Green Tea

Green tea and five sugars. Bowl of Quaker oat maple syrup and brown sugar oatmeal.  This should fire up those neurons of creativity. Or at least get my fingers shaking until the juices get flowing. Thursday night and the battle of cities continue. Lancaster Blvd is holding its weekly farmers market. Music is played in the Bex Plaza and seats are arranged in the middle of the street. Patrons saunter around the EZ- Up tents, tasting samples of fresh strawberries and black berries. The Filipino tent is always busy with people buying Asian vegetables like Bok Choi and green beans. Its almost 105 degrees tonight so the lemonade stand is a buzz with persons waiting for some freshly squeezed raspberry lemonade. There is a new truck I haven't seen before. Its a vegetarian and vegan roach coach. Veggie hot dogs? I don't it seems like cheating.

Watched a show at the Lamaelle. Had the actress Brit Marling, She played Rebecca Osbourne in the movie The Company You Keep. Wasn't interested in the selections at the Cinemarks. They kind have a monopoly. Movies 22, Movies 12, Movies 16. A place where they show pretty much the same thing. Man of Steel, Internship, and Monster University. This is danger of living in a burb. No variety. Living in a metro like LA and Boston. There are pockets full of delight that one simply can't get. Go to any mall and there will be the staples. Olive Garden, BJs, Red Lobster. Yawn. I mean they are fine eateries, but one one wants something different, one finds them a little hard pressed.  There are some ethnic places but they have been running the risk of being mainstream. That edge of uniqueness becomes hum drum. Sushi now, yawn. Mexican food, its part of daily diet now. Chinese food--Honestly I can no longer eat Panda Express. The ingredients are fine, but I would rather go to Chinatown than eat some of the faux Chinois.

Went over to Poncitlan near the Library. Couldn't find parking. Lots of people which is nice. They call it Thursday Night On the Square. Activities galore. Feels like an actual festival. Right in the city square. Got to love this hometown feel. Local eateries. Local bands. Local people.

Yeah, its complex. Bored with the lack of variety of recreation activities, yet loving that hometown feel. Sue me, I am complicated. 

So, green tea and five sugars. I am okay with that. 

Journey of Thousand Miles Begins. . .

"Can't sleep here tonight. Cab should be here in a few minutes. There's fare on the cabinet."

Her face is aghast. Didn't have to look. I've seen it many times. Anger, shock, dumbfoundedness. Seen it too many times. Like a DVD play stuck on replay, mouth widens. Hands goes to face. Eyebrows arc and then their eyes squint. A rage bubbles up. Hot air wells from down below. Either a scream erupts or tears well up. 

Yeah, I have been an asshole. 

Its none of the girls fault. Absolutely none. Its all me.

Perhaps, its a self-fulfilling prophecy. She said, "She was scared. I would be a player. Unfaithful." 

None of this is true. I have seen the impact of infidelity. Quietly picking up the phone. Listening to call not meant for me. Hearing that "other" woman's voice. Hearing the other say, "Don't call here anymore. He's not your husband." Seeing the look, feeling the tremor of her voice. Sadness, disappointment, mistrust. Grew up with the rumors from kin. I defended him than ignored the stories. "Garbage, just plain garbage," I would say to myself. Spoke it so often, many would say it became my mantra.

Berta. We were together for awhile. Timing just was a bit off. I was two years her senior and life was just a whisper away. Plan was go for a year than comeback. See that part of the world than come back. Stay local. 

Came back after a mini trip. Sat on the bed of her guest room. She stood, I looked up. Her words. . . 

"I am going with Bryson."

Knew it was going to happen. Steeled my self to be forgiving and to let this go. Was expecting this to happen after a few months away. We would get over this hurdle and life would be perfect. I was gone for a week and this shit happens.

Fucking kidding me. This my soul mate and I went for a quick trip to make sure this was where I wanted to be. She took a pre-emptive strike and decided to go with Bryson. A great guy on paper. Valedictorian, Eagle Scout, Band Geek, Singer. All great guy. Old family friend. This mother. . .

Berta was an accident. She was a friend's girlfriend. Didn't think much of it. Then we kissed and I knew. we both knew. Fuck, we were going steady for year and half and this crap happens. She said that she was afraid that I would cheat on her. So she goes and decides to hook up before I really left.

Broken-hearted, yeah. Pissed off beyond belief, understatement. Dating was just sport-effing. 

