An Accounting for Today

Her journey begins tomorrow. Second event actually. Been to the Lone Star. Now its to the home of Sun Devils and Sedona. Family is going. The Unit. New car and long drive, it should be something. SUV gone now with a vehicle with less damage to the wallet.

The NKOB will be home alone. Actually, I will be their guardian, their caretaker. Young Men, but still not quite ready. Life has been challenging adjusting to the shock. Had eats last night with baller. Don't know him well yet, but nice nonetheless. Texas is quieter more subdued. Smart as a whip and good head on his shoulder. Still not out of his shell, but this is understandable with what has happened.

Going to be chauffeur tomorrow. Wasn't the person I should have been, but now I am playing with the role. Not sure what this entails but I am slowly and surely. Maybe someday I will be the 17 like I imagine, but that is for another day. Danced a bit this mid morning. I know the routine but I was just zone mode. No joy in my eyes. Just the seriousness of the routine. Getting it right. One lady was kind enough to say I got the steps down. Just got lost in the action I guess.

I need to smile more. Have more joy. Feel the music. 

After the life review, it was a bit disheartening. Maybe like Scrooge reviewing his life and wanting to make amends. I hope there is time. So what is the meaning of this rattling? It is my moment in the Flow. Taking the stimuli and just going within. Learning the balance of between Internal and External Flow. Been Reading a book on NDE. Some of it makes sense.

No real story for today. Just an accounting of the Moment. For right now, this will suffice. Why Because I Smile. 

Was reminded a few days ago what a Smile can mean. It can mean Hope.

Home

Asleep they rest.

Their directions unsure. One with roads to glory. Another finding meaning in all the rubble. Returning to some semblance to normalcy. Dancing, loving, and hoping for a better Better. Perhaps its a delusion to think this. Shattered betrayal--I can see future mechanization of why. Still young they are made of stuff. Sterner I hope.

Guess, it is what we are tasked. Protect from ghouls and goblins as best we can.  To shape, to mold, to give them strength with theirs are waning. To teach them a better tomorrow is possible.

I pray they can dream a better tomorrow. I hope that the dream catchers overhead will protect them as they have guarded me. Won't say I need them because Angels guard me. Still it helps knowing they are there. Maybe its what our calling is.

To filter and guard some of the not so nice things. To halt the realities out there and collect their dreams. To nourish what is right and just. To feed the wolf of Hope of Strength.

Not an easy task, but methinks they have the sterner stuff.

I see it in the other younglings here. Strength of character. Sometimes annoying but independent nonetheless. Able to make their own decisions but learning choices have consequences. Still maintain the courage to stand on his and her own. to be up on the beam alone. Climbing the wall by oneself. Having the courage to stand against tanks.

Still learning that though alone one can go faster, but accepting one goes farther together. Where we celebrate together, we mourn together. Tragedies are softened, victories are sweetened. Why? Because we are Together.

All of us Fall. Some because of our own frailties. Our Own limited view. Our Own Everything. At times we fall not of our own volition, but for some random reason in the Tangled Skein. Still, we all come from different strengths and weaknesses. Buttressing others and providing a wider view--who under fire-- under stress--under an invisible burden. We provide the vision. We offer the lessons of hard earned experience. We share knowing alone is at times is lonely.

We add to their collective experience to provide this one, the strength of Atlas.

We give them wings for their dreams. We provide the blanket for their warmth. A pillow to regain strength. A Home where. . .A Home where. . .We Provide them a Place to call Home.

Smile is Enough

Do you know I love you? We don't know each other but I do. I do love you.

You are with me every night. I just need to glance over to see you. See you how you were. That's no longer you and I know this. Still your smile warms me.

Life changed for you. I'm praying for the best.

Last couple of  weeks I was reminded how in a moment's notice, lives can change during a dark hour. A shot and lives are amiss. No longer allowed to be as it once was. Changes in direction are forever altered for those remaining in the aftermath.

Terrible thing has happened. Life drops on you from out of nowhere. You may or may not be ready. Won't say more except that its was in the front page. I visit her. Eyes are glazed and hope is hard to find. Still she smiled and I am reminded that the happy and sad endings are dependent where you decide to stop  the story.

Despite the funeral. Despite the SNIF. Despite Lost Time and missed opportunities. Despite Anger, Rage, and Regret. Despite all that obstacles, challenges, and heart aches.

I am reminded by a Smile.

Perhaps its folly. Perhaps its wishful thinking. Perhaps it too Little too Late.

I am reminded by a Smile that I must forget my own limitations. Forget my preconceived notion of what is possible. I must be reminded that Universe and Big Smile has a way that is beyond I can imagine.

I will look ahead and base it on a Smile. All things are possible.

Just a Smile.