Blinds hug the window as the fall winds blow. They rattle
here and there as cars pass by. Almost a third of October is gone and the signs
of Summer apparently taken leave. Need
to hit the road in a minute. Duties of the back up driver are called to action. Need
to pick up the nieces from practice. 
It’s been nice day. Got up and hit the gym. Worked out the
shoulders and did some cardio in the back. Came home and made some late
breakfast, early lunch. Warmed up some pre-cooked shrimp. Added some veggies—water
chestnuts, green onions, carrots, Portobello mushrooms, and bamboo shoots.
Opened a packed of black pepper sauce
and let it simmer. Chocolate pie, too. Just yummy.
More than three-fourths of the year is gone and choices I
have made and not made are coming to passed. Still no word from Em. Left an
email, but no response yet. My bucket lists as been ignored these last two
months and my good read challenge has been waning. No San Diego Zoo and
Universal Studio is still unchecked. The
list of things to do on my journals keep saying the same thing. This is
troubling because this means, I still ignore these tasks and leave them undone.
Wasting time not getting done first things first.
I look to fill the time with stuff that are nice, but not on
the path. Troubling part is not only not getting done, it is that I keep
choosing not to do them. Two week meal plan, one week as a vegan, and the diet
log for a month. Why are these tasks so difficult to complete? What am scared of? There is a
reason for this and it may be a masterful job of denial on my part.
It is easy to see faults in others but when looking the
mirror, it is not so easy to acknowledge.
Okay that is enough beating myself up.
Lost almost twenty five pounds when I discovered my heart
ailments. Checked into the gym everyday this year. Posted a blog at least once
every two days this year and the room is looking more respectable. Car payments
are almost complete and I have been happier.
Been named Godfather for my cousin’s son. Attended a couple of kiddie
parties with cousin. This I did not do for so long. And I have been making
attempts with Em.
Guess, we need time to define who we are and accept certain
traits that are not so easy to admit. Compared to the last couple of years, it
has not been expansive. No Mount Rushmore or road trips with cousins. Less pictures and more scribbles. More
in-home activities versus traveling ones.
Spoke to the cousin and he said he’s been wanting to be more
of tourist visiting unusual eateries. It was hard not to say, been there, done
that. I just smiled knowing the places he wants to go is where I have been.
It would be ridiculous—and hypocritical—to be competitive in
this area. Compared to others, I would be a "Also-Ran" in their experiences. Compared to others I am a spaceship that has visited the
stars.
There is still so much to see and do, I must part do what
must be done. Back Up Driver is on the way.