Its funny how prophecies work. Mental preparation to ensure something doesn't happen. Out of the blue, reality happens. I was mentally ready for this, just not so soon. It hit. Blammm!!! I am okay being an asshole. Why? I really did not give a crap about the other person feeling. Was angry. Was Lost. Was Hurt. Learned how one can get easily get on the road to the Dark Side of the Force. I flipped a switch and it felt like my soul was gone. I became hollow because I didn't want to feel. became what I feared. Way I treated some people is a way I would never would want to be treated.

During these times, I learn there are angels all around. This karmic lessons of making sure we treat people with respect. Makes me realize when people are jerks and needing an attitude adjustment, I try to be more compassionate before giving a chin check. Blasts of anger I've come to realize is often a cry for help. Something in the past has allowed these tantrums to be okay. Sure there is a loss and these screams and fits are just an attempt to re-gain some balance.

To those I have been asshole to, forgive me. I understand the error in my ways. Found my soul again, it was harrowing journey. This victory was partial win. Almost forgot who I was. Learned a valuable lesson. Price of wisdom can come at an incredible cost. For me, I lost myself for awhile. 

Two Hours

Two hours. This is what is said to be a better writer. Block out two hours a day for writing.

This does seem to be a right balance. This is eight percent of the day to commit. Not much, but in the skein of things it is much. A man named Pauw once told me, find out what a person spends most of his time doing and your will learn all you need to know about this person. Well, I dramatized this but you get the gist. Its big reason I stopped at the insurance company. Dedicating almost a third of my life in a car, often in the drudgery of traffic. Had to decide how I wanted to look back in my life. This is also why it was time to leave the fitness industry. Open to close. Six, sometimes, seven days a week. To this day, I just don't feel comfortable more than sixty minutes at the gym. There is simply too much life out there.

Two hours. It seems right. An hour just isn't enough with re-writing and editing. Putting thoughts to words, not sure if others are even reading. So we take a leap and pray that the words laid out will make sense to someone. Writing a story is a great leap of Faith. Not sure of the topic will be meaningful and entertaining to the reader. Will my musing have an effect? Not sure.

Stamped out a few bills today. What I mean by this is that on a bill, I put "Where's George?" Entered into the database and hopefully someone will find the bill I stamped and enter the database again. Just seeing the where this dollar bill has been. It started for me when I got a bill with the "Wheres George" stamped in red. I wondered if the stamp on the bill was legit. I looked it up and learned it was from Boston. After that I was hooked. Think I got around 20 hits over the years. Its cool to find out where my bills have been. Most are in California. San Francisco and San Diego. Got a few from Vegas. Just the idea of making a connection gives me hope.

I wonder at times if stamping the will make a difference. It would be months before I would get a hit at times. When it does, my Faith is restored. The little things we do makes an impact. People often don't notice the stamp I think. Then some people look at the bill and wonder what it means. Look at a random website and be open to some viral attack. Think I will pass. Then there are those that know and still don't take the time to do something about. Then when you get a hit, its like fishing. Drop a line in the lake and suddenly you feel that tug on the line. It wakes you up.

So I fill the post with words and pray that someone will read this post and hope these words make a connection with someone wanting and needing the connection. So. . .Its time for me to get started on two hours.

More Than Bread Alone

Stories are needed. It puts morality in a context. It brings character to life. Sets them in awkward situations and gives readers options on how to handle adversity. Fight is one method. Humor another. Good guys and bad. Side characters. Luscious scenery and tales of bravery and woe. Lessons to be taught in elongated parable. 

Still we love them.

Storytelling an art to be held fast. George Lucas a masterful story teller predicts in the future that movies will be lost. Lost in the individual screens of computers, Xboxes, and TV screens. Or will be in the grand shows like a Super Bowl, New York play, or music concert. Tickets will no longer be $10 a pop. They will be $125 to $500 per seat. Special effects, grand stories, and holodecks.

What now? Creativity will be a premium. How to is vital for execution. However, "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." Thank you, Einstein. 

Been watching some The Newsroom. Love the dialogue, the story arcs, the characters. Actors are awesome and filmography great. If you ever have watched West Wing or Sport Night, you are familiar with the executive producer, Aaron Sorkin. TV shows like these are the ongoing Aesops Fables. They tell a moral of the story, minus the animals. They extend the mythology of  previous cultural pillars.

Stories is what connects us to one another. It shares a sentiment that we need. It helps identifies us with something we would like to be. Truth be told, no one cares what you know, until they know you care. For a time, I did not understand why are actors and actresses were monetarily valued such an exorbitant amount. This is a shot in the dark. They are rare commodity in which people identify and hope to aspire to. Sure there is a craft and dedication to  those in thespian arts. By the combo of good looks, smart acting choices, and a classical/ vogue style, the make people feel like they care. However, not all have that it quality. I mean I amazed that some of the junk on TV. Real Wives of wherever. Sookie and Farrah Abrams. Real World, huh?

