Sitting in the cafeteria. St Agnes Hospital. Its bright outside, but the windows are tinted. Can see the big trees outside. Not like the Antelope Valley. Tall and green. No Joshua trees here. My right hand is numb. Pins and needles. Its been like that for awhile.
Five floors up is family. A distant relative. Nelly was up there watching over her sister. She was giving her a bath. A shower cap bath. Kind of cool. Got one of the shower caps and inside there is shampoo and water. Nelly was massaging her sister’s hair and poof. Clean. Pretty cool.
Situation wasn’t cool. Won’t get into it, but a reported financial nest egg was lost in a few days due to no health insurance. Ouch. Bankruptcy is probable and reported selling of million dollar homes is now gone. Airing this personal business may not be comfortable, but my thinking. More cautionary tale. Maybe someone reading this will be more mindful in maintaining health insurance instead of a sound system. A family that was once set is no longer. Trust fund gone and a supposed good life will be facing some adversity.
Many were upset. Heard more than once that this could have been avoided. Won’t said what. Nevertheless, what is done is done. Can’t go back in time. Can’t pay for the health insurance retroactively. Can’t go back. Too many things have passed and decisions were made long ago. Could have gotten the insurance. Could have seen the doctor. Could have gone to the gym. Could have eaten that non-fried food. Could have, should have. Whatever.
Piling on, can alleviate much needed frustration. Screaming at the husband and say what were you thinking. Could blame many people for what has happened. But why? Family knows now, and if they don’t, well. . .it’s on them. Maybe the “I told you so” can make one feel superior for a bit, but this is temporary. It doesn’t do anything but keep one stuck in where it is. Anger is reasonable. It is understandable. But, what could you or would you do different? Next time, you will know better. If not, well, try. . .try again.
Think of those times in grade school, in middle school, in high school, in college, in work? If you worked that much harder. If you studied algebra or biology, instead of watching that dvd. Maybe one could have been gone to that prestigious school. Maybe one could have won that scholarship? Maybe one could have gotten that raise to get that promotion? This need for higher, better, more, 
People make choices. People take risks. People have a finite skill set, resources, abilities. People are given their lot in life. Sure, some are gifted. Some are mensa. Some are world class athletes. Some are cardiologists, communication specialist, respiratory techs, and so on. There are various levels of abilities. In short, there varying levels of success.
An old biology class talked about these moths in England. There were to types: Black and white. White was the dominant species, making 90% of the moth population. However, industrialization grew near the forest, changing the color of many of the surrounding trees. In time, the birds would hunt the black months. White was once the dominant species due to its genetic characteristics making it superior to the environment. However, through time, coloring of the tree changed. Now the once white trees grew black, and the white moths were the proverbial sore thumb. Black moths blended in the now dark forest and the white to black moth ratio reversed. Black moths were 90% of the moth population.
One could say that everyone is not special. We all fall on the spectrum of high and low. However, economics change the situation. Being part of the wealthy ruling elite, did not fare well during the revolution. Nero once to maintain and build the coffers of the Roman Empire, sent the unwilling daughters and wives of wealthy elite to the brothels for keeping those in power in power. Sure, it is common folk to go through the struggles of economic hardship. It would be easy to pile on those that did not make wise decisions.
Yet, dealing with the situation, regardless of cause and bias seems to be the best course of action. Can’t whole heartedly say be without prejudice because I know emotion creates motion. Can’t say be a robot and just calculate the best course of action. What I am saying is be cognizant and act accordingly. Circumstances are worth examining before determining judgment. Looking with softer eyes. Being honest I think is key. Honest in oneself. Honest with others. So true decisions can be made.
Having faith in others is having faith in oneself. In having Faith in Others. In having Faith in the Big Smile. Let those without sin, throw the first stone. So I go back, to look at the long and short of things at the same time. Thanks, Books of Five Rings. Here and now. Tomorrow and yesterday. All things are important. Those that do not learn from history are bound to make the same mistake. So what is the lesson from this. There is none. Each one must make their own decision based on their own circumstances. People make choices and it your decision to pile on, be gone, or move on. All I care to say is “That Could Be You.” What would like to happen? Can you and will you do something about it? Fact is choice is yours. Pile On. Hold On. Or Move On.
