"Its not that I don't know, its just I haven't learned yet"--Jed, Bartlet, West Wing

What I hope I will be in 30 minutes


Veins of Gold. Ray of Gold. "I am still learning--Michaelangelo."

These are the little snippets I have gotten from this new book I am beginning to read. Forty more pages and I should be caught up.

By coincidence, I met up with a reading group all femmes with artistic aspirations. Having lunch at Panera's and I couldn't help but listen to these women having "Discourse." Initially, I thought it was healing group. Kind of afraid to inquire because I got this feeling there was some anger issues. Male-bashing trauma. Reminded me a bit of Fight Club. No, not the UFC stuff. It was the weekly meetings, Ed Norton's character was attending to battle is insomnia. Testicular Cancer, Sickle-Cell Anemia, etc.

I felt like a Tourist. I had no intention of involving myself. I had no desire too, either. I was simply drawn at the battle of two personalities. I've seen it before, In group development. In all group development four stages must happen: Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing. This was undoubtedly the storming/ forming stage. As an outside viewer, a tourist, I could not help but listen. I tried not to, I swear. Yet, I was drawn.

The group's discourse reminded me of the movies when people kiss. I always avert my eyes during the scenes of intimacy. A passionate, innocent kiss--I always avert my eyes. Its so intrusive. Its so intimate. Its so personal. Guess, during my Peer Counseling days, privacy was and still is of utmost importance. If I went, I would assume it would be like a confession. Baring one's soul to the world. I mean, being adept in sales, it has been my natural instinct to be able to cut through the Bull. Get Cliff Notes in snippets. Watching someones shoes, their gait, their outfit. Listening to the inflection. Watching the congruences, their tells, when they spoke. I was able to size up a situation and circumstance in an instant.

All of us do it all the time. Guess, I had good teachers to be listening with my eyes more often.

One of the ladies passed by on her way to the washroom, I asked innocently what the group was. I was right. It was a reading book group with a theme of self-help artist within-stuff. Well, I was invited to join and I accepted. One lady was a published author and I thought. Why not? If I have any aspirations of writing a book, well, okay. Jump.

One said I was a catalyst. Had to look that up to make sure that was a good thing. Its just I like to get things done. I don't want to be the alpha in this group. I am just going to flow. We naturally step into roles we feel most comfortable in. Mine has been toward leadership. Lately, I have been consciously not falling into this role. Don't get me wrong, but I think I am enjoying playing the devil's advocate. The road less traveled. I enjoy being the other voice. Yet, I will take a backseat approach and enjoy the ride

When the time calls, I'll be whatever needs to be done to reach where this journey needs us to go. For a long time, my question has been "If you were a fly on the wall, what wall would that be?" For me, it was answered in the movie Thirteen Days. During time of crisis, I felt that I would play a role. What role? Honestly, don't know. Thought I would be the decision maker. Thought I would the special assistant. Thought I would be the voice to call for war. Played this scenario so many times, . . .It was like playing chess. E4, E5, Kn F3. . .

Maybe these events will be a warm-up for something more. Posse is forming. Foreshadowing. Well, time is short. Must go on my mini-escape.

"Its not that I don't know, its just I haven't learned yet"--West Wing

Listen To Your Id

Saturday. Sun is setting in 20 minutes. Been driving most of the day. Got in the habit of taking photos while driving. Some great shots. Some shots of my rear view mirror. Lots of just sky There is so much beauty if we could just take a moment and catch it. In San Fernando, I would always drive by a Buddhist temple on Cantara and Cold Water Canyon. Never stopped by, but always wanted to. There is also another Buddhist temple in the Zuma area, but I never just stopped by.

Driving on the 5, I would always see the Mission Hills off ramp. Not since, my journey of Faith, did I notice so many things of religion. I want to see the Mission of San Fernando. Now, I want to see and explore. Getty, for instance, I need to go there. Sand Canyon Park. I got to go again. Zuma Beach, its been too long. Where have you been wanting to go, but simply haven't taken the time to just do that? Devil's Punch Bowl is another. Grand Canyon. Manns Chinese Theater and the foot imprints. So many spectacular sites to see.

In our journey of discovery, you will learn there is a voice that is waiting to be answered. It calls and say, "Go do that. Go see that. Go now." As we grow older, we start lowering the volume of our inner child, our id. We knew it was there, but the development of the superego at times shouts down our unconscious. Well, before you get stuck doing things you don't want to do, like work, you may want to let out id. Go. Follow id. Stop thinking so much. Just Flow and Go.

We assume that our superego, our angel, is the right voice over all others. This is the ideal. Its society saying this is expected. This must be done. I don't necessarily agree. At times, gripping it and ripping is the best course of action. Your id is part of the collective. Your voice needs to be heard.

My Friend was of that ilk. A good person. Yet, he never got the girl. Always the good friend, a shoulder for girl best friend. The consumate good guy, Always seemed to be warming up these girls for others that were a little more bad boyish. Nothing is wrong with that, its just. . .Well, I am done. You get the idea. Sometimes being a little Bad is good.

If that voice calls to stop by and go looking at something, submit. Just take minute. Quench that desire and move on. What are you so in hurry that you can not stop and listen to that inner voice? Sometimes you will be amazed.

Took a photo of playhouse in Pasadena. Poof. Next night, its on TV. It was closing, . .maybe that is not good example. No, it is. Sometimes there is a hunch that you should do something. Give in. Who knows what doors your id will lead you? Trust the Flow.