A-Listers are like All-Star professional athletes. They bring the heat. Score valuable hits, they bring in the green, and people like them. Like a 5 tool baseball player. People are drawn to the actors, whether it is the role they play, the dialogue they use, or just their presence, people gravitate towards them. They are integral part of the storytelling. They bring gravitas. 

Still, from the forecast, its clear creative stories are veins of gold. Movie productions companies are making a killing on the comic universe. Man of Steel, Dark Knight Rises, Avengers, Iron Man III, Wolverine. Good actors, like Christian Bale, Robert Downey, Jr, Hugh Jackman, Scarlett Johansenn, Natalie Portman and Patrick Stewart--They bring it .  Also, now it is time where special effects technology are getting on par with the creative par lance of Marvel and DC universe artistry. Great stories are CGI awesomeness are kicking door of the new age.

Not all actors will get a star in Hollywood. The show will go on. They will always go on. Rudolph Valentino, Clark Gable, John Wayne, Sean Connery, Bruce Willis, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and Matt Damon. Babe Ruth, Lou Gherig, Reggie Jackson, Derek Jeter. The games go on. Players make an impact. Some even change the game. Time marches on and the games passes them by. Still the stories continue. James Bond 007, Romeo and Juliet, Rocky, Star Wars, Camelot. Stories live on.

Stories, stories,stories--In the time where Shakespeare ruled the era. Neil Gaiman and Frank Miller are at the forefront of the next age of mythology. Writers, storytellers, creative gurus--I do not wish this life on anyone. Just think that it is offered by the Universe and that you decide to make it. 

Cosmic events

Super moon tonight. Supposed to be 14 percent larger than normal. From the looks of its been brighter. Couple hours it will be closest that ever will be. Just love these cosmic events. Whether its Perseids meteor shower, or solar eclipse, or just nice soothing rain. I mean who doesn't love nature? There is something magical out there. The unknown creating miracles. Sights before unseen. We get so accustomed to these great machinations that we forget that this something special. We forget that everything has something to offer.

Our lives are this way. We have these magnificent moments that changes. We don't know when they will come, but they do. Perhaps it is a change of thinking, that cause us to imagine something better, something wonderful, something that brings joy. Perhaps it is a change of lanes that alters our course for the rest of our skein. Missing a moment and our lives are altered for something. . .different.

Lately there has been discussion of alternate realities. There have been shows on parallel universe. If you are former comic hack, then you would be familiar with these "What if?" universes. What if you studied harder and forgone that late night out? What if you didn't kiss her? What if you gone another way? It is nice to consider possibilities, but there comes a point to make a decision that needs to be made. Too often we are caught analysis paralysis. Not sure where I heard this term, but it makes sense. Spending all this time on the cuff--always researching--always gathering data--always doing all things, but not doing the most important one. Deciding.

Like the battery on this laptop, the energies are waning. Before too long, it will not matter what decision is made. There will not be enough juice to make what of it. It is June 23, 2013. Seven more days and this year will be half way over.

We are always on our way. Going from place in our lives to another. We are blessed with companions that will journey with us. We are blessed that we leave those places that have met its function. We are blessed with vision of something better just over that hill. A little more trudging and all of our dreams will be realized.

Plans to Santa Barbara was sidetracked today. A deal is struck with one choice versus another. Go on an adventure to see sights unseen. Summer Solstice parade it would have been. Instead it was large tub of popcorn, mixed cola and blueberry icee and front row seat to the newest Monster U. This choice to be with family was one I decided to make. Haven't always made this choice and this will haunt me. Still walking this alternate journey--this parallel universe--I would have made a different choice. No more punching walls and playing basketball.

We get these moments to see a Supermoon just right out our window. To be close to these cosmic miracles, it is a real shame that they are missed. a choice to get up and see the Challenger land. A choice to give it one more try. A choice to being there despite the raging anger. Wish things were different.  Yet worrying about a parallel universe is something nice, but not real in this universe.

So if you find yourself, wondering about what could have been? Think about what just outside you door. Take a moment and enjoy that super moon. Enjoy the cosmic moment that the Big Smile has provided. So tonight, I will enjoy a sit with the giant moon. If you are reading this, join me from where you are at. Look up in the sky and let those would've, could've, and should'ves. Leave them and seek the glorious events in front of your face right now. Reality there are miracles in front of your face everyday. It is the challenge I put to you. Drop your issues and concern yourself with what is important right now. Just let breathe in  and let your smile out. Let live and let go.

