Ouch, I've Fallen. . .

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Took a fall this morning. Knocked the wind out of me. Thought I broke my arm. Just throbs right now. Got lucky. It could have been worse. Last few nights its been brisk. Hitting the high teens.  Morning sprinkler is on a timer and I wasn’t paying attention this morning, focusing on the day ahead. Felt the lower step, then the slip, then the slide. Before I knew it, couldn’t breathe.

Grabbed my elbow, praying I didn’t break it. Nice lump though. “Uuumph” this is the sound of having the wind knocked out of you. My fight or flight response was on overtime.  Respiration was high. My eyes were dilated and my heart was bumping. Before I realized what happened, my world changed in an instant. No longer straight ahead, I was looking up at the deep blue sky. Let me tell you, there was no bird. No plane. Not even Superman.

Ouch, it did not tickle. Got up. Looked down and noticed the ice at the entrance. Took another deep breath and went on my way. Got in the car and just sat there for a moment, assessing what happened. I was lucky. It could have been much worse. If I wasn’t wearing my backpack at the time, I'd still be on my back, maybe unconscious. Certainly with something broken. Got lucky. Maybe my Guardian Angel was watching over me.  Thank Goodness, I didn’t put my laptop in my backpack this time. I'm lucky my elbow didn’t feel broken and I didn’t need x-rays. 

Don’t wallow on what could have been. Just want to be thankful for the lucky events that could’ve happened. It could have. . .well, lets not worry about that.

Sitting right now, tapping the keys. I want to say that I’ve been blessed.  Blessed with a good family. Blessed with good friends. Blessed for many things. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. It was a busy day. Fun filled one, too. Got some time to explore a little of LA. Ate at my first Boulangerie. Had poached eggs and salad for breakfast. Realized that I missed having a dog. Met my cousins for the first time. Barbara and Pia. Beautiful, smart, and funny. Was welcomed by Aunt Mary, Uncle Bradley, and Bee. Had some good grubs at my Uncle Juhn’s place. It was packed. Had a private mass there, too.  Salmon, pancit, fried turkey, mashed potatoes and a bite (only a bite) of pecan pie. And a bite chocolate silk pie. And a bite of raspberry cream cheese. Yum.

Missed working the soup kitchen at Grace Resource. They were closed by the time I got there. However, I did see my good friend’s mom in the hospital. She is doing better than when I last saw her.  After wards, had some more good eats at my Sister-In-law’s family house. Decorated mini Xmas stockings and had some tamales and strawberry salad. Yum.

Looking back at with all of the bumps and bruises life has to offer, I’d say I’ve been pretty lucky. Many people fall down. Many people have it worse than a slip and fall in the front yard. Many people lose hope and wallow in what could have been. Seen it in their eyes at Skid Row in downtown. Admittedly, I too, made sure my door was locked when stopped at red light.

Thing is this. Maybe I am writing to the person that asked me, “Why am I so busy?” Partially, it is because I’ve fallen down, and I can get back up. There will be a time, when getting back up won’t be so easy. I know that in a moment, life can change in heartbeat.  Not anyone’s fault, just life happens. Its just staying down, that is the really question.

A saying comes to mind. “Get busy living or get busy dying?” Choice is up to you. Finished up a dvd last night. Its an old one. An Academy Award Best Picture. 80 Days Around the World. It’s a story of a gentlemen placing a wager with his fellow club members. He had 80 days to travel around the world. Facing Hot Air Balloon difficulties, broken down boats, burning at the stakes on two continents, bull runs, and a host of other challenges. He is challenged by a series of setbacks. He overcomes events with some life judo. Using the momentum of troubling events to catapult him further along his journey.

