Stream of consciousness. Flow. Just tapping away at the keys and the unconsciousness is supposed to manifest itself in some kind or wonderful creation for all to be awed. For today it is blockage. Where does one go when the creative juices have met drought conditions. Its supposed to rain until end of the week. However, the only raindrops I am seeing are the little piddly stuff. My stream of consciousness. No rivers of flow, just a thimble.
A heavy set lady sits to my right. Wearing white sweats, green scarf, and a grey sweater. She has a overly stuffed black backpack and green Coleman mummy sleeping bag. I fear she may be homeless. Been sitting there for good two hours. Not sure what she is doing except to keep warm. Hair is a mess. She fell asleep a couple times. Would not have noticed, except that she snores. Found it ironic. She was reading a Cheerleading magazine. She may have been a cheerleader at one time. Don’t have the heart to ask how it happened? Just not that very open today. Maybe that is my problem.
Libraries. Well, let me preface this by saying. Certain libraries tend be the impromptu daytime shelters for those facing troubled waters. Its hard to not to feel bad. This is not an uncommon scenario. From what the radio stories I’ve heard, it is more common than naught for people to fall in dire straights. Not sure if the situation was drug induced, was it tragic times, was it a loss of job, a long-term mental condition. Heard that a large part of the homeless are veterans. Don’t think she is veteran. She may be. Still, this is hard to swallow, knowing people that served their country can’t maintain a steady to place to live.
Would say it’s the economy, but all around the world homelessness Is a part of everyday life. A few weeks back I was in Starbucks and a disheveled old man came to me while I was having a bagel. He asked if I can give me some money. Instinctively I said, No. Didn’t want to look him in the eye. Toothless, smelling something awful, and well. . . It was troubling. Troubling because I just had a hard time facing him. It was a selfish reason. I was imagining what if I were that person. Sitting at an intersection with a sign saying, what these signs say. Its not image that I want to have in my head.
Driving in the side of the road. There was a family on 10th and Ave O. There was a camper and family sitting on lawn chairs the side of the road. Waiting at the stop light, I realized they were not selling anything. They weren’t waiting for road assistance. It was family on the side of the road with a sign saying, “Out of funds.”
I was at the Cinemark, waiting for a movie to start. Sitting on the bench, this man asked me for money for food. He was 60+. I thought he was a patron just waiting for a movie like me. As a rule, I don’t give people money. I will buy them food, but it struck me when he asked, I was taken aback. This uncomfortable feeling was heart wrenching. Concession line was long, so I went to my car and got my low blood sugar supply of food (I’m diabetic). Gave him oranges, chips, cookies, and the like in a plastic bag. Couldn’t watch the movie. Would have felt guilty splurging on a movie while others would be suffering.
I’ve seen the behavior of some people. Some have gotten angry and shouted. Others reached for the pocket and handed some change. Others just didn’t take notice and walked away. I don’t fault anyone for their behavior. Don’t fault the person sleeping in the library with all her worldly possessions next to her. Don’t fault the Starbucks person asking money for food. Don’t fault the person at the movies asking for food. Nor do I fault people for being angry, reaching for change, or just walking away. It is just this problem has been with human kind since before biblical times. If smarter people than me, haven’t figured it out. Well, it is what it is. Maybe I'm the problem not accepting some fault.
There is no cry or rally for all to hold hands and fight this societal albatross called poverty. Maybe I am heartless? Maybe. A movie called Baraka came out some years back. It was one continuous movie with no dialogue that explored the range of beauties and tragedies people live all around the world. It went from the deep jungles of some Polynesian tribe performing some kind of group ritual prayer to workers in the cigarette factory to a ringing of a bell at a Buddhist temple. There is so much more, but you can watch the trailer below and decide for yourself.
What was disturbing for me was the Calcutta Foragers. Garbage trucks would drop of their load in the fields. Women, children, and men—the destitute would scavenge for trash. Not sure what they picked up, but it made me feel so sad.
I was imagining if drove by on 10thStreet West by Waste Management. What if a busload of people would follow on the garbage trucks into the fields. Then a 20 or thirty kids and teachers would start foraging for whatever. That smell. That squishy feeling. That taste in ones month caused by the acrid cloud of all around.
Not everyone is Chris Gardner from the Pursuit of Happyness. This is not a very uplifting post and I am sorry. Its just the lady is sitting like Buddha. Eyes closed. Hands to her side. Backpack is full of something. Her sleeping bag is ready for transport and I can’t help, but feel a bit of sadness and despair. We all have our journeys. We all have to deal with the 6 inches of front of our faces. Life can be bad at times, but it could also be much, much worse.
What helps me is the story about a young man on the beach who throws one starfish at a time back into the ocean. I won’t revisit, but here’s the link. Starfish story If this helps, well, then this post was not so sad. If you want to see the Baraka Trailer you can you tube it or if you are reading this on Facebook then you can go my blog website, http://ineversavedanything4theswimback.blogspot.com/
