I want to thank the Angel watching over meActually, I want to thank all Angels, humans and other wise. Last night was bit harrowing driving home. Slick roads, snow coming down in flurries, so much so that I didn’t want to keep my brights on. It looked so much worse seeing all the snow coming down than less. Thank you for correcting Civic when I thought I was going to spin it. Thank you for keeping it dark enough where all I could do is focus on the few feet ahead of me.
You know I was scared driving to the top of Wrightwood. You know I was afraid they were going to close down the roads and that I would double back to sleep at Aunt Sally. You know I was afraid that I was driving too fast for icy mountain roads. Just needed to say out loud that I was afraid that we weren’t going to get home safely with the ones that I love.
You have been there for me those many long, late nights from the OC. You woke me when I was dozing off on the 405. I still remember that nudge on my shoulder when I was so close to the Wall of Death. I swear that I heard you singing to me. I knew it was you that shook me awake. You know how I was so close to leaving paint on that barrier. Could have been worse, huh? Thinking about crashing on that sleepy drive home is not a thought I want to have in the memory banks.
I knew it was you when you gave that police man the suggestion to let me sleep it off at the Hotel instead of bringing me in for the DUI. I know it was you that kept me up, one leg up standing steady when he gave me that road sobriety test. It was you that guided my hand to touch my nose when the Officer asked. It was you that helped be blow the breathalyzer below legal limit. You got me through those challenging times. DUI story
I am sorry I didn’t heed your shouts that one night on the radio. I know it was you shouting for me to do the right thing, but I was too stupid and too blind. I have no secrets from you nor from the Big Smile. For this I am sorry, so sorry. I hope you can accept my apology for letting you down. Biggest regret in my life. When I fell ill with my heart condition, I knew it was you giving me what I needed. I know that. Knew it then, too.
Also heard you in the shower. That Pan thing. Got it. Sorry, I am slow to warm up. Wasn’t the answer I was expecting, but it was what I needed. From me and my family, thank you.
Lots of the guilt and loathing has washed away. The stink of past mistakes no longer choke me. They are washed away in that year of healing heart. It was broken, so broken down. Rebuilt. Its better now. Strong as Bull. My heart has been cleansed. Awash with Faith. Full of Faith. It is so full of Faith. I am trying to get the basics for the future ahead and I hope to be better than yesterday.
When I started writing this blog, I was not a regular churchgoer. I never did read the Bible for other than academic reason. I never actively searched for God. For one reason is that I always felt you close. Didn’t need the ritual of religion. I was okay just talking to you on down low.
There may be a time, when our relationship will go public because you have spoke in ways that I cannot understand nor explain. Not sure that I can speak with fire and brimstone as others. It is not really my style. For now, I hope the Blog is okay. I hope the pictures of the Missions and Churches will do. Not sure on the priest thing yet, but I will try to live a pious life.
However, things have changed for me. You know this. I am a weekly churchie. Been reading the Bible. Still not looking because the Big Smiles is always with me. 
You know I do go out visit at his House. At the Mission Inez. At the Mission San Fernando. At the Mission San Gabriel. At the Mission San Juan Capistrano. At the Temples in the Valley. At the Temple on the way to Zuma. At the Cathedral of Our Lady of Angels. At Mission San Diego. I promise to keep visiting your houses. It is the least I can do.
Still got reservation Telling others what they should do would seem so hypocritical and you know I try not be that. It’s just the truth is that I cannot condemn others for their actions because I too cannot cast the first stone because I too have sinned.
You know I listened to the book on CD, Angel Time. Meeting Anne Rice and finally giving it a listen. It hit home with San Juan Capistrano description. Admittedly, it was spooky. But I’ve come to accept the Mysteries and seeing the connections with things.
Thank you for sending word to the Big Smile. Thanks for getting Tamms the new job. Thanks for Corinne’s for her finding a good right guy. Thanks for opening doors with Family I never knew. Thank you for everything. Oh yeah, thanks for sending that Samoan guy at Garden Grove those years back. That question he asked got the wheels turning on the road home again. 
To those, they may think this early sign of schizophrenia. Not sure which type, but seriously no one can tell me there is some bigger plan. Logic has its place. Emotion is vital. There has been a leap. . .and I have taken it. I can best explain it this way. My capacity for understanding is limited by the experiences and knowledge my brain can understand. People rationalize all kinds of things. I understand Cognitive Dissonance. But there are simply too many Miracles.
We fault not the child for putting his hand over the fire. When the parent shouts, “No” it is not out of malice the parent shouts. It is out of Love. Children make all kinds of funny jumps of logic. We may put our hand in the fire because it looks cool. We must learn the hard way, at times. It is through these trials that we evolve. I’ve learned there is something more. . .so much more. That line helps to understand. “Some things are true whether you believe them or not.” Guess, its like high school trigonometry. Hopefully, I can do more adding then detracting to this thing we call Life.
Anyways, for everything before and soon to come, thank you for being my Angel Standing By.