We can succumb to many slips and falls. We can remain anchored by past regrets and sorrows. Truth of the matter is no one would blame you for not wanting to go on. Fact is no one would cheer you on to move forward either. The truth is its your choice to get up or stay down.  If and when you do get blamed or cheered on for actions done and not done, it is a miracle. They cared enough to say something. Better than silence I say. When they say nothing, they don't even care. Remember, criticism and praise are  fleeting.  It’s a miracle at times to get kudos. Its miracle at time to give a pat on the back. Let me tell you, they are needed.

People are on their own journeys. They come from many places. Struggled through a host of challenges, seen and unseen.  Not one to judge and pile on, anymore. Before we look at another with disdain and pity, I think it best to look at one’s own face in the mirror before rendering advice and equivocations.  If you can say you are perfect, than I by all means share your knowledge of the world. Until then, I think its best to look with softer eyes and more open heart. Just be grateful for all things given and do what you can to help another when they have fallen on hard times.

Before you know it, visions of bright future in the horizon could be changed without notice. You may be on your back looking up wondering what just happened.  Trust me, I can speak to this matter first hand.

Thanksgiving: An Everyday Holiday

Few days since I posted. It was deliberate. Not much that I wanted to put out in the internet universe. Life gets that ways. See all the time. Read on Facebook, a practice that no longer holds as much as excitement. Its nice to be voyeur and read others readings; however, other life stuff need attention. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I’m a bit excited and worried. Butterball turkey, yum. I am happy to see family. I am happy for the drive.

Dances with the Stars is over, not that I ever watched. Jennifer Grey won. Yeah, Wind and Dirty Dancing! Its just the sense of finality of another season bodes well. Lakers won a close game and the sun is shining so bright. Kevin and Luz got back from No Cal and seeing their truck outside warms my heart. 

Seeing family brings me comfort. Brings me continuity. Things in the world seem alright. At times, I need to explore to venture on. Its just me. Read on Facebook about an old high school friend going to Boston. My former home. He took pictures of Fenway Park and brought back nice memories of a time when I was scared, excited, and homesick. Not sure where this wanderlust came from, but its there. I like it. When I go places, I am reminded how they are all the similar. When going on an adventure, I search for the minor differences. Its like a hiking trail. A trail well worn, with amazing all around.

It reminds me of being in a relationship. The little idiosyncrasies gets me. The way that a person orders her food. The manner in which she drinks her coffee. The attitude about the specific movie or TV show. Little things that only you and her know. Like, which side of the bed one sleeps on. Does she prefer an old T shirts versus negligee. Does she snore? It is the history one makes together. It is the little annoyances and delights that makes this person special.

When visiting places, its the minutiae that stands out. Obvious delights are always nice. The major reason why one should go. The Getty Center, for instance, overlooks the 405 freeway. One can see miles up and down LA. It is like watching the red blood cells in the artery on some Nat Geo show. Getty Center has the wonderful exhibits and the stunning gardens that shouldn't be missed. The architectural masterpieces and the general feel of the place renews the spirit.

When visiting a new place, I never open the map or whatever pieces of literature offered until midway of my adventure. My soul must be the pilot. Got to let it go on cruise control. Having her take every which way and that.

Taking camera I click at whatever needs attention.” Two is one; One is none.” This my motto. Got this from some military movie. They were talking about setting off demolition devices. Maybe it was Bridge of River Kwai. Maybe it was GI Jane. 

Anyways, taking photos is reminds me of hunting. Hunting for memorable moment of the Big smile. Some events due to time and life constraints can only be captured in a split second. You need to be present. Like lightning or a great basketball shot, one needs to be ready at a moment's notice.

On the other hand some picture taking needs direction. It needs to be staged. Like posing for a wedding picture with some monument in the background. People are moved here and there. Smile, Act, Pretend. Make sure the photo tells a story.  Think group photo, like a family get together. Usually it marks a special moment.

Its a juxtaposition of life. Several people from various backgrounds, from differing life moments, from around the world, intersecting at the specific moment and time. All consolidated in one shared purpose. Perhaps, it is a wedding, a graduation, a funeral, a kids birthday party or some sort of family outing.

