Never read Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged. Yet, I picked up the Cliff Notes of the two yesterday. Been wanting to read it for some time, but never took to time to do so. Some say just read the book first, then Cliff Note or Monarch it. Don’t really accept that. Being influenced by others’ thinking has an affect, but I can be my own judge. This why at times I rather go watch a movie or go on an adventure by myself. My experiences, my filters are different any others.
So why now? Something building. Never thought about writing, but here I am. Thirty minutes passed 7 and I sit by the gym ready to cardio. Going back after being gone for some time. Think its time to win some Jpeg trophies again. Nike Plus here I come.
Looking at my journal this year. It has taken a beating. Could barely close it and we still have a third of the year left. Pages are torn. Taped it up with blue painters tape and the backing is dislodged. Yet, I would hate to lose it. Memories of movies watched. Postcard received and kept. Tickets to dance concerts, Hearst Castle, and gymnastic competitions. Also have letters from, well, I leave at that. They are good and bad.
Its supposed to be a family filled day. I will write about it someday. Looking forward to just be there. Been writing more, and sometime this year, I will make 40 days of straight blogging. Still got to make up for three days of journalizing. Thing is . . .time flys so fast that if we don’t take to moments to jot down these memories, we never will. Too often this year, I find myself catching up 3 or 7 days of not writing. It is hard to get these moments back. Can’t remember quite so clearly. One forgets what one felt and done. Moments of importance are lost to the river of time. Fleeting memories gone to the collective unconscious.
So this year has been a battle to keep a history of what has been.
Picked up a DVD. It is about death. From the brief synopsis, social psychologists have theorized that many of life’s wars, battles, struggles are because of man’s fear of death. All these struggles are due to man’s quest for immortality. In a sense, I find this true. Haven’t seen the movie yet, but I suspect that is the premise. Need to let it play out and see what unfolds. Why I write? Why I work out? Why I go to family events in part is to be remembered to be immortalized? This is a bit self deceptive, but what else should I do with my time. Taking pictures, writing posts, doing life things are nice yet in a sense it seems a bit. . .futile.
Think about it. Could lose my journals like I’ve done before. My blog post with some 100+ post could be deleted and my electron memories are gone never, to exist. Could lose function of my body, get Alzheimer, and or lose Faith. In the end, does it really matter? (Yes, I stole that from a song I don’t remember) Thing is life is made of remaking. Earth has been through several ice ages. The world’s religion have many creation stories. People, Life, a force within all of us moves on. Forever, forever. Like Dark Energy every expanding.
It must be like a practice squad player going to practice every day. Day in Day out. Taking a beating like a practice dummy with legs. Getting stood up and run over. Pancaked. Legs flying overhead losing all sense of balance. Not quite good enough to make the starting team, but not smart enough to quit. It is this Hope, this Idea of someday making the team and putting on that Jersey and running out on the field. It's very RUDY-ish. (My post without a movie theme, don’t know if it exists)
It is not the many failures and mini-successes that one faces in this life journey. It is how we accept that things. It may seem without purpose and without joy, filled with despair and hardship. It is how we look at these events of life and stand up defiant. It is saying I will be more than the weakest link in this chain. It is saying, that I will live on and move on. It is the Visionquest. It is saying, “What’s Next?’
So my current journey is of continuous transformation, a permanent revolution, a giving up who I was in order to be who I need to be.
This post has run its course. My quest for a jpeg trophy begins. Ayn Rand beckons. My time with family is of great importance and being there is part of that equation. Here is where I create the material for my journal. Here is where I take bite out of life.
It must be like a practice squad player going to practice every day. Day in Day out. Taking a beating like a practice dummy with legs. Getting stood up and run over. Pancaked. Legs flying overhead losing all sense of balance. Not quite good enough to make the starting team, but not smart enough to quit. It is this Hope, this Idea of someday making the team and putting on that Jersey and running out on the field. It's very RUDY-ish. (My post without a movie theme, don’t know if it exists)
