Not Seeking. It Will Be Revealed

Where do I begin? Feeling troubled of late. Not sure if its me or if it is others. 

“Yesterday opened your eyes in many ways, the biggest of which was the fact that your current relationships need some tweaks. You may even be thinking that it's you, not the others, who need to make those changes. You've been thinking of little else since, and you're willing to put Stage One into operation yourself. Asking for help with Stages Two, Three, etc., certainly couldn't hurt and might be part of the solution.” My Aquarius Horoscope

This was my horoscope for the day. Actually tomorrow. Used to be an avid reader. Used to believe on getting a heads up for tomorrows adventure. Then I realize that I didn’t want to know the future. It took away from the excitement of living everyday as if it was your last. It took away because these generalization would be true whether I believed them or not. It was true in that I would do the opposite to make sure that these events the horoscope forecasted would not become true.

Learned of thing called self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believed certain events would happen, then consciously or unconsciously they would happen. Used to get déjà vu all the time. Got the feeling I’ve been here before all the time. The events of life moments seemed so familiar.

Well, I read the horoscope of the day before to see if what happened or not. I mean I still keep my birthday horoscope each year, but the power of horoscope once held no longer interest me. It seems a bit tired. I read once in awhile, but now no longer. They mystery of the day unfolding via the daily horoscope has passed.

Sure things of the future I am fascinated by. Walked by the New Age section of Barnes & Nobles and it was covered with 2012 stuff. Read stuff on Yahoo about the Sun being inactive and the next few years could be a turbulent times. Even picked up a dvd from the library about the rise and fall of Mayan and Incan civilization. They say that an increase of earthquakes would be signs of Armageddon ahead.

Perhaps my bout with Diabetes and CHF have made me get more spiritual. Seems a bit crappy I think. However, in my defense, I did not cry to God to help me because I had these illnesses. I did seek spiritual solace in my mistakes I’ve made. Found myself going to church weekly and daily. Visited churches and mission up and down the LA area. On my trip to SF, I wanted to visit all these missions. Started reading about Islam, Hinduism, Judaism. Still doing that now. Watched videos on Mormonism. Catholicism, and the such.

I attend church regularly, and I find that I thank the Big Smile more and more every day. Read snippets of many religious practices. More and more I read, I find myself wanting more. Learning more. Each religion I found very sensible and very uplifting. What I’ve been troubled is with a lot of the humanness and frailties that take the Word and distort the message by the messenger. Catholic priests and child abuse. Muslim terrorists and plots against Americanism. Christian zealots attacking same-sex marriages. It seems many conflicts and wars were religious based.

Live this way to reach Heaven, Nirvana, and so on. Live another way and you will go wherever.

I read that in “Everything You Need to Know About Judaism” book that Abraham as child destroyed all the statues in his father’s shop except the big one with a hammer. When his father asked, Abraham said that the big one destroyed the others. Here is where monotheism begins. In another book about Buddhism, it said that Brahman also believed in the monotheism centuries years before the Lamb of God and Prophet Muhammad. Vishnu, Brahma, Shiva were all facets of the same ultimate being.

Guess a little knowledge is dangerous. Guess, I am deadly. Lots of little knowledge here and there. Immerse myself in all and everything. I am learning nothing.

All this reading, experiencing, and discovering I have asked question and the answers are coming. Intuitively, there is a higher purpose, a higher being. Intuitively, I believe there are reasons for things happening. Intuitively, I believe in a Flow.

Do I believe in Muhammad? Do I believe in Joseph Smith? Buddha? Dalai Lama? Jesus Christ?Of course I do. They all preach a lesson of God’s Love. All preach be good to one another. All preach a Higher higher.

So this spiritual journey, this quest, this moment of my life finds me not looking for answers. These answers will be revealed to me.

It’s funny sitting here at It’s a Grind a Bible study is forming. Twelve people are surrounding all around. I may say something. It’s funny how things manifest itself. Well, guess, I will listen and pray.  Answers are being revealed.