People are vital. They are the actors. The background is the underlying theme of the story. Not the main actors, not even minor players environment plays. However, at a moment's notice, the environment may want to interject its presence. Think flood, earthquake, tornado. If I say Lincoln Memorial, Mount Rushmore, Grand Canyon, or Eiffel Tower, Las Vegas, what emotions and mind maps come to you? Place has weight. It evokes. It demands notice.

Whatever it is these captured moments reminds one of these fundamental truths. Time matters. People matter. Events matter. Observer matter. We think so often, how things become common place and that excitement lives out there, somewhere in the ethereal. Truth of the matter, excitement is everywhere. We think simple things loses its magic. It doesn’t. 

Our vision gets cluttered. The filter we have, which sifts the extraneous gets clogged. It becomes worn. It only allows certain things in and out. Think plaque, think arteriosclerosis of the soul.

The reason we need to get out, to explore, to follow that calling for “Wander” is this. We need to move. To discover. To find ourselves. Over and over and over again. We need to be reminded the beauty of what we have. We are reminded that we live a good life.

We need to recharge here and there.  May need to leave more often than naught because like batteries in a camera we expend energy with each picture taken. More pictures, more juice used up. More moments needed to recharge.

Draining batteries has been something I’ve been doing this entire year. I see some of the FB posts, Twitter feeds, internet search engine sites. Its  the same thing. Politician sucks. Economy gets worse. A Dancer with the Stars gets booted. Blah, Blah, Blah. After awhile, of all this dross just weighs down the spirit.

Then, I realize there is Gold here and things aren’t as bad. Life is not as monotonous. Beauty, life, and all the other good stuff is out there. Just need to change my focus. Draw back, gain a wide view. Pull in, take a close up. Notice the little things.  Discover again what make it unique. What makes it Special. What is the the  especially wonderful.

Well, Thanksgiving is tomorrow and certain projects need finishing. Gots to get ready for Black Friday, Thanksgiving, a trip to LA. and Jury Duty Monday. Yeah, me. If I don’t write in the next few days, Have good holidays. Don’t forget Thanksgiving should be everyday, not just the last Thursday of November. "Everyday. . ." I say, ". . .Everyday."

Brown Bottle

This dark, brown bottle has seen the world. Its been filled with wondrous concoctions inside. Its quenched the thirst of those longing for drink. Its been emptied and filled many times over. The bottle has been to the bottom of the ocean. It has danced in the seas. Its been lost and found more times than can be remembered. Its been used up, poured empty. Recycled and filled with new purpose, new meaning, new hope. Chipped here and there. Weather worn. Still it runneth over.

Drank from this bottle heartily. Thrown away with little care. Not knowing that the job was also to  refill. Many picked it up and drank from it thirstily. Many walked passed unmoved. Not giving a second glance. It  filled with experiences of life before. It lain alone in the drying desert sun. Waiting for purpose anew. Inside this bottle hides a message, a pearl of wisdom. To others, they care only for the bottle, not the stuff inside. A few cents crushed to warm one briefly in their too long life. All this is okay. People have different needs. Different thirsts.

I know one that needs a drink. Trouble is, not sure the dry one knows that he is thirsty. His actions have gotten him into trouble. A long series of “Not my fault”. A brief success of untruthfulness. An desensitization to his present condition has left him dry. Parched with delusion. This one is blind to the road ahead. Or maybe he's gone empty, .  Just drunk with a player’s mindset. Convinced in others immortality, This so called Magician, does not realize he is under spell. This one denies society’s teachings and forgoes a place in it. Subservient to gremlins unknown. This Wise Youth knows so much. Trouble is he hasn’t learned anything. And the price for his actions of being duplicitous, hurtful, and reprehensible is coming due.

Now no longer welcome. A call for help has been sent.

