in a salmon colored truck. Not someone I would normally not ask for help, but today was different. He was wearing black sunglasses on a cloudy day. Weird? Thin and wearing white thermals, his dark glasses gave an ominous feel. That was until he smiled. His helpful demeanor relaxed me. Weathered, leathery sun-red face and his thin white goatee beamed warmth. Don’t know if he was supposed to be there for me, because I saw no one get out his salmon-colored truck. He just parked.  After jumping my car, he left. An angel in waiting?

Fighting Laundry Monsters, Get Help
I dunno. I am not proposing to ask strangers for assistance on dark, cloudy day. I am just saying Let yourself be helped. Allow others to be heroes. The weight you are carrying is not yours alone. The Cross you bear can get lighter if you ask for help. In other words, Let them help with the laundry monster, Lisa.