Starbucks, Jalapenos, and A Jehovah Witness

Been planning my day by where I can charge my laptop and how long will it last? Did not mean to start blogging so much, but there's much to say. Also, set up my day by the smell of Jalapeno peppers in my cars.

Car Stinks, Why Can't I Just Throw It Away? You see, been practicing the flow more often. Taking chance coincidences more as a messages to do and be places that I would not normally not go. No, not the like the feather of Forrest Gump, but yeah more like the feather of Forest Gump. It has been working. No, I do not espouse being entirely care-free and just wait and waste your life away. I am choosing to just Flow.

I should explain where and when I am. Its almost noon and I sit drinking some Earl Grey, Captain Piccard's tea of choice. (Guess I am looking for Star Trek followers) Anyways, went over the Star Bucks on Avenue J, next to In-N-Out. Got out of LCH early, got stuff done quickly. In my car sat half of a Seafood 6 inch on my mid-console. Its felt like the gorilla in the room, that no one is talking about, but its presence is still there. I swear that I was going throw the smelly sub away, but something kept on saying, "Feed the birds" I threw the top part out on the lawn (I hope the birds get to it) Decided not to throw away, in case the ravens and finches weren't hungry.

There were many chances to dump this sandwich. Its Friday and the Waste Management picks up in the morning. There are green dumpsters up and down the street I considered using. Could have thrown it out of the window on the drive to Lancaster from Palmdale. On 70th Street East, a construction crew stopped traffic and I didn't want to get caught littering. Could have dropped it off at one of LCH many trash dispensers, but. . . This food, if not going to feed me, was going to feed some kind of animal. That decision was made.

Anyways, returned to my car and the Jalapeno smell just hits. I asked myself, "What I am doing??? There is no "F*&king birds around. Get rid of it." Then it hit, Apollo Park.

"Tina, Stop Chasing the Ducks" I Pleaded If you are not aware what Apollo Park is, it is a water reclamation park. (Funny story, I will blog some time later. I did not know at the time that its three man-made lakes were made to reclaim water. Many years back, my chihuahua Tina decided to go for a swim. Ducks were having so much fun, she on her own, decides to join and jump in Lake Aldrin. She did not know it was re-claimed water. I did not know at the time either. I thanked God, I don't swim with my mouth open. In my view, she's bowling ball small and was becoming bebe small as she kept on swimming. She did not look like she was coming back anytime soon. She may get tired and she's out there. . .and getting further out. "Buckets!!!" I scream in my head. Yeah, I played lifeguard. Guess, I won't tell you later)

Anyways, Apollo Park was where my Dad took us. Housed here is the capsule from one of the Apollo II Space mission. Its a nice oasis in the desert of the Antelope Valley. Brown, desert covered with tumbleweed and Joshua trees, then there is 26 acres of green landscaped parks with creosates and pinyon pines. Aldrin, Armstrong, and Collins are the names of the three inter-connected lakes with gaggle of geese and flock of ducks. Fishing tournaments are held here often.

If you ever watch that Honda Commercial where a group of friend drives over a patch of road and song is played. This is right in front of Apollo Park. They call it the Singing Road. Grooves in the road that causes the tires to sing when one drives over them. YouTube it. Imagine a player piano (aka, pianola or autopiano) but giant-sized. These are the self-playing piano, with perforated paper,and metal rolls. Perforated paper are the grooves in the road. Tires are the metal rolls. Honda Civic is the piano where the sound resonates.

LeeAnn, Car Delays May Be There For A Reason
(Inside Joke, Follower/Facebook Friend Post)Back to the Jalapeno smell. Considered going straight to Apollo Park, but I thought half a subway sandwich and my laptop is on two bars, maybe. Not worth it. I said, "Just, go." There it was, the answer. Mercardo Vallarta, its like a Vons Mexican style. No, more like a Pavillions Spanish-ized, if you know the difference. Got some bread and I headed out. Getting the bread forces me to go to Apollo Park. If I get in a groove, at Starbucks, I may not go. Damn, Ducks again. First Tina, now my car smells of Jalapeno peppers. I go to Starbucks charge my laptop, sync my Ipod for Nike+, and to journalize.