 

Thing is the one asking for help is not the one thirsty. Not sure what assistance can be given. Not sure if rock bottom isn’t where this one needs to go to. Salvation needs to be asked for, before it is granted. The history of past acts does not engender confidence in a change of directions. 

 

How does one deal with once beloved? This one tears at the fabric of the protective blanket of home. Lies have worn patience that keeps this one fed and warm. Lies to friends. Lies to family. Lies to himself. These holes worn thin by these Lies now chills those around him.

Does one let the child fall? When does one enact Tough Love? Intervene? These problems were long in the making and resolution is not in the horizon. Intervention has been called for. Enabling has been course. Those close ones are the Fork in the road. One has banished. Another can only provide a quiet support.  Another cries for the soul lost. Pained by whips of untruthfulness. Throbbing with betrayal. Scarred and blinded. She ignores the truth.  Suffers the pangs. She is a Mother. Always will be a mother. From the very first time she has laid eyes on him, she will always love him. All the Prayers and Hopes are imbued to this  One. How can she consider to let go? Letting go is not built in.

A call to for intervention has been sounded. I got messaged.  I am one brown, chipped bottle. Had some experience with the ungovernable. Being one myself. I know what it means to know everything, to learn Time has shown I know nothing.  Not sure what this encounter will reveal. Name calling and knives resulted prior.  Opening a dose of reality can be surprising. 

Not sure if this is empty or full. Not sure of much. Maybe this feeling of uncertainty is what is called for. Open Mind. Open Heart. Open Possibilities. No Agenda. With Love and Faith Many Things Are Possible. If not Carl Rogers, then Gestalt it.  I am the Bottle. If this one does not drink from my wealth of knowledge and experience, then let a clunk in the head by this brown bottle be my answer. 

More to the Story

Steve Nash—Divorces after Birth of Third Child.

This is Effed Up. He’s my favorite basketball player. What is up? I clicked to read more.Steve Nash Divorces After Birth of Child, An Off Putting Title Learned they have been separated for a few months and the process of marriage dissolution has been in the works for some time.  At times, I hate the bait and switch of sensation story writing. Must admit it works. I clicked. Made me realize these sensational story snippets is a hook and I got caught. 

But At This Moment. . .

Got me thinking this morning. Not to be so quick to judge. Enjoy the day. Sunday morning, sitting here at the new Panera, having an Jalapeno Asiago breakfast bagel sandwich. Downloading some pictures to FB. (Thanks Steve for compliment)  Tried working on my 5 things I am grateful for. Adopting this habit is important for me. On WordPress last night,  it was more challenging than my energies could marshal. Staying local today. No Beach run or Paley Museum.  Horoscope said it is a day of completion. Plus, home stuff needs attention.

It’s a beautiful day anyways. Yesterday, too. Manny Pacquiao won unanimous decision. Did some sightseeing in downtown LA and got some Thai food for dinner. This is what I am thankful for yesterday. In a couple of weeks, Thanksgiving is upon us. Spend time with family. Catch up. Eat watch the Lakers play. Maybe do a soup Kitchen. Enjoy others company. An entire day to be Thankful.

Self Analysis

Figured out why I visit so many museums of late. It hit me a couple days ago. Realized that this my recent fascination of art and sculptures stems from me compensating. A few months back, I was supposed to going be on a trip with M to the Getty Museum. It never happened. long story short, incommunicado. Still went. Spent hours at the Getty just taking pictures. Futilely filling the feeling of emptiness. It stirred me. Made me realized, I missed much. My Aunt Mary said, there are many artists in the family. From what I understand, she is fashion designer. Learned my grandfather was artist, too. Never really knew him. Wish I did. Learned that M enjoys art, too. That’s why I go.

My Coping Mechanism

From this, missed moment it has fueled my fire for history. Some personal and familial history. Don’t know how many museums I’ve visited this last year. From people at LCH, they tell me I go all the time. This is just compensatory.  Straight sublimation. There are more defense mechanisms I’m sure. Just Googled it.  This is how I cope.

