For Now. . .

Coco is sleeping on my leg right now. She's sprawled out, lying on the warmth of the electric blanket. I would say she's tired but she sleeps all day. In the morning, when I put my shoes on, she all ready to go. She knows we walk in the morning. when I can go she knows that its her chance to get me to go for a walk.

When I come home she sings to me. Maybe yell, "Where have you been? You better pick me up and hold me." Right now her ears are twitching. She's going to snore soon. Sounds more like a whistle.

I see her face. Not Coco. Its someone from a distance. Sitting by the door. Next to daycare. There she's going to pick up her kids. Her man I sense some distance. Maybe its wishful thinking. Maybe there is space, a gap. Troubling part of relationship. I've seen the byproduct of that. A former best friend said, "He thinks his Mom is having an affair." Not sure what I was supposed to say at that time. It troubled him. I assume in any long term relationships, there are moments where faith is challenged. However, he was taking the brunt of someone else's assumed indiscretion. Seeing the look on his face. It hurt seeing the pain he was feeling.

Coco is lying here and she is loyal. She misses me when I am gone. I take for her walks and feed snacks that she likes and aren't necessarily best for her coat. She comes when I call. . .well, most of the time. She bites others when she others try to take her from me. I'm her favorite.

People aren't dogs. Being Loyal is a choice. Circumstance changes. Being married is supposed to be death do us part. Still so many. . .

I see pictures posted on FB and I wonder? How many are just highlights of staged moment. I see the eyes of some people and I wonder. Maybe its a red flag and my vision is skewed? I dunno.

It was over a month ago I learned a long time friend got married. Didn't even know she was divorced or separated. Now she is "M"-ed. WTF. Okay that is off my shoulders. Still its relevant to this post.

So where does the blog post go now? Really, I don't know. This uncertainty. . .I'm okay with. close one (friend/family) I leave it uncertain in respect to those close. Anyways, I see one person married and I wonder why did this happen? I suspected there was ulterior motive. Dire circumstances and this route was a way to stay this folly. Another wedding I was part of. Had seriously considered being the person  ". . .If there is anyone that has reason to stop this marriage or forever hold thy peace." I chose to hold my peace. At times i wondered if this what I should've done. Now this person is isolated from family. No conversation. No contact. I am not sure they know they are living in the same city.
Was that the right decision.

Won't judge those that have been less than perfect. Its not my place. Because I know for certain that i have less than ideal in my eyes. Its hard to be loyal at times. So when I see the person across the way. She waves and I think to myself. . .Maybe? Than I say, "No" Won't be party to breaking up something long-lasting. Just wouldn't be fair and to be the reason for someone's failed relationship. . .Well I don't like having that kind of Karma. Maybe I am fated to be alone. I am okay with that. Just as long as I don't feel lonely. So far, so good. Worst comes to worse, I am lucky to have a Coco.

Little Victories

Little past one in the morning. Cleaned the aquarium today. Learned that to use the vacuum, one needs to get the air bubble out for it to work efficiently. Despite overflowing the sink and having fish detritus seep into the foot water massager, it went well. Water was lower and I rearranged the items in the tank. Found the ghost shrimps I couldn't find for a couple of weeks. Thought they went the way of the African frog.  Tank is clean and many ants that were patrolling for H2O well they are taken care of. Also through spontaneous evolution. I have a baby snail cleaning up sides of the aquarium. Also the Golden snail, Angelo thought expired. I'm happy to say is scaling up the front of the Aquarium.

Finished a few reads and returned some books to the library. This all before heading to the gym this evening. Took Haydee's class and then Theresa. It was nice seeing the regulars. New routines were introduced and I had some senior moments. Body is not as hippity hopity as I would like. I think I will have to live with this new reality. Might be doing a tripler tomorrow. All Zumba day. Still think I will be lifting some. Triceps and biceps tomorrow. Will be challenging the body tomorrow.

Ate my salad for the evening.  Ones I made the night before.Got two in the pocket and I must say I am proud for this planning. Need to make eating a bit healthier. I like the progress I am making. Need to work on weight and I am happy in the direction I am headed.

So besides all this sharing of all the regular activity. No insight on some thought provoking incident. Guess its like the weather prediction. All the weather people were stating that this entire week would be hit hard by El Nino storms. Today, not a drop. From the view out my window, skies are clear.

Guess, what I am saying is this, "Little things matter. Perspective and attitude matter. These small victories lead to big ones. Those fights against fatigue. Those set points with our weight. Those routines that we haven't mastered. These are the obstacles that we overcome. Some eight years ago, I asked the Big Smile for change. Wasn't the change I was looking for. Winning the Lottery would be nice. No the change has been incremental. Starting with simple reads of the book. One book became 400 books read for the year. One Zumba class for the week has become three in a day. It has become wishing for an aquarium to being happy I found the ghost shrimp alive.

Taking the time. These little victories. It is these one steps that make the possibility of traveling million miles possible. Showing some daydreaming, planning and sticktoittiveness I am happy with the direction and momentum. No longer the stall. Just that rolling rock gather no moss. Well, its late and there are many checks to knock off the list.