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Grasshoppers are chirping. Streets are quiet. Temperature is hot on this desert night. Little before midnight and the days activities wind down. Summer Solstice tomorrow. Day After the Moon will be at its closest. It is said that it will be 12% larger than normal. I can imagine it would be mighty glorious.

Saw this movie. Joe vs the Volcano. Floating atop these incredible travel cases, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are watching the moon rise on the moonset. (sunset at night) At the mercy of the sea, these two wayward lovers are just a tiny speck of the universe. Dust on the cosmic scale.Still, feeling this insignificance yet buoyed by this glorious sight. There is knowing that one is not alone because the beautiful sight in front of them speak to them. The message is this. Your are not alone. You are important and though time will erase whatever memories that are made. It will not erase the importance of right now.

In the silence, there is still sound. A chorus if I may. It is something glorious. Grasshoppers are singing for the mate. The heat warms the night reminding one that there is an energy. In the desert, there is a spartan way. All the insignificant minutia is burned away. Taken back. Skin is weathered under the sun. Air is crisp. When we remember there is a pool outside, the place to cool oneself. Water warmed by the day's rays. Just a simple task of opening the door and taking a plunge.

Full moon tomorrow should make it a magic show under water. Lights cascading. Waters soothing under this desert temperature. For now, I will listen to concert of the night and imagine wonderful things dancing.

Off Balance

Warm night. No air is circulating. There is a heaviness and my ears still ring. Swam again and I got swimmer's ear again. What was significant today? Heat won again in a close one. Second NBA Championship in a row. Would have liked to have seen the Spurs take it. Down Jones dropped a big one today. Almost 400 points. Heard it was because of China and something about lowered production. It may because there is a tapering of US Bond buy backs. Very Atlas Shrugged moment. Unemployment up and Corporations are tightening their belts. Elected leaders are using the taxes for gambling habits.

Read the other day that Courts have ordered a lady that falsely accused a high school football player of rape to payback her settlement. Guy has been imprisoned for five years because this lady lied. Now what can this guy do to get those years back?

Anyways, needed to air out this neg energies. Not my stuff, but this goes Contagion on a person psyche. Best to shake all that junk out. It is like lactic acid sticking on muscle cells.

Worked out quads today. I hardly ever do them. Decided to change the routine and shock the body. Body was not pleased. Had to use the massager. I call her Thumper. Needed to work on the fascia and get out that lactic acid.

Wonder if this happens spiritually? We pick up these neg energy and our chakras get plugged. Those vortexes get gummed up with all this bad vibrations and like an engine needing an oil change perhaps this what happens to us. Get in these bad patterns. Our tolerance for what is acceptable escalates so much that we forget that there is point when enough is enough.

I'm thinking Feng Sui. Certain do's and don't are prescribed to get that energy flowing. Like nothing under the bed. it is like atherosclerosis. All this LDL--"bad cholesterol" gums up the tubes. In turn, all these RBCs carrying our O2 in and COs out can't do their job. There is a bottle neck and the Meridians and dantians gots a good old traffic jam. If you ever been on the 405 on the way to LA on a Monday, this is what must be going on when we don't this Flow go.

Body, like our timelines, adjusts to these maladies. Think stroke volume. Stroke volume essentially is the amount of blood squeezed out of the left ventricle to the body times the Heart Rate. If the heart ain't strong, it needs to speed up the heart beats. If the heart strong, this means more blood is squeezed more out to the body per pump. Consequently, heart doesn't need  beat so much. Less engine work, less engine wear.

Trouble we get cluttered with junk we create and garbage other's leave at out door step. Sometimes we accept some stuff and this is noble. In spirit of Ayn Rand, the individual need be slaved to carry other happiness. We can only carry so much before our body, our Chi says okay. We need to shrug some of this yuck out. If we don't our body just halts. (This is all speculation and this could be an incident about a little knowledge being a bad thing.) Anyways, I don't believe the Universe or the Big Smile wants to see us blocked. My guess if this goes too long, there may be an universal intervention or an Atlas shrugging. Gots to get our attention to re-evaluate. Gives us a, "Hey Dummy, your messing with the Flow. Fix it."

It seems advantageous to have those good HDL is in our lives to bring all the good vibes in. More good stuff, the body will adjust by increasing the number of arteries. Think, adding more lanes to 405. More cars, more lanes, more good Karma. Don't think anyone wants a to go Dr. Drew and have cosmic intervention.

So here we are at. A decision point. A time to keep doing the same thing. Or time to do some thing different. Well, as Ben Kingley said in "Searching for Bobby Fischer." Don't move until you are ready.