Every Hands a Winner, Every Hands A Loser. . .

Hootie And Blowfish—Been listening to them quite a bit. Don’t know where this emotional stirring comes from. It’s there though. “Let her cry. Let her go. And if the sun comes down tomorrow let her be”

I discovered why I like Eli Stone. Don’t mean to be cryptic. Guess, you will have to watch it. Lots percolating. Lots under the surface just boiling. Nothing boiling over yet, just the calm before the storm. Today’s little mini-storm seems to foreshadowing of events to come.

Burning a CD, Dalai Lama. The Universe in a Single Atom. What came up was “Advice to Dying. . .” Trouble is I did burn a CD on Dying, but it’s not in my windows media library. Another sign, last week informed that they needed me to help out in the morgue for pathology. Initially, no big deal. I had Langjahr for physiology. Castrated rats without beating an eye. Worked on human cadavers, too. Almost died in a car accident, last weekend. Storm just hit Southern California. Decided to go Pasadena for Anne Rice's book signing at Vroomans. It was raining Saturday in Pasadena. No, pouring. I was exiting a parking lot. Didn’t realize that the road I was driving was one way. All of sudden, A giant SUV came out of nowhere. It filled my world. Angels, I guess. Blew it off like no big deal. Person was angry, honking his horn for a bit. I didn’t blame them.  I let it pass. My heart is racing now thinking about it The four crosses on the road a few days back. Pretty sure it was my neighbor’s son.

 

I don’t want to misinterpret messages. I also don’t want to ignore them. Is someone saying something to me? Am I going to die? I have a heart condition and yesterday, the day just passed. Went to sleep for a quick nap at 5pm and did not get out of bed until 6 am. When burning the CD and seeing that as it is about to get ripped, I don’t know. Now finding its not even in my music library. So if you don’t hear from me,  . . .well, it was a good run.  It was honor knowing everyone. I mean is this a sign of early mental problems. Discovered recently, someone in the family is locked up in a  bedroom for schizophrenia. Whatever it is. . .Just let it Flow.

This can go a lot of different ways. I die. Someone close to me can be meeting his or her maker. Can’t dismiss the fact. It felt like someone was stepping on my grave when I saw the Windows Media Player. Am I supposed to get ready for my end? Am I supposed to be there when someone passes and be a shoulder to cry on? Am I supposed to write this book that I have been thinking about writing for awhile? Brainstormed a couple weekends back.

I mean if there is calling, I just had ears cleaned yesterday by Doctor Campano. I went to speak with a priest yesterday too. I took a long nap. If I am supposed to listen to these flashes of clarity, should I also listen to the windows media player saying “advice on dying. . .” Am I trying to rationalize something that I may or may not have control of? Is this one of the gremlins that took years from the one that I love? Well, I think I will take my mother’s approach to dying. Be cordial host and--if the times calls I will be death’s defyer. Read on this person monster truck which was parked outside. “Death smiles on all. Marines Smile back.” If I had to go, I would like to take Kenny Roger’s Gambler song, “Every Hands a  winner, every hands a loser,  and the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep.” (View out of Campano's window. AV Hospital in back)

This is one of the trials all must face one time. Death wins. . .but maybe its not so bad. Dalai Lama was talking about consciousness and it’s the product of the mind. Moreover, it stated nothing really dies, just changes forms--Physics. Avatar movie said we are all borrowing energy. It must be repaid at sometime. 

What does it all mean? If the sun comes down tomorrow. . .I hope to die in my sleep.

Message: Loud and Clear

Wednesday, February 10,2010—Last night left in a blink of an eye. Met with Father Vaughn. No, revelation. No hidden truths revealed. Just a guy talking about his job. A guy telling why I was here. Just two guys talking. There was some talking about God’s plans, but mostly it was about the challenges and pressures faced when leading a life of the clergy.

Underneath It All

This father reminded of Brian. Looked liked him. Spoke like him Wore glasses like him. Funny thing is I received an email from his ex-high school girlfriend and she said he went to seminary school. Brian, that is. I tried calling Brian’s parent old home number. Believed it rang. But I needed to hang up before I had a chance to leave a message or anyone to answer. From what I heard, Brian is headed down to So Cal to see his son, I think. Not sure on the gender.  Brian is Kung Fu Panda. I'm the one with bald spot.

Next Morning Blood Sugar 165. Diabetic Coma

Anyways, I had to replay the events of the day. I wasn’t sure if Brian was the priest. I knew he wasn’t but when Lisa said he was considering the clergy. . .I had to replay the conversation that I had with the  Father. After the meeting, I had full intentions with going to the RCIA meeting at 7. I fell asleep. Didn’t eat in the morning and I was hungry. Got some a serving of Lasagna and some brisket. Made a couple of brisket open face sandwiches. Also warmed up a heated cinnamon muffin. Yummy. I put it in the toaster oven and the frosting was melting on the aluminum foil covering toaster pan. It was scrumptious.

Brian Turning Up Everywhere

Guess, it was too much because I was knocked out. Got a warm blanket and started watching some UFC, thinking this will wake me up. Yet, the upcoming storm and the big house windows made me bundle up. Decided to take a short nap before going to the evening meeting; good, in theory. Hour nap before meeting. I told the Father he would see me there.  Well, I woke up at 9:17 pm. Missed the meeting. Barnes and Noble closing  at 11 and It’s a Grind closed at 9. Gym, well, I was snuggled up and I decided to go back to sleep.  Woke up again and 3 and thought about the gym.  I would have ample time to get a workout and come back for today’s events seeing how yesterday was initially task-completion filled. I pulled the covers over my head and went back to bed. (Truck Driver reminded me of Brian)

Brian, Always Been There. . .

No revelations. No truths revealed. It was two guys sharing. We spoke of his lifestyle going from one church to another. I am not going to reveal too much more. Meeting was held in confidence. No darks secrets revealed. No one, except one. I wrote about it, but never posted. Not yet.  Maybe. . .still don’t know. Only two people know about it, except the ones involved. Some other time. I guess. (Windmill in Palmdale)

Meaning of the meeting: It’s Brian. Just Brian.