Too tired to write last night. Eyes were too heavy and just got started a little late. This morning its a new day.
We need that. A new day. Letting the past go. Can't hold on to stuff that won't let you in. Its just the way it is. Friends leave. Family, too. Their choices, their lives, their circumstances--it is just done. Just fading away, like a memory. Some keep you warm, Some brings a chill. This magical moments disappearing.
As you get old in life, you start losing stuff.
Guess, that is magic. Letting stuff go. Two cousins lost their father less than a year ago. It was a tough loss. I remember seeing the video he recorded as they were performing CPR in the hospital. It was hard to witness this. Recording your father's passing. Rough. Don't think I could do this. Took me a few years to watch my own Father's funeral.
His sisters. . .Fuck them. I will leave it at that. God will judge. Big Smile has a plan.
Yeah, don't want to rationalize with them. Don't want a connection with them. Don't want to understand or sympathize. Just want to let them go and have them be a lost memory.
Another person close had his father lost. He was not faithful. Daughter found out and put him on blast. Father fell ill and his whereabouts are now lost and to be uncared for.
Life we chose. Deciding what to hold onto. Deciding what to let go. Not an easy task. Just small little choices that decides the rest of our lives. Seems like there is always a possibility of going back. Before you know it the stuff that you put on the backburner. It is hidden somewhere you forget. Then you realize decades down the line that its still there. You are fucked. Get caught in the here and now while the life continues. You are not as young as you were. You don't have the same energy. They have moved on. Doing the same thing that was done to them. Forgetting.
By the time, one does something about. . .it does not matter. To them at least. Too prideful. Too Stupid. Too much pain causing this great chasm. You want to make the connection.
Still, guess this is the times that our faith is tested. These are moments when we decide to jump. Take that leap. Knowing that it is highly unlikely that anything but a crash and burn scenario is expected. Maybe they will jump. Maybe not.
Leave it in God's hands and hope his Angels will keep us a float.
