Our paths crossed but a few times. However, our lives are intertwined. Brief were our visits, but long and life lasting. A mousy smile. Brown short hair, eyes that smiled with a knowingness. They say in romantic stories, that when I am with you I became a better person. Unfortunately, this was not the case. Didn’t like who I was becoming when I was with you. I fear that being with you I would be behind bars. This is an uncomfortable thing to discover. Looking back, I didn't see the anger and fear. Didn't understand the hostility. Maybe it was a test. Maybe it was just stuff. In the end, I fear my stuff was holding back at seeing the bigger picture. What I should have been learning with our encounters was Karma. What I remember is broken furniture and holes in the walls. There was more and I didn't see it at the time.
If asked if I loved you, the answer would be,“Yes.” Why it didn't work I will leave it to Karma and the Big Smile to reveal at another time. You had a way of touching me--connecting with me--that I will never understand. An attraction was there, but not in this lifetime. I am sorry that it didn’t work out and I am sorry for more things I can never explain or express.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Little consolation I imagine, but they are sent nonetheless.
In Samsara, the concept of transmigration and reincarnation, it is said we live 8 stages of life. Two from the past. Four for our present. Two for the next one. In a story, it is said that people that we Love (and Hate) are forever intertwined. We had stuff from another life. Perhaps I was your wife and you my husband, Whatever it was, the stuff from a past had us keep us connecting. This I am sure of.
Time has passed and I hope that we connect again. Stuff between us is still stuff between us. It is said, in some religious beliefs, they claims that we choose our parents at birth. It is this wish to desire the experience of a body that we are reborn, reincarnated.
A thought exercise comes to mind. In one word, describe your Dad. In word, describe your Mom. You are the result, the combination of the two. They have life lessons to teach and you are the result of their teachings. Consequently, your life lesson teachers your kin how to answer their own transmigratory lesson plan.
If so, the mother and father I chose, I am thankful and grateful. Given freedom, given protection, given life traits I am still discovering. I would go on about Mom on this Mother’s Day, but everyday our Mother’s should be honored. Taking time one day out of the year to give thanks to all that our mother has given and sacrificed would fall woefully low. It is like asking how many angels can fit on top of a pin? It is like finding that point where the Earth ends and the Heaven begins. It is like telling someone you always loved , but haven’t seen, how much you love them. I’ve been blessed with a great mother. I’ve been blessed with a special woman.
Robynn, you are a special woman and I pray on this day that our lives will connect again. Next time I am not sure when, but I hope its on happier and better terms. Samsara, Karma, Dharma—I’m sure they will take its course and I hope down road when our paths come together again we may take one that will bring smiles in our lives.
