Learned my cousins and his family LA will be leaving for the PI. We lived together in North Hollywood for a time. Now, he and his family are moving on. My other cousin Chris left for the Arizona and will marry next month to Jewel. My niece said she saw my ex-girlfriend at a dance recital. Looked her on Facebook to find out she was very pregnant. Ended my run at Business Licensing and will start a new adventure some where else.
It's sunset time. It happens. Still is sad. Life is moving on, as it should. Right now, I just don't want the inevitable. A new dawn will come again. Yes, I know the door opening and door closing thing. Yet, nostalgia is hitting me. Can't turn back the clock. Nor would I want to. Seems like a lot of things has been closing lately. Not too many doors opening of late.
Usually, I don't feel lonely. There is much company out there. Since last night, the loneliness birds have been flying overhead. Couldn't sleep again last night. Don't know whether its my sore throat and I'm just feeling sick. Don't know if it has been a change in workout routine. Don't know if its the cloudy skies overhead, but I am feeling lonely. With so many family and friends around, I can't understand where all this loneliness is coming from. Not true. I understand where it is coming from. It's family. Part of my family's family is leaving.
RC, I am happy for you and yours and wish you the best on your adventure to come. Knowing that I could always drive by and say, "Hi" was always comforting to me. It was one of those things that I could always do. Going on a Pink's and Krispy Kreme run. Going on a midnight drive to wherever. Just knowing that my tatay's family was around. Things were okay. No matter whatever happened, things will be okay.
Maybe that is it. Tatay and Rochelle. Big parts of my life. Tatay and Nanay were there when Mom and Dad were gone to work. Rochelle was there when my attitude for life changed. Mitchell was born when I left for Boston. You were there when my car was stolen. Of course, there are the other cousins and I love them dearly its just I don't want any one to go.
We don't have the same family parties like before. Its been some time since we had. Watching the Fonacier clan was. . .comforting. . .connecting. The Aunt's and Uncles. The Cousins. The Everything. It was Family. Pancit, rice, olumpia. Basketball. Pan Pacific Park. Everyone has moved on as they should. Their family have made their own families. They go to their own families party. Once in awhile, I attend these events. More often than before. However, I feel like a tourist. These little ones don't have the same childhood memories. Don't have the same common bond as these new people in my life. They don't have the common times that bind. No, shared child memories.
It has been important for me to visit Tatay and Rochelle. More and more everyday. It's important to see my cousins. It's important to see my aunts and uncles. It has been important for me to connect with Emily. It has been important for me to be around and enjoy family. Knowing that you are going soon, it is bothering me more than I want to let on. My sister-in-law's sister is having her today. They induced last night. I will go visit after my echo, (sorry, echocardiogram) just to say hello to the new baby. She will be a beautiful baby I am sure of it.
I understand why they are going. It's the smart thing to do. Sure we do not hang out much anymore, we don't do much anymore. It is just the one of the few . . . never mind. Anyways.
I am very happy for you and yours on this new adventure. I am very sad that you are going on this adventure. Wish it was just a temporary thing, but I do not foresee you coming back. Nor, do I see me going there. Life happens and if things are meant to be they will be. It would be selfish for me to say, "Don't go." It would be selfish for me to say, "Stay Here." It would be short-sighted for to say, "Stop."
I am being selfish. Sue me.