Not Alone

My HR Management instructor once said, “Those with great strengths also have great weaknesses.” This always stuck. Made me wonder of all these Heroes, the people too good to be true.  Heroes we invest our Hopes and Dreams. Steve Nash divorcing, Rough.  When we learn they are human too, it brings one pause and makes us pay attention to our own stuff. There is comfort knowing we are in the same boat.

Manny Pacquiao won last night. What fuels his fire. In an HBO interview, Manny said, “He knows what it is like to be Nothing.”  From then on, I admired him more. He was very Human.  Not just a great fighter, but someone genuine.  Read that during the 11^th round, Manny looked at the referee, wondering are you going to stop this fight. He can’t see. Then Manny proceeded to NOT go for the Knockout. When I read this, Class Act. Not wanting cause more permanent physical damage.

Mind Wanders in Church

We all have some angst. Some thing that gnaws at us. We all have life issues. We have healthy ways handling stuff. Some aren’t so healthy. What used to bother me is that not being the best. If I wasn’t going to start, then I would find something that I would be varsity at. In time, it became humbling.  This need to be more than an honorable mention has been helpful and hurtful at times. In time, the need to be Elite has left. Now, I simply want to enjoy the people and time that I am with and let the rest take care of itself. Church yesterday got me thinking. Do all that I can and let God do the Rest.

. . .And Not

 I stole this from profile quote on FB from an old friend Marc, who got it from a movie 13^th Warrior. It helps me.  Merciful Father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things. This was not among them. But at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well. For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness.

If All Good Things Come to Those That Wait. . .

Life happens. Divorces. Bad choices. Computer problems. Plans of a perfect life are nice, but these life moments are the stuff we need. We need to get up when we fall down. We look at the situation. Analyze. Feel Bad. We suck it up and move on.

Why? We realize the next few minutes are really all we need. Life has a way or working itself out. Steve Nash, sorry for people sensationlizing a private matter. I hope this Axiom is True, Then the Opposite should also be true. If All Good Things Come to Those That Wait, then All Bad Things Leave To Those Ready To Move On.  

Scribbles before Fight

This will be a short post. Once my laptop reaches a 100% charge, I am Audi.

Sitting at the bridge between the two towers here at the Central Library earlier in the day.  Been wanting to come here for ages, finally did after going to Saturday mass. Needed to get some G Time. Haven’t done that for awhile. Think I will be coming more regular, may 2 or 3 times for morning mass. I think my soul can handle it. Actually, I backed off for a bit. Needed to get some space and time. Did my reading, and I gots me some understanding.

My mind wanders when sitting in church. A week back in Sunday Mass, and they had the statue of the Fatima. Mom came with me. When she saw the Fatima, she immediately got up and touched the statue’s feet.  She never did that before. The Fatima was on a visit from somewhere. I was a bit surprised. I lacked understanding.

Been researching the Fatima. Some stuff what I gathered.  This got me revved up again. Started visiting various other holy places from different religious practices. Wanted to go to the source for this Higher Power. Stopped by the LA synagogue. Went to a Buddhist temple. Spoke with an Iman. Stopped by the St Andrews Abbey. Also, visited San Fernando Mission again.

This Saturday mass, I started thinking of Manny Pacquiao Fight and Chess.  Used to play chess, a lot. The Bishop, the knight, the queen, king and so on. Why do people choose the roles they take? What possess one to do what they do? Is it evolution? Is it behavioral? Is it some unresolved stuff from a previous life? What is it?

Take for instance the Dalai Lama. He’s been reportedly  reincarnated a fourteen times. His presence has inspired many movies, Seven Years in Tibet, Kundun and so on. He’s a rock star. Supposedly, in some schools of Hinduism it says that we have 8 stages of life in Hinduism. 2 stages belong to the life before. 4 stages are your own. Last two stages are set ups for the life coming. Karmic law and Dharma and the rest.