Starbucks is in the same parking lot. Decided not to take off my teal LCH Scrubs, too much effort. Opened the doors and I saw that my usual table, next to the outlet, had no seats. They were all taken by people dressed in their Sunday Best. Men wore Dillard jackets, paisley ties, and black leather shoes, (I think rockports). Ladies were Lane Bryant-ish. Thought it was a real estate sales meeting. Only one person in color out of ten. Or maybe it was a hospital certification board. One of the people seated looked like someone at LCH.

Anyways, got ready to set up. Sitting by the couch and coffee table I sat down. Laptop out. Ipod with connector cable in. Power chord plugged in. Journal out. Good, I was ready. All of the sudden, a fifty year old man starts talking. Dressed in a blue blazer, drinking his Venti coffee. It was to well-rehearsed and relaxed. He talking to me. Blue blazer asks me about the Hospital and when is LCH moving to the new Palmdale Regional. He's not a LCH administrator.

Looking into his eyes warmly, trying not to miss the magical moment of the encounter, I pause. Sizing him and determining how to respond is just automatic, I smile. He saw my teal scrub with LCH embroidered. Maybe he was just being cordial and just asking. He may be an Agency Certification Administrator with his staff testing me. Don't want to brush off. Don't want to offend. Maybe he is trying to sell me something. My warning lights come on. I know these chance encounters. I was in sales. He warms me up and says, he visited a friend in the LCH ER. I am naturally defensive to strangers approaching me out of the blue. We exchange small talk and ask what that meeting was.

Answer Revealed. I Shake My Head Inside and Smile It was a Jehovah Witness gathering. I smile inside. Did not know what to expect. He's going to try to close. I speak to him and say "Went to Catechism Inquiry and said I was not surprised at the encounter." His wife comes by and introduces herself. I try to get up, but I am weighed down with laptop, ipod, backpack, etc., "Joyce," she says. His name, Rob.

I feel nose tickle. A booger was coming out, Nice. I excuse myself. Thank you for the social faux pas. I grab a napkin, wipe nose, and get my bearings. Stalling,I ask the waitress for the Earl Grey ordered, but was not given. I return to my seat and setup, notice his cellphone in hand. (Common sales technique)Rob's smooth and practiced. Rob says, his associates had to leave. Step 5 in close, create urgency Good, did not have to make an excuse to extricate from the conversation. Close is coming next. Been there, done that. Did not want to be preached to. (I will bet money he is an insurance agent, car sale, or something in sales. I know the type. My Dad was one. I was one, at a time) Then he asks for the close, "Can I have your number so that we can maybe talk?" I hesitate, but decide to give it. Sales encounter is a true art. I can recognize and appreciate it, but I do not love it.

Big Smile, If You Didn't Get The Message . . .
The Jehovah crew leaves, I decide to sit at my usual table. Think to myself, "Bet Rob thinks he has a prospect. Probably saying that to his Jehovah crew, Possibilities are everywhere. . .That is how its done. God is everywhere." Okay, I don't Hate. A heavy set lady, textbook on the table corner, is deep in study a few feet away. A couple waiting for their order recognizes her and walks toward her. They exchange pleasantries. She says she teaches music and I catch ". . .Bible Study." I say to myself, "F-ing Jalapenos." I smile. I think of the many choices I had: Gym, Library, Barnes & Nobles, Los Angeles, Home. I show up at this place at this time. This juxtaposition in time and place. Approached by a Jehovah Witness. Sitting next to a lady doing Bible study.

I just shake my head. If you have been reading my posts lately, I think you will smile, too. At any rate, three more posts to go for January. By the way, just made a great trash can shot. My Ipod is synced, my car stinks of Jalapenos, and day old $1.99 bread rolls are waiting to feed ducks at Apollo Park.