Late night writing using the phone. Coco sleeping beside as she dreams of chasing birds in the yard. Her legs kick and she barks so softly. Sounds like a baby's hiccup.
I wonder how I move when I asleep. Woke up thinking of that lady. Finding myself feeling green again. Being close but not close enough. I wonder at times if I will find that love story,. I wonder if I'll find that person that wants to learn how to dance together. I'm sure it's just me setting super standards which no fan meet. Not wanting to get close knowing that at an instance I may be giving up my freedom. Feeling trapped. Maintaining a courteous distance do as not to get close. In probability that person I'm getting close to will be just "Someone I used to know"
Stupid as this may sound...I've grown accustomed to talking with her at length. The reason I'm writing now is to resist calling her at 3 in the morning. This want to be close and this fight to pull back. Fear that this road to travel is hard wrought and in the end only one hurt is yours truly. Given the countless anecdotal evidence that people change after marriage. I don't like being green right now.
Maybe I will try to get lost in some music
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Present..
Long time. Find myself enamored by another beautiful lady that I have found in the friend zone. Actually two true bevies that I find attraction toward. Is bevie a word? Nonetheless I find that I'm in the friend zone and it's a place I find myself because I'm not ready to commit. Will I ever be and why would one want to form a bond with one that is unresolute. Having fun and playing is nice but kids stuff. Difference between a boy and a man.
Been said I'm a free spirit. Not wanting strong ties not weighed down with drama and earthly things. Which in many ways are true. Examining the illusion of many troubled marriages I find it a minefield wrought with heartache. No return to a single life. Broken trust, wanton desires, and release from maid duties.
How does one balance this commitment and freedom? Found myself break all connection with one I felt betrayed. Promised I would remain friends until told otherwise. Although not with words, a lie of omission has me angered and betrayed. Being one untold of coming nuptials, I found myself hurt and betrayed. So much so, two friends at separate times noticed the anguish on my face. Broke all ties and I find myself starting anew.
This will all fail I fear. Not until I get right with M.
Nonetheless I find myself feeling the green.
Reading texts that aren't mine. unreplied messages and missed calls. Makes one feel insecure. Still recognizing this one's frailities makes it easier to conquer.
Been said I'm a free spirit. Not wanting strong ties not weighed down with drama and earthly things. Which in many ways are true. Examining the illusion of many troubled marriages I find it a minefield wrought with heartache. No return to a single life. Broken trust, wanton desires, and release from maid duties.
How does one balance this commitment and freedom? Found myself break all connection with one I felt betrayed. Promised I would remain friends until told otherwise. Although not with words, a lie of omission has me angered and betrayed. Being one untold of coming nuptials, I found myself hurt and betrayed. So much so, two friends at separate times noticed the anguish on my face. Broke all ties and I find myself starting anew.
This will all fail I fear. Not until I get right with M.
Nonetheless I find myself feeling the green.
Reading texts that aren't mine. unreplied messages and missed calls. Makes one feel insecure. Still recognizing this one's frailities makes it easier to conquer.
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