General Patton believed in reincarnation, too. He felt he fought in the Italy before as a Roman. I mean, he was a hero to the People.  Like George Washington and Bruce Lee. Like Manny Pacquiao. What makes a person a hero?

Tonight, for example, Manny Pacquiao will be fighting Margarito tonight in Dallas, Texas. A classic hero, coming from the barrios of the Philippines, and makes good. Margarito, a fallen fighter, who is looking for redemption. Maybe, it is how 24/7 HBO depicts these characters. But all this is Joseph Conrad myth-making stuff.

Freddie Roach, Manny’s trainer, said this may well be Manny’s last fight. Win or lose. WIN, OF COURSE. But certain people have been gifted. A Midas Touch about it them. From Poverty to Power in a short lifetime. What makes a person overcome Herculean Labors? What brings them to the top of the Mountain? This is so Rocky-ish. Is it some divine intervention? Is it pure will? Is it Darwinian’s “Most Fit” at play?  Our history is filled with these rags to riches. Secreteriat, Abraham Lincoln, Jackie Robinson, and so on. Overcoming obstacles are what heroes do. What separates the good from the great? What is the Gravitas? We all know it when we see it.

Back to church, I was thinking. A pawn is supposedly the weakest piece on the board. Can be taken out by a slew of other pieces. Rook, Bishops, Knights and Queens. However, once the pawn reaches its eight rank, then it can be transformed to a stronger piece. Sure many fall the waist side. They are cannon fodder.  Eight opportunities to reach the 8^th rank, then possibilities are endless.

Think about it. Some say being King is good. It is the piece that matters. Games ends and finishes with the King. It can go any which way. Up, down, left, right, diagonal. However, it is not afforded the range of maneuverability as his Queen. Plus, everyone and their mother are coming after you.  That is the whole basis of the game, Capture the King.

Being a queen is no picnic, either. Sure, it has the power of the Rook and bishop combined. But there is only one of her, compared the others. Plus, Queen is also on many people’s wish list. Furthermore, these lowly pawns at the end of the game, all want to be like her eventually. It’s a reverse sword party. No, perhaps, it more a it’s a Lilith Fair. By game’s end. I mean why would anyone want to be king. The queen has the most power on the board.

Still, I digress. Whether you are a King,  queen, Bishop, Knight . We all have some role we play in life. We are Mother, Father, Daughter, Son, Brother Sister, and so on. Actually, we die and are reborn. We go through rites of passage where we put childlike things away to become something more. To take our place in the community again. We become many things by necessity. It is built in. Hardwired in the DNA. Conditioned by Society with an ever changing system of reward and punishment.

We pursue many things. Evolving and devolving in order grasp these trinkets and ideals from the nethersphere.  Each role brings benefits and drawbacks. Like salmon, there is a drive, an instinct, a wish to reach the top of the mountain. Going upstream, battling each other, battling predators to survive. All in order to seed the next generation with our hopes, dreams, and DNA.

Things is. This is all okay. It has purpose. May not be the things one likes. We may delude ourselves with beliefs of grandiosity. Some things are true whether we believe it or not. Still, it is what we got. All this is the life stuff. This is the fun part. We fall in love. We fall out of it. We have our hearts filled with Joy and Love. We get our Hearts broken with no foreseeable reason.  We recover, then discover, “Let’s Do It Again.” We fight. We win. We fight. We lose. We do what we do because this is the thing we call, “Life.”  We need to be inspired. This is the Hero’s role. We need to be filled with something greater. We search for this “Feel Good.” We seek to be re-energized. To transform. To be Queened. 

Okay. Time is up. Sorry, this was longer than anticipated. Got in the Flow. My laptop is charged and it is time to watch another hero battle.  In life, we are all pawns. We are also Kings and Queens, too. And everything In Between. Okay, “Let’s Get ready to RRRUUUMMMMBBBLLLEEE!!! “ Go Manny Pacquiao.