Storm is Rising. . .I Had A Moment
I was not ready to acknowledge yet, but it was there. Two days ago, it happened. Around 7:30 pm. It was like a flood gate ready to loose itself. The twist tie held the Pacific Ocean from rushing in. The levy dams were buckling and the onrush was sprinkling me with spray. Yes, it was a miracle. I think. I don’t know where the deluge came from, but it was there. Thing is . . it has been there for awhile. I have had flashes—moments. I could be? I may be? Should I be?
Is this What A Petite Mal Feels Like?
Sitting with the others at the table I felt a tidal wave forming. Don’t know where it came from. It started in my gut. It was a rush. Not a grand, but a petite mal. My breathing quickened. Don’t know what it was. The salty sea of emotions had the taste of joy and a relief. Admittedly, tears were forming. Why? I really do not know, but there was something. If it was Big Smile, I am glad you held the back because I do not know what I would have done afterwards. Sitting with seven strangers. Two couples, one pregnant. Another attendee was in a wheelchair. Another had her husband and kids sitting in the van outside while the class was going. Then there was Debbie. She was the proctor.
“Something Wonderful Is About To Happen”—Hal, 2010: The Year We Make Contact
A few hours ago, I was sitting at “It’s a Grind” logging my diet and exercise routine. Now I sit here in the Parish Room of St. Mary’s Church. No, idea that I would be sitting here, but here I sat. Ready to start crying with relief and joy for something I do not know. It was a warning sign. It was precursor for something wonderful, something changing, something life-transforming. Trouble is. . .I was not ready. Yet, it was, or perhaps, I should say is still coming. This emotional release was coming whether I liked it or not. It did not erupt. It was there to give me warning. It was Hal from Arthur C Clarke’s 2010 sending a message from someone—no one knows who. The message was big, important, and . . .wonderful. I was scared, excited, and scared again. Scared, but not in a bad way. It was the feeling that I know my life was going to change. I would write more, if I knew more. It is just something wonderful is coming and I should prepare.
Asking Questions Was Self-Preserving Defense Mechanism
Trouble is during my class of baptismal inquiry, I was asking questions, good questions about the church. They were valid questions of Sabbath, catechism, the everything. I asked questions that raised other questions of the group, Thing is, I knew that I should be here. Yet, I was not sure if this was how I am supposed to be here.
I Think I Need A Translator
My first question was why do priests become priests. She said simply, it was a calling. I came to the meeting because I got a message, but I needed a translator. Sunday, a blackout. Now I am going though baptism process to possible pastoral vocation. Whoah—I Don’t Know. Never been a big churchie? I’m an ACE Catholic (Ashe Wednesday, Christmas, and Easter) Now I am considering being a Priest? Pastor? Deacon?
I asked questions to gain knowledge, but more as a defense mechanism. I’m not ready. Calculate quickly in my head. It fits. The events of my life—the life choices—the synchronous messages I got--lead to this? I just do not know. I don’t know if my heart was open. I’m holding that twist tie for my dear life. It is just this, should I? I know since I was there I was ready to open. For what, I can’t tell yet.
Tears—Body Can’t Hold Back Anymore
City of Angel movie explained crying as the body’s inability to hold back a torrent of feelings. People shed tears because there so much emotions. This is what was happening to me. A torrent was building. I do not know where this river was taking. I rode this wave before. Elaine, it was with you.Before I went to Boston. I knew that I needed to leave California. Again, it was not to leave you my soul mate, it was to go where I needed to be. No logic. No idea where Fate would take me, but I did know that I needed to follow my heart. Blind, challenged, and afraid--I knew I was going anyways. Universe will provide. I trust her. My life is changing, no doubt in my heart.
Well, that’